United League of Lunatics & Lucha Libre Puroresu
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| | | Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 |  |
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The Morbidly Obese Man
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 |  Subject: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011  Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:08 pm | |
|  VS VS VS Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the first match of this evening!! The following match is scheduled for a Four Way matchup! Introducing first, Stank Lord!!"
"This Stinks" plays as Stank Lord appears on stage he looks around him then walks down the ramp and into the ring, he poses for the fans as he waits for his opponent.
Jim Jackson: “Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the first of our evening’s entertainment and the chance for these guys to show what they’re made of! Stank Lord entering the ring first tonight! Making a somewhat mysterious return after disappearing with Stephen Dawson. He was our former backstage interviewer probably better known as Stephanie Dawson.”
Brad Blood: “Mysterious is right! But I bet Stephen is cheering him on at home right now!! Hiiii Steeeeeve!! Haha!!”
Jim Jackson: “This is a dark match Brad!”
Brad Blood: “Dammit!”
Jasmine Lee: “And introducing his opponent, Taufik!!”
"The Way I Am" By Emniem started playing as Taufik walks out with a few beautiful ladies on his side as he is making his way to the ring and once he is in the ring, awaits his opponent with the ladies behind him.
Jim Jackson: “Taufik out here now as well!! He er… found his Dad and now through his Dad’s influence he has now turned into a pimp.”
Brad Blood: “His whores though not going anywhere near the ring with Stank Lord down there! Maybe they know there is no way they can seduce him or maybe it’s because they know that his asshole is nowhere near as ti…”
Jim Jackson: “Wooooah!! Let’s just … calm it down a bit!”
Brad Blood: “This is a dark match Jim!”
Jim Jackson: “Dammit!”
Jasmine Lee: “Now introducing their opponent, Walter Tiberius Funk!!”
"Congo River" played on African tribal drums starts playing over the loud speakers. Through the fog amidst and along the runway a roar is heard. A shadow dashes the whole way down the runway and leaps into the ring. The shadow turns out to be... WALTER TIBERIUS FUNK, a FUNKIN' GORILLA! Walter then pounds his chest with his arms and gives out a loud roar! In the confusion, Leon Hinomoto walks calmly behind the gorilla up to the ring.
Jim Jackson: “Well here is one of our new competitors in the roster! A Silverback Gorilla!! Or otherwise known as Walter Tiberius Funk!”
Brad Blood: “He mauled someone in the audience in his last match!!”
Jim Jackson: “Not only that but he tore Zombie to pieces!! Putting Zombie out of action! So if this gorilla can somehow concentrate on his matches we might be looking at a future Primo Ultimo Champion! Before we start we have a clip for on Walter Tiberius Funk and his trainer Leon Hinomoto.”
The ULOL Tron comes to life and a clip starts rolling.
The camera shifts scenes to an abandoned zoo a mere mile from the ULOL. In this area, Walter Tiberius Funk stands training in a cage. Leon Hinomoto stands outside of the cage.
Leon Hinomoto: "I don't understand why you're so worked up about this. It is just a dark match."
Walter lumbers away from his boulder-turned-punching bag. He pounds his chest as he speaks to Leon.
Walter Tiberius Funk: "OOH AAAH, OHO AHH!"
Leon nods his head in understanding.
Leon Hinomoto: "I know that its your first PPV match, Walter. We've been over all this before. But that still doesn't explain why you're all excited."
Walter runs back and forth through the cage roaring. He stops in front of Leon and bends the iron bars of the cage. Leon eyed him in surprise.
Leon Hinomoto: "Wow. I didn't realize you hated Ray that much. If I'd known, I wouldn't have had you help him against Zombie."
Walter Tiberius Funk: "Ooh ooh..."
Leon Hinomoto: "So you don't like Zombie either?"
Walter shakes his head in disgust and makes a few more grunting noises.
Leon Hinomoto: "Ooo... If you want to do all that to all of them in the dark match you must really not like any of them."
Leon smiles as Walter nods his head.
Leon Hinomoto: "Okay then. Sorry cameras, you're going to have to get out of here now, cause I need to give Walter here some pointers before the fight. Just know that what you'll be witnessing in the ring will be the best damn dark match the ULOL has ever seen!"
Leon steps through the gap in the bars Walter made and pulls a tarp curtain over the cage.
Jasmine Lee: “Introducing finally and their opponent, Ray Kamaura!!”
"Sound Of Madness" by Shinedown starts to play as Ray Kamaura, The leader of the DWMA, begins striding towards the ring. His seven foot frame towers over everything until he comes to the apron. Ray grabs the top rope and steps onto the ring then over the ropes into the ring. He swiftly moves to a turnbuckle and climbs it raises on arm into the air.
Jim Jackson: “And here come the man who feels he should be in the main event! Ray Kamaura has been dominating every competitor he has gone against since losing his chance at any title shot! Which is the exact reason why he is NOT in the main event and put to compete only in this dark match!”
Brad Blood: “It’s a shame! But Ray is going to completely destroy these guys! I mean Stank Lord and Taufik? Pah!”
Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match will be Don Q. Hotte!! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!!!”
Jim Jackson: “There goes the bell! And there goes Walter!! Straight for Stank Lord! Ray and Taufik just left watching as Walter picks up Stank Lord and starts throwing him into the air!! And Walter slams Stank Lord down with a HUGE sidewalk slam!! Walter catching Stank Lord in midair and uses all that momentum to slam him to the canvas!”
Brad Blood: “Ray and Taufik finally snapping into action against each other and for some reason Taufik makes the mistake of trying to tangle it up with the seven foot giant! Obviously Ray comes up tops and picks Taufik up in a military press!! Showing off as Ray turns around to face Walter! Who now has Stank Lord in some sort of sharpshooter!! Walter could win this!! But Ray Kamaura reacts and throws Taufik at the silverback to break up the submission hold!! Well that was weird! A silverback gorilla using the sharpshooter submission hold! Now I’ve seen it all!”
Jim Jackson: “Stank Lord almost broken in two from that move! He tapped just as Taufik landed on top of Walter! Ray Kamaura now seeing the opportunity to deal out some damage to his main rival within this match! Ray Kamaura dragging Walter Tiberius Funk away from the wreckage he created! But the gorilla has suddenly perked up as he looks around!! Ray trying to go on the attack but Walter has left ring in a frenzy!!”
Brad Blood: “Woooah wait a minute!! Look!! Those hookers belonging to Taufik have bananas in their hands and now they’re running away still with the bananas in their hands!! Walter Tiberius Funk chasing after them and leaving the arena!! Ray can only watch helplessly and he shrugs his shoulders!! Ohhh ho ho!”
Jim Jackson: “Both Taufik and Stank Lord blindsiding the giant and trying to quickly wear the big man down! Obviously Taufik had that planned from the start!! With their fists landing quick and fast but are they doing any damage!!”
Brad Blood: “Annnd there’s your answer! No!”
Jim Jackson: “Ray just powering to his feet and grabbing the two men by their throats!! He looks at both of them and lifts them both into the air!! AND HE SLAMS THE TWO MEN DOWN TO THE CANVAS WITH AN ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING DOUBLE GAME CHANGER!!”
Brad Blood: “And now he has them both pinned down! Ha! A display of power and dominance!!”
Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two!! Three!!!”
Jim Jackson: “That sure as hell was!! Showing Marcus Troy exactly where he deserves to be!!”
Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this match via double pinfall, Raaay Kaaamaura!!”
Brad Blood: “Not long now for this man! Soon this man will be Primo Ultimo champion!”
Jim Jackson: “That is if he can keep himself on this track when he DOES get a title shot! He might choke right at the peak and come crashing back down to earth!!”
Brad Blood: “Wait! Did a banana peel just hit Ray on the face? It's Walter Tiberius Funk! He's back and he's pelting Ray Kamaura with banana peels! Looks like Funk is showing his displeasure with Ray...”  Jim Jackson: “Good evening and welcome folks to ULOL's Anniversary PPV Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! We have a great PPV lined up for everyone this evening, six exciting and titillating matches that will surely keep you on the edge of your seats.”
Brad Blood: “That's right, four title matches a number one contender's tag match and the finale to the feud between The Morbidly Obese Man and Q!”
Jim Jackson: “Before we begin we have something special in-store for everyone!”
The Arena goes black and on the screen begins to play the greatest speech ever written. A speech that changed the world and inspired any.
Charlie Chaplin: "I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;
has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.
We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little:
More than machinery we need humanity;
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".
The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .
Soldiers: don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.
In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written:
"The kingdom of God is within man"
Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people.
You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.
Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!"
The video ends and The crowd erupt with such a deafening roar of ovation. The Lights come on and Classical music begins to play just like at any good award ceremony.
Voice: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Please welcome Allister King!!"
Allister king makes his way out to the stage wearing a custom made Armani suit.
Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am your Host and Welcome to Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta!"
The crowd applauds.
Allister King: "Tonight we have a variety of events besides the the awarding of these nice little trophies, there will be matches instead of musical performances for the sheer fact that it would a lot cheaper to have men wrestle than paying Lady Gaga to show up in dog costume and sing a 1 minute song. Before I send it over to the two dudes who think they should do commentary, Jim Jackson and Brad Blood, let's have a few interview clips from some of our esteemed guests this evening taken earlier tonight."
The Camera opens up outside the arena to show the arrival of many celebrities. A red carpet is laid down just for tonight's special event. Lex is standing by with a few celebrities to get a few words before the event begins.
Lex Lexington: "So Charlie Sheen, You are famously known as the Vatican warlock assassin rockstar from mars. You come from a family of famous actors but would you mind if i ask you what brings you hear tonight?"
Charlie Sheen: "Well I got the invite. I'm also a huge fan of ULOL and all its wacky and zaney antics."
Lex Lexington: "So who's you favorite wrestler here in ULOL?"
Charlie Sheen: "Rupert B. Humperdink definitely. He is just so stupid its hilarious and that time where he wrestled against that blow up doll. I was holding my sides for a long time."
Lex Lexington: "Great, do you think I'm doing a good job here in ULOL?"
Charlie Sheen: "I better go take my seat now."
Lex Lexington: "Don't go we haven't. Oh he left. Great."
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Lex Lexington: "I am here with Morgan Freeman. So Morgan, are you a fan of ULOL?"
Morgan Freeman: "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't now would I?"
Lex Lexington: "I suppose not. So who would you say is your favorite wrestler in ULOL?"
Morgan Freeman: "That would be Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing. The man is a masterpiece in the ring."
Lex Lexington: "You know some people say me and you sound alike."
Morgan Freeman: "No they don't."
Lex Lexington: "Yeah they don't."
Morgan Freeman: "I'm going to go."
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Lex Lexington: "The Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger."
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "Good to be here Lex."
Lex Lexington: "So Arnold, who is your favorite wrestler here?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "Ray Kamuara, Yah he has nice muscles."
Lex Lexington: "So what you think of The Morbidly Obese Man?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I was hoping to get a hold of him tonight and help him with a training regiment. I will turn his mountain of fat into a mountain of muscles."
Lex Lexington: "Like you used to have."
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "What is that suppose to be? I could still crush your head with my hand puny man."
Lex Lexington: "I'm sorry Arnold."
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "That's Mister Schwarzenegger to you."
Lex Lexington: "Sorry Sir."
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Lex Lexington: "Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. Welcome to ULOL."
Ricky Gervais: "Nice to be here."
Stephen Merchant: "Pleasure."
Karl Pilkington: "Right thanks."
Lex Lexington: "So guys, you looking forward to the awards tonight?"
Ricky Gervais: "Me and Stephen are but Karl only came because he heard there was going to be a wrestling gorilla."
Lex Lexington: "Yes, Walter Tiberius Funk."
Stephen Merchant: "No Ray Kamaura."
Ricky Gervais: "I wonder if he can crush Karl's little round head like a grape?"
Karl Pilkington: "I'm here to see Rupert."
Ricky Gervais: "You have more in common with him than you think, you brains are about the size of dinosaur."
Karl Pilkington: "They are big with large brains."
Ricky Gervais: "No you little round headed buffoon, they are tiny brains like you."
Stephen Merchant: "We should go inside before you rant the night away."
Ricky Gervais: Agreed, His puny undeveloped mind wouldn't understand.
Karl Pilkington: "Huh?"
Lex Lexington: "But guys I didn't get a chance to ask any questions."
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Lex Lexington: "Matt Damon!! What brings you here?"
Matt Damon: "Is that suppose to be funny?"
Lex Lexington: "I don't know what you mean?"
Matt Damon: "Like everyone else, once they see Team America they always say my name like that."
Lex Lexington: "I meant no disrespect."
Matt Damon: I should kick your ass right here
Lex Lexington: "I'm sorry I didn't mean it."
Matt Damon: "You better be sorry."
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Scene fades and the focus returns to the announce table.
Brad Blood: “That bastard! How dare he look down on us!”
Jim Jackson: “I agree, looking down on you is normal but I didn't expect to get lumped in with you... Anyway without further ado, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!” Manolo Ferrer enters the General Manager's office. ULOL had been run by a drunken boor, and it was a situation that was quickly souring on the manager by the time he was downed with an injury. That was months ago, though Mr. Ferrer cannot help but muse for a second about how the more things change...
Meeting with Marcus Troy again. Same as their prior meetings when Mr. Troy was General Manager the first time around. Before that superhero dragged him away. Before Mr. Ferrer himself fell prey to betrayal.
This is certainly not the first time both manager and General Manager are meeting since both took unwanted leaves of absence. They have had several meetings before, all off-camera, probably making it all the more productive for both parties. Neither man is obligated to spend all his time having every moment of his day recorded for public viewing.
Pleasantries are exchanged between Mr. Troy and Mr. Ferrer. The manager takes his seat, and gets to the reason for this meeting.
Manolo Ferrer: "This is about what I emailed you earlier, Mr. Troy. My clients are booked into a bra and panties match with Mr. Marston and Mr. Brostar. We both know how these things can turn out. So as precaution, I'd like to ban all the other wrestlers from getting involved in the match. This includes the Northern Kings, as I'm sure they'd want to get involved. If they show up to interfere in the match, they should be stripped of their titles, on the spot."
Mr. Ferrer briefly glances directly at the camera.
Manolo Ferrer: "I'm asking this because the Northern Kings aren't scheduled to make any title defense. Which means they're free to focus on other things. Like perhaps Mr. Bold and Mr. Schwarz. I'd rather my clients not have to worry about getting their kit off in this kinky match Mr. Brostar chose, while having to keep an eye out for anybody looking to come down to knock their block off."Mr. Ferrer briefly cracks a smile in response.Troy neutrally eyes his latest visitor.Marcus Troy: "Why not. Everyone else is banned from ringside for your match. I hope your boys have something sexy to show off to the audience. If this match is coming out on ESPN, the losers ought to at least be looking good in lace."Manolo Ferrer: "Thanks. I advised them to wear something comfortable. So crotchless panties are a no-no. I'd also add that Mr. Bold and Mr. Schwarz are very qualified to contend for a lot more than just some bra-and-panty gimmick match. They're certainly more competent than the Mr. Kamauras and Mr. Johnsons of this world, who are only truly great when everyone else has left the building."
The manager stands up, preparing to leave.The General Manager is quick to respond to Manolo.
Marcus Troy: "You're calling out Ray and UJJ? Sounds like you're putting a lot on your plate.Mr. Ferrer shakes his head in the negative.
Manolo Ferrer: "I'm not calling them out, Mr. Troy. Only stating the obvious. Thanks again for granting my request."
The manager makes his exit. Allister King: "Now, presenting the next award, please welcome, Allister King!!"
Allister leaves and comes back again.
Allister King: "Thank you, Allister for that introduction. Now the next award is to commemorate those who have left ULOL and is known by me as the Former Glory Award."
Allister points to the screen
Allister King: "The Nominees areas follows, Bloodflame. Lucien Blackheart, William LaCroix, The British Hawk, Musashi Kuruma and ok who messed with the nominations. This is definitely not right but since i want to go sit down, I'll allow it. Alexander Conway."
Allister is handed the gold envelop
Allister King: "And the winner is............Lucien Blackheart."
The arena lights start flickering. The ULOLtron lights up.
"KiLL EVERYBODY by SKRILLEX" blasts over the arena speakers. The power
in the arena goes out, but is quickly restored as everything goes back
to normal. Brad Blood's cell phone goes off. He pulls it out, raises his
hand and reads..
