United League of Lunatics & Lucha Libre Puroresu
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| | | Donde Esta El Banyo?! 03/27/2011 |  |
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The Morbidly Obese Man
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 |  Subject: Donde Esta El Banyo?! 03/27/2011  Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:09 am | |
|  In the locker room, Musashi is pouring several bottles of cold water over his head, cooling himself down after his three-way match with Shogun and The Masked Man. He sighs in relief, feeling much better than he did before. Just then, Stephanie Dawson enters the room and walks over to him.
Musashi Kuruma: "Ah, Stephanie. Here for another interview, I take it?"
Stephanie Dawson: "You got it. Now, starting right off-"
Musashi Kuruma: "Hold on a second, Stephanie."
Musashi uncaps another bottle and, instead of pouring it over his head, actually drinks it this time.
Musashi Kuruma: "Alright, what were you saying?"
Stephanie Dawson: "Well, this marks not only your first three-way match, but also your first defeat here at ULOL. How do you feel about that?"
Musashi Kuruma: "Well, it was pretty unpredictable, I think. I had a guy in a mask and a dinosaur for opponents, so really, anything could've happened out there. Freakin' dinosaurs..."
Stephanie looks confused for a few seconds, but realizes what he's talking about soon enough.
Stephanie Dawson: "Musashi, Shogun isn't a dinosaur."
Musashi Kuruma: "He isn't? But with strength like that...could he be a demon?"
Stephanie Dawson: "Uh...well, yeah."
Musashi Kuruma: "That explains everything! So next time I fight him, I just have to bring a rosary, some talismans, maybe some virgin blood in case those don't work..."
Stephanie Dawson: "Musashi? Musashi, you never answered the second part of my question."
Musashi Kuruma: "Huh? Oh, yeah. Losing's no big deal. It was gonna happen eventually, you know? But hey, at least I stayed in the ring. That's more than can be said for Masky."
Stephanie Dawson: "That is true, that is true. So, what are your thoughts on the four-way match coming up?"
Musashi Kuruma: "FOUR-WAY!?"
Musashi's eyes go wide, one of them twitching every now and again, and his jaw drops. Further attempts to question him get no response, and Stephanie finally gets fed up and leaves.
Musashi: "F...f...four-way..."
Musashi starts whimpering. The leviathan also known as The Morbidly Obese Man sits in the locker rooms eating a rack of baby back ribs. He chews down his food and offers a bite to his partner "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson who graciously declines.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Well tonight is our chance again to get a title shot Johnson. I mean both of us are booked in that ULOL Boleto Dorado special contest thingee. You do know I will give it my all to win that golden ticket, even if I have to beat you."
The big man smirks as he looks at his partner.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Oh yeah, that Brostar thing you suggested? Well I asked him to come over here tonight."Someone knocks on the door, it opens to reveal the person is Brostar he walks into the locker room and speaks.
Brostar: "Hello guys you wanted me to come here. I'm here now so what did you want?"
He waits for an answer.The Morbidly Obese Man: "Speaking of the devil! Brostar, good of you to drop by. So me and Johnson here have been talking and we have a proposition for you. Out of the generosity and goodness of our hearts we want to offer to train you."
The Morbidly Obese Man smiles as he observes Brostar's reaction.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Now before you say no I would like to point a few things out. Once upon a time, you were a superstar whose name can draw fans to watch a show but tonight, you were relegated to a dark match. A NON-TELEVISED MATCH! Now think it over."
The big man pauses to let his words sink into Brostar's brain.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Now I know you've been trying to rebuild your image recently but let's look at the facts. You challenged The Masked Man to a match and he brushed you off. You were brushed off by a lower card wrestler! Now that's just sad. Then of course, when you finally got someone to accept your challenge, you lost to her. You lost to Raven, a match where you were sloppy. You could have won that match but you didn't. Listen kiddo, me and Johnson here think that we can mold you back to top form. That is of course if you will allow us to. So what do you say?"
The Morbidly Obese Man waits for Brostar to reply.Brostar: "Well, I'll tell you what, I will go and have my match and win it and after the I will come back then and give you my decision but as for now you can just watch and be impressed by me."
He finishes as he leaves the locker room. UJJ watches as Bro leaves the room, leaving the two juggernauts alone.
"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "He wants it back so bad Lard Ass. He wants the glory and the fame back. I can see it in his eyes, I can hear it when he speaks. We are gonna help him. Not just for our sake but for his sake as well."
UJJ looks at his mammoth of a partner.
"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "He will insist on rebuilding himself alone, but we must insist more to help him. This can make our break us TMOM."
UJJ turns his focus to the match ahead of him.
"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "It seems just like old times doesn't it? The two of us, fighting for a prize. Now look at us. Multiple time tag team champions. If we are gonna revert back to the old days just for tonight, well then I just request one thing. That we both give it our all. That ticket, is coming to the premiere force in ULOL's history. Morbidly Unstoppable."The Morbidly Obese Man still seems doubtful and it shows on his face.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "There may be potential in Brostar but as of now I still see a liability. On the ticket, of course I'll be giving my all, in fact I am confident in saying that the Boleto Dorado is as good as mine. That's my key to the titles here in ULOL. Whether I go the tag titles or the Primo Ultimo title or that title Q carries, I'll still have to think it over. I congratulate you now on being second place Johnson."
The big man could not help but give his tag partner a little ribbing as the scene fades to black. VS VS VS Jim Jackson: "Welcome to our dark match of the evening folks, a four corners match specially booked for those present at ringside tonight."
Brad Blood: "Yeah, suck on that home viewers, it's your loss for not watching it here live at the arena."
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following dark match is a four corners match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first Brostar!"
"I Am...All of Me" by Crush 40 plays as Brostar appears on stage posing for the fans. He runs down the ramp into the ring and poses again.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Little Wang!"
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor starts playing on the speakers as flashing multicolored lights starts flashing at the top of the entrance ramp as smoke rises from the floor. A small form suddenly bounces out of the entrance tunnel and through the smoke which is slowly clearing. The crowd looks wide-eyed at the small midget standing on top of the entrance ramp with both arms in the air waving a victory sign with his fingers. The midget runs down the ramp and scampers into the ring. He picks up a mic and begins to speak before the next wrestler is introduced.
Little Wang: "Good evening all, tonight I am in this four corners match which is exclusive for those in live attendance tonight. Let it be known that even though this match is not televised, I shall still give my all."
Little Wang pauses while the crowd starts to cheer.
Little Wang: "But before we go on, I would also like to request that you all support my partner Nao Fook Mi in her match later tonight against Lucian Blackheart. Cheer for her, lend her your strength as she will battle probably one of her toughest challenge tonight."
The crowds starts cheering again. Little Wang seems satisfied to have rallied the crowd to his partner's cause as he drops the mic and heads to his corner ready for the match at hand.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Musashi Kuruma!"
"Dragon" by JAM Project plays as footage from an old Japanese anime runs on the Titan Tron, the lights go dim, and fog covers the stage. Once the music starts to become more lively, the lights return to their normal brightness and Musashi runs enthusiastically to the ring through the fog, followed by a line of fireworks down both sides of the ramp, attempting (but failing miserably) to jump onto the mat through the ropes. Once he's disentangled himself, he goes (much more calmly this time) to his corner and offers up a quick prayer to Buddha.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing last, The Masked Man!"
"My Apocalypse" by Arch Enemy starts playing around the arena as The Masked Man makes his way down to the ring.
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Dropkick connects, Kuruma goes down. Flying elbow from Brostar. Pin by Brostar!"
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Only a two count on the pin. Brostar misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Tsk tsk tsk. Kuruma uses this chance to tag in THe Masked Man."
Jim Jackson: "The Masked Man with a big backdrop on Brodie after sending him to the ropes with an Irish whip, executed well. Brostar charges, Masked moves, and the referee is conveniently placed to get knocked out."
Brad Blood: "Those referees should learn how to dodge..."
Jim Jackson: "The Masked Man scores with a standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's no one to count for The Masked Man."
Brad Blood: "The Masked Man realizes this and again works on Brostar."
Jim Jackson: "Delayed hangman neckbreaker on Brostar by Masked. Masked Man going high risk."
Brad Blood: "Masked only gets knees on a splash, good timing by Brostar. Brostar tags out to Little Wang."
Jim Jackson: "Spinning bulldog in the corner, Masked is down. Hurracanrana on Masked by Little Wang. The Masked Man comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Back elbow connects, Wang staggers backward."
Brad Blood: "Little Wang is seeing stars... Maybe whole solar systems even."
Jim Jackson: "The Masked Man scores with a standing spinebuster. Blind tag by Brostar."
Brad Blood: "The Masked Man was standing too close to Brostar's corner..."
Jim Jackson: "Wang takes a flying neckbreaker from Brostar. Slingshot senton by Brodie, crushing the chest of Wang. He goes for the pinfall..."
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Little Wang gets a shoulder up! Wang starts fighting back kicking Brostar on the shin... He attacks Brostar's shin until Brostar falls to one knee!"
Jim Jackson: "Shining wizard by Wang! Brostar goes down! Little Wang climbs up to the top of the ring post and leaps tucking his knees to chest, he executes a backflip in mid-air, and lands on his opponent on the mid-section executing a Dwarf Star Press."
Brad Blood: "Little Wang hits his finisher! It's over! Wait Little Wang is not done... He may be going for a Tadpole Splash!"
Jim Jackson: "Little Wang climbs up to the top of the ring post... What the?! "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson just shoved Little Wang off the top of the ring post and the referee missed it! Wang falls on his head HARD!!!"
Brad Blood: "Brostar kicks Little Wang in the gut. Puts the Little Wang's arm around Brostar's neck. Brostar lifts Little Wang up in a suplex postion. Then brings him back down and slams him with a sitdown Spinebuster hitting the A.O.B. The Aussie Outback Blackout. Brostar for the pinfall!"
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Thre..."
Jim Jackson: "The Masked Man runs in and breaks the pinfall with a stomp! Brostar isn't pleased and starts pummeling The Masked Man with hard shots."
Brad Blood: "Little Wang is stirring again and has gone back upright! Little Wang leaps and gets a tag! Musashi Kuruma is in!"
Jim Jackson: "Brostar throws The Masked Man over the top rope. He turns around... Huge chop from Musashi Kuruma stuns Brostar! Musashi Kuruma picks his opponent up over his head, spins in place, and tosses them onto the mat executing a Daisetsuzan Oroshi! Kuruma for the pin!"