Brad Blood: "Can I have your attention please! I have received a text message from former ULOL wrestler, Lucian Blackheart. And I quote; So you thought I would actually bother to show up to this pathetic show to receive yet another trash prize produced by the ULOL. Wrong! As much as I'd love to be there to witness not only the pathetic look on all your face, and the God awful talent destroying the ULOL's beautiful reputation I helped build.. It would be awfully rude of me to send these fine, lovely, young, half naked ladies home. But you all have a great night."
Brad Blood sits back down to a soft boos from the crowd. Another cell phone ringtone goes off. In the audience, Charlie Sheen stands to his feet, microphone in one hand cell phone in the other.
Charlie Sheen: "Can I have your attention please! I, too, have received a text message from former ULOL wrestler, Lucian Blackheart. And I quote; ....... Winning!"
Charlie Sheen takes his seat too a roar of applause, laughter and tears of joy from the audience as the show continues. This week in United League of Lunatics is very special. It‘s show's anniversary. Celebrities are in attendance and of course, we have our monthly Pay-Per-View. But that‘s not what Arnold is thinking right now. Even he knows what kind of embarrassment he could feel by the hands of Brodie and Fettel in Bra and Panties match. He thinks about a woman. Once he truly loved and he still has some feelings for her. Despite everything that happened between them. He had to let her go. That women’s name is Jennifer Connelly. He knows that she is going to be there. She is going to see Arnold fight once again. However, Arnold has mixed emotions about this. Cause he doesn't know what he feels for her, and maybe it will bring back everything that he buried inside of him. He tries to hide in the locker room. Even so, suddenly he hears the door being opened. Someone enters the Illuminati locker room.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "Mr. Manolo is that you?"It wasn’t Manolo it was Felix Schwarz with his friend along with a celebrity.
Felix Schwarz: "Oh yeah where are my manners? Arnold I want to introduce to you my friend from high school Ryan Gosling."
Ryan extends his hand and waiting for a handshake. Arnold shakes Ryan’s hand.
Ryan Gosling: "Once I heard about this anniversary show I thought isn’t that the place where my good pal Felix is working? So I called my agent to find more information about it, and here I am."Arnold interrupts Ryan.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "Sorry to interrupt you man, I just want to ask you. Do you know if Jennifer Connelly is gonna be there too? Just wondering. You know she is my ex."
Ryan Gosling: "Damn she is your ex? I actually have no idea if she is going to be here. However, I can find out that. If you really want that."Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "That is unnecessary the only one thing that I am worried is that if she is really here what is her feelings for me and vice versa. But anyway, I won’t disturb you with those things. Have you seen Manolo Felix?"Felix thinks for a while before answering.
Felix Schwarz: "I haven’t seen him today yet. By the way, damn that Brostar and his bra and panties match. I am going to kick his ass so badly. I also would like to discuss some things with him too..."Ryan Gosling: "Guys you heard that Brostar is calling out Manolo Ferrer?"
Arnold "GoodFella" stands up and goes to the door. Arnold "GoodFella" Bold: "This guy makes me sick. So I am going out there to say some words to this guy."Arnold closes the door and leaves Ryan and Felix alone and the scene fades to the black. | |
|  | | The Morbidly Obese Man
Admin
Posts : 2990
Join date : 2008-12-29
Age : 48
Wrestler Sheet
Wrestler Statistics:
| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:09 pm | |
| The scene opens to the familiar surroundings of the locker room for which the team of Brostar and Marston reside in. There are an assortment of womens lingerie scattered across the room and hanging off coat hooks. Brostar stands uncomfortably waiting for his team mate to exit the locker room toilet for the tenth time.
Fettel Marston: "I... I think I'll go with these."
Dad: "FINALLY!!"
Fettel Marston: "Whaaaaat? They have to be right!!"
Dad: "Brostar was fine with the first pair he picked up! You're only going to be wearing them the once boy!!"
There's a slight pause for thought before "Dad" carries on.
Dad:"I hope."
Finally Fettel emerges from the toilet with his ring attire covering whatever lingerie he chose personally.
Dad: "Thaaank you! Getting cramped in there!"
Fettel pulls at the panties underneath his trousers and grimaces.
Fettel Marston: "Still uncomfortable though!! And tight too! How do women...."
Dad: "Oh for the love of .... we don't need to know boy! Besides! Concentrate on GoodFella and Schwarz and not on the tightness of your womens underwear! How are we feeling about this one? You've seen the techniques and videos! Have we got this one nailed down?"Brostar speaks.
Brostar: "I made a bit of a mistake by letting Marcus choose the match type, but no matter what we will win and we will win those tag titles in the future."
He says as he things for a second, then speaks again.
Brostar: "I hope it is all worth it. But for now I need to go to the ring, because I have something to say."
He says as he leaves the locker room and heads to the ring.The fans in attendance watch the conversation being played out by the two ULOL superstars. The two, Fettel Marston and Brostar, banter about as the time for their match approaches.
Brostar: I hope it is all worth it. But for now I need to go to the ring, because I have something to say.
The giant videowall fades to black as Brostar exits the locker room. There is excitement as the fans wait for what would happen next.
Barely a minute has passed, before another image appears on the videowall. It is the face of Manolo Ferrer.
Manolo Ferrer: "In a short while, Mr. Brostar will be making an appearance to talk about a few things. It will be about things that have been taking much of his attention nowadays. To save you the time waiting for him to come out, I'll just show you what is on Mr. Brostar's mind, taken right off the United League of Lunatics' official website."
The live audience reacts loudly when they read the webpage.
Manolo Ferrer: "Even an independent program associates Mr. Brostar with perversions. He thinks it. He lives it. He breathes it. He probably imagines Mr. Marston naked all the time. This is the warped mind my clients are going up against. He's going to deny everything, of course, but why should you believe him? You all remember his accomplishments here, don't you?"
And with that, Mr. Ferrer's image disappears from the screen."Show Goes On" plays as Brostar appears onstage and storms down the ring and into the ring, he grabs a mic and speaks.
Brostar: "MANOLO!!!!! You have crossed the line."
He says as he pays his attention to the ULOL Tron that Manolo appeared.
Brostar: "I am sick and tired of you running your mouth and insulting me about my past."
He says as he pays his attention to the crowd.
Brostar: "As you all can remember a year ago, I lost to Stank Lord in a Fart Challenge and I was forced to be his bitch. Soon I found a loop hole and cost Stank Lord a lot of months on the sidelines."
Brostar: "I am not happy of my past and I'll make sure that never happens again."
He pays his attention back to the ULOL Tron.
Brostar: "But the matter of the fact is Manolo has pissed me off and I'm going to make sure that he regrets it. Because I am challenging him to a match next week in a No DQ!!!"
Brostar: "So Manolo come out here and accept my challenge!!!!"
He says as he waits for a response."G.O.P" by Beth Hart starts to sound. The light suddenly turns off after a few seconds it starts again and Arnold is standing in the middle of the ring in front of Brostar. He has a microphone in his hands. Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "You are not going to see him coming out here. Manolo Ferrer is a busy man. He won’t waste his time on a garbage like you. You are the only one that runs you little mouth of yours, and I’m sick of it."
Arnold laughs in face of Brostar. Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "You are so tough you want to face Manolo Ferrer. You are a coward Brostar that’s what you are. Before you start bitching that you wanted to see Mr.Ferrer and not me. Let me tell you something I’m going to accept your challenge cause it will be a pleasure to whoop your ass. So what you're going to say to that. Face a real wrestler and not a manager."Arnold lowers a microphone and waits for this terrible man known as Brostar to answer.Brostar: A"rnold, what would be the point of me whooping your ass next week, when I and Fettel kick you and Felix's asses tonight, you're a waste of time and a waste of space on this roster. But I am not the one to deny a challenge, with that said I accept your challenge."
He says as he walks out of the ring and heads to backstage to prepare for his match against the hopeless and worthless Arnold.Arnold drops the mic and head to the backstage as well.Allister King: "Once again, I will be the one presenting this award."
Allister clears his throat
Allister King: "The Following award is given to the wrestler who has shown the most improvement inside the ring. Whether it be on the microphone or kicking someone's skull in. And the nominees are."
Allister looks up at the screen
Allister King: "The man who got smashed in the head so hard he forgot who he was and for some reason got better in and out of the ring, Taufik."
Taufik appears on the screen
Allister King: "A great tag team wrestler and multiple time tag champ, Arnold "Goodfella" Bold."
Goodfella appears on the screen
Allister King: "Former Member of the DWMA and former Correa grande champion, Yuki Monotomo."
Yuki appears on the screen
Allister King: "A person I have beat a lot of times and I'm sure a lot of others have beat a great number of times, Brostar."
Brostar appears on screen
Allister King: "And the final nominee, Former Leader of the DWMA and the man who cannot win a title for about 11 months but reduced to a month now, Ray Kamaura."
Samantha hands him the gold envelope
Allister King: "And the winner of the Most improved award goes to............ Yuki Monotomo!"
The Crowd applaude
Yuki Monotomo hears his name and stands up in surprise. A few women motion him to go towards the ring and talk. He high fives some fans as he walks up to Allister King. Yuki grabs his award and steps into King's spotlight.
Yuki Monotomo: "Wow, what an honor! Most Improved! I didn't know that even I could improve perfection! I have some people to thank here, um..."
Monotomo pulls out small notepad with scribblings on it. The Japanese man puts on a fake pair of glasses and begins to read it off.
Yuki Monotomo: "First of all, girls, second females, then ladies, also women, oh, and babes! But I couldn't have done it without the girls! And Ray, if he hadn't been such an ass to me, I might not have ever left the DWMA to become as great as I am! Well, I'm going to have a celebratory orgy with my harem, see ya!"
Yuki waves to the girls that were beside him as he takes off his false spectacles. The meet him at the apron and he links arms with two of the five girls. He leaves with his escorts to the backstage area. & /W VS & Jim Jackson: "The next match is something you don't see everyday..."
Brad Blood: "You got that right, seriously, the only one who would enjoy this match is Boy Bakla!"
Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a bra and panties tag team match! Introducing first, the team of Arnold "GoodFella" Bold and Felix Schwarz, GoodFella & Schwarz!"
"Fire Flame" by Birdman starts to sound, the light suddenly turns off after a few seconds it starts again and Felix and Arnold are standing in the middle of the ring and waving to their fans. Manolo Ferrer makes his way down to the ring.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, the team of Brostar and Fettel Marston, Brostar & Marston!"
"Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco plays as Brostar comes out and raises his hands as he walks down the ramp and runs into the ring, he goes up to the second turnbuckle raises his hands again, Then he jumps off with a backflip.
"The Devil's Own" by Five Finger Death Punch plays as Fettel Marston appears waving to the crowd. He walks down to the ring slapping fans' hands as he goes. He slides under the bottom rope to the enter the ring and proceeds to climb a turnbuckle where he poses by flexing his muscles. He walks over to another turnbuckle on the opposite side and this time poses by simply raising his arms in the air.
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Okay now there's the bell and it looks like it's Fettel Marston and Felix Schawz starting things out for their respective teams. Schwarz slams Marston down. Big piledriver on Marston."
Brad Blood: "Schwarz uses this chance to rip Marston's top off! And it looks like Marston is already down to his bra! Ooh! Victoria's Secret! I mean who dresses lightly to a bra and panties match."
Jim Jackson: "Felix Schwarz tags out to Arnold Bold. GoodFella & Schwarz whip Marston into the corner. Arnold Bold whips Felix Schwarz in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Bodyslam by GoodFella. Marston is in trouble here..."
Brad Blood: "GoodFella pulls on Marston's belt... And it's off! GoodFella grabs Marston's belt and uses it on Marston... And I think Marston is enjoying it?!"
Jim Jackson: "Arnold Bold goes on the offensive. GoodFella hits a right hand. Fettel Marston blocks a punch. GoodFella walks into a face crusher variation. Good counter! Marston goes for a tag!"
Brad Blood: "Brostar leaps in! Man I wonder what he's wearing underneath? I mean... Let's see some more action!"
Jim Jackson: "Dropkick sends Arnold Bold down! Flying elbow from Brostar. Vicious lightning kick by Brostar on GoodFella. Brostar rips off GoodFella's jacket! GoodFella throws a big right... Brostar dodges and catches GoodFella's sleeve! He rips off the shirt!"
Brad Blood: "Wolford?! GoodFella is wearing Wolford? GoodFella reverses a hip toss and uses the chance to tag in Felix Schwarz."
Jim Jackson: "Big kick stuns Brostar. Nice piledriver on Brostar. Death valley driver by Felix Schwarz, Brostar is down and hurt. Schwarz starts stripping Brostar... And there goes Brostar's pants!"
Brad Blood: "Ooh La Perla! I mean those laces don't do justice to Brostar's butt... I mean..."
Jim Jackson: "Felix Schwarz hits a right hand. Brostar blocks a kick from Schwarz. Brostar crushes Schwarz with a running senton. Brostar retaliates by taking off Schwarz's pants!"
Brad Blood: "Spanx? Uh I mean... Nevermind...."
Jim Jackson: "Felix Schwarz scores with a forearm, sending Brostar down into the corner. He attacks Brostar's shirt... He rips it off and under it is... Another shirt! Good play by Brostar!"
Brad Blood: "That's cheating! Two shirts?!"
Jim Jackson: "Didn't you say earlier that who comes into a bra and panties match dressed lightly?"
Brad Blood: "Er... No I didn... Oh! Brostar manages to take Schwarz's top off! A Truimph bra?"
Jim Jackson: "How do you know all these brands? If I was guessing I would say you own pairs of them at home..."
Brad Blood: "O-Of course not! I don't crossdress on Fridays and go bar hopping in gay bars..."
Jim Jackson: "Anyway back to the match and Brostar has just eliminated Felix Schwarz!"
Brad Blood: "Wait! Did Manolo just hit Marston at the back of the head with a cane? Manolo strips off Marston's remaining clothing and pushes Marston into the ring! The ref notices Marston in lingerie and eliminates Marston too! So now it's Brostar and GoodFella left!"
Jim Jackson: "Big clothesline takes Brostar down! Arnold Bold tries to rip Brostar's shirt off... And underneath it is A THIRD SHIRT! Brostar came prepared! Big right by Brostar... Irish whip sends GoodFella to the ropes... SPINEBUSTER!"
Brad Blood: "Brostar tries to rip away GoodFella's pants... GoodFella manages to keep his pants on as he kicks free!"
Jim Jackson: "Arnold Bold dodges a springboard spin kick! Facebuster! Brostar is down! GoodFella takes off Brostar's shirt and finally Brostar is in another shirt?! Just how many shirts did Brostar wear?"
Brad Blood: "Brostar starts going after GoodFella's pants but GoodFella scampers out of the way!"
Jim Jackson: "The two wrestlers circle each other cautiously, just one mistake can cost the match... They lock arms... Arnold Bold has Brostar in a headlock in no time! Brostar pushes free sending GoodFella to the ropes..."
Brad Blood: "He rolls GoodFella up and tries to rip GoodFella's pants off but GoodFella kicks out! Close call for GoodFella..."
Jim Jackson: "Enzugiri sends Arnold Bold down! Springboard legdrop by Brostar connects! Brostar is going high risk and climbs up to the top turnbuckle... MOONSAULT!"
Brad Blood: "MISSES!!! GoodFella rolls out of the way at the last second! Ooh crash and burn for Brostar."
Jim Jackson: "Can Arnold Bold capitalize? He tries to rip Brostar's shirt off... It's half-way off and we finally see skin! It's Brostar's last shirt if this gets pulled off GoodFella wins the match!"
Brad Blood: "Brostar is clutching on to the shirt... MANOLO WHACKS THE SIDE OF BROSTAR'S HEAD WITH THE CANE! BROSTAR IS OUT!"
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella pulls the shirt off!! Brostar is in his bra and panties! Wait! The ref is crossing his arms! HE'S DISQUALIFYING GOODFELLA AND SCHWARZ! HE SAW MANOLO'S CANE HIT!"
Brad Blood: "What?! NOOOOOOO!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by disqualification, Brostar and Marston!"
Jim Jackson: "Oh man, looks like Brostar & Marston are the number one contenders for the tag titles!"