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via pinfall, Musashi Kuruma!"
Jim Jackson: "Little Wang had it in the bag until Johnson interfered. The Brostar should have won until The Masked Man interfered."
Brad Blood: "Brostar blew his chance to win tonight, instead it is Musashi Kuruma who walks away with the victory." Jim Jackson: "Good evening folks and welcome to "Donde Esta El Banyo?!", ULOL's PPV! We have a great card for everyone tonight including a contest for the Boleto Dorado, a three-way tag team elimination match for the tag gold, a loser must vacate the title match between Lucian Blackheart and Nao Fook Mi and finally a cage match between Conway and Shogun."
Brad Blood: "And for all those at home who are curious what happened at the dark match tonight... Brostar blew it. Again!"
Jim Jackson: "That he did, but it was a good match nonetheless. Anyway I know everyone's mouth is watering waiting for the PPV to officially begin so without further ado, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!" 'Warriors Code' by Dropkick Murphy's hits the arena speakers, after a few moments Raven Connoly runs out onto the stage. She throw's her fist in the air and lets out a scream as fireworks fire off behind her. She makes her way down the ramp, high fiving her fans as she goes. Raven Connoly rolls into the ring and throws her fist in the air again as the fans cheer.
Raven Connoly: "Well, here we are at another ULOL Pay Per View, and as usual there are a plethora of edge of your seats matches. However, there is one match tonight that I know all of you are looking forward too, and that is a little bra and panties match between yours truly and Samantha Collins."
Brad Blood: "Oh that is going to be the hottest match ever!!"
Jim Jackson: "Calm down Brad."
The crowd, especially the men, erupt into a sea of cheers. Raven smiles as she looks around the arena.
Raven Connoly: "Now I know all of you boys are awfully excited to get a look at ULOL's favorite sweetheart in her frilly underthings, but sadly I am out here to disappoint you."
The crowd starts to boo at Ravens words.
Brad Blood: "WHAT!!??? Whats she talking about!? Whats she talking about Jim!?"
Jim Jackson: "Shut-up and listen Brad."
Raven Connoly: "Now calm down, calm down, I'm still going to be in the match tonight with Samantha, the problem is in order to win this match, you have to strip your opponent down to their bra and panties, and I do not plan on loosing this match. So, sadly, the ULOL Universe will not see Raven Connoly in her, lacey,"
Raven unbuttons the top button of her white blouse.
Raven Connoly: "Revealing,"
Raven unbuttons another button.
Brad Blood: "Oh...My...God!"
Raven Connoly: "Red...."
Raven slides her hands down to her skirt and slides it down just enough to expose the top of her red panties, before smiling broadly and pulling her skirt back up and buttoning her blouse back up. The crowd lets out a groan of disappointment.
Brad Blood: "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHE'S KILLING ME!!!!"
Jim Jackson: "Wow, you going to be OK Brad?"
Raven Connoly: "Sorry boys, that's the most you'll be seeing of my underwear tonight, but you are in luck, because my opponent tonight is Samantha Collins, and she is a pretty hot number herself."
Brad Blood: "That's true she is."
Raven Connoly: "Since I will be winning this match tonight, that means all of you will see the lovely Ms. Collins, in the center of this ring, in nothing but her bra and panties. Oh, and just so you guy's know I've heard rumors that Samantha prefers to go commando."
Raven smiles again as the crowd goes crazy.
Brad Blood: "Wha..? Is that true, for the love of god, IS THAT TRUE JIM!!!???"
Jim Jackson: "Even if it was I doubt she would do that tonight."
Raven Connoly: "That was a joke boys, lets reign it back in. However, I do intend to win tonight, and I'm also just going to put this out there while I'm thinking about it. There are a lot of titles on the line tonight, and I just want everyone who walks out of here tonight with one of those titles to know, I'm not sure which one it will be for, but at the next PPV, Raven Connoly will be in a title match, and Raven Connoly will walk away the winner of that match!!"
Raven drops the mic as she throws her fist in the air and lets out her battle cry as 'Warriors Code' starts to play again. The crowd leaps to their feet as Raven rolls out of the ring and makes her way back up the ramp. Raven turns around and throws her fist in the air and screaming again before disappearing backstage. The Camera fades from black to show The IRA sitting in Allister's Office barely moving.
Allister King: "I can't feel my legs."
Samantha Collins: "That's cause you drank £1000 worth of drink in one afternoon, Not a full day."
Scott Logan: "Lighten up Sammie. It's the assholes birthday. He can drink bleach if he wants to."
Samantha Collins: "He did drink bleach. He thought it was some new form of absinthe."
Allister takes out a cigarette or what appears to be a cigarette and lights it.
Scott Logan: "Is that a joint?"
Allister stares at Scott for a few moments.
Allister King: "Yeah."
Allister passes the joint to Samantha who accepts and begins smoking.
Allister King & Scott Logan: "YEOOOOOOOO!!!"
Scott Logan: "Go on You Mad Cunt."
Allister King: "Smoke it like it's 1999."
Samantha Collins: "I remember we got good stuff then."
Samantha passes it to Scott.
Scott Logan: "Sweet to the beat our jimmy our skee."t
Allister and Samantha stand up.
Alllister King: "Here dude."
Allister hands Scott a bottle of whiskey and a few joints.
Allister King: "Have fun me and Sammie are going to party like we are the only survivors left in some post-apocalyptic world."
Allister and Sammie begin to leave.
Scott Logan: "Wait a minute."
Scott throws condoms at Allister.
Scott: We don't need another one of you in this world
Allister King: "Oh they are Belgium chocolate flavored. You will enjoy these babe."
Allister and Samantha leave while Scott is sitting there in the office getting monged like Cheech and Chong.
Scott Logan: "Damn I need to get laid."
The camera fades to black as Scott continues to smoke. | |
|  | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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Age : 48
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| | Subject: Re: Donde Esta El Banyo?! 03/27/2011 Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:10 am | |
| With no entrance music, no flashy lights, but just the aura of her presence, Eunice P. Winslow walks out from the entrance tunnel and makes her way down the ramp. A smug looks is seen on her face as she enters the ring with a mic in hand.
Eunice P. Winslow: "Good evening dear viewers, first of all welcome to the PPV Donde Esta El Banyo?!"
The feisty vice-general manager pauses as the crowd cheers.
Eunice P. Winslow: "Tonight it is time again for the ULOL Boleto Dorado to find a new owner. This time though it won't be through a battle royale. This time it will be through a special contest."
Hearing the words special contest piqued the interest of the crowd.
Eunice P. Winslow: "That's right tonight, six wrestlers picked by a lottery draw in advance shall participated in this special contest for the chance to win the Boleto Dorado, they are the following. Christopher Bain, Taufik, Stank Lord, The Morbidly Obese Man, "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson and Zombie. Whoever wins this shall have the golden ticket which will allow him to challenge for any ULOL championship title, any time, any place. I do hope you six are all prepared for tonight. I hope you six are all hungry to win... Good luck gentlemen."
Eunice P. Winslow drops the mic and exits the ring making her way to the back.. Before Winslow could leave the to backstage, "I Am...All of Me" by Crush 40 plays as Brostar appears with a mic in his hands he begins to speak.
Brostar: "Hang on there Winslow, you think you just come out here and tell everyone about his big announcement about a golden ticket tell who is in it an leave out your biggest, superstar?"
Brostar stops to think of what to say.
Brostar: "Listen I don't care about the match I had earlier tonight the fact of the matter is that I'm more interested in this event tonight and I am ashamed that you didn't put me on the list! Now what I want you to do is go back to that ring pick that mic and put back up to your lips and announce the final and the one that will win the golden ticket BROSTAR!!!!"
Brostar points to the ring.
Brostar: "Do it now!!"
He says as he waits to see what Eunice will do. Eunice P. Winslow calmly fixes her glasses and nonchalantly stares at Brostar in the eyes, clearly the old woman is not even one bit intimidated by Brostar nor Brostar's threats. She looks like she is about to reply to Brostar in length when she just quipped one short sentence.
Eunice P. Winslow: "You are not worthy of a slot in the Boleto Dorado, try again when you are weaned off your mommy's teat."
With that vice-general manager brushes off and walks out on Brostar leaving the young wrestler's mouth agape as he gets ridiculed and laughed at by the crowd. VS Jim Jackson: "The next match is a bra and panties match between two of ULOL's finest female wrestlers."
Brad Blood: "Now for some eye candy! WOOT!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a bra and panties match! Introducing first Raven Connoly!"
"Warriors Code" By The Dropkick Murphy's starts to play throughout the arena. Raven runs out onto the stage, she throws her fist in the air and screams as a barrage of fireworks go off behind her.
Jasmine Lee: "And introducing her opponent, Samantha Collins."
Soundgarden's "Black Rain" begins to blast from the PA system as Samantha Collins makes her way out to the entrance ramp. She stands and lights a cigarette before heading down to the ring. She drops the lit cigarette and stomps it out before entering the ring.
Jim Jackson: "It looks like the male population here in ULOL is on the edge of their seats."
Brad Blood: "And why not? I mean there are two redheads in the ring and at the end of the match one of them will be stripped to their lingerie!"
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "There's the bell and right off the bat Collins takes Raven down with a hard clothesline! Collins crushes Raven with a running senton. Irish whip sends Raven smashing to the corner!"
Brad Blood: "Raven Connoly avoids a Samantha Collins avalanche. OOH! Samantha Collins hits those turnbuckles chest first. Her boobies may be hurting, you think she wants a me to massage them?"
Jim Jackson: "Kick from Raven Connoly to the leg. Raven stuns Collins with a big uppercut! Raven goes high risk... Flying elbow from Raven Connoly! Collins taggers back... Raven hits an arm drag on Collins."
Brad Blood: "Raven Connoly continues to work on Samantha Collins' arm... Collins counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Nice counter."
Jim Jackson: "Super kick by Samantha Collins. Power drive elbow by Samantha Collins. Driven DDT by Samantha Collins."
Brad Blood: "The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Samantha Collins misses a clothesline."
Jim Jackson: "Raven hits an arm drag on Collins. Flying knee to the face from Raven Connoly."
Brad Blood: "Oh man Collins' legs are like jiggly jello!"
Jim Jackson: "Raven Connoly floors Samantha Collins. Raven Connoly grabs Samantha Collins and throws her into the turnbuckle, Raven Connoly runs towards Samantha Collins, does a cartwheel jumping into the air and wrapping her legs around her head, Raven Connoly locks her legs around their head and pulls her to the mat locking in a koji clutch executing a Taste of Heaven! Samantha Collins goes limp!"
Brad Blood: "STRIP HER! STRIP HER! STRIP HER! Raven Connoly pulls the clothes off Collins to leave her in her bra and panties for the win!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match Raven Connoly!"
Jim Jackson: "Raven Connoly celebrates her win in the ring..."
Suddenly Cher's "Believe" starts playing on the loud speakers, the lights starts flashing in pink and leaping into the ring is a figure carrying a pink baseball bat.
WHACK!
Brad Blood: "Someone just whacked Raven with a baseball bat... A PINK BASEBALL BAT!!! Wait! I know who that is... IT'S THAT FRUITCAKE TRANSSEXUAL FAIRY WRESTLER BOY BAKLA! WHAT IS IT DOING HERE?! I thought that gender incorrect wrestler already retired!"
Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla is asking for a mic... We may hear a few words from it."
Boy Bakla: "Hello every people! For those who are not familiar with me, I am Boy Bakla, the most divalicious, most enticing, most alluring wrestler in the whole world and tonight I make my comeback to the fabulous world of wrestling. Well it WILL be fabulous since I'm now here."
The crowd boos loudly.
Boy Bakla: "Oh shush! I've been booed so many times that I'm already immune to it. Anyhows, as I said I have decided to return to the world of wrestling. Why you all may ask? Well I need to increase a cup size my dearies and I'm short on funds."
A loud "EEEEEEWWW!" is heard from the crowd.
Brad Blood: "Ack! Too much information!"
Boy Bakla: "Well I figured I need to make an impact on my return, I do need to get the boss' attention y'know. Speaking of bosses, isn't that Allister a cutie?"
Bakla looks at Samantha Collins who is just recovering and starting to dress up.
Boy Bakla: "I may steal your hubby from you girlfriend, he's my type you know."
Bakla winks at Collins who stares at IT in horror.
Boy Bakla: "Anyhoos, Boy Bakla is back and I'm here to paint ULOL PINK!"
With that Bakla drops the mic and exits the ring as pink streamers starts to fall from the ceiling.
Jim Jackson: "God save us..."
Brad Blood: "God? There is no God, if he exists then why would he allow the creation of a freak of nature like that thing?""Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers as smoke rises from the floor. Out from the smoke the figure of Marcus Troy, the general manager of United League of Lunatics emerges. He quickly makes his way down the ring in his signature three piece Armani suit and a cigar between his lips. He grabs a mic with one hand and raises it up to his lips as he takes the cigar out with the other one. The crowd stares on, neither cheering nor booing him.
Marcus Troy: "A cold reception for me? It doesn't matter, I have come out here to say a few words and that I shall do. Many of you wondered where I have been these past few weeks. You see I have been in training. Training for my match tonight against Q."
Marcus Troy pauses for a while before continuing.
Marcus Troy: "A match against Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing. Many of you wonder why I even accepted to be in a match against him. Well for a long time now Q has been throwing accusations towards me, calling me many names, but what he fails to understand is I did what I did to maintain order here in ULOL. His fans and countrymen were out of control. I have given them fair warning yet they continued to ignore my warnings. It was a sad event that happened but it was a necessary evil to restore order. The board of directors of ULOL and I have already have talked it out. If Q should win this match, I shall be hauled back to Q's country to stand trial, if I should win, I get a chance to win back my title as general manager in a match against Allister King."
The crowd is silent as the words of the former general manager sinks in.
Marcus Troy: "You all may not be rooting for me tonight but I assure you that when my match with Q comes, I shall show you all the fruits of my training!"
Marcus Troy drops the mic and shoves the cigar back to his mouth. He exits the ring and heads on to the back as the crowd stares on.Introducing the new energy drink that will bring out the best in you! Drink the sweet nectar that comes from PUSSY and feel invigorated!Available in a store near you!Warning: Drinking too much Pussy may make your heart palpitate at an irregular rate. Backstage cameras catch the Age of Pain shortly after their loss to Alexander Conway and the DWMA. The Age of Pain's manager, Manolo Ferrer, staggers to the camera as his clients regroup in the background. Mr. Ferrer straightens his tie and slaps the dust off his suit, before speaking.
Manolo Ferrer: "You get enough fights, and eventually you win one. That's the law of averages for once playing out in favor of Mr. Conway and the DWMA. Again, the blind and half-crippled squirrels managed to find an acorn this time."
The manager of the Age of Pain casually takes out his handkerchief, wiping off the dribble of blood from the cut on his forehead.
Manolo Ferrer: "Any minute now, Mr. Conway or the DWMA are going to post a promo, crowing about how the Age of Pain have been taught a lesson in whatever subject they wanted to teach. Their flavor of the week is that my clients are supposed to be a bunch who need to play the numbers game to get things done. The DWMA are only saying that, because until this latest match, they couldn't play the numbers game to get anything done. Not even their laundry."
Mr. Ferrer allows himself a small smile, despite what happened to his team.
Manolo Ferrer: "I'm not surprised Mr. Conway wants to finger me for whatever problems he's had lately. He's not the first one to do it. He hopes that you people don't remember that he's usually needed help to win his big matches here in ULOL, going back to when Mr. Shogun was distracted by Mr. Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, giving Mr. Conway the opening to defeat Shogun. If Mr. Conway had his way, he'd write the history books to show that Mr. Jack Johnson just stood in the corner, while he beat Mr. Shogun to become Primo Ultimo Champion, all by himself. So, of course he'll try to put the spotlight on someone else, so no one will pay attention to his own shortcomings."
Mr. Ferrer looks at his handkerchief, which is now smeared with his blood. He frowns.
Manolo Ferrer: "The aggression Mr. Conway and his associates have been directing at me only highlights their desperation in looking for someone they think they can easily beat. Maybe they've gotten that monkey off their back, now that they've scored a humongous upset win over the Age of Pain. The difference between my clients and them is that my clients do not panic over this one setback. It doesn't change the fact that Mr. Taufik is still looking to get his hands on the Primo Ultimo title. This loss isn't going to be a setback for his title chase."
A familiar ringtone interrupts Manolo Ferrer's promo.
Manolo Ferrer: "This last match also doesn't change the fact that Mr. Conway still needs someone else to do the heavy lifting in his matches, before he swoops in like a gloryhound to steal the spotlight. I'm sorry, I'll have to take this call."
The manager of the Age of Pain steps back as he reaches for his phone. He gestures to Taufik, GoodFella and Schwarz, letting them know they can take up the mic.Arnold took the microphone from Mr. Manolo, and he brings it near his lips and finally starts to talk.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "You know what Charles De Gaulle said once we lost a battle but not the war. I think this rule is fits us well too. Well, I want to address Conway and two competitors from Dancing with The Stars. First of all, Conway you think this that if Manolo is not involved we can’t win our match? I think you and those bunch of losers are so wrong. Actually, you made us stronger than ever."
GoodFella makes a pause before he continues to say what he has to.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "Now those two from the freak show, the Indian and the escapee from the zoo. I know what you're going to do . . . Brag how you won and so on, but I just wanted to say that at our match won’t be that easy for you cause, I personally trained hard for this match as payback from earlier. In fact tonight, me and Felix will kick your asses so hard you won't be able to sit down to take a crap."
Arnold thinking what he wanted to say to these guys, but he can’t remember what that was. It suddenly remembers and says it to the camera.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "You know I like your ability to deal with a lot of the negativity that surrounded around you guys no offense Zombie. Even though you are in a world that you didn't want to be in, I mean in the world of Age of Pain that’s why you guys so trying to fight us, but you are not seeing a bigger picture. What I want to say is at the end you all will want to be in this world because we are champions, and you are just a bunch of losers and second rate athletes. Well, I’m done here now with you Taufik it is your turn to smack these idiots."
GoodFella gives a microphone to his buddy Taufik. Taufik: "You guys were lucky last Thursday as you guys are the winner of our six man tag. Well not actually six man tag, it's three men facing an Ogre, a Rain Caller and an A-hole. Alexander, if you think that my current losing ways are not going to go on? Well think again Conway, I will make sure that I win tonight's Boleto Dorado and wait for the right moment to strike you down you little punk."
Taufik stops a little while as he is thinking of what to say next. Once he realized what to say, he continues to talk.
Taufik: "My friend and his partner will be facing two teams tonight after they have successfully defended two weeks ago to one of the same team that is in the match. That is not cool as they win fair and square. Both Arnold and Felix will make sure that they will retain at all cost. Conway, tonight you shouldn't be concentrating on me. You have Shogun to handle and the way he looks, man that is one very angry bull that wants to gore anyone and especially you are in the cage. You have nowhere to go but to take Shogun head on. Remember Alexander, you have to retain it for me as I will take it away from you when I win the Ticket."
Taufik pauses and stop talking about Alexander Conway and his DWMA members and started talking about his match tonight.
Taufik: "Tonight in my Boleto Dorado ticket match, I am facing 5 other men and the usual 9 people I have to eliminate less people now but consider Morbidly Obese Man in this match with his dimwitted partner UJJ in this match, I got some score to settle with these two and tonight I will start showing a new chapter in my life tonight as I will show my dominance to all my opponent in that match and win the ticket and make Alexander Conway defend his title unwillingly at my own pace and my own timing. Felix or Summers, you got anything to say?"
Taufik passes the microphone to either one of them who wants to talk or make a statement.Felix takes a microphone from Taufik.Felix Schwarz: "Well there is nothing more for me to say I guess because my mates already said everything that has to be told to those punks. Well there is something I need to address to our General Manager Allister King. Though me and my partner GoodFella are focused on The DWMA, we will also not hold back against you in our match and there's nothing you can't do about it. Don't get me wrong, we have nothing against the I.R.A. but we will retain our belts even though you are facing the boss of this fed. We will prove that we can beat those punks and you and retain these titles. And if Conway will stick his long nose to our match, he's going to get it too. Anyway I'm done here."Felix gives a microphone back to his manager Manolo Ferrer.Their manager, Manolo Ferrer, puts away his phone. However, his attention is on someone a bit further down the hall, rather than the Age of Pain. He stares off at the distance for a moment, before a cold glint is seen in his eyes.
Manolo Ferrer: "I guess now is as good a time as any."