Brad Blood: "Wait! GoodFella & Schwarz goes ballistic and starts beating down Brostar & Marston! GoodFella whacks Brostar with a steel chair! Manolo Ferrer gets into the ring and breaks his cane over Brostar's head! Now they sandwich Marston's leg on the steel chair... Felix Schwarz from the top... DOUBLE FOOT STOMP INTO THE STEEL CHAIR! I-I think I heard a loud crack! This may be bad for Marston... Brostar & Marston may be number contender but will they be able to fight the champs in their condition?"ARE YOU FEELING GAY?
DO YOU FEEL LIKE GOLD?
IF YOU ARE THEN WE HAVE THE ICE CREAM FOR YOU!
Available in stores now! | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:09 pm | |
|  The scene opens up to what looks to be outside of a church, the sun setting behind the large cross adorning the top of the building before the camera panning back to reveal Jim Rival standing across the street of it. The cigarette burning between his lips as he took in the beautiful view, remaining silent as he moved his right hand to pluck the object from his mouth and drop it to the ground.
Jim Rival: "The house of the Light is a respected sanctuary, for those looking for redemption and forgiveness. For help, guidance, peace."
Jim paused for a moment, looking more up at the sky at first with a smirk on his face. What seemed like minutes passed by in quiet contemplation he looked over his shoulder to the camera as he smirk became a frigid smile.
Jim Rival: "...but sometimes you need to take the Light to them when they refuse to come, which is what will happen to Mr. O'Brien."
Jim turned his attention back to the setting sun, leaving one last message behind.
Jim Rival: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee."
With that he began to walk down the sidewalk away from the building, the cameraman following him as the scene faded to black. Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen, to present the next award, please welcome two of Hollywood's most popular actors, Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr.!!"
The 2 actors make their way to the stage to possibly the biggest ovation of the night.
Johnny Depp: "Hello."
Robert Downey Jr.: "How are you guys doing?"
The crowd goes nuts
Johnny Depp: "We are here to present the People's Choice award."
Robert Downey Jr.: "Who better than us right? I mean just listen to these people, they love us."
Johnny Depp: "Well you are Iron Man."
Robert Downey Jr.: "And you're Jack Sparrow, but this isn't about us."
Johnny Depp: "And you are intend right, you see this award goes to the man."
Robert Downey Jr.: "Or woman."
Johnny Depp: "Who has proven themselves over and over again to be one with the people."
Robert Downey Jr.: "The recipient of this award was chosen by you, the people, we have had alot of votes by the one with the most while get this award."
Johnny Depp: "According to my knowledge, this was a close one. But there can only be one winner. Samantha the envelope please."
Samantha hands them the envelope
Robert Downey Jr.: "How did Allister get a woman like that?"
Johnny Depp: "That's a big of a mystery to me as it is to you. Do you want to announce the winner or should I?"
Robert Downey Jr.: "Rock paper scissors?"
Johnny Depp: Deal.
They begin the battle of rock, paper, scissors. and by way of paper beating rock, Johnny Depp wins
Johnny Depp: "Looks like I get the honors."
Robert Downey Jr.: "You got lucky this time John."
Johnny Depp: "And the winner of the people's choice award goes to......."
He opens the envelope
Johnny Depp: "What ya know? The Morbidly Obese Man!!"
The ULOL Tron sizzles and pops and on the giant screen the gigantic form of The Morbidly Obese Man is seen, behind him is a clear view of a jungle. As the camera pans out, the audience sees that the big wrestler is being carried on a makeshift throne by visibly tired and shaking countrymen of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing shackled in chains. The Morbidly Obese Man opens a FedEx package and pulls out a trophy.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Well it's good that I am appreciated here, people actually care enough to send me this trophy... As you can see I am on my way to the top of Mt. Guabepachewching to settle the score with Q so I'll just be saying thanks and be on my way."
With that, The Morbidly Obese Man commands his slaves to begin the ascent to the top of the volcano as the screen goes off.The arena lights up with a blinding white light. "The Chase by Illy" blasts through the arena speakers as the arena fills with white smoke. Blue, White and Red spotlights scatter around the arena and then shines on and follow Chase O'Brien as he makes his way to the ring posing and interacting with the fans.Chase O'Brien: "G'Day! Last week I beat two other contenders for the right to challenge Jim Rival for his Ligero Maximo title. Tonight.. I'll beat Jim Rival and become your Unite League of Lunatics Ligero Maximo Champion.
Chase O'Brien pauses for a brief second waiting for the crowd to calm down. A great deal of confidence is shown by Chase O'Brien.Chase O'Brien: "And now I'll explain why.. You see there must be some sought of glitch in the Matrix. For all you Asian's out there.. Even this equation will blow your mind. I've been in the wrestling business for three year. This match tonight will be my third in this company.. There can only be one winner. Now if you divide 3 by 3 you get 1. Now if you don't get it. I am the One.. The One who will herald the destruction of the Matrix and the freedom of humanity from their oppression by the Machines. The Machines being Marcus Troy. Humanity being You.A sick and twisted smile appears on Chase O'Brien followed by laughter.Chase O'Brien: "I'm just kidding. I'm not some sick deluded idiot that thinks that way.. Crusade. I'm more simple, and with that I have a more simpler equation. 3rd match.. 3 minutes.. 1 winner. Me! I going to take your title within 3 minutes, Mr. Rival. Simple as that.Chase O'Brien smiles. No display of fear, only confidence. "The Chase by Illy" blasts through the arena speakers as he exits the ring and makes his way backstage.The scene fades into a locker room, inside this locker room is the long time, no see superstar. He is the masked marvel from, well wherever he is from. Enigma. Dressed in green wrestling attire, he stands aimlessly in the centre of the room. His hands are shaking though. He arms slowly raise to the bottom of his mask. He starts to lift it. His mouth is revealed, but then Enigma slowly forces the mask back down. as the scene fades to black with Enigma shaking his head.Allister King: "Presenting the next award is a man who has not only made a name in the movie industry but in the music industry aswell. A former member of the new kids on the block and the funky bunch. Star of such movies as Boogie nights, The Departed and the Fighter. He is, "Marky" Mark Wahlberg."
Mark Wahlberg makes his way on stage looking ashamed
Mark Wahlberg: "I guess I can never escape my past as Marky Mark. But it is for that very reason that I am presenting the next award for the Best gimmick. Gimmick is defined as being that special quality a person as that makes them stand out amongst other people. These next people have that quality and have stood out within the company. And the nominees are."
Mark looks at the screen
Mark Wahlberg: "Allister King for being an alcoholic."
A quick video is showed of Allister's best moments as the alcoholic
Mark Wahlberg: "Rupert B. Humperdink for being that lovable retard."
A short video shows Rupert doing what he does best
Mark Wahlberg: "Zombie for being well, a zombie!"
A video shows of zombie eating people
Mark Wahlberg: "Boy Bakla for being that post op disaster."
A video shows of Bakla jumping about
Mark Wahlberg: "Fettel Marston for being a schizo who can have a conversation with himself."
A video shows of Fettel and Dad talking
Mark Wahlberg: "And the final nominee is Jim Rival for whatever it is that he does."
A video shows Jim Rival doing whatever it is he does
Mark Wahlberg: "And the envelope."
Samantha hands mark the envelope and he opens it
Mark Wahlberg: "And the winner of the best gimmick award is Boy Bakla!"
Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to it's fans before it enters the ring with flourish and accepts the award.
Boy Bakla: "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh this is such an exciting moment..."
Bakla fans itself on the chest as it is clearly tearing up with emotion.
Boy Bakla: "To think that I won for having the best gimmick... Well truthfully, what you see here is not a gimmick... What you see is Boy Bakla the greatest diva in the world so it is only fitting for me to win right?"
Bakla winks at the crowd garnering mixed reactions.
Boy Bakla: "But I thank you all for voting for me, it proves you love to me and I shall channel those love back."
Bakla starts blowing kisses to the crowd.
Boy Bakla: "I shall cherish this award for as long as I live, next to my poster of Justin Beiber! So thank you again everyone!"
Bakla waves to the fans as it exits the ring as Cher's "Believe" starts to play again on the loud speakers. | |
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:10 pm | |
|   VS Jim Jackson: "The following match is a title match for the Ligero Maximo."
Brad Blood: "Yeah we have an undeserving newbie Chase O'Brien taking on Jim Rival. That newbie is going to get killed."
Jasmine Lee: "The following match is scheduled for one fall! The special stipulations of the match, the challenger shall be blindfolded while the champion cannot be disqualified! Introducing first, the challenger, Chase O'aBrien!"
The arena lights up with a blinding white light. "The Chase by Illy" blasts through the arena speakers as the arena fills with white smoke. Blue, White and Red spotlights scatter around the arena and then shines on and follow Chase O'Brien as he makes his way to the ring posing and interacting with the fans.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, he is your current and reigning ULOL Ligero Maximo, Jim Rival!"
"The New Cult King" by Mushroomhead erupts through out the arena as Jim makes his way to the ring at a slow pace. A black background with only the golden outline of a cross leaning back is all that appears on the titantron, occasionally flickering in an almost violent fashion. As Jim finally makes it to the ring he takes off his button down shirt, placing the black armband bearing the same cross back over his left arm before entering the ring.
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Chase O'Brien may have gotten a title shot but things are certainly not stacked in his favor. Other than being blindfolded, Jim Rival cannot be disqualified, it will take a miracle for O'Brien to pull off a victory tonight. And there's the bell!"
Brad Blood: "WAHAHAHA! Chase O'Brien is floundering around! Man he can't see anything... The match is as good as over... Jim Rival sneaks up from behind O'Brien... HAHAHA! He just gave O'Brien a wedgie!"
Jim Jackson: "Jim Rival can afford to fool around since Chase O'Brien is practically not a threat. O'Brien throws a few blind punches hitting nothing but air. Rival sneaks up behind O'Brien... German suplex by Rival! Rival for the cover..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "O'Brien kicks out but he really should have just stayed down. He really has no chance of winning this, he must be a masochist..."
Jim Jackson: "Chase O'Brien gropes around while Jim Rival keeps a good distance... Rival with a big boot takes O'Brien down! Arm drag by Rival again sends O'Brien to the canvas... O'Brien gets back up again... Right into Rival's arms! Rival picks O'Brien up..."
Brad Blood: "What the?! O'Brien was waiting for Rival to pick him up! He lands some elbows on Rival's head! O'Brien slips down and grabs Rival's head! OH! BIG KNEE BY O'BRIEN!"
Jim Jackson: "That rocked Jim Rival! O'Brien charges forward blindly... Rival manages to leap out of the way and O'Brien goes shoulder first into the ringpost! Rival quickly pulls O'Brien and rolls him up for the pin!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "What the?! O'BRIEN COUNTERS!!! HE SOMEHOW USES THE ROLL UP AS A CHANCE TO LOCK IN A TRIANGLE CHOKE!!! RIVAL IS TRAPPED!"
Jim Jackson: "A good strategy by Chase O'Brien, being blind, he know the only way he can get his hands on Jim Rival is by waiting for Rival to come to him. He braces himself for any damage he may take and then tries to counter whatever Rival throws at him. Rival is struggling but it is clear he is in pain. Rival tries to use his feet to reach the ropes... HE MAKES IT!"
Brad Blood: "A rope break! Rival is saved from tapping. O'Brien is already ready in the middle of the ring waiting for Rival to make his next attack... Rival slips out of the ring... He gets a steel chair! Remember Rival cannot be disqualified and he's using that stipulation! The ref tries to stop Rival but he really can't do anything... RIVAL SLAMS THE CHAIR INTO O'BRIEN'S HEAD! Tired of playing around Rival just ended this match. Rival for the cover!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall and STILL ULOL Ligero Maximo, Jim Rival!"
Jim Jackson: "Well Jim Rival takes this one easily, but still if he wasn't able to get out of that triangle, we may have had a new champion... What would happen if ever he faces Chase O'Brien on even ground?"
Brad Blood: "The bottomline is still the same, Jim Rival wins, Chase O'Brien loses... It's not Rival's fault that he gets to reap the perks of being allied to the general manager." Available in a store near you.Allister King: :Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone who was willing to present the next award so I guess I will have to do it."
Allister walks off stage then walks back on like nothing ever happened.
Allister King: "Thank you for that kind and humble introduction. I'm here to present the award for the Best Villain. These guys have been terrorizing ULOL since the beginning and this is one of the only times we will actually give a shit about them. Now the nominees are."
Allister looks at the screen
Allister King: "Douchebag number 1 also known as Marcus Troy."
The audience boo
Allister King: "Boo all ya want this is what these people love. Douchbag number 2 aka Ray Kamaura!"
The audience boo
Allister King: "Douchebag number 3, the rotting crap known as Zombie."
The audience boo
Allister King: "A guy who seems to be in as much categories as me, Alexander Conway."
The audience boo
Allister King: "And This guy."
A picture of Bakla appears on the screen and the audience boos.
Allister King: "And the winner of biggest douchebag in ULOL award goes to, envelope please babez."
Samantha hands Allister the envelope who opens it
Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen, The Biggest Douchebag in ULOL is Marcus Troy! Come up here and get your award."
After the announcement of Marcus Troy's name as best villain, the crowd waits as only the chirping of crickets are heard. A tumbleweed rolls by the entrance tunnel as it is soon clear that the general manager is not coming out to accept his award.The scene opens in the infirmary where we see Dr. Booboo B. Gone talking to Nao Fook Mi...
Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "You over-trained Fook Mi, you're body is at it's limits, I would really advise you forfeit the match tonight and get some rest. Your body may not work as well and you may injure yourself... I know this is important but..."
Nao Fook Mi shakes her head...
Nao Fook Mi: "Sorry doc, can't do it... I appreciate your concern but I have to do this, this is a chance for me to get the title again, to win it from Raven Connoly and bring honor back to the title. This isn't about me but about ULOL."
Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "I understand where you're coming from but I really do advise against...
Fook Mi stops the doctor...
Nao Fook Mi: "You won't change my mind doc... Don't worry, it will take more than one match to put me on the shelf..."
The doctor sighs as Fook Mi thanks him and exits the infirmary as the scene fades to black. Gina Sheridan is walking around the backstage area. She is searching for Summer Bold. However, she finds another woman that look like she is searching for someone too. Gina approaches her and asks her. Gina “The Wild” Sheridan: "Excuse me miss, do I know you? I see that you are searching for someone here. Can I help you with it?"
Woman hears a voice talking to her. She turns around and sees Gina. The woman's expression doesn’t change on her face. She looks very serious.
Woman: "Hello there, no I am not searching for someone, in particular, I’m just walking around."
Gina “The Wild” Sheridan: "Alright I am just going leave you there."
Gina walked in a different direction while woman remains standing there.Woman: "Good she didn’t recognize me. That’s good." And the scene fades to be black. | |
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:10 pm | |
| Allister King: "To present the next award for top fan favorite, ladies and gentlemen, a man who has taken the internet by storm after getting fired from a top tv sitcom and his famous rants, he is the warlock Vatican assassin with the tiger blood, he is Charlie Sheen."
Charlie gets up off his ass and walks on stage.
Charlie Sheen: "Just to correct you there, I am a Vatican warlock assassin with tiger blood and Adonis DNA. Nothing says winning quite like Charlie Sheen. But these men and women have shown that they can give you people exactly what you want and get you to continuously ask for more. These are you fan favorites but only one of these nominees can walk away with this funny looking award. These people are as follows."
Carlos Estevez looks up at the screen
Charlie Sheen: "The special one, Rupert B. Humperdink."
The screen shows a clip of Rupert's fan interactions
Charlie Sheen: "The goddess that is Raven Connoly."
The screens shows a clip of why Raven was once known as a fan favorite
Charlie Sheen: "The tag team duo of The Oriental Spices."
The Spices appear on screen signing a few autographs for the fans
Charlie Sheen: "The king of fools, Allister King."
A video clip of Allister being an idiot with the fans
Charlie Sheen: "And finally, a man with a name so immensely difficult to say, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing."
A clip of Q with his people is shown. Once the video ends, Samantha hands charlie the envelope
Charlie Sheen: "And the winner of the Fan Favorite award goes to, Allister King!"
Allister walks up on stage and bows to the crowd. He shakes Charlie's hand, kisses his wife and lifts his award.