Noticing his clients looking at him, Mr. Ferrer points offscreen. He walks towards wherever he is pointing at... | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Donde Esta El Banyo?! 03/27/2011 Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:10 am | |
| Alexander Conway is standing in the hallway, waiting for the cameraman to give him the go-ahead to begin. The camera shifts slightly before Alexander lights up. Alexander Conway: "What is this? The time that I was actually going to have the humility to admit that I had made a mistake, that I had been wrong, Mr. Ferrer kicks me in the groin. Mr. Ferrer, I wanted to apologize to you for the things I had said, and for trying to goad you into the ring. Your clients had frustrated me, and I took it out on you." Alexander holds up a finger and chuckles slightly. Alexander Conway: "But then you made a few comments. Well, more than a few, it was actually quite a lot. I don't think less of you for it Mr. Ferrer, I would do the same if someone tried to run me down out of the blue. Anyways, I'm still going to address your comments, Shogun, the matches, and other things. First off Mr. Ferrer, I don't wish you were my manager. Alexander Conway needs no man to tell him what to do, and I certainly don't need someone to speak for me or on my behalf. Secondly, I find it amusing that you would speak of myself or the DWMA coming out and crowing about our victory. Why is this amusing? Because your clients do it almost every time they win. There was no law of averages taking place that night, the fact is, that the DWMA won because of me being in the match. Taufik simply couldn't cane everybody. He took out Ray and Leon, so I threw him at you. I then had to fight two men on my own, and I out-played them. You can call it what you will, but the facts remain that I was the difference maker." Alexander sighs and shakes his head. Alexander Conway: "And then we come back to Taufik. First thing I'd like to say about him, is that he mucked up and lost again, which is something that he seems to love to do. If he wins that ticket, and uses it, he will only confirm even more that he doesn't deserve to be in the title scene. He'll be a joke of a champion assuming he could take the title, just like Brostar was when he was a World Champion. And did you really call me an "A-hole", Taufik? Trust me, you are a lot of worse things, and you're really annoying. How the rest of the Age of Pain put up with you, I'll never know. But that's really all the more time that I am going to waste talking about you, because you aren't worth the amount I have already spent talking about your pathetic ass." Alexander sweeps the air, as if pushing the thought of Taufik aside. Alexander Conway: "And finally, that brings me to tonight. Which, if anyone has forgotten, is my Steel Cage match with Shogun. Yep, the same Shogun who has reverted back to saying he'll destroy everyone and blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I respect him though, he's a man-beast and will be bringing the fight in that cage. If he regains the Primo Ultimo Championship, well, that's good for him. Will it happen? Probably not. Like usual, I'm going to be in top form. Some may say that I am out of my element in a match such as this, but I say that this is the perfect place for me to defeat Shogun. No outside interference, and no help. Just me and him for the Championship Zombie." Alexander pauses for a moment, a dull look is in his eyes as he is lost in the inner workings of his mind. Finally he looks at the camera again. Alexander Conway: "Nobody really knows what I am capable of. Sure, people make assumptions left and right about my skills, but no one really knows for sure. Well, no one except for Alexander Conway himself. Shogun, I think you and everyone else are going to be surprised tonight. After this match, no one will be able to say that I need help to defeat you." With that said, Alexander finally walks out of the frame, ending the promo.Only to have Manolo Ferrer catch up to him. It is then that the Primo Ultimo Champ notices the Age of Pain a bit further down the hall, cutting their own promo. Mr. Ferrer walks right up to the Primo Ultimo Champion, face to face.
Manolo Ferrer: "I guess winning can help anyone feel better. Let me clarify a few things: I actually agree that you make the difference. Your friends would not have been able to claim a win over my clients, if it wasn't for you. They could also have also helped you win that Primo Ultimo title much earlier, if it wasn't for you. Ray Kamaura could have built himself a case on why he should have been given another shot at Mr. Shogun, if it wasn't for you. And Shogun may not have been able to push this idea that it takes more than one man to beat him, if it wasn't for you."
Mr. Ferrer does not show the slightest hint of backing down from Conway.
Manolo Ferrer: "I understand why you'd want to get me in the ring with you. I'm an easy target, and being a world champion is a very stressful job. Kicking around a can can help you feel better. But I'm doing quite well in my current job, so....what's in it for me?"
The manager of the Age of Pain dares Conway to answer him.
Manolo Ferrer: "You're probably going to say that you didn't mean it, and that I'm presuming too much from you, or that I misheard you, or that I misinterpreted you. But we both know that's not the case. So what if I did accept your challenge to a match, Mr. Conway? What's in it for me? It takes a lot to get me interested in actually wrestling a match. Assuming you manage to win your rematch with Mr. Shogun, are you willing to risk your title against me? I'm not some entry-level clerk who is going to be satisfied with a measly cash compensation. If you want to get violent with me in a match, why not give me a title match? And if the stars align, and if I actually beat you...what are you going to do then?"
His words come out cold.
Manolo Ferrer: "You can laugh it off and say I'll never be able to beat you for the Primo Ultimo title. Michael Moorer thought the same thing, before George Foreman beat him to become world champion, killing Moorer's career in the process. You can choose to say you're taking back your challenging me to get in the ring with you. That only becomes proof of how much of a vagina you are, Mr. Conway."
Mr. Ferrer goes on, getting in Alexander Conway's face.
Manolo Ferrer: "Oh yes, I went there. You and the DWMA talk big, but you're all insecure posers. You're teaming with one man who could have been Primo Ultimo Champion, and now he has put up with you being the Champion he could have been. You have to put up with a zombie who could kill you in your sleep. And you want to get me into a match, because I'm an easy can to kick. If I said yes, and if I beat you....."
Manolo Ferrer leaves the rest of that statement unsaid. He steps away from the Primo Ultimo Champion, motioning to the approaching Age of Pain to stay where they are.
Manolo Ferrer: "Your move, vagina."
The scene fades to black as the two men stare each other down.  & VS & VS & Jim Jackson: "Coming up next is our first title match of the evening. Battling for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero Titles we have three of ULOL's top tag teams..."
Brad Blood: "Wow, we are actually going to see the I.R.A. in action and not passed out somewhere."
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a three-way elimination tag team match and it is for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero titles! Introducing first the challengers, they are the team of Allister King and Scott Logan, the Irish Republican Alcoholics!"
''The Blood Of Cuchulain'' begins to blast from the PA system as Allister King and Scott Logan walk out onto the entrance ramp wearing trench coats and sunglasses. The both light a cigarette and continue to walk down to the ring. They stop on the way down to have a quick pint with some of the fans. They both stomp out their cigarettes and enter the ring. As they stand side by side in the middle of the ring with their heads down, they reach in their pockets and take out bottles of whiskey. They open them, hold them up to the crowd and drinks about half the bottle. They remove their coats and sunglasses and stagger over to their corner.
Jim Jackson: "As Brad mentioned earlier, our esteemed general manager and his partner finally makes an appearance."
Brad Blood: "And as usual they are pissed drunk."
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, the team of Leon Hinomoto and Ray Kamaura, The DWMA!"
Jim Jackson: "The DWMA came out of a win against The Age of Pain earlier this week, if they are able to repeat that feat we may have new champs tonight. They are the only team the tag team champions have to watch for."
Brad Blood: "And up until now I STILL don't know what DWMA stands for..."
Suddenly, exuberantly, the multi-talented, multi-decorated masked machismo of oozing sexuality known as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing swings down from the rafters and lands right beside Brad Blood. He extravagantly grabs the mic and pronounces in surety the acronym of DWMA!
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Daring Wieners Mating Amorously!"
And just as suddenly he appeared, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing disappears again climbing up into the rafters!
Jasmine Lee: "And introducing last, they are your current and reigning ULOL Campeónes Compañero, Arnold "GoodFella" Bold and Felix Schwarz, GoodFella & Schwarz!"
"Fire Flame" by Birdman starts to sound, the light suddenly turns off after a few seconds it starts again and Felix and Arnold are standing in the middle of the ring and waving to their fans.
Jim Jackson: "The tag champs make their appearance. The question is if their loss earlier this week has shaken their confidence tonight."
Brad Blood: "I don't see Taufik nor Manolo Ferrer anywhere, but that doesn't mean that they won't appear anytime soon."
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Starting off tonight is Leon Hinomoto and Scott Logan, the champs need to be tagged first in order to enter the fight. And there's the bell! Scott Logan starts charging forward going past Leon Hinomoto!"
Brad Blood: "Man... He's too drunk to even find his target!"
Jim Jackson: "Rainman uses a basement dropkick to the knee sending Logan down. Logan staggers back to his feet... Spinning back kick from Leon Hinomoto and Logan falls on his back. Rainman tags out to Ray Kamaura."
Brad Blood: "Whoa, here comes the big man... He picks Scott Logan up like he weighed nothing."
Jim Jackson: "Irish whip by Kamaura on the Irishman. Big backdrop on Logan, executed well. Logan somehow gets back to his feet. Logan gets hit with a huge clothesline."
Brad Blood: "That clothesline almost decapitated Scott Logan! Tag between Ray Kamaura and Leon Hinomoto. Leon Hinomoto scoops up Logan."
Jim Jackson: "Kamaura bounces off the ropes and hits a flying lariat bear hug combination. Beautiful team effort. Leon Hinomoto hooks the leg..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Logan gets a shoulder up. Rainman tries to get a hold but the drunk Irishman manages to escape his grasp and gets a tag to Allister King!"
Jim Jackson: "King walks into the ring right into Leon Hinomoto's grasp... Wait! King slips out of a body slam attempt... Body slam by King! Allister King just countered a body slam attempt with a body slam!"
Brad Blood: "And then he trips on his own leg and falls down on Leon Hinomoto for the pin."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Jim Jackson: "There's a two count on the pin. Blind tag between Leon Hinomoto and Arnold "GoodFella" Bold. Leon Hinomoto wandered too close to the champs' corner there. Arnold "GoodFella" Bold uses a forearm to the face sending Allister reeling!"
Brad Blood: "Tag between Allister King and Ray Kamaura. Looks like the GM wants out of the ring and didn't care who he tagged in."
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella dodges a big boot and hits a springboard dropkick sending Kamaura reeling! Springboard bulldog... Kamaura is down! Tag to Felix Schwarz. GoodFella and Schwarz set Kamaura up... Double suplex!"
Brad Blood: "Whoa! The ring almost broke in half from the weight of Kamaura coming down."
Jim Jackson: "Massive lariat by Schwarz! Felix Schwarz goes for the pin..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Allister slaps Schwarz on the back congratulating him on the takedown of Kamaura unintentionally tagging himself in!"
Jim Jackson: "Allister King stumbles around like a headless chicken! He swings around... And his right hand somehow connects right on Kamaura's jaw as Kamaura is trying to get up."
Brad Blood: "King drops an elbow...but misses. Kamaura shakes off the cobwebs and gets back up..."
Jim Jackson: "Kamaura picks King up... Big piledriver on Allister King. King is down! Kamaura for the pin..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Kamaura tags in Felix... Uh-oh... I think I see their finisher coming..."
Jim Jackson: "Leon superkicks Allister King back onto Ray's shoulders. Ray holds the stunned opponent while Leon climbs to the top turnbuckle. Leon leaps off and double stomps Allister King's head before Ray drops him with a Death Valley Driver executing The Final Rain! Leon Hinomoto for the pin."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Brad Blood: "The DWMA just eliminated the I.R.A.!"
Jim Jackson: "Felix Schwarz enters the ring and walks right into a body slam! Schwarz gets up... Back elbow connects, Schwarz staggers backward. Leon Hinomoto is on a roll. DDT from the top rope by Leon Hinomoto."
Brad Blood: "That looked brutal. The DWMA may actually win this. Irish whip sends Felix Schwarz to the corner... Felix Schwarz avoids a Leon Hinomoto avalanche! Schwarz uses this time to scamper away and tag in GoodFella!"
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella hits a stump piledriver on Leon Hinomoto. Leon Hinomoto gets whipped into the turnbuckles by GoodFella. Oh! Clothesline into the turnbuckles crushes Leon Hinomoto! GoodFella with a bulldog takes Rainman down! He goes for the cover."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Leon Hinomoto gets a leg up on the second rope! Rainman tries to reach for a tag... GoodFella holds him back! He's just a few inches from Kamaura's hand... He makes it! WAIT! Manolo Ferrer was distracting the referee! He didn't see the tag! Where did he come from?"
Jim Jackson: "The ref sends Kamaura back to the corner! Things are not looking good for Leon Hinomoto."
Brad Blood: "GoodFella tags in Schwarz... Uh-oh..."
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella & Schwarz sends Leon Hinomoto to the ropes with a double Irish whip, they charge in and hit a double clothesline from hell executing a Drive By Shooting! Hinomoto is down! Schwarz for the pin... GoodFella hits a dropkick on Kamaura sending him falling from the ring apron!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match and STILL ULOL Campeónes Compañero champions, Arnold "GoodFella" Bold and Felix Schwarz, GoodFella & Schwarz!"
Brad Blood: "Manolo Ferrer did it again! A beautiful interference... It's like a work of art."The Arena goes black for a few seconds then all the lights shines on the 'tron as a video package starts to air. 'I Need A Doctor' by Dr. Dre featuring Eminem and Skylar Grey begin to play in random sequence.
Skylar Grey: "I'm about to lose my mind. You've been gone for so long, I'm running out of time. I need a doctor!"
Doctors can be seen rushing around a table with a young, athletic looking man laying on an operating table. We cannot make out who he is because a lot of tubes and doctors are around him. What we do know, however is that he is being helped with breathing.
Skylar Grey: "Call me a doctor! I need a doctor! Doctor! To bring me back to life!"
Eminem: "You gon' either wanna fight when I get off this f-cking mic,
Or you gon' hug me. But I'm out of options, there's nothing else I can do!"
The screen goes to black again.
Eminem: "GET UP MAN, I'M DYING, COME BACK FOR FUCK SAKE!"
The sounds of a heart rate monitor can only be heard. After a few seconds, the repetitive beep turn into a single and long beep as it fades. The lights go off and turn back on to their original positions. The fans are left dazzled and confused.  A dark blue chopper rolls into the parking lot and alighting from it is the current ULOL Campeón no Masculino, Nao Fook Mi. She quickly takes off her helmet and looks at her watch. Clearly she barely made it in time for her upcoming match when suddenly her cellular phone rang. Fook Mi quickly answers her phone while slinging her gym bag unto her shoulders.
Nao Fook Mi: "I know, I know... I almost missed my own match. But I came back from Master's place Wang, I had to have some extra training for this match."
Fook Mi briskly walks to the entrance of the ULOL compound.
Nao Fook Mi: "You worry too much, I'm here aren't I? Besides, with the training Master gave me, I'm sure I'll be able to defeat Lucian Blackheart and strip him of that title he doesn't deserve."
Fook Mi opens the door to the building...
Nao Fook Mi: "Listen I'm already stepping into the building so don't you worry okay? Wish me luck."
Fook Mi turns off her cell and rushes down the halls as the screen fades to black. VS Jim Jackson: "Champion versus champion where the loser vacates his or her title. Now that's a recipe for good wrestling."
Brad Blood: "You got that right Jim, this thing between Lucian Blackheart and Nao Fook Mi has been simmering for a long time, it is definitely boiling over tonight."
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a falls count anywhere match scheduled for one fall and the loser of the match must vacate his or her title. Introducing first, he's the current and reigning ULOL Ligero Maximo, Lucian Blackheart!"
The arena lights suddenly switch off. A voice is heard through the arena speakers as the crowd sits in darkness.
Unknown Figure: "Once a very starry night, prepares a young woman set to fight.
Young and determined this woman may be, but yet she has not realized she is blind to see.
Her foe, a young man with only darkness at heart.
A man who is bound to tear her apart.
Bone by bone, limb from limb.
This young woman's survival chances at zero to slim."
The crowd begins to boo.
Unknown Figure: "Her death not long after she steps on the mat.
Her hair.. uhh
Her face.. wait no.. hold on a second.
She looks stu... Dammit!"
The Unknown figure takes a brief moment whilst the crowd becomes reckless.
Unknown Figure: "I got it.. By the end of the night she'll be squashed like a gnat..... or something like that."
CRASH!!
The arena lights turn purple and start to flicker. "Kill Everybody by SKRILLEX" blasts through the arena speakers as the arena fills with purple smoke. Purple and white spotlights scatter around the arena and then shines down on Lucian Blackheart as we see him standing at the stage tossing a man down the ramp and dragging a man to the ring.
Lucian Blackheart: "That's honestly the best you can come up with?"
Lucian begins to pummel on the man.
Lucian Blackheart: "Ladies and gentlemen, 'The Great Drunk Poet'.. Well formerly 'The Great Drunk Poet'.. Ladies and gentlemen, 'The Great Drunk Dead Man'."
Lucian lifts the man to his feet. Lucian Blackheart whips the man to the turnbuckle following through with a leaping shining wizard.
Lucian Blackheart then springboards off the second rope and kicks the man in the temple executing a deathly Four of a Kind. Officials rush to the ring to check on the man, they carry him out in his knocked out state.
Lucian Blackheart: "An example of what happens when you mess with me. An example of what will happen to Nao Fook Mi tonight. In this very ring. I wanted to make this night memorable for you.. The friends and fans of ULOL, Nao Fook Mi in particular, and yet it has already been ruined by that fool. But tonight, I promise you, will be special. Tonight for the first time you will see Nao Fook Mi's first ever title defense, and title loss. History in the making. Enjoy the show.. I know I will."
Lucian jumps around the ring shrugging his shoulders. He stares directly at the stage area with a cold look in his eye.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, she's the current and reigning ULOL Campeón no Masculino, Nao Fook Mi!"
Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. She quickly makes her way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. She bows and gives her respect to the crowd before heading to her corner.
Jim Jackson: "Fook Mi gets a huge pop from the crowd. We definitely know who the fans are rooting for to win tonight."
Brad Blood: "Unfortunately for the crowd who they want to win and who actually wins don't always match. Lucian Blackheart has already defeated Fook Mi before, there's no reason it will be different this time around."
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "And there's the bell! Which champion will be superior tonight? Blackheart and Fook Mi lock arms and engage in a test of strength right off the bat... Lucian with a cheap knee to the guts swings around back... Lucian Blackheart snap suplexes Fook Mi."
Brad Blood: "Oh! Brilliant move by Blackheart, luring Fook Mi in then hitting the knee from out of nowhere. A perfect set-up."
Jim Jackson: "Irish whip by Blackheart sends Fook Mi to the ropes. Fook Mi grabs on to the ropes stopping her from bouncing back."
Brad Blood: "Blackheart charges towards Fook Mi... Fook Mi pulls the top rope down as Blackheart leaps... BLACKHEART GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE!"
Jim Jackson: "Fook Mi follows outside... Lucian Blackheart dropkicks Fook Mi after leaping off the steel steps! Fook Mi takes a chop from Blackheart. Nao Fook Mi takes a right hand to the temple from Blackheart."
Brad Blood: "Blackheart and Fook Mi start throwing punches at each other. She blocks Lucian Blackhearts right cross and counters with a spinning high kick to the head!"
Jim Jackson: "Irish whip sends Lucian Blackheart back first into the steel barricades. Bulldog on the outside of the ring! Blackheart gets floored. Fook Mi crushes Blackheart with a big legdrop and quickly hooks the leg."
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "The Ligero Maximo champ kicks out at two! Fook Mi grabs Blackheart from behind... Blackheart reverses a waistlock and picks Fook Mi up."
Jim Jackson: "Body slam by Blackheart! Blackheart starts ripping away the protective covering outside the ring exposing the concrete. DDT on Fook Mi on the unprotected floor! Blackheart hooks the leg."
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Fook Mi kicks out! Blackheart picks up Fook Mi... AND RAMS HER BACK INTO THE RING POST!"
Jim Jackson: "Flapjack from Blackheart on Fook Mi. Fook Mi looks hurt... Lucian Blackheart with a cocky pin."
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Thre..."
Brad Blood: "Whoa! That was like a 2.9999! Close call for Fook Mi there."
Jim Jackson: "Fook Mi struggles to her feet using the ring apron for support. Blackheart charges in... Nao Fook Mi ducks a clothesline attempt. Fook Mi with a dropkick from out of nowhere! Blackheart goes over the steel barricades!"
Brad Blood: "Fook Mi leaps over the steel barricades.... They brawl into the crowd. Nao Fook Mi with a spinning wheel kick sends Blackheart down! She goes for the cover!"
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Jim Jackson: "Open-handed chop from Fook Mi sends leaves a mark on Lucian's chest. Lucian ducks a burst kick from Fook Mi and runs back towards the ring. Fook Mi follows!"