Allister King: "You like me! You really like me! Let's see I would like to thank Sammie, Shad, You guys, Charlie there, that man who is sitting on the moon with no friends, Ray Kamaura for being a walking talking sun dial, and everyone else I forget to mention has now been mentioned because I said that I mentioned those I have not mentioned and have given myself a headache for trying to comprehend the complexity of that sentence and I think I am going to pass out because I haven't taken a breath in awhile and am speaking really fast and the cats in the cradle with the silver spoon yadda yadda yadda all that jazz i won thank you and I'm going to go sit down."
Allister jumps off the stage and quickly grabs the oxygen of an elderly man sitting in the front row. He eventually hands him it back and heads to his seat.The scene opens backstage where we see Boy Bakla standing in front of the camera. ULOL's transsexual superstar seem to be in high spirits as it begins to address the crowd.
Boy Bakla: "Well hellooooooooooo everyone! It's me Boy Bakla, but you all knew that already... Anyhoo, it seems that tonight I get a chance to become the next big diva here in ULOL! Everyone is familiar with what happened to me, I was given a second chance and this time I shall not waste it. Tonight is a chance for me to get the gold that has eluded me ever since I entered ULOL so I apologize in advance girlfriends because tonight for it shall be me fighting Raven tonight after I win that four-way elimination match. Now don't y'all be too hard on yourself I'll be a fair champion... I'll give y'all title shots once that belt is around my fabulous waist."
Bakla winks at the camera and blows a kiss as the scene turns to black.Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "FOUND YOU, YOU LITTLE RAT!"
Colton Charles Cai Cobb lunges at Ragki Nikara backstage, his hands aiming for the neck. Nikara barely dodges in time and quickly dances out of reach.
Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "You are fast at running away aren't you? Well this time I won't let you get away... I shall end your miserable little life right here and now. You can keep the money you stole from me for your funeral expenses."
Again C4 lunges towards Ragki Nikara.
Nikara dodge rolls out of the way and under a car. He pops back up on the other side and moves across C4, taunting him.
Ragki Nikara: "Come on you deadbeat punk, bring it on! You think you could do anything without my help?!"
Ragki throws his coat at C4 to try and distract him, but C4 just pushes the coat out of his path. After taking a punch to the stomach, Ragki's hat falls off.
Ragki Nikara: "You're gonna regret that you empty piggy bank! That's all you are to me! Shattered, broken, and without any money! In other words, worthless!"
Finally the two wrestlers start brawling backstage and in their wake leaving a path of destruction as security jumps in and try to break the two apart with little success and the scene slowly fades to black.Allister King: "Here to present the award for Best Promos, He is a man who has always been known for his way of speaking, Ladies and Gentlemen, Morgan Freeman."
Morgan Freeman makes his way up to the stage and approaches the podium
Morgan Freeman: "Hello, I'm Morgan Freeman."
The crowd goes wild
Morgan Freeman: "People have always commentated about my voice and how it is the ideal voice for a narrator. But to me, reading from a sheet of paper of book is a lot easier than standing in front of an audience. And these men have proved themselves over and over again that they are the best in the world at working over the crowd. This award goes to that person who has been voted as being the best on the microphone. Here are the nominations."
He takes a sheet of paper out of his pocket which contains the names of the nominees
Morgan Freeman: "Shogun Shogunsen."
Morgan Freeman: "Allister King."
Morgan Freeman: "Manolo Ferrer."
Morgan Freeman: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing."
Morgan Freeman: "Alexander Conway."
Morgan Freeman: "Raven Connoly."
Morgan Freeman: "And The Morbidly Obese Man."
The Nominees all appeared on screen when their names were mentioned. Samantha hands Morgan the envelope
Morgan Freeman: "And the winner of the Best Promos award goes to ........"
Pause for effect
Morgan Freeman: "Manolo Ferrer!"
Manolo makes his way up onto the stage
Manolo Ferrer: "Thank you. Being a manager and not a wrestler, this award is probably the only hardware from ULOL which would have my name on it. Best Promo is the only award I was nominated for, and the other nominees are very good. They all have multiple championships in their name. But I absolutely deserve this award for Best Promo."
Mr. Ferrer takes a moment to gather his thoughts.
Manolo Ferrer: "I've been away for months. And I still got voted Best Promo. I probably would've also won Best Manager, but from what Ms. Jasmine Lee told me, that category was never made because it would've been too obvious.
There is a momentary switch to Jasmine Lee, who gives a "Who, me?" look.
Manolo Ferrer: "I deserve this award. Thank you, and I look forward to winning next year's Best Promo."'Map Of The Problematique' by Muse starts playing throughout the arena, suddenly a wall of flames shoot up across the stage floor, after a few moments Raven Connoly emerges through the flames. She has the ULOL Campeón no Masculino draped over her left shoulder, the crowd erupts into loud boo's and hisses, the volume of the boos and screams are unbelievable.
Raven Connoly: "You know, it's that intense hatred that makes me love coming out here and talking to all of you. I love to get a reaction, and this, this is a reaction."
Raven pauses and listens to the mind numbingly loud sounds from the fans.
Raven Connoly: "Tonight I defend the ULOL Campeón no Masculino, a belt that I have held longer than anyone else in ULOL. As a matter of fact they may as well just permanently engrave my name in the belt rather than put it on a name plate. This belt is mine, there isn't another woman on this roster that can even touch me, or any man for that matter. So Aurora, Bakla, Gina, and Nao you can tear each other a part for all I care, no matter who wins that match, there's not a chance in hell your going to walk away tonight with this belt. I've beaten everyone of you before, and I'll do the same thing tonight."
Raven pauses again to take in another round of disapproval.
Raven Connoly: "You may as well get used to it, because like I said, this belt isn't going anywhere. Plus, it won't be to long until I add the Primo Ultimo to my collection, and I once again become a double champion in ULOL. As a matter of fact, why stop there, I mean lets face it, if I wanted to I could take every title in ULOL for myself. You know its true, that entire locker room knows its true, because I'm the best there is in the world, and tonight I will prove it once again, like I do week in and week out. I'm the best there is, I'm a damn Wrestling Goddess, and the rest of you back in that locker room should be on your knees worshiping the ground I walk on."
Raven smiles and then lets out her evil laugh as she drops the mic and slithers out of the ring. She makes her way up the ramp with a wicked smile on her face. She turns around and faces the crowd at the top of the ramp and holds the ULOL Campeón no Masculino above her head. The crowd erupts again, Raven just smiles and then turns around and disappears backstage. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:11 pm | |
|  VS VS /W VS Jim Jackson: "And now we have a four-way elimination match where-in the winner gets to face Raven Connoly for the ULOL Campeón No Masculino right after the match. Talk about unfair advantage."
Brad Blood: "Raven was smart enough to bang the boss, she worked hard for her position."
Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a four-way elimination match, introducing first, Aurora Borealis!"
Tarja Turunen's ''I walk Alone'' begins to play as the arena goes dark, Blue and green lights shines throughout the arena and a mist covers the floor. The beautiful Princess of the Arctic, Aurora Borealis, comes gracefully out from the backstage arena, wearing a white cloak and stands on the entrance ramp. She begins walking down to the ring with whistling from male audience members. She walks up the steps and enters the ring. She drops to her knees in the centre of the ring with her head down and arms wrapped across her chest. She removes the cloak, raises her head and gives a cruel yet seductive smile..
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Boy Bakla!"
Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to it's fans before it enters the ring with flourish and heads to it's corner waiting for the match to begin.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Gina "The Wild" Sheridan!"
“Highway to Hell” by AC/DC starts to sound and Gina “The Wild” Sheridan accompanied with Summer Bold walks down the entrance ramp and enters the ring to little fanfare.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing last Nao Fook Mi, "
Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. She quickly makes her way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. She bows and gives her respect to the crowd before heading to her corner.
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "And there's the bell! Looks like Gina Sheridan and Nao Fook Mi will be kicking things off! Gina Sheridan with a spinning neckbreaker on Fook Mi. Fook Mi receives some punishment from stiff chops. Suplex by Sheridan! And she hooks the leg."
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Fook Mi kicks out at two. Sheridan walks over to Borealis and tags her in without her consent... Well looks more like a shove actually... Borealis enters the ring."
Jim Jackson: "Aurora Borealis hits a dropkick on Nao Fook Mi. Tornado DDT from Aurora Borealis, Fook Mi got planted. Borealis for the cover!"
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Fook Mi again kicks out at two. Looks like tonight is Fook Mi's off night... Tag to Bakla! The tranny jumps in."
Jim Jackson: "Flying dropkick from Boy Bakla on Nao Fook Mi. Bakla tries to apply a Texas cloverleaf but Fook Mi escapes and tags out to Gina Sheridan. The Wild grabs Bakla and bodyslams Bakla hard. Bakla fights out of a grapple. Blind lariat by Bakla, The Wild never saw it coming until it was too late. Bakla for the cover!"
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Only a two count! Sheridan kicks out and quickly scampers to Borealis and tags her in again without her consent. Bakla charges at Borealis who ducks under the clothesline and tags Fook Mi back in!"
Jim Jackson: "Spin kick by Nao Fook Mi to the face. Fook Mi crushes Bakla with a big legdrop. Fook Mi again goes high risk... Springboard corkscrew splash! Fook Mi hooks the leg...."
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Bakla kicks out at two... Dodges a dropkick by Fook Mi and tags in Borealis!"
Jim Jackson: "Aurora Borealis uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Second rope flying axe handle, Nao Fook Mi goes down. F ook Mi ducks a clothesline attempt. Driven DDT by Nao Fook Mi. That shook the ring! Borealis walks into a face crusher variation. Nao Fook Mi slips behind her opponent and locks her forearms over her opponent's neck and nape choking her opponent to unconsciousness executing a devastating Fook Mi to Sleep!!!"
Brad Blood: "Borealis has been choked out! She's out! Fook Mi eliminated Borealis! Sheridan goes in and charges at Fook Mi..."
Jim Jackson: "Nao Fook Mi leaps to the top of the turnbuckle, she somersaults over her opponent who rushes in towards her landing behind her opponent who spins around right into a deadly burst kick sending her opponent crashing to the corner executing a devastating Fook Mi Special!!! Fook Mi for the cover!"
Brad Blood: "Summer Bold just put Sheridan's leg on the bottom rope! The ref breaks the three count! Fook Mi goes to the top turnbuckle... BOLD TRIPS HER LEG! FOOK MI CRASHES TO THE CANVAS!"
Jim Jackson: "Nao Fook Mi landed on her head! That's a bad fall... Gina Sheridan somehow manages to drag herself and get herself over Fook Mi..."
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three!"
Brad Blood: "Sheridan just eliminated Fook Mi! I didn't see that one coming..."
Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla charges into the ring and takes Gina Sheridan down with a spear! Boy Bakla mounts on top of it's opponent and starts slapping away hard with a series of slaps until it's opponent is gets knocked out from the force of the slaps executing a vicious Bitch Slap Symphony!"
Brad Blood: "Bakla just bitch slapped Sheridan to unconsciousness! Bakla for the cover!"
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall, Boy Bakla!"
VS
Jasmine Lee: "The next match is singles match scheduled for one fall and is for the ULOL Campeón No Masculino! Introducing its next opponent and current ULOL Campeón No Masculino, Raven Connoly!"
Jim Jackson: "Not getting any rest Bakla must fight Raven Connoly next... AND RAVEN SNEAKS UP FROM UNDER THE RING! SHE SLIPS BEHIND BAKLA! Raven Connoly bounces off the ropes and runs towards Boy Bakla lifts her leg and kicks Boy Bakla in the jaw with the heel of her shoes executing a devastating Bloody Sunday!"
Brad Blood: "Bakla never saw that coming! The match didn't even begin yet and Bakla is out! Wait Marcus Troy just came out from the back!"
Jim Jackson: "Looks like this was planned from the beginning!"
Marcus Troy: "Carry on!"
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Brad Blood: "Raven Connoly goes for the cover!"
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall and STILL ULOL Campeón No Masculino, Raven Connoly!"
Jim Jackson: "Looks like the crowd ain't happy with what just transpired... Raven Connoly exits the ring and heads up the ramp... She gives Marcus Troy a French kiss before exiting to the back."
Brad Blood: "Well the crowd may not like it but it is what it is... Tough luck for Bakla."Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen Presenting the next award, the tag team of the movie industry, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriquez!"
Tarantino and Rodriquez make their way out to a thunderous ovation from the crowd
Quentin Tarantino: "You know we have work together on a lot of movies like Kill Bill."
Robert Rodriquez: "From Dusk Til Dawn."
Quentin Tarantino: "The Grindhouse series."
Robert Rodriquez: "Sin City."
Quentin Tarantino: "And that's just to name a few."
Robert Rodriquez: "And we have an agreement to only pay each other $1 for each movie."
Quentin Tarantino: "But what we haven't done is step foot in the wrestling ring like these men."
Robert Rodriquez: "And the nominations are."
Quentin Tarantino: "Ray Kamaura and Leon Hinomoto, The DWMA."
The DWMA appear on screen
Robert Rodriquez: "Bold and Schwarz, Arnold "Goodfella" Bold and Feliz Schwarz."
Bold and Schwarz appear on screen
Quentin Tarantino: "Allister King and Shadow Callahan, The Northern Kings."
Allister pops up from behind the 2 directors and gives a thumbs up before leaving
Robert Rodriquez: "Morbidly Unstoppable, "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson and the Morbidly Obese Man."
UJJ and a bit of TMOM appears on screen
Quentin Tarantino: "Little Wang and Nao Fook Mi, The Oriental Spices."
Samantha hands them the gold envelope
Robert Rodriquez: "And the winners are."
Tarantino & Rodriquez: "Goodfella and Schwarz!"
The Bold/Schwarz connection makes their way up onto the stage
Arnold "Goodfella Bold: "First of all I would like to thank my sister Summer, my manager Manolo Ferrer, my tag partner Felix Schwarz. I am very thankful to these people and only these people.Cheers everybody!!"
Felix Schwarz: "I have nothing to say."
They take the award and walk off-stageThe scene opens in Marcus Troys off ice. Raven Connoly is sitting in Marcus's chair with her feet on his desk. She is watching a monitor by his desk that is broadcasting the PPV, though she seems to have little interest in the current match. There is a knock on the door, Raven looks up clearly irritated at the disruption.
Raven Connoly: "Who is it?"
Raven looks at the door waiting for an answer, she rolls her eyes.
Raven Connoly: "Hello!?"
Raven angrily gets up and walks to the door. She flings the door open.
Raven Connoly: "WHO THE FU..., AHHH!"
Suddenly Raven gets punched in the face. She stumbles backand flips backwards over one of the chairs in front of Marcus's desk. She jumps back up to her feet seething, she pulls her fist back.
Raven Connoly: "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ASSHOLE!"
Raven goes towards the door but stops suddenly as Connoly steps into the office.
Connoly: "I think your getting off pretty light considering! Now why don't you have a seat."
Raven glares at her father but then walks around the desk and sits in Marcus's chair holding the side of her face.
Raven Connoly: "You didn't have to punch me in the face, Jesus!"
Connoly: "I should have done more than that. I was actually coming here to talk to your other half anyway, and he was in for way worse than a punch in the mouth."
Connoly sets the chair Raven tripped over back up and sits down.
Connoly: "What the hell are you doing Rave?"
Raven Connoly: "What the hell do you think you're doing Dad? I could get you fired for being in here, let alone laying your hands on me. On top of that how is it any business of yours what I do!?"
Connoly: "Well, for starters I'm your damn father. Secondly, it makes no sense, why would you start dating the same man who has made your life a living hell the past few years. It just doesn't make any sense to me."
Raven: "It's none of your business who I date, or why I date them, Why don't you stay out of my affairs."
Connoly: "I will stay out of your affairs, I was just trying to understand why your doing what your doing. Clearly, your not going to shed any light on it so I guess that's were I'll leave it. Just don't come crying to me when this all blows up in your face."
Raven Connoly: "I know exactly what I'm doing Dad, but thanks for your concern. I'm with Marcus because he is a genius, and an amazing man. Exactly the powerful man fitting for a prize such as myself. You don't have to worry about me Dad, I'll be fine. However, you might want to worry about yourself, because you keep being a thorn in Troy's side you're going to regret it."
Connoly: "Well, all due respect Rave, I'm not to concerned with your new boyfriend. As you know, I don't really like people telling me what to do, least of all blowhard scumbags like your man Marcus."