Brad Blood: "They wind up back in the squared circle. Lucian Blackheart ducks a clothesline attempt by Fook Mi."
Jim Jackson: "Running clothesline from Lucian Blackheart hits Fook Mi on the chest. Fook Mi shakes it off Nao Fook Mi grabs Lucian Blackheart from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up... But Blackheart rolls through with the move! He used a pull of the tights to get Fook Mi over!"
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "The ref sees Blackheart pulling on the tights! Aw shucks... He gives Blackheart a warning. Fook Mi uses the chance to roll Lucian Blackheart up again..."
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."
Jim Jackson: "Kick out by Blackheart! Fook Mi with an enziguri sends Blackheart to the mat... She's signaling for her finisher, the Fook Mi Special! Nao Fook Mi leaps to the top of the turnbuckle, she somersaults over her opponent who rushes in towards her landing behind her opponent..."
Brad Blood: "What the? Lucian turns around and blew powder into Fook Mi's eyes just as she was charging in for her burst kick! The referee was out of position and didn't see it!"
Jim Jackson: "Lucian Blackheart kicks the opponent to the stomach then does a 180 degree spin and a backflip kick to the opponents face. Lucian Blackheart then proceeds to place the opponent into a modified triangle choke position executing a deadly Roll of Fate! Fook Mi tries to reach for the ropes but she's too far away!"
Brad Blood: "FOOK MI TAPS!!! FOOK MI TAPS!!! The ref calls for the bell!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match and STILL ULOL Ligero Maximo, Lucian Blackheart! And as per the stipulation of the match, Nao Fook Mi has been stripped of the ULOL Campeón no Masculino!"
Jim Jackson: "Again Lucian literally stole a win from Fook Mi costing her the title! Wait Lucian is not done... Lucian keeps his Roll of Fate locked in until Fook Mi passes out! He just grabbed the ring bell from the outside and again enters the ring..."
Brad Blood: "Wait! LOOK! It's Little Wang! Little Wang just ran into the ring with a hammer and hammers onto Lucian's toes! Lucian leaps around in pain before running away! Little Wang stares on in anger kneeling by Fook Mi's side..." | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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Posts : 2990
Join date : 2008-12-29
Age : 48
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Wrestler Statistics:
| | Subject: Re: Donde Esta El Banyo?! 03/27/2011 Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:11 am | |
|  The door to Marcus Troy's office opens with a creak and Zombie walks in. Zombie quickly bats away cobwebs which hang from the ceiling.Zombie: "Gee boss don't you dust in here?"Zombie sits down in the chair infront of Marcus Troy's desk. As he drops down onto the chair a cloud of dust poofs out of the cushion. Zombie sneezes almost immediately and waves the dust away.Zombie: "I know you don't get a lot of people in here but still ... make it nice for when they do ..."Zombie coughs and continues to wave the dust away.Zombie: "But aside from all the dust, you ready for tonight? I can provide a bit of inspirational advice if you want me to ...Zombie cracks his knuckles and jabs the air a few times. He grins snidely after he stops punching. Marcus Troy is definitely not in a good mood as he puts out his cigar and lays back on his big office chair.
Marcus Troy: "Inspirational advice? What I need is for Q to go away. That masked menace has been a thorn in my side since he was signed to ULOL. I think it's about time for us to take control back. It seems the board of directors aren't happy with the way Allister King is running things. He's been spending all the budget on liquor... We need to plan this carefully. First of all we need to get back at those people who went against us..."
Marcus motions Zombie to come forward and starts to whisper his plans as the scene slowly fades to black.ZERO CALORIES!!!
ZERO SUGAR!!!
ZERO FAT!!! Available in stores everywhere. VS A highlight package begins to play. We see Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing's first meeting with Marcus Troy, ending with their first clash of opinions.
We then see further confrontations between the two, leading up to huge rallies and protests against the regime of Marcus Troy.
And then things going straight to hell, as a monster slaughters the crowds rallying on the behalf of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.
We then see Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing storming into Marcus Troy's office, yelling in his face about how his day would come, and how justice will be served.
Jasmine Lee: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a Porta-let Match! The rules are as follows: there are several porta-lets assigned for this match. The first man to deposit his opponent in any of these porta-lets, and tip it over with his opponent inside, will win the match!"
An admittedly bloodthirsty yell rips from the crowd. Which turns to heavy boos as "Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing first. He is the former General Manager of the United League of Lunatics. Here is Marcus Troy!"
Jim Jackson: "And here comes Marcus Troy. His history with Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing is well-documented."
Brad Blood: "Even made headlines on all the news networks."
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing returned to ULOL in good faith on the invitation of Marcus Troy. But things turned sour, and deteriorated as time went on. Escalating to the point where actual people suffered."
Brad Blood: "Q was stripped of his Ligero Maximo title. He was suspended, and Marcus Troy let loose a monster named Zombie on Q's countrymen."
Jim Jackson: "And because of a legal oversight, Marcus Troy lost his position of General Manager. This has given Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing the opening to get back at Marcus Troy."
Brad Blood: "Now all we have to see is how much of a chance Troy's got with a Q determined to make him pay."
Jim Jackson: "Wait, we got a commotion in the back."
Stephanie Dawson is at the scene. All she does is point to where Zombie is attacking Q.
Brad Blood: "Zombie's gotten away from the villagers! And now he's going after the source of his problems!"
Jim Jackson: "He slams Q into the wall! Q drops into a limp pile at Zombie's feet!"
Brad Blood: "Q's been using his speed and mad skills to keep Zombie at bay, but the dead guy was gonna catch up to him eventually!"
Jim Jackson: "And Marcus Troy looks so please to see Q in such a state!"
Brad Blood: "Zombie's dragging Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing to the gorilla position! He's tossing Q out onto the stage!"
Jim Jackson: "Marcus Troy telling the referee to start the match! He's still a Vice GM, so it's on!"
Brad Blood: "Zombie...and he slams Q onto the floor! Looks like being dismembered earlier didn't slow Zombie down that much!"
Jim Jackson: "Marcus Troy takes his time walking to where Q and Zombie are! Q is just being stomped like a welcome mat!"
Brad Blood: "Oh wait! Here comes Q's countrymen again! The mob's chasing Zombie AND Marcus Troy!"
Jim Jackson: "Q manages to trip up Troy! Troy kicks him off! Q's countrymen are chasing him, but Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing waving them off! HE WANTS TROY!"
Brad Blood: "Q is hurt though! He's running after Troy, but Troy spins around and ducks Q! He manages to clothesline Q! And now he's kicking away at Q!"
Jim Jackson: "Q's countrymen are having their hands full with Zombie!"
Brad Blood: "Troy sends Q crashing into the ringsteps! He's...forcing Jasmine Lee off her chair! He's gonna give a chairshot to Q!"
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing with a vicious kick right between Marcus Troy's legs! He shoves something into Troy's mouth!"
Brad Blood: "Troy's gagging! What did he put in"
A closeup reveals a free kitten's head in Troy's mouth.
Jim Jackson: "QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING FORCES THE FREE CAT HEAD DOWN MARCUS TROY'S THROAT! TROY'S CHOKING!"
Brad Blood: "HE JUST GRABBED MARCUS' CHAIR, AND SLAMMED IT ACROSS TROY'S HEAD!"
Jim Jackson: "QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING IS WHACKING THAT CHAIR REPEATEDLY ON THE DOWNED MARCUS TROY! HE'S TRYING TO DESTROY THAT CHAIR!"
Brad Blood: "HE HAS TROY! HE'S POINTING TO THE PORTA-LET! THIS IS GONNA STINK!"
Jim Jackson: "QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING SHOVES TROY INTO THE PORTA-LET! HE TIPS IT OVER! AND HE'S WON IT!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of the Porta-let Match...QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING!"
Jim Jackson: "Q pulls Troy out from the spilled Porta-let! Troy's totally soaked in crap and urine!
Brad Blood: "He's still choking on that free cat!"
Jim Jackson: "QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING IS SHOVING TROY'S HEAD DOWN THE TOILET! TROY STRUGGLING HELPLESSLY LIKE A DROWNING KITTEN!
Brad Blood: "He's dragging Troy to another porta-let!"
Jim Jackson: "Q shoves Troy into another porta-let! Slams the door on him! And tips this one over too!
Brad Blood: "We've got another six porta-lets here! Don't tell me he's gonna use them all!"
Jim Jackson: "Troy sputtering feebly as Q drags him out! Q KICKS HIM BETWEEN THE LEGS AGAIN!
The energetic enigma of the wrestling world known only as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing stands over the fallen Marcus Troy. He takes a mic to speak.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Horrible things need to be purged away, so things will be clean again! The people you have wronged didn't ask for you to be demoted! They want you to be purged away! And you're going to get it, with the full flush of justice sweeping you away like diarrhea!"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing grabs the defeated Marcus Troy, just as two journalists from his country appear, carrying with them something big, stout and red.
Brad Blood: "Is that a fire hydrant? Oh no."
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "When I said I am ready to give you something that burns more painfully than the justice brought to that zombie, I MEANT IT!"
Brad Blood: "He's pulling down Troy's pants! Don't tell me he's going to OOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!"
A high-pitched scream cracks the air. Many cheer as they see the holy act of divine sodomy being visited upon Marcus Troy.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing pushes Marcus Troy into another porta-let. He brings out some heavy chains, locking Troy inside the portable toilet. His countrymen appear, and eagerly carry off Marcus Troy.
Jim Jackson: "I guess....we now need a new Vice General Manager?"Have you always wanted a pet but cannot afford one?
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Have you always wanted a pet but do not have the time to feed and walk it?
WELL TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!
HERE AT FREE CAT INC. WE WILL SOLVE ALL THOSE PESKY LITTLE ISSUES YOU HAVE! OWN A PET NOW HASSLE FREE! NO NEED TO FEED IT, NO NEED TO WALK IT! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING! SO CALL NOW AT 1-800-FREE-CAT! AND WE'LL DELIVER YOUR VERY OWN FREE CAT RIGHT TO YOUR DOORSTEP FOR FREE!!!  VS VS VS VS VS Jasmine Lee: "The following contest is a contenders' match for the Boleto Dorado! The winner of the match will receive a Boleto Dorado, or golden ticket. This guarantees the winner a shot at any of the ULOL titles within the next six months!"