Raven Connoly: "Well, I'm not warning you again, stay out of our way unless you want to get burned."
Connoly stands up and leans on the desk and glares down at his daughter. Raven stands up so her and Connoly are face to face.
Connoly: "Well, Rave, I'm going to give you a warning. If you and Troy keep using me as a pawn in your little twisted game, you're going to regret it. If you want to start this war, you better be prepared for everything that comes with it. I know this is a tired old saying, but it seems more than fitting here. I brought you into this world, I brought you into this business, and if I want to, I can take you out."
Connoly stands up and turns around and walks out of Marcus Troy's office. leaving Raven standing at his desk glaring at Connoly as he walks away.A heavy metal version of a Russian folk song Korobeinki starts playing which rouses the waiting crowd into standing. The music currently unknown to them as they all stretch over each other to see who appears at the top of the ramp. Then a huge man steps out smiling and waving to the crowd. Apocalypse is wearing dark green denim jeans and his red Soviet Union shirt. He stomps down the ramp in his large black boots and he shakes a couple of the fan's hands as he makes his way down. He makes his way up the steel steps and stands on the ring apron. He bends to squeeze his huge body through the ropes and he continues to wave at the crowd. He grabs a microphone quickly and he excitedly starts into his speech.
Apocalypse: "Aaaalloo!! Allo zere fans of ULOL! For zose of you hoo do not knows me, I am Apocalypse!!"
There are small cheers in the crowd and Apocalpyse nods.
Apocalypse: "I zought zat I vould come out here and make my intentions known right from ze begining! I know zat tonight is the PPV viz all the awards and so on. Vich is vhy I have used zis opportunity to voice my goals right here in the United League of Lunatics! I vish to look for competitors zat vish to challenge me! I am unbeaten everyvere I have travelled to! And I look to continue my personal streak! Not only zat but I also vill help bring much need justice to zose zat deserve such just punishment! I have 'eard of such horrible people and I vill align myself viz vrestlers zat need my help against zhem!"Allister King: "To present the next award, a man who has put the funny in "being a funny bastard", he has been voted numerous times as the top comedian in the world and I believe he deserves that title from Scotland, he is the one, the only, Billy Connoly"
Billy Connoly makes his way on stage
Billy Connoly: "Funny bastard am O? Well i shall take that as a compliment you gobshite. I have been picked to present this award because people think I'm funny but its only a fucking job. You don't see fucking Gaddafi presenting an award do you/ No because hes fucking dead! Its as bad as a old woman presenting an award for making a cup of tea. This guys have been placed in this award because they make people laugh. It could be by doing something stupid, telling a funny joke or by saying a joke so shite you laugh how fucking shite it actually was. Here is the nominees."
Billy looks at the list of nominees
Billy Connoly: "Ray Kamaura, for being just a complete idiot."
Ray appears on the screen picking his nose
Billy Connoly: "Rupert B. Humperdink, with a name like that you basically have to be a fucking spastic don't ye?"
Rupert appears on screen skipping about with his lunchbox
Billy Connoly: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, a man who wears a mask because of how fucking ugly he is without it."
Q appears on screen doing nothing
Billy Connoly: "Allister King, who thinks he is a right fucking laugh."
Allister opens on screen doing the can can
Billy Connoly: "Boy Bakla, for people just looking at her is funny."
Bakla appears on screen jiggling about
Billy Connoly: "Now that those guys are named we can see who is voted the stupidest or funniest."
Sammie hands billy the envelope
Billy Connoly: "Wouldn't ya know? The funny cunt is Allister King."
Allister skips on stage because he can and dances around billy
Allister King: "I am happy to accept this award. I enjoy making people laugh and making myself laugh in the process, May it be pissing on someone to make my territory or taking a shit in someone's locker its all fun and games till you slip on your own shite and end up with it all over you face. Thanks again for the award." | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:11 pm | |
|   VS Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a submission match, and is for the Correa Grande Del Oro De Connoly. Introducing first, the challenger, Shogun Shogunsen!"
"Circle of life" from Kamen Rider Kiva hits the speakers suddenly as the lights in the arena begin flashing on and off. As soon as the first lyric is sung Shogun bursts out from the hind the curtain and stands on the entrance ramp, throwing his arm up with a loud yell causing a loud pop of cheers from the crowd. Shogun then begins walking down the ramp while slapping a few fans a quick high five, eyes still showing the same intensity that have painted them for years. He runs and rolls into the ring before climbing the turnbuckle and shouting out to the crowd, in turn getting another firm reaction of cheers. When he hops down from the turnbuckle he turns and takes a microphone from a waiting ring hand so that he may speak.
Shogun Shogunsen: "Is this the best you can do Troy? You think a simple title match is going to deter Connoly and I from wanting to rip out your pathetic throat? You think that we are going to destroy each other tonight? You think that you stand even half of a chance in a war against me?"
Shogun Shogunsen: "Well I will have to tell you that you are wrong. While I will be walking out of this arena with a title around my waist, I will NOT forget my real goal. I will take you out of this business with my bare hands if it is the last thing I do! I don't care if I have to go through the entire Connoly family before I do it either!"
Shogun Shogunsen: "While I do have a large amount of respect for Connoly that will not stop me from fighting my hardest to win tonight. I know that Connoly wouldn't have it any other way either. After tonight the objective will go right back to ending the Troy regime. It is simply another way of proving that I really am the best wrestler in this federation hands down."
Shogun Shogunsen: "This may seem like an excuse to ruin the small alliance Connoly and I have but, I do not think either of us are petty enough to let a simple belt destroy our chances of breaking every bone in Marcus Troy's body...one by one..."
Shogun Shogunsen: "You may have power Troy but I have spirit. I have the fighting spirit to get to you no matter what! You will have to kill me before I stop fighting Troy! Send your entire goon squad to hunt me down if you want! I will dismantle every challenge put in front of me until the day i get to make you pay for all the pain you have caused! I will end you!"
Shogun throws the mic down and waits for Connoly to come out for the match, a determined look on his face.
Jim Jackson: "Here we have two would be allies pitted together in this match up by there common enemy Marcus Troy."
Brad Blood: "Yeah, hopefully after this match Connoly will realize its way more fun beating up Shogun than fighting alongside him!"
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, the Correa Grande Del Oro Champion, Connoly!"
"Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence erupts over the arena speakers. After a few moments Connoly walks out onto the stage, he is wearing a green plaid kilt, white t-shirt, and a long black leather coat. He pauses on the top of the ramp, a confident smirk on his face as he scans the crowd. He walks down the ramp and the slides into the ring.
Jim Jackson: "Connoly has had several matches now with a ever increasing handicap in the form of an injured leg. However, as we saw last week, that leg has been repaired so Connoly may be back to 100% tonight."
Brad Blood: "Good, then he should have no problem beating the crap out of Shogun!"
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "There's the bell, and it needs to be said that the champion may be at a disadvantage in this match. Connoly may be as tough as they come, but a submission match may be more suited for a technical wrestler like Shogun."
Brad Blood: "Yeah, well tell that to Connoly who just pulled off a picture perfect fallaway slam, driving Shogun Shogunsen down to the mat. Connoly with a few stomps to Shoguns legs, looks to me like someone is already targeting those limbs Jim, even though he is some dumb brute."
Jim Jackson: "That is not even close to what I said Brad, don't put words in my mouth. Shogun Shogunsen avoids a Connoly avalanche. Double arm suplex by Shogun Shogunsen, Connoly hits hard. Shogun with a big elbow drop, and quickly twists Connoly around and locks in an armbar. That's how you do it!"
Brad Blood: "Yeah, but Connoly manages to get out of the hold and throws in a nice elbow to the gut. Shogun Shogunsen snap suplexes Connoly...with authority! Connoly hops right back up though and nails Shogun with a knee lift, Shogun looks stunned and Connoly takes advantage locking in a sleeper hold, a sleeper hold, what is this 1982?"
Jim Jackson: "An oldie but a goodie, and Connoly has it locked in hard, and Shogun already looks to be fading out. Don Q' Hotte checking Shogun, and he lifts the arm, and there's one, again..., NO! Shogun is still in this, Shogun shoves his weight backwards and slams Connoly into the turnbuckle, he slams backwards again and Connoly releases his grasp."
Brad Blood: "Shogun just got lucky, that should have been it right there, lucky punk! Shogun Shogunsen misses a clothesline, big surprise. Powerful Spear by Connoly, followed with a killer spinebuster. Then a Bodyslam by Connoly. Connoly is on a roll."
Jim Jackson: "Connoly scrambling to get to Shogun and he locks in a Boston Crab, Connoly definitely showing that he can wrestle with the best of them here."
Brad Blood: "And you doubted him Jim, how dare you. He has that hold locked in but somehow that weasel Shogun gets free. Shogun with a dropkick taking Connoly off his feet. Shogun with a few stomps to Connoly's legs, and hold on, Shogun lock in an ankle lock!"
Jim Jackson: "Connoly is in trouble, he's in the center of the ring, and Shogun is wrenching that ankle. Connoly crawling for those ropes, but Shogun keeps dragging him back and tightening that hold, this may be it!"
Brad Blood: "There's no way Connoly will tap out, Shogun is wasting his time. Connoly going for the ropes again, but Shogun is not letting that happen, hold on Connoly decides to use his power instead as he tries to turn himself around. Connoly is almost there..., and he manages to flip over and kick Shogun to the ropes. HELLS YEAH!!!!"
Jim Jackson: "I wouldn't start celebrating yet, Connoly looks injured, that was his left leg, the one that was just repaired. Shogun Shogunsen reverses a hip toss. Now we have a vertical suplex by Shogun Shogunsen. Shogun Shogunsen brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly kill Connoly."
Brad Blood: "Hey, hey, hey, that's not fair, Connoly's ankle could be broken, they need to stop the match!!"
Jim Jackson: "I don't think so Brad. Shogun stands over Connoly who is lying on the mat face up and grasps his leg, Shogun then does a spinning toe hold and grasps the other leg, crossing them into a four locking in the Demonic Reckoning! This is not good for Connoly."
Brad Blood: "No way, NO WAY!! There is no way Connoly will tap out, he'd let his leg break first. Was that a snapping sound I just heard?"
Jim Jackson: "I don't know, I think I heard something too, Shogun isn't letting up though, and Connoly hasn't tapped out."
*****************SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*****************
Brad Blood: "HOLY CRAP, WHAT WAS THAT!!!??? WAIT, OH MY GOD, CONNOLY'S KNEE JUST SPLIT WIDE OPEN, AND THAT'S A FRIGGING BONE!!! CONNOLY'S KNEE JUST EXPLODED!!!!!!"
Jim Jackson: "BLOOD IS GUSHING OUT OF THAT LEG, CONNOLY SCREAMS IN PAIN, AND HE TAPS, HE TAPS!!!! Shogun quickly releases his grasp and rolls away from Connoly, he can't believe what he's seeing."
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by submission, and new Correa Grande Del Oro Champion, SHOGUN SHOGUNSEN!!"
Brad Blood: "What, that's bull, this match should be thrown out, Connoly's leg exploded for god's sake!"
Jim Jackson: "That may be, but he tapped as well, well it is now the Correa Grande Del Oro De Shogun Shogunsen, but Shogun seems more concerned about helping Connoly then celebrating his win. The EMT's come running to the ring, which is pretty much red now from all the blood, and Connoly is passed out, this is unbelievable!"
Brad Blood: "You can say that again, I can't believe that tool is the new champion!"The scene opens showing the top of the volcano Mt. Guabepachewching and noticeably is the titanic form of the wrestlers also known as The Morbidly Obese Man. Scattered around him laying on the ground are the dead tired slaves which comprises of Q's countrymen.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Finally I have made it to our place of reckoning..."
Smoke rises from the mouth of the volcano as The Morbidly Obese Man stares into the dancing lava below.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Looks like this volcano is demanding a sacrifice, and what better sacrifice is there than that masked fool Q! So where are you now you yapping chihuahua hiding behind a mask? I am here waiting to throw you into your doom... Tonight only one of us walks down from this volcano and it will be me."
The big wrestler starts laughing as some rumbling begins, not quite sure if it is from The Morbidly Obese Man's laughter or the volcano...Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this next award is given to the man or woman who has proven themselves superior in the ring. People who have stood up to the best this company has to offer and took them down. This award is given to the Best Wrestler in ULOL."
Allister points to the tron.
Allister King: "The nominees are, the man in the iron mask known only as Q because i can't pronounce his name."
The crowd applauds as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing appears on the screen
Allister King: "The Former demonic god of ULOL and a man who only recently got a last name, Shogun Shogunsen."
The crowd applauds as Shogun Shogunsen appears on the Screen
Allister King: "She's not the first woman to suck the bosses dick to get what she wants and she won't be the last, Raven Connoly."
The Crowd applauds as Raven Connelly appears on the screen
Allister King: "And finally, ahhhhhhhhhh Alexander Conway."
The crowd applauds as Alexander Conway appears on screen
Allister King: "The envelope please Samantha."
Samantha hands his the gold envelope
Allister King: "And the winner of the best wrestler of the year award goes to.........."
*pause for effect*
Allister King: "Shogun Shogunsen!"
Samantha whispers something into the ear of Allister
Allister King: "Unfortunately Shogun couldn't be reached for comment so lets move on."Smoke, fire and the sounds of anarchy are heard in what appears to be a warzone. Several buildings are ablaze, and gunshots are heard. A reporter is seen, hiding behind a wall as fighting rages all around him.
Reporter: "The fierce fighting continues, days after the return of this nation's masked hero, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing. What began as a literal one-man invasion by the professional wrestler named the Morbidly Obese Man, has devolved into nonstop pitched battles, between the people of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, and the Morbidly Obese Man."
A clip plays, showing some young boys jumping out to attack the Morbidly Obese Man.
Boy: [This is for my father!]
He and his friends throw grenades at the big, fat man. The grenades bounce harmlessly off TMOM's pockmarked, fatty hide.
Boy: [Oh SHI]BOOOOM!
Reporter: "Though the people have regained their morale with the return of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, their efforts to capture or evict the Morbidly Obese Man have all met in failure. The big man issued a challenge to Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, daring him to meet him at Mt. Guabepachewching to settle this feud once and for all."
A clip plays of a young woman. She wears a bloodstained eyepatch.
Woman: [He's setting him up for a trap! Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing has fought this big slob before, but this time they're doing it on Mt. Guabepachewching! This is the kind of fight where maybe neither man could come back. Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing could...he could die.]
Another clip is played, this time of an old man.
Old Man: [That pig wants everyone to see him swat down Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing like a fly! But he's going to be like King Kong after Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing is done with him! I hope Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing keeps him alive, so our wrestling bears can take care of him!]
We segue to another clip. It is indeed the masked man Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, standing at the foot of Mt. Guabepachewching. He speaks to the crowd of survivors who have followed him up to this point.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: [It all comes down to today! That crusty chunk of cellulite thinks he is calling the shots! He thinks he will have a cakewalk when I face him to finish this, once and for all! But I know the cliffs, nooks and crannies of Mt. Guabepachewching like the inside of my mask! In the days when I wore a smaller mask, I trained on those very cliffs! I practiced inside those very nooks and crannies! He is up there taking pictures to post on his Facebook! But I have honed my skills on the rocks of Mt. Guabepachewching!"
His countrymen cheer enthusiastically.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: [I now have a very special message for that sucky sandhill of supreme slothiness!]
The masked man begins to speak in English.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Mt. Guabepachewching is special to our people! This is a sacred mountain! And was the setting for many of the most historic events in my humble homelands' history! Mt. Guabepachewching is where the first rulers of the tribes that became my homeland were crowned! This mountain is where rulers and governments were proclaimed! This is the mountain where we saw the ships of the Europeans coming! And where we organized our defense of our independence! This is the mountain where we made the big announcement for our big deal with Freecat.com! Mt. Guabepachewching is synonymous with every major event in my homeland's history! It will again be witness to another historic moment! When I punt you off the mountain, and off my country!"
The crowd erupts into cheers, as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing begins his ascent up Mt. Guabepachewching. As he heads on to face his hated foe, one of the foreign reporters covering this event asks his local guide something.
Reporter 2: "Didn't every big event that happened on this mountain include your people tossing someone off it?"
Reporter's Guide: "It's good entertainment."Allister King: "To present this award, He is one of the greatest men in Hollywood, known for his intimidating look, portrayal of lone wolf type characters and for providing some of the greatest lines in movie history. Ladies and Gentlemen, Clint Eastwood!"
Clint Eastwood makes his way to the podium on stage
Clint Eastwood: "Listen punks, I am here to present the award for most shocking moment and if I see any of you acting like a jackass you will be having a nice little chat with my friend, .44 Magnum. Now the nominees for the most shocking moments are as follows."
Clint removes his magnum and sets it in front of mine so the audience knows that he is being serious
Clint Eastwood: "The Crucifixion of Scott Logan."
The graphic scene is shown on the screen.
Clint Eastwood: "How the hell is he gonna accept the award, he got burnt to a crisp? and the next nominee is The Return of Marcus Troy."
The return of Troy is shown on the screen.
Clint Eastwood: "At least he can accept the award. Next Nominee is Allister King becoming GM."
Allister beating troy to become general manager is shown on screen
Clint Eastwood: "Smart move kid. The next nominee is Andrew Hunter winning the Primo Ultimo title in an ebay bid."
A picture of Hunter standing beside a computer is shown
Clint Eastwood: "Now what the hell is an ebay? That's a computer. Anyway the final nominee is Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing kidnapping Troy."
A clip of troy being tied to a chair is shown
Clint Eastwood: "Before I announce the winner I just want the nominees to ask themselves a question. Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?"
Clint gets handed the envelope and opens it
Clint Eastwood: "The winner is Allister King becoming General Manager."
Allister jumps about and runs up onto the stage but Clint is standing there pointing the magnum at him."
Clint Eastwood: "I said no acting like a jackass. Now do it properly or I will kick your ass so hard you will be talking shit for a week".
Allister reattempts getting on stage and does it a lot more gentlemanly
Allister King: "I would like to thank Samantha for this award because she was the one who got be to do it or was it that purple guy with that weird shaped head? Doesn't matter I was drunk at the time and couldn't tell a war zone from a green grassy field. All I remember is the look on Troy's face when I kicked his ass and took his job. And to top it all off, whileIi was doing his job, he was being tortured by Q and his countrymen. By The Way Q, you broke so many rules of the Geneva convention I'm starting to think you are Gaddafi under that mask. Anyways I'm rambling on now and I see Clint looking at the magnum then me so I will finish it up. Thank you everyone for this award."
Allister leaves the stage | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:11 pm | |
| The scene opens with Ray Kamaura standing backstage. In the background is a sign that says “ULOL” and shows moving graphics. Ray Kamaura is standing with Lex Lexington. Lex raises the microphone to his lips and opens his mouth. Ray Kamaura quickly takes the microphone from Lex and throws him from the camera’s view.
Ray Kamaura: "I think I need to address some things that are happening in this company that need to be taken care of and or addressed. Tonight, I wrestled three gorillas and defeated all of them just like I told Marcus Troy that I would do. I am assuming that I will receive a title shot at the PPV at the end of December, or at least a shot to battle for the number one contender spot for the Primo Ultimo Championship. Over the past month I have more than proved that I am the BIGGEST, the BADEST, and the BEST wrestler in the ULOL, even going so far as to gain a bit of an undefeated streak."
Ray Kamaura took a short pause and a chance to catch his breath and wipe some sweat off his forehead.
Ray Kamaura: "Next on the list of items that need attention brought to them is Absolute. This freak cut a promo in which he kidnapped a group of children. Am I the only person who takes issue with this freak? Oh well. Next is Apocalypse. This big hairy Russian thinks he can just walk into this business and claims to be unbeaten. Well he just signed a death warrant. Now there is blood in the water and the sharks will come. The ULOL is chalked full of the greatest wrestlers in the world and coming here and making a statement that bold really is a gutsy move. If you are listening Apocalypse when I become the Primo Ultimo Champion you can test your winning streak against mine. You might also take this as a declaration of my resolve. I will not lose again until I have accomplished my goal of become the Primo Ultimo Champion, and even then only God will be able to take that belt away from me but only over my dead body."
Ray Kamaura looks shocked as he is cut off by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "RAY, YOU CANNOT WIN AGAINST A RUSSIAN THEY ARE RUSSIAN AND YOU ARE NOT RUSSIAN. MY SUGGESTION IS TO GET TO THE CHOPPER. TRUST ME IT ALWAYS WORKS!"
Ray and Arnold stood staring into each others' eyes. Ray Kamaura kicks Arnold Schwarzenegger in the gut causing Arnold Schwarzenegger to double over, puts his right shoulder to the back of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Neck, grabs the back of their legs and quickly lifts them up. Ray holds the pose for a few seconds and then falls onto his butt, crushing Arnold Schwarzenegger's neck on his shoulder. Ray Kamaura stands up and grabs his microphone.
Ray Kamaura: "Now that that’s over we can get back to business. (A moan of pain is heard below Ray and he makes a kicking motion and the moaning stops) Some comments were recently made by a jackass in a suit. Mr. Manolo Ferrer said something along the lines of this."
Ray Kamaura stood up completely straight and pretends to adjust a tie.
Ray Kamaura: “I’d also add that Mr. Bold and Mr. Schwarz are very qualified to contend for a lot more than just some bra-and-panty gimmick match. They're certainly more competent than the Mr. Kamauras and Mr. Johnsons of this world but only when my hand has been inserted into their anuses. Because they just are not man enough to have come here on their own to speech with you. Now, Mr. Troy, that I have finished talking you may insert your dick back into my mouth.” That ladies and gentlemen was my impression of Manolo Ferrer. If I find you slandering my name again Manolo I swear I will beat you so bad you will never be seen again. Manolo, All you have done is talk your clients into every championship match they have ever had then you have the gull to say that about me? I’m on a winning streak. I beat the Primo Ultimo Champion. I have earned everything to this point. So shut your dirty mouth."
Ray Kamaura drops his microphone and walks out of the camera’s view. The camera pans down to the injured Govinator.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN TO THE CHOPPER!"
The scene fades to black. VS Jim Jackson: "The next match will be a feud ending match for a war between two wrestlers which killed many ponies and enslaved a whole nation."
Brad Blood: "That's right, The Morbidly Obese Man versus Quioa... Quiii... Qua... That masked wrestler Q! We shall be watching this match from the ULOL Tron since it is not in the ULOL premises but in an active volcano named Mt. Guabepachewching in Q's country."
Jasmine Lee stands in the middle of the ring as the ULOL Tron comes to life showing The Morbidly Obese Man and Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing standing on opposite sides of the smoking volcano Mt. Guabepachewching.
Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a high incident volcano inferno match! The only way to win the match is to throw your opponent into the volcano. Introducing first, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing!"
Loud cheers come from chained countrymen for their hometown hero Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing who looks at his opponent with anger.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next his opponent, The Morbidly Obese Man!"
Loud boos come from the chained countrymen of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing as The Morbidly Obese Man merely sneers and stares smugly at Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.
Jasmine Lee: "LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "There's the bell and Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing charges towards The Morbidly Obese Man running across the mouth of the volcano... TMOM merely waits for Q to rush towards him."
Brad Blood: "A smart move actually, let Q waste stamina while he can just stay there and be ready to intercept."
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing finally reaches The Morbidly Obese Man... Wow, he traversed the edge of the crater real fast... Q leaps at TMOM... TMOM catches him in mid-air and proceeds to crush his ribs with a bear hug! Q manages to squeeze his arms free and slams his palms into TMOM's ears! TMOM's grip loosens..."
Brad Blood: "Q slips free! Q attacks TMOM's knees! Whoa! Those kicks to the knees are sharp! TMOM is staggering... This is like a lumberjack cutting down a tree!"
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man tries to stop those deadly kicks by throwing punches but Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing just dodges the huge swings and continue punishing his leg and knee... Shining wizard by Q and TMOM falls! A lava spurt from the volcano shoots up and singes the big man's hair..."
Brad Blood: "Q tries to push TMOM's head into the lava burst... TMOM battles out with hard elbows rocking Q! This is TMOM's chance to recover..."
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man gets back to his feet... Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing tries a spinning high kick but TMOM manages to dodge! Q OVERSHOOTS AND STUMBLES TO THE EDGE OF THE VOLCANO! TMOM charges in seeing his chance..."
Brad Blood: "Q INTENTIONALLY LEAPS OFF THE LEDGE BACK FIRST BUT HOLDS ON TO THE EDGE OF THE VOLCANO! TMOM puts on the brakes... HE MAKES IT BUT IS TEETHERING ON THE EDGE! Q QUICKLY GRABS HIS FOOT AND TRIES TO PULL HIM DOWN!"
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man tries to shake Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing off his leg while trying to maintain balance on the edge of the volcano's mouth... Q manages to climb up TMOM's leg and into safety. Q leaps up into the air towards TMOM... COUNTERED WITH A SPINEBUSTER!"
Brad Blood: "Oh man, Q's back slams into the hard rock surface... Remember this is not the ring... There is no protective canvas... TMOM with a legdrop... Q rolls away at the last moment and TMOM hits the hard surface... OH MY GOD! THE GROUND CRACKS UNDER TMOM'S FORCE WHEN HE LANDED THAT LEGDROP AND A PIECE OF THE GROUND FALLS INTO THE BOILING LAVA!"
Jim Jackson: "Spinning kick to the side of the head rocks The Morbidly Obese Man. Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing grabs a couple of volcanic rocks and throws them at TMOM's head!"
Brad Blood: "Using the environment, smart move by Q... Q rushes in for the kill... TMOM THROWS SOME VOLCANIC ASH INTO Q'S FACE! Though his mask protected most of his face some of the ash made it into Q's eyes!"
Jim Jackson: "STIFF clothesline flips Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing into the air and he lands on his back. The Morbidly Obese Man lifts Q up on his shoulders... Looks like he's going to slam Q into the volcano..."
Brad Blood: "Q battles out for what his worth throwing elbows and squirming like an eel. Q slips free spins TMOM around... DDT attempt by Q blocked by TMOM! TMOM COUNTERS IT WITH A BACK BODY DROP AND Q IS SENT FLYING INTO THE VOLCANO!"
Jim Jackson: "WAIT! ONE OF QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING'S COUNTRYMEN LEAPS TOWARDS Q! HE SMASHES INTO Q IN MID-AIR AND Q LANDS INTO THE EDGE OF THE MOUTH BUT THE COUNTRYMAN FALLS INTO THE LAVA BELOW! That countryman sacrificed his life for Q!"
Brad Blood: "Q is shaking with fury! I think he is actually crying behind that mask... TMOM may have awoken a sleeping dragon... Q charges towards TMOM screaming in rage! TMOM throws a huge right..."
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing dodges it and throws a spinning back elbow slamming into the side of The Morbidly Obese Man's head. TMOM is rocked... Enziguri by Q and TMOM is sent stumbling back... Dropkick by Q and TMOM is now again teethering on the edge of the mouth of the volcano!"
Brad Blood: "Q charges in for the kill, if this next attack hits, TMOM may go over. Q leaps into the air with a double axe handle... NO! TMOM INTERCEPTS HIM IN MID-AIR WITH A HUGE MONGOLIAN CHOP!"
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man picks Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing by the neck... CHOKESLAM! Q hits the ground hard... Wait... TMOM is heading towards a large boulder... TMOM lifts the boulder up over his head and positions it over Q! If he drops that boulder..."
Brad Blood: "LOW BLOW BY Q!!! Q throws a punch right into TMOM's nuts! TMOM DROPS THE BOULDER ON HIS OWN HEAD! TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! TMOM FALLS INTO THE GROUND!"
Jim Jackson: "This is Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing's chance! Q gets back up to his feet and tries to roll The Morbidly Obese Man over the edge... Q CAN'T DO IT! TMOM is just to heavy to move..."
Brad Blood: "Wait! Q's countrymen have come in and they are helping Q roll TMOM! They are doing it! They are actually moving TMOM! TMOM is rolling closer and closer to the edge!"
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man is stirring! He regains consciousness and realizes what is happening! TMOM battles back! TMOM is fighting back to his feet! HE JUST THREW ONE OF QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING'S COUNTRYMEN INTO THE AIR AND INTO THE VOLCANO! Another one of Q's countrymen gets cooked!"
Brad Blood: "Q is in shock! TMOM uses the opportunity to land a big right hook knocking Q down! Q's countrymen all try and go after TMOM... TMOM starts pushing Q's countrymen back... OHMYGOD! TMOM IS PUSHING Q'S COUNTRYMEN TOWARDS THE EDGE! Q's countrymen valiantly tries to push back to no avail... ONE BY ONE Q'S COUNTRYMEN FALL INTO THE VOLCANO! Q shakes off the cobwebs only to the horror of his countrymen's dying screams!"
Jim Jackson: "Someone stop this match! This is inhuman... Doesn't international law have anything on this? This is genocide!"
Brad Blood: "Wait I've received word that Q's country is not listed as a UN member and have rebuffed any and every attempt to join the UN, which means they are on their own here."
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man and Quiaecaopedidwazhapzhing are now just throwing punches with wanton abandonment... Q is really throwing everything he has into this after witnessing the death of his countrymen..."
Brad Blood: "TMOM is not backing down either... He is taking all of Q's punches and throwing out a couple of his own... Q is takes all those punches from TMOM and is not flinching at all as he also throws punches back... The blows from both men are echoing throughout the mouth of Mt. Guabepachewching!"
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!
Jim Jackson: "What was that?!"
Brad Blood: "OHMYGAWD! MT. GUABEPACHEWCHING ERUPTED TAKING BOTH Q AND TMOM WITH IT!!! BOTH WRESTLERS HAVE BEEN BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME!!! THEY'RE DEAD JIM! THEY'RE NOT PININ'! THEY'VE PASSED ON! THEY ARE NO MORE! THEY HAVE CEASED TO BE! THEY'VE EXPIRED AND GONE TO MEET THEIR MAKER!"
Jim Jackson: "Um we get the picture Brad... Everyone in the arena is in shock at the events that transpired... To think that ULOL lost two of it's best superstars like this... This is just... WAIT WHAT IS THAT FLOATING OUT OF THE MOUTH OF MT. GUABEPACHEWCHING?!"
Brad Blood: "THAT'S THE WILL OF THE UNIVERSE! AN OMNIPOTENT BEING THAT IS WRITTEN IN LEGENDS! A BEING WITH POWER THAT RIVALS THAT OF GOD!!! Q and TMOM's battle must have awakened the slumbering omnipotent being. Wait, what is she doing?! She's waving her arms... The charred remains of Q and TMOM are floating up in the air... Oh my... WE ARE SEEING A MIRACLE FOLKS! TMOM AND Q ARE HEALING RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES!!! THE WILL OF THE UNIVERSE JUST RESURRECTED AND HEALED BOTH THE MORBIDLY OBESE MAN AND QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING!"
Jim Jackson: "What the hell just happened?"
Brad Blood: "The Will of the Universe is an omnipotent being which has been slumbering inside Mt. Guabepachewching, the battle between Q and TMOM woke her from her slumber and caused the volcano to erupt killing both men, but the benevolent Will of the Universe used her powers to bring them back... PAY ATTENTION JIM!"
Suddenly The Will of the Universe disappears with both Quioaecoapedidwazhapzhing and The Morbidly Obese Man from the top of Mt. Guabepachewching. In a big flash, The Will of the Universe appears in the middle of the ring and lays the sleeping form of Quioaecaopdedidwazhapzhing and The Morbidly Obese Man in the middle of the ring before fading and disappearing.
Jim Jackson: "A miracle has happened folks... Both Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing and The Morbidly Obese Man have been returned to us from the grave... What will happen next? With now The Will of the Universe here in ULOL, things may start to get weird."
Brad Blood: "I hope she doesn't go through PMS... Imagine the problems that may cause..."Have you always wanted a pet but cannot afford one?
Have you always wanted a pet but is afraid that it'll destroy the furniture?
Have you always wanted a pet but do not have the time to feed and walk it?
WELL TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!