Brad Blood: "It's a ticket you can cash in on any ULOL Champ, at any time."
Jim Jackson: "Allister King was the first winner of the Boleto Dorado. And he surprisingly used it to challenge Marcus Troy for the title of General Manager."
Brad Blood: "And he pulled it off, too! But now the stipulations for the Boleto Dorado have been changed to affect only championships, not job descriptions."
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing the challengers for the Boleto Dorado match! The first competitor, representing the Age of Pain, here is Taufik!"
Jim Jackson: "Taufik coming off a loss against the former Primo Ultimo Champion, Shogun."
Brad Blood: "But who hasn't lost to Shogun? His manager is confident that Taufik will pull off the big wins, but he's taking on a whole bunch of opponents who have had much success as pro wrestlers. This match isn't going to be a walk in the park for him or any of the other contenders."
"All that Remains" started playing as Taufik walks out and pryos started to come out as he makes his way to the ring with his trusty Singapore Cane. When he reaches the ring, he raises his Singapore Cane as another set of pyros go off.
Jasmine Lee: "Making his way to the ring, here is Stank Lord!"
"This stinks" plays as Stank Lord appears on stage he looks around him then walks down the ramp and into the ring.
Jim Jackson: "Stank Lord's currently in a feud with Christopher Bain, who also happens to be in this Boleto Dorado match. Would be interesting to see how they are going to interact in this contest."
Jasmine Lee: "Representing Morbidly Unstoppable, here is 'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson!"
Papercut by Linkin Park blasts over the arena as 'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson enters the stage through a spark shower. He makes his way to the ring. He glares at the other competitors already in the ring, before climbing a turnbuckle to scout the entire arena.
Jim Jackson: "Jack Johnson just last month was one of the challengers for the Primo Ultimo championship. Though he lost out to Alexander Conway, you can be sure Conway is keeping an eye on this match."
Brad Blood: "If UJJ wins this, you'll bet he's going to be gunning for the big gold as soon as he's able. That goes for any of the others involved in this match."
Jasmine Lee: "Making his way to the ring, here is Christopher Bain!"
"Take Over" by Dale Oliver begins playing throughout the arena as Christopher Bain steps out onto the entrance ramp. Walking to the center of the ramp, he stops for a moment before throwing his arms out wide as a volley of pyrotechnics explode behind him. As they subside, the young man begins walking towards the ring, slapping the hands of any fan who reaches out to him. When he arrives at ringside, he hops onto the ring apron before hopping over the top-rope. He climbs onto a turnbuckle to strike a quick pose for the fans.
Jim Jackson: "As I mentioned earlier, Christopher Bain and Stank Lord have been coming to blows, mainly over the lawsuit Stephanie Dawson has filed against Stank Lord."
Brad Blood: "Bain's taken up the cause of fighting for Stephanie. I got nothing against her, but you'd figure she'd let her lawyers deal with Stank Lord. Especially since they're billing her a quite a bit of money."
Jim Jackson: "Certainly an unusual way of trying to settle the lawsuit, but stranger things have happened in ULOL."
Jasmine Lee: "Approaching the ring, he is the largest athlete in all of ULOL! Representing Morbidly Unstoppable, here is the Morbidly Obese Man!"
THUMP!!! THUMP!!! THUMP!!! The earth reverberated and shook as the monstrosity known as The Morbidly Obese Man squeezed himself out of the now visibly cracked entrance tunnel. There is no entrance music and no video playing on the Titan Tron. Just one massive form that looks bigger than an elephant. The crowd stares in stunned silence, not knowing what to make of the super-sized behemoth making his way down the entrance ramp as the floors creak with every step. As The Morbidly Obese Man reaches the ring he climbs up the steel steps the crowd wonders how this "thing" can enter the ring. But lo and behold in a feat of utter incredibility and great fat flexing ability, The Morbidly Obese Man somehow squeezed through the ring ropes and enters the ring which sighs heavily under his weight.
Brad Blood: "TMOM has got to be one of the odds-on favorites here. Maybe even more favored than his tag partner."
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man certainly the biggest challenger in this match. He can take out multiple opponents all by himself. If this match comes down to him and Jack Johnson as the final two, will it permanently affect their partnership?"
Jasmine Lee: "And naking his way to the ring, he is the final competitor for the Boleto Dorado match! Here is Zombie!"
Creeping Death by Metallica plays as Zombie slowly walks out. Zombie strolls down to the ring. He waves and shouts HI! to the other contenders, who are all staring at him with varied expressions of revulsion, terror and fascination.
Brad Blood: "That's the creepiest mofo ever. Anyone in ULOL can come out and say 'I'm a monster. I'll tear you limb from limb.' Zombie's DONE THAT, way too many times."
Jim Jackson: "No doubt he'd want a shot at doing that again, if he can. But Zombie now in the unusual position of being the physical representation of the Primo Ultimo title."
Brad Blood: "That belt's still inside him, yeah? Is he going to hold Alexander Conway's hand when Conway has his title defense later tonight?"
Jim Jackson: "I don't think so. And Morbidly Obese Man getting in Zombie's face. Zombie nearly infected him when they fought in the main event of the Ay Basura! PPV."
Everyone's attention is then fixed onto the stage, as someone comes out with a clipboard in hand.
Bob Babbie: "Hi. The GM has an announcement to make. The rules for the Boleto Dorado match were never sent out, so I'm out here to give you the list."
Brad Blood: "Isn't this going to be an over-the-top rope battle royale?"
Bob Babbie: "While the first Boleto Dorado match was an over-the-top battle royale, the General Manager decided he wanted something different for tonight."
An image flashes on the ULOLtron above Bob.
Brad Blood: "WHAT!?"
A wave of shock, awe and nausea sweeps across the audience and the wrestlers in the ring, as they all stare at the announced match for the Boleto Dorado. Bob continues to read from the clipboard he's carrying.
Bob Babbie: "Throughout the distinguished history of the United League of Lunatics, Free Cat has been used on many occasions to settle matches and disputes. After a long absence, ULOL is proud to announce a renewed partnership with Free Cat. And to mark this renewing of ties, we will have the first Free Cat Challenge under the administration of Allister King."
Several women dressed up in attractive evening gowns come out. Each woman is pushing a serving cart. On top of each cart are trays laden with what appears to be...meat.
Brad Blood: "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no..."
Bob Babbie: "Free Cat will be served to the contestants for the Boleto Dorado. You'll have a choice of any of Free Cat's fine offerings: pussy vindaloo, tomcat haggis, cat jerky, honey-roasted, Thai curry cat, kimchee cat, and extra-crispy thin-crusted kitty."
A nearby thud startles the announcers.
Jim Jackson: "...Jasmine's fainted!"
Bob Babbie: "Each of you will be given one serving of a whole free cat. You'll have to finish your whole free cat first, to be declared the winner."
Jim Jackson: "The wrestlers don't like the sound of that at all."
Bob Babbie squeaks as he sees several wrestlers angrily exiting the ring, getting ready to march up to him. Jack Johnson vehemently yells a string of profanity, while Taufik hefts his Singapore cane, threatening to brain Bob with it.
Bob Babbie: "Hey, I'm just passing on what the GM wants! Look, he also said that if you're backing outta this match, you're gonna be suspended! Maybe even fired!"
Bob fearfully squeaks again, as the wrestlers angrily, reluctantly, but eventually, return to the ring. Zombie is the only one who did not leave the ring. In fact, he is laughing to himself.
Brad Blood: "I think I can see who's going to win this match."
The contestants hesitate as they are presented the trays of free cat. A couple hurriedly pick theirs, hoping perhaps that their choice would be the most appetizing. Soon enough, everyone has his own serving in hand.
Jim Jackson: "So...uh, I guess we're about to begin the match. Is Jasmine okay?"
Brad Blood: "I think she'll be fine. Um..."
Bob Babbie manages to recover from his earlier panic attack.
Bob Babbie: "OK. You guys have all picked which cat you want to have. The referee in charge is Jack B. Nimble. So...BON APPETIT!"
The bell rings, and the first to begin eating his free cat is Zombie.
Jim Jackson: "Zombie off to a quick start as he digs into his free cat. Jack Johnson, Christopher Bain, and the others are all still staring at their servings."
Brad Blood: "Probably because the food's staring back at them."
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man sniffs his free cat. Which flavor is that?"
Brad Blood: "I really would rather not find out."
Jim Jackson: "Jack Johnson is the second one to start digging into his free cat! And the Morbidly Obese Man likewise takes a huge bite!"
Brad Blood: "You can see the string of meat dangling down the side of TMOM's mouth! And now Taufik's eating his free cat too!"
Jim Jackson: "Morbidly Unstoppable, Taufik and Zombie all eating at a brisk pace. It looks like the non-zombified contestants are all looking to eat this up as quickly as possible, perhaps hoping they wouldn't be able too much of the free cat."
Brad Blood: "Q's people actually LIKE free cat. Just throwing that out there."
Jim Jackson: "Christopher Bain takes a tentative bite of free cat. And he clearly doesn't like the taste!"
Brad Blood: "Stank Lord shares Bain's pain! Zombie...wow, he's like a quarter of a way done with his free cat!"
Jim Jackson: "Taufik pausing for a moment...and he takes a big gulp of liquid refreshment to wash down the catmeat! And we're just being informed right now that the drinks for this Boleto Dorado match are courtesy of EREKTUS. When you're going down on your pussycat, go with EREKTUS."
Brad Blood: "Stank Lord and Bain are falling behind. Look at UJJ and TMOM go! Like they're trying to see who is hungrier for pussy...cat!"
Jim Jackson: "Stank Lord looks like he's having trouble with this particularly mouthful of free cat! He's trying to fight off his urge to gag!"
Brad Blood: "Listen to Taufik chomping away relentlessly at his free cat! He's gnawing on that meat like a rabid animal! This is certainly gonna mess up the diet plan Manolo Ferrer set for him!"
Jim Jackson: "I'm sure there's a few gallons of prune juice ready for Taufik to gulp down to get the taste of pussy vindaloo out of his mouth! But so far Taufik's keeping up with Morbidly Unstoppable! And all three appear to be only SLIGHTLY behind Zombie!"
Brad Blood: "Zombie's almost halfway through his cat! And on the opposite end we have Bain and Stank Lord desperately trying to catch up! Not an easy task when it's free cat!"
Jim Jackson: "I hear Stank Lord prefers cock to cat."