HERE AT FREE CAT INC. WE WILL SOLVE ALL THOSE PESKY LITTLE ISSUES YOU HAVE! OWN A PET NOW HASSLE FREE! NO NEED TO FEED IT, NO NEED TO WALK IT! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING! SO CALL NOW AT 1-800-FREE-CAT! AND WE'LL DELIVER YOUR VERY OWN FREE CAT RIGHT TO YOUR DOORSTEP FOR FREE!!!Allister King: "It gives me great pleasure to announce this man. He flew across the world having sex with a lot of woman, He fought Nazis with Harrison Ford, he has a license to kill and was voted the sexiest man of all time. Ladies and Gentlemen, Sean Connery!"
Sean Connery gets up from his seat and walks up to the podium, Allister bows to him before leaving
Sean Connery: "Thank you for that great introduction. I'm Sean Connery and i am proud to present the next award. This award goes to the person who has excelled in both in-ring ability and microphone skills. Unfortunately only one person can be known as the Best in the world and this award basically gives them the right to call themselves such. This is the Best Overall Wrestler Award. And the nominees are."
Sean looks up at the screen
Sean Connory: "The Morbidly Obese Man, Alexander Conway, Zombie, Shogun Shogunsen, Allister King and Raven Connolly. By the way, Raven, you can come up to my hotel room later if you like. I will show you why I was the best 007."
Samantha hands Sean the gold envelope
Sean Connory: "Thank you, I am Scottish you know. And the winner is..."
He opens up the envelope
Sean Connory: "Alexander Conway."
The ULOL tron flickers to life, showing a picture of Alexander Conway sitting on a couch holding some sort of award in his hands. The words “Best Overall” can be seen as he looks it over.
Alexander Conway: “What is this? You sent me some worthless hunk of junk in the mail and called it an award? For best overall? Well no shit I’m in the best overall, why the hell would you send me an award for it!? That’s like giving a bird an award just because it can fucking fly! What the hell is wrong with you people?”
With a look of disgust, Alexander tosses the award into a nearby wastebasket before reaching up and turning the camera off, leaving the ULOL tron a black screen once more.Yuki Monotomo is seen bench pressing a ladder for no reason. He is backstage while the lights shine on him. Monotomo pushes the ladder off and sets it up before he walks over to the camera.
Yuki Monotomo: "Yeah, I got a match tonight that’s a ladder match. What about it? I’m just going to do what I always do, be the best. This is on my list of things to do tonight: win the title, pick up chicks, go hove, have sex, and go to sleep. Yeah, I’m getting to the point of this promo, aren’t I? Well maybe I just felt like I wanted to let you know what was going to happen. Or perhaps I’m actually doing something in a roundabout way. What do you think, future Yuki?"
Yuki looks to the side and the camera zooms out to show Yuki sitting beside himself in the TV doing the promo. This Yuki is sitting in a chair as he looks at the version of himself in the television. He talks to the Yuki inside the television.
Yuki Monotomo: "I don’t know, maybe I’m screwing with people, perhaps they don’t know what’s going on, confusing them perhaps? By the way, you’re looking good, past Yuki."
The Yuki in the TV giggles and waves off the compliment.
Yuki Monotomo: "Oh, you! You’re so nice, future Yuki! But I think you’re good looking too. I think further future Yuki looks good as well."
The screen zooms out again to Yuki beside a flat screen TV. He is sitting on a horse without a shirt on and a woman who seems to be nude on his back. He speaks to the television.
Yuki Monotomo: "Well of course! I’m on a horse with a beautiful lady on my back. I think that this promotion is going rather well! I’ve got this promotion thing down! It’s excellent! What do you think even further future Yuki and Xzibit?"
The camera zooms out yet again to Yuki Monotomo sitting on a couch with Xzibit watching the promo.
Yuki Monotomo: "Very good past Yukis! What did you think, Xzibit?"
Xzibit scratches his head for a few seconds he looks at Yuki, then back to the television.
Xzibit: "Are we cutting a promo, while you cut a promo, while you cut a promo, while you cut a promo, so people can watch us cutting a promo, watching you cutting a promo, watching you cutting a promo, watching you cutting a promo?"
The ninja in blue thinks for a second before nodding his head.
Yuki Monotomo: "Exactly. That is what is happening."
Xzibit stands up and begins walking away.
Yuki Monotomo: "Where are you going?"
Xzibit: "Away from here before a bigger me starts talking or something like that!"
Yuki Monotomo: "That was all prerecorded to do that! Come on Xzibit! Come back please!"
The angle pans out once again to Forest Whitaker sitting on a couch beside the TV in a red robe.
Forest Whitaker: "Confusing, wasn’t it?"
The scene fades to black as Witiker takes a drink of wine from a small glass. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Aquí Está Tu Premio Puta! 11/27/2011 Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:12 pm | |
| The scene fades into the backstage area in the ULOL Arena. The camera is set outside a locker room. The door is open, allowing us to see one of the three competitors in the ULOL Primo Ultimo match, 'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson. He is prone on the floor as he pushes himself up and down, using his large, muscularly, tattooed and toned arms. This shows us that he is warming up for his big match He is already dressed in his ring attire. He jumps to his feet and pauses for a moment, allowing the camera to focus on his serious expression on his face and his highlighting venomous eyes. He then starts to walk down the corridor, walking out of the door first. But then he stops as a small man in comparison stands in his way. Lex Lexington. ULOL's resident interviewer. He stands with a warm smile on his face. He raises his microphone to his lips as he begins an interview.
Lex Lexington: "Ladies and Gentlemen, my guest at this time is 'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson!"
Jack rolls his eyes but proceeds with the segment.
Lex Lexington: "Well Jack, I guess my first question is gonna be based around your actions 2 weeks ago, after you and Andrew Hunter lost against the team of Yuki Monotomo and Ray Kamaura. Tell me, why did you JKO Hunter?"
UJJ responds, speaking slowly and calmly as the microphone is extended towards him..
'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson: "The reason why I gave Hunter a JKO after our match is because I was capitalizing on Hunter's mistake. He turned his back on me. He turned his back on a threat, on a predator, on a man that has the skill to take his championship away from him. Now don't get me wrong, I still respect Hunter for what he's worth inside the ring. But what I did was release a statement. That statement got me into this match. Was I expecting it? Not really. But those JKO's would have kept on coming until I got my shot. once again."
Lex retracts the microphone from UJJ.
Lex Lexington: "You received some boo's when you did hit Andrew Hunter with the JKO. Does this bother you?"
Lex passes the mic to UJJ again.
'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson: "Does it affect me? Of course it doesn't. I'm not here to influence people on who they should or shouldn't like. I'm here to wrestle. If the fans cheer for me then I respect them, if they don't cheer for me then it's their business."
Lex Lexington: "And what are your thoughts on tonight's main event? A match you were quickly thrown into by our GM Marcus Troy. How do you think the outcome of this match will be?"
UJJ lets out a short chuckle before answering.
'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson: "Outcome of the match? You mean who will Ray choose to screw over? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whether Ray is going to interfere or not. Even Rupert can figure that out for crying out loud. But I'd be a fool if I didn't go into that match without a 'plan' for Mr 'No Balls'."
Lex nods as he intakes UJJ's answer.
Lex Lexington: "Finally Jack, say if you were to win tonight. We heard talks that Raven Connoly could cash in her Primo Ultimo title match. How do you plan on defeating her after going through a Ladder Match?"
'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson: "You mean when I win Lex? You have to go into every match believing that you will walk out the victor. Back to your question, how do I plan on winning? Well I could make her tap out, I could make her fall out of the ring and count her out, I could get disqualified, or I could JKO her and pin her for the three count. Don't worry Lex, I'm sure I'll find my second wind somewhere."
Lex Lexington: "Thanks Jack."
Lex Lexington motions for the camera to stop recording. It does so as another camera passes by. following UJJ, who has walked off towards the entrance area. UJJ starts doing various stretches as he walks to the entrance area. He stops and starts bouncing lightly on his toes as 'Black and White' by Bleeding in Stereo begins playing. UJJ takes a deep breath before pulling back the curtain and stepping through it as the scene cuts to the ring.The scene opens to... Ebay? Yes, actually, the scene opens on an Ebay page. The contents are mainly knock off Ligero Maximo title belts, although there is a playboy magazine for sale in the middle of the page. The camera zooms out to show, unsurprisingly, a lap top sitting on a desk. The mouse, wireless, has its purpose defeated by sitting right next to the computer. Further out and it quickly becomes noticeable that the setting is a locker room.
Rather than just staring at the computer, the camera shifts to the right, showing none other than the Stroke-of-luck champion sitting on a bench. Dressed in full wrestling attire and still suited in his favorited brown jacket, he grins toward the camera. He grabs the Primo Ultimo, sitting right next to him, and drapes it over his shoulder.
Andrew Hunter: "Yes, I just bought a Ligero Maximo belt on Ebay. Hey, lightning does strike twice."
He chuckles softly before leaning back, propping his back against the wall.
Andrew Hunter: "But rather than hope that I win another lottery, on a lottery which probably isn't even available, let's talk about tonight, shall we? I'm fairly certain everyone knows my opinion at this point. The unexpected is bound to take place, underdogs win big, lady luck smiles at opportune times. You know, as proven!"
He leans in such a way as to point the belt toward the camera.
Andrew Hunter: "But you see, tonight isn't like my previous title defenses. And no, not just because there's two challengers instead of once. And no, not because there'll be ladders involved, but rather... I no longer have the advantage I've so praised throughout my career. I've always been and always will be underestimated before every fight. I mean, look at me. Too light to be any good in a real slugfest, (should) be too heavy to leap off the ropes every second of the match. Anyone who does any digging would know almost everyone has an advantage over me on the mat. And yes, I'm admitting that! Seem ridiculous?"
He leans forward, sitting fulling erect.
Andrew Hunter: "It is. However, I really did have a point to make from all this rambling on about all the reasons why I'm at a disadvantage to almost everyone. You see, most people take a look at me and chalk off the night as an easy win. Sometimes they do, but they often don't. They go in underestimating me. They don't bother giving everything. Then, ultimately, they start to realize that I'm pretty good in a fight. A little too little, and a little too late. And my two opponents tonight are no exception. They were expecting one thing, got another, and now they know what to expect. But the thing is, they don't have a grudge on each other. I don't think they've ever even fought outside of a tag match. Sadly, they know me, and they know good and well the beating I can take, and just how quickly the tides can turn. And, let's face it, they'll want to get rid of me."
Andrew Hunter: "However, after they finish tossing me in and out of the ring for awhile, they have to face each other. Leaving several openings for even a broken man to climb the ladder. Believe me, I have things worked out well in my mind. Since I'm already gonna be practically dead by the time any interference occurs, and Yuki, let's face it, stands no chance in a toe-to-toe match-up with Jack. So Ray Kamaura, who's expected to come out and interfere, shall go out for some hot tamales, while Raven Connoly, though having several better things to do with her spare time, will come out and dominate Jack Johnson. Then it's just a matter of who climbs up the ladder first... Which, knowing ULOL, will likely be either the ladder itself or Raven Connoly."
Andrew's grin, which he kept for the bulk of this promo, disappears.
Andrew Hunter: "But... I've been wrong before! And I totally realized that my thesis would end up with me losing the title earlier than when I just said it aloud... Really!"
A sigh is heard from, presumably by the closeness of said sigh, the cameraman as Andrew undrapes the title from his shoulder and stands to his feet.
Andrew Hunter: "Hehehe... Yes, I'm usually wrong about this kind of thing... I mean, I'm wrong about the outcome of every Kevin James movie I've ever seen! But you see, I'm not worried about my predictions. I really don't. Mainly because I just talked about the fact that my entire career is based off defying stat sheets. And that, my friends, is more than enough insurance for me to continue to push to my limits in every match. That said, there is one more factor that I just realized. You see, consider this an advantage or not, I've got much more to lose now that I reign supreme. Some might argue that having nothing to lose is an advantage, as I inevitably would. However, having a little motivation and an unending supply of the gold many say is the lead addiction in the world of wrestling. And my career has recently had a very long drought. I don't intend on losing this title any sooner than people say that this isn't just poppycock."
Andrew Hunter: "What are my odds tonight? Heh, they're both greater than and far far lower than the agreed upon 33%."
He glances past the camera for a moment, before returning his gaze.
Andrew Hunter: "I think I was talking slowly, because this promo took way more time than I expected. For now, I must bid you adieu. I'll see you next week, still carrying the title of Primo Ultimo!"
Andrew peels out of his jacket and tosses it toward the camera. The screen goes black, presumably due to the jacket. I believe anyone with a brain would just figure the promo had ended, and that is indeed the case.  VS VS Jim Jackson: “Welcome back and our next match will blow the holy hell out this arena ladies and gentlemen! Our Primo UItimo championship goes on the line in a Triple Threat Ladder Match! The champion Andrew Hunter goes up against two other challengers in “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson and Yuki Monotomo!”
Brad Blood: “This one has been up and down for a while between UJJ and Andrew Hunter!”
Jim Jackson: “Both UJJ and Andrew Hunter were teamed up until Jack Johnson JKO’d Hunter which obviously officially broke up the partnership!”
Brad Blood: “Yeah but you’re forgetting the fact that UJJ and Hunter were teamed up against the team of Ray Kamaura and the other challenger in this match, Yuki Monotomo! And they lost and THEN UJJ JKO’d Hunter!”
Jim Jackson: “Ray Kamaura obviously still out of a title shot and not happy as he was forced to wrestle in our dark match which took place earlier tonight! Which he went on to win and so continues on his reign of dominance over ULOL!”
Brad Blood: “Is it normal for a man to become better when you’re out of title shots?”
Jasmine Lee: “This next match is a Triple Threat Ladder match and it is for the Primo Ultimo Championship!!!!”
Jim Jackson: “The crowd here tonight is excited and ready for this one!!”
Jasmine Lee: “Introducing the first challenger, Yuki Monotomo!!”
"Ninja" by Machinae Supremacy echoes throughout the arena. Fog rolls down the ramp as Yuki Monotomo walks slowly toward the ring. He blows a few kisses at some female fans from each ring corner.
Jasmine Lee: “Introducing his opponent, “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson!!”
'Black and White' By Bleeding In Stereo blasts over the arena as every single fan in attendance jumps out of their seats and cheers. 'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson enters the stage through a spark shower. He makes his way to the ring. He enters the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, He taunts to the fans and scouts the entire arena.
Jasmine Lee: “And finally! Introducing their opponent and the Primooo Ultimooo Champion, Andrew Hunter!!!”
"New Divide" by Linkin Park blasts through the arena. Andrew Hunter appears on the top of the ramp, straightening out his elbow pads. He cracks a grin as he begins walking down the ramp. He slaps the hands of the fans on his left, followed by the fans on his right, seeming to enjoy the spotlight. He slides underneath the ropes and quickly bounces back up, jumping up on a turnbuckle and staring into the audience.
Jim Jackson: “Hunter looking as confident as usual! Hunter has defended his championship successfully already even if he didn’t technically win it.”
Brad Blood: “Yeah he acquired it! After Conway stuck the belt on Ebay!”
Jim Jackson: “All of these competitors are all as strong and confident as each other! This match could go one of three ways!! And as you can see the ladders that litter the area around the ring!! The belt already suspended above the ring as the competitors check out the shining gold in these bright lights!”
Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this matchup will be Sully S. Calawag!! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!!!”
Jim Jackson: “And there goes the bell to get this match started!!”
Brad Blood: “And straight away Andrew Hunter going for his former partner!! Hunter with the punch to the jaw but UJJ fighting back with a right hand of his own!! Unfortunately though for UJJ Yuki comes along and it’s now a two on one assault!! Hunter wanting to get a little payback and obviously UJJ and Yuki has their differences!!”
Jim Jackson: “Surprisingly the Primo champion is the first to divert his attention away from UJJ and now he starts on Yuki Monotomo! Hunter with the irish whip sending Yuki running across the ring! Hunter with his arm outstretched but Yuki ducks avoiding the clothesline! Yuki rebounds off the ropes and knocks Hunter down with the shoulder charge!! Yuki playing to the crowd after that move and points to the belt!!”
Brad Blood: “Haha! First he has to get a ladder out before he can say that it’s his!”
Jim Jackson: “UJJ comes out from nowhere and blindsides the confident Yuki Monotomo!! With the knee backbreaker he took Montomo completely by surprise! And now UJJ is playing to the crowd but I think he’s mocking Monotomo more than celebrating!! Andrew Hunter now up to his feet and “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson going on the offense with the lifting knee to the midsection! Forcing Hunter back to the turnbuckle as he brings another knee to the midsection!”
Brad Blood: “UJJ mounting the turnbuckle looking down at the cornered Andrew Hunter!! UJJ with the punches to the forehead!! Ten of them to precise as the crowd chants the numbers as the punches hit! Monotomo this time from behind pulls down Johnson forcing him to land awkwardly on his back! Yuki Monotomo taking advantage of the dazed Andrew Hunter and he slams him down with a hard bulldog!”
Jim Jackson: “Hunter not having much luck in this match at the moment! The champion could be in trouble! Different circumstances, different competitors! Maybe he’s just not able to get comfortable in this match! Yuki now looking to the belt and quickly exits the ring to bring the first ladder into this matchup! Monotomo sliding the ladder under the ropes! “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson wearily on his feet sees the ladder enter the ring with Monotomo following behind. Monotomo looking to create some serious damage as he lifts the ladder to his chest and readies it! Charging towards UJJ!!! BUT UJJ JUST SEEMED TO SUDDENLY SNAP INTO LIFE AND HE DROPKICKED THE LADDER THAT THE CHARGING YUKI MONOTOMO WAS ABOUT TO USE!!”
Brad Blood: “That certainly backfired on Monotomo! Monotomo taken completely off guard as the ladder suddenly impacted on his ribcage!! And now he’s suffering the full effects of that!! UJJ now pulling that same ladder away from the grounded Yuki Monotomo and starting to set up it up as he eyes the prize that hangs above!! UJJ making sure it’s stable before he continues on his way up!!! The first attempt to grab the title but it looks like he’s going to be marred by Hunter!! Andrew Hunter to his feet realising that UJJ is almost at the top he quickly climbs up to prevent UJJ from getting there!!”
Jim Jackson: “Hunter now at the same level on that ladder as UJJ!! UJJ with the advantage as he started to rain a flurry of punches down as Hunter was making his way up!! Hunter now attempting a fight back to STOP “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson from grabbing the Primo Ultimo Championship!! BUT IT LOOKS LIKE “UNSTOPPABLE” JACK JOHNSON IS EXACTLY THAT AS HUNTER FALLS DOWN TO THE CANVAS AFTER A HUGE RIGHT HAND FROM THE MAN STILL ON THE LADDER!!! UJJ TOUCHING THE BELT HE CAN SMELL IT EVEN!! THE CROWD GOING WILD!!! UJJ TRYING TO FIND THE CLASP!!”
Brad Blood: “OH MY GOD!!!”
Jim Jackson: “AND NOW UJJ IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE!! THE LADDER BEING COMPLETELY TAKEN AWAY!!! THE LADDER LANDING ON THE ROPES BUT UJJ LANDED OUTSIDE THE RING!! AND GOSH DARN IT DID HE LAND HARD!!!!! AND FROM SUCH A HEIGHT!!!!”
Brad Blood: “I DIDN’T EVEN SEE WHAT HAPPENED!!!”
Jim Jackson: “Let’s see it on the replay!! This at a different angle!! And as Hunter looks helplessly up at UJJ he boots the base of the ladder with his heel a couple of times!! And the shock on his face as the ladder falls!!”
Brad Blood: “Obviously he wasn’t expecting it to actually fall!! But it did!! It worked!!!”
Jim Jackson: “Andrew Hunter providing somewhat of a title defense!! Preventing Johnson from grabbing that title!! UJJ is not quite out of it but he’s pretty close!! Sully S. Calawag checking on him! Referee obviously not needed in this match so much but he’s there for a reason and that’s exactly why!! Hunter now getting to his feet as is Yuki Monotomo!! With the ladder perched on one side of the ropes both men see each other from opposite sides of the ladder!! Both of the competitors grab the ladder and looks like they’re playing tug of war with it!!”
Brad Blood: “Trying to use it at the same time by my reckoning! Hunter has the better idea first and powerfully kicks the ladder towards Monontomo!! Monotomo quickly ducking to completely avoid the ladder and rolls out from underneath it as the ladder is now perched on the ropes across the turnbuckle!! Monotomo grappling with Hunter as they vie for control in this matchup!!”
Jim Jackson: “One hell of a chance should one of them actually deal out some big damage! Monotomo manages to manoeuvre Hunter into more manageable position and looks to use that ladder!! Monotomo with Hunter readying for the powerbomb!!”
Brad Blood: “Big damage coming right up!!! Hunter’s back is about to impact on that steel ladder!!! Monotomo lifts Hunter up!! But Hunter has somehow reversed it …. AND DDTS MONOTOMO RIGHT ONTO THAT STEEL LADDER INSTEAD!! THE DDT TO THE LADDER SURELY MUST SEAL IT FOR HUNTER!!!”
Jim Jackson: “There IS still UJJ in this matchup!! Even if he did fall from such a height!! Hunter going around to grab a ladder!! UJJ rousing and has been for past two minutes or so! Hunter sliding the ladder in the ring! Hunter entering as well!! No wait!!! UJJ has a hold on Hunter!! Stopping him from re-entering the ring!!”
Brad Blood: “There goes Hunter’s chance!! Hunter trying to kick UJJ away but it’s no use!! UJJ pulls him away from the ring apron away!! Hunter lashing out with a few punches to stun UJJ!! Hunter with irish whip towards the steel steps!! But UJJ counters and sends Hunter into the steps instead!! Hunter seemed pretty desperate to get some quick damage in!!”
Jim Jackson: “UJJ though determined to beat down the champion some more! As he drags Hunter to his feet and sends him flying into the barricade!! Hunter getting to his feet after colliding back first with the barricade!! “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson now with Hunter away from the barricade and with the irish whip sends Hunter towards the barricade once again!!”
Brad Blood: “Hunter though this time hits the barricade and falls over the barricade and into the crowd area!! UJJ following behind as Hunter stumbles his way through the aisles!! And Andrew Hunter just threw a fan’s drink into the face of UJJ!! UJJ taken completely aback and Hunter takes advantage of the stunned UJJ and takes him down with a clothesline!!”
Jim Jackson: “Hunter brings UJJ to his feet and starts to walk up deeper into the crowd with UJJ!! But UJJ resists with some elbows to the midsection and now both these wrestlers firing rights at each other!! The Primo Ultimo title on the line and you can see how much it means to these wrestlers!! Meanwhile Yuki Monotomo now on his feet and trying to clear the cobwebs away! Looking around he sees “Unstoppable” Jack Johnson and Andrew Hunter in amongst the crowd!!”
Brad Blood: “And oh boy did his eyes light up!! Yuki Monotomo picking up the ladder that Hunter put into the ring just before UJJ got his hands on him!! And he’s got it set up!!”
Jim Jackson: “I think he plans on sneaking up there and grabbing it away from under their noses!! Monotomo climbing the ladder now and the crowd reacts to him ascending towards the prize hanging above!!”
Brad Blood: “Oh man! The crowd could be his undoing!!! And it is!! UJJ and Hunter see Monotomo climbing and they’re both sprinting back down to the ring!! Monotomo realising he has to quicken his pace and now he has the belt within his reach!!”
Jim Jackson: “Yuki Monotomo could be our NEW Primo Ultimo champion!!!! The two slide into the ring but could it be too late?”
Brad Blood: “They’ve taken the ladder away from underneath Monotomo!! AND HE’S LEFT HANGING IN MIDAIR!! WITH HIS FINGERS LOOSELY AROUND THE BELT HE CAN’T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH GRIP TO PULL HIMSELF UP!!! HIS GRIP ISN’T ENOUGH THOUGH AS HE DROPS DOWN TO THE CANVAS WITHOUT THE PRIMO ULTIMO TITLE IN HIS HANDS!!”
Jim Jackson: “Yet ANOTHER close call in this match!! Andrew Hunter has been there both times!! And both times he’s successfully stopped his opponents!!”
Brad Blood: “UJJ and Hunter putting a stop to their fight outside the ring in the crowd to save their chances of winning this match!”
Jim Jackson: “Both of them though now looking at each other wearily and they tangle it up in the ring!! UJJ has control and moves Hunter into a headlock to subdue the current champion! Monotomo recovering slowly after his fall! It certainly wasn’t as bad as UJJ fall but I would imagine he still felt the effects!! UJJ still with Andrew Hunter in the headlock and UJJ applies a number of punches to the head of Hunter! UJJ turns Hunter around and utilizes the neck breaker to bring Hunter to the canvas!”
Brad Blood: “UJJ in control of this one!! And it looks like UJJ is stalking his prey! Telling Hunter to get up!! I think Hunter has felt this before!! Here it comes!! THE JKO!!!UJJ HITS HIS FINISHER!!! HUNTER REALLY IS IN TROUBLE WITH THIS MATCH!!”
Jim Jackson: “With two ladders in the ring at the moment!! UJJ decides to get rid of one and lets one drop to the outside!! And he sets up the other ladder in the middle of the ring and he’s starting to climb!! Monotomo still flat on his back and near that ladder!!”
Brad Blood: “UJJ must think he’s out of it as he continues to climb!! UJJ looking to the belt above him!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! MONOTOMO JUST FLIPPED UP FROM THE CANVAS IN ONE SMOOTH ACTION!! AND NOW HE’S ALMOST SPRINTING UP THE LADDER!! AND UJJ DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO HAVE ANY SORT OF ADVANTAGE AS MONOTOMO QUICKLY MAKES HIS WAY UP AS WELL!!!”
Jim Jackson: “Monotomo and UJJ both at the top of the ladder and slugging it out!! Neither of these two letting their guard down!! That title glinting in their eyes as they fight for that position at the top of the ladder!! Both of these men have had the title in their grasp during this match but so far the champion has not been able to even touch it!! Hunter is to his feet now!! Using the ropes as leverage to help himself to his feet!!”
Brad Blood: “He can see them fighting at the top!!”
Jim Jackson: “UJJ losing his balance for a moment and Yuki starting to take advantage!! UJJ is in trouble!! Hunter violently shaking his head and he’s up to his feet without the help of the ropes!! UJJ though manages to regain his balance and he continues to fight it out with Monotomo!!”
Brad Blood: ”WHAT THE HELL IS HUNTER DOING? HE… HE… HE’S CLIMBING THE SIDE OF THE LADDER!!”
Jim Jackson: “HUNTER IS USING BOTH SIDES OF THE LADDER TO MAKE HIS WAY UP!! WILL THE LADDER TAKE THAT AMOUNT OF PEOPLE ON IT?”
Brad Blood: “HUNTER IS AT THE TOP NOW!! AND HE JUST BANGED UJJ AND MONOTOMO’S HEADS TOGETHER!! I COULD HEAR THE CLONK FROM THE TWO SKULLS COLLIDING WITH EACH OTHER FROM HERE!!!! ANDREW HUNTER NOW WITH UJJ AND MONOTOMO’S HEADS UNDERNEATH HIS ARMS!! IN A SORT OF DOUBLE DDT POSTION!! BUT … BUT … HOLY SHEEEEIIIIITE!!”
Jim Jackson: “ANDREW HUNTER DID!!!! DOUBLE DDT THEM INTO THE CANVAS FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!! HE PUSHED AWAY FROM THE LADDER AND LET HIMSELF FALL WITH BOTH “UNSTOPPABLE” JACK JOHNSON AND YUKI MONOTOMO!!! ALL THREE MEN DOWN AND OUT AFTER THAT!!”
Brad Blood: “WOW!! Yet another stop to put an end to any ambitions to steal his title away!!”
Jim Jackson: “Hunter is getting to his feet!!”
Brad Blood: “WHAT?!?!?? HOW?”
Jim Jackson:” The last push of adrenaline flowing through his veins!! Even though it was Hunter’s move he still suffered a lot!! It looks like he might have a broken rib from that fall by the way he is holding his side!! But he knows he has his chance and he’s not going to let it go!!! Hunter pulling the ladder up off the ropes and steadying it in the middle of the ring! Now he’s climbing it slowly taking his time!“
Brad Blood: “DOES ANDREW HUNTER HAVE THIS ONE WON??? HE’S REACHED THE TOP AND HE’S STILL CLUTCHING AT HIS SIDE!! HE MAY NEED TWO HANDS TO FREE THE BELT!!! BOTH MONOTOMO AND UJJ STARTING TO ROUSE!! WILL HUNTER HAVE ENOUGH TIME?”
Jim Jackson: “HE’S HAVING TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF PAIN!! AS HE REACHES WITH BOTH HANDS!!! AND HE REALEASES THE BELT FROM THE ROPE SUSPENDING IT!!!! HUNTER HAS THE WON THE MATCH!!!!”
Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this match and STIIIIIIIILL Primo Ultimo champion, Annnndrewwww Huuuunterrrrrr!!!”
Jim Jackson: “HUNTER RETAINS THE PRIMO ULTIMO CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!”
Brad Blood: “WHAT A MATCH!!! IN THE END I’D SAY HE DESERVED IT!!!”
Jim Jackson: “He persevered on!!! And it paid off!!! Hunter celebrating with the title on top of that ladder!!! UJJ and Monotomo only now trying to find their feet!! But it’s too little too late!!! Andrew Hunter STILL Primo Ultimo champion!!!”
"Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers as smoke rises from the floor. Out from the smoke the figure of Marcus Troy accompanied by Raven Connoly enter the arena.
Jim Jackson: “Why on earth are these two out here?”
Marcus Troy: “CUT the celebrations! Congratulations Mr Hunter! You’ve just earned yourself another title match with this hot sweet cake!! Referee!! I believe Raven Connoly has the right to a title shot!! Ring the bell!!”
Jim Jackson: “What the hell?”
Brad Blood: “Hunter steps down the ladder as Raven Connoly makes her down to the ring!! Hunter deep in thought as he readies himself for Raven Connoly!!”
Jim Jackson: “Surely he’s in no condition to wrestle after the match he’s just had!!!”
Brad Blood: “Raven enters the ring and the bell goes!! Hunter looks at the title still in hands and lunges for Raven!! Trying to get purposely disqualified!! But he missed and Raven plants a boot right to that hurt side!!! And Hunter collapses to the canvas holding onto his injured side!!!”
Jim Jackson: “Marcus Troy slowly making his way down to ringside to watch as his girlfriend takes full advantage the situation!! Raven drags Hunter up to his feet and sends him to the turnbuckle!! She cartwheel jumps in the air towards Hunter and wrapping her legs around his neck she locks in that Taste of Heaven!!!!! Andrew Hunter trying his best to find some sort of way out!!”
Brad Blood: “Raven now though striking the injured ribs of Andrew Hunter trying to force him into giving up!! And he does!!!!”
Jim Jackson: “How despicable!! The bell goes and apparently we have a new champion!”
Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this … match …. And the new Primo Ultimo champion, Raven Connoly!!!”
Brad Blood: “Have we come to expect anything less of Troy? They only took full advantage of the situation!! Anyone would’ve done the same!!”
Jim Jackson: “Well these two now celebrating outside the ring as Troy hands Raven Connoly the Primo Ultimo title!! And to the fans disapproval as this whole arena is literally deafening us with boos all directed at our GM and new Primo Ultimo champion!!” Jim Jackson: “What a night! What a night, not only did we have great matches, we had an omnipotent being make her appearance here in ULOL! Plus we also got a new ULOL Primo Ultimo!”
Brad Blood: “You got that right... It seems that fool Allister wants to say something? Should we hand the floor to him?”
Jim Jackson: “We might as well..."
Allister King: "Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid we have come to the end of the award show and the PPV. Lets take a brief look back at the winners. Shogun Shogunsen won the best wrestler award, Manolo Ferrer won the best promo award. Goodfella and Schwarz won best tag team award. Yuki monotomo won the most improved award. Boy Bakla won the best gimmick award. The Morbidly Obese Man won the people's choice award. Lucien Blackheart won the former glory award. Marcus Troy won the biggest douchebag in ULOL award. Alexander Conway walked away with the Best Overall award. And Me, you loveable host, am leaving here with 3 awards, Fan Favorite, Funniest Promos and Shocking Moment. Now here is a brief video package looking back on the past year of ULOL."
A video package is played with the music "Born to be wild" by Steppenwolf
Allister King: "Now that the night is over, I'll fork you guys over to the lads at the commentary desk".
Jim Jackson: “And that's all the time we have, join us next week to know the fallout from tonight events, until next Sunday!” | |
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