Brad Blood: "I think he'll do anything with a pulse, so long as it's F-A-R-T-I-N-G."
Jim Jackson: "Christopher Bain's clearly as disgusted as Stank Lord, but he's soldiering on, and building a lead over Stank Lord! He still has a long way to go before he can catch up to the rest of the pack!"
Brad Blood: "They could've given these guys the kitty packs. But it looks like they were each given a family-sized pack of free cat. All fully grown cats."
Jim Jackson: "It's certainly turning into an impromptu lesson on cat biology. Wait! Stank Lord just took his platter of free cat to Christopher Bain's head! What the hell!"
Brad Blood: "I think Stank Lord's just quit on this match!"
Jim Jackson: "Bain groggy from that hit to the head! Stank Lord kicks him back down! He's standing over Bain! He's going to fart on him!"
Brad Blood: "After all that free cat, I can only shiver in horror at what sorta smell's gonna come blasting outta Stank Lord!"
As Stank Lord exerts the effort to blow his patented fart, he unexpectedly lurches forward, bits of catmeat and other juices spurting out of his mouth in a long stream.
Jim Jackson: "HE JUST THREW UP!"
Brad Blood: "HE DIDN'T FART AND WASTE IT! HE BURPED AND TASTED IT!"
Jim Jackson: "Bain just shoves Stank Lord to the mat! Stank Lord slides out of the ring, slipping on his own vomit!"
Brad Blood: "I guess Stank Lord's outta this match!"
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man's caught up to Zombie! Both are...almost two-thirds of the way done with their free cat meal! Christopher Bain returns to his free cat!"
Brad Blood: "Hey wait! What are those people doing...oh crap!"
Jim Jackson: "It's Q's countrymen! They've been stalking Zombie, and now they are charging into the ring after him!"
Brad Blood: "Does this mean we're gonna have a no-contest!"
Jim Jackson: "Zombie goes ACK! And he's trying to dodge a phalanx of pitchforks and spears!"
Brad Blood: "Oh he's just been skewered! They're trying to tear him apart!"
Jim Jackson: "The other contestants are clearing the ring! Zombie's on his own!"
Brad Blood: "Security not really doing their job in restoring order!"
Jim Jackson: "Maybe it'll be better to just LET THEM take Zombie!"
Brad Blood: "The dead guy pries himself loose! But he's losing bits and pieces of himself! The mob's chasing him all the way to the back!"
Jim Jackson: "The official telling the remaining competitors to resume eating their free cat! We see Taufik protesting what's happened, but there's little else he or the referee can do."
Brad Blood: "Uh...yeah. So, Zombie's running for his life. That leaves TMOM in the lead for the Free Cat Challenge!"
Jim Jackson: "But Jack Johnson QUICKLY and AGGRESSIVELY going for his cat! He takes HUGE bites out of the pussy! With Morbidly Obese Man now leading the contest, this leaves his partner as number two in the match! Followed by Taufik and Christopher Bain!"
Brad Blood: "Taufik seems to be slowing down, though! Clearly the full serving of pussy is probably more than what he'd usually eat in a regular meal!"
Jim Jackson: "Christopher Bain likewise having trouble scarfing down more meowmeat! But he's almost caught up with Taufik!"
Brad Blood: "I'm guessing Manolo Ferrer is watching his client right now, and wondering what in the hell he's gotten into!"
Jim Jackson: "Jack Johnson...he's just gulping down the meat like it was air! He's somehow caught up with the Morbidly Obese Man!"
Brad Blood: "Both men are neck and neck in chewing down the free cat all the way to the bones! TMOM just GULPED down that tail in one go!"
Jim Jackson: "And it looks like he's actually enjoying the free cat!"
Brad Blood: "o.O My God, you're right!"
Jim Jackson: "Johnson just TEARS into the stomach of his roasted free cat! Look at how quick the meat falls off the bones! Look at how juicy it is!"
Brad Blood: "Lookit the little roasted kittens INSIDE UJJ's free cat!"
Johnson stares at the huddle of kittens he's uncovered. No wonder his free cat seemed bigger than the others.
Jim Jackson: "Johnson's turning greenANDHEJUSTTHREWUPALLOVERCHRISTOPHERBAIN!"
Brad Blood: "BAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER WITH PUSSY JUICE!"
Jim Jackson: "JOHNSON...VOMITS AGAIN! AND HE SPLASHES JACK B. NIMBLE!"
Brad Blood: "JACK B. NIMBLE'S THROWING UP TOO! TMOM DUCKS NIMBLE'S SPEW! AND WHAT'S STANK LORD DOING BACK OUT HERE!"
Jim Jackson: "BAIN'S COVERED IN VOMIT! AND STANK LORD STAKES THE OPPORTUNITY TO FART ON OH JACK JOHNSON JUST THREW UP ON STANK LORD!"
Brad Blood: "STANK LORD'S COATED IN GOO LIKE A BUKKAKE QUEEN!"
Jim Jackson: "STANK LORD STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THE FREE CAT! HE HURLS ON CHRISTOPHER BAIN! BAIN CAN'T STOMACH IT ANY MORE! HE TOO VOMITS!"
Brad Blood: "HE'S GOING INTO A SEIZURE! CHRISTOPHER BAIN JUST FACEPLANTS THROUGH THE TABLE! CAT MEAT AND SERVING TRAYS FLYING EVERYWHERE!"
Jim Jackson: "JOHNSON AND BAIN ARE BOTH TWITCHING ON THE MAT! THEY'RE BOTH GOING INTO SHOCK!"
Brad Blood: "Stank Lord's trying to stay on his feet! He's gonna finally give Bain a faceful of free cat fart gas!"
Jim Jackson: "TAUFIK JUST CRACKED HIS SINGAPORE CANE ON STANK LORD'S HEAD! STANK LORD SLIPS ON THE PUKE-COVERED MAT, AND SLIDES OUT OF THE RING AGAIN!"
Brad Blood: "My God, look at all the puke! UJJ was just UNSTOPPABLE! Someone get him an IV!"
Jim Jackson: "Him, Bain AND the referee! Jack B. Nimble just tumbles out of the ring, totally spent!"
Brad Blood: "TMOM and Taufik came through relatively unscathed! They're...they're the last two left in the Free Cat Challenge!"
Jim Jackson: "Morbidly Obese Man picks up his platter of free cat! Taufik does likewise! It's a staredown, as they each have a pussy in hand!"
Brad Blood: "But TMOM's been more vigorous in eating pussy! He's almost done! Taufik's gonna have to scarf that whole thing down WHOLE if he's gonna have a snowball's chance in hell of winning this match! And I think it's safe to say Taufik doesn't really have a lot of experience in stuffing pussy...cat meat down his throat!"
Jim Jackson: "Morbidly Obese Man takes a big bite from his cat! He's now slowing down! He knows Taufik's got too much cat left over to catch up with him!"
Brad Blood: "Taufik is staring a hole through TMOM! You can see the rage building up! He's got that Singapore cane nearby! And we've yet to have another official come down to replace Jack B. Nimble!"
Jim Jackson: "OMIGOD TAUFIK'S TRYING TO PUT THAT WHOLE CAT DOWN IN ONE GO! TAUFIK'S STRETCHING HIS LIPS TO GORGE DOWN THE WHOLE KITTYCAT!"
Brad Blood: "I THINK HE'S CHOKING ON HIS CAT!"
Jim Jackson: "WHAT HE'S DOING IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE! HE'S TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF SWALLOWING A LONG, STIFF PIECE OF MEAT"
Brad Blood: "I KNOW THAT! DOES TAUFIK KNOW THAT!"
Jim Jackson: "HE'S DETERMINED TO WIN! HE'S DETERMINED TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!"
Brad Blood: "HE'S GOT HALF A CAT DANGLING DOWN HIS MOUTH! MEANWHILE, TMOM IS ALMOST DONE EATING HIS FREE CAT!"
Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man indeed seems to be almost done with his free cat! He's down to the last big piece!"
The Morbidly Obese Man chews thoughtfully as he picks on the final drumstick from his meal. His chewing slows to a halt as he takes a long look at the jerky in his hand.
Jim Jackson: "Wait! Zombie's running back out here! It looks like he's given the villagers the slip!"
Zombie slips back in the ring. He angrily walks up to the Morbidly Obese Man, and swipes the cat meat from his hand.
Zombie: "GIMME THAT!"
He reattaches his missing rib, then dashes out of the ring as Q's countrymen rush back out after him.
Jim Jackson: " :O "
Brad Blood: " "
Jim Jackson: "THE MORBIDLY OBESE MAN JUST THREW UP! HE'S SPILLING OUT HIS FREE CAT!"
Brad Blood: "TMOM'S BEEN ELIMINATED! BUT TAUFIK'S TURNING BLUE!"
Jim Jackson: "SOMEONE SHOULD STOP THIS CONTEST! THIS IS BARBARIC!"
Brad Blood: "WAIT! TAUFIK...HOW!?!?!"
Jim Jackson: "HE...HE JUST SOMEHOW MANAGED TO PUSH THE LAST BIT OF FREE CAT DOWN HIS MOUTH! HE'S TAKEN IN THE WHOLE THING!"
Brad Blood: "PUSSY! CAT AND ALL!"
Dr. Booboo B. Gone quickly gets in the ring. He raises Taufik's hand in victory, even as Taufik struggles mightily to remain conscious and standing.
Brad Blood: "Taufik taking every shred of willpower NOT to throw up! He's got to do this to win the Boleto Dorado!"
Jim Jackson: "HE'S TURNING PURPLE! HE'S NOT GETTING OXYGEN!"
Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "We have a winner, and it's Taufik!"
Brad Blood: "Taufik wins! The Age of Pain have the Boleto Dorado!"
Jim Jackson: "Someone get Taufik some oxygen!" | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Donde Esta El Banyo?! 03/27/2011 Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:12 am | |
| IT'S MEGA YUMMY!
IT'S MEGA MUSKY!
IT'S... IN STORES NOW!Stephanie Dawson can be seen walking quickly behind someone.Stephanie Dawson: "Excuse me Shogun? I was wanting to ask you a few questions can you please stop?"Shogun can now be seen heading towards the ring with a look of pure intensity on his face completely oblivious to Stephanie's calls. He keeps walking on until the woman eventually gives up looking almost worried as Shogun always stops for an interview with her before a title match. He walks on with his title over his shoulder as his music can be heard now in the arena. The true test has finally begun again.  VS Jim Jackson: "And finally it has come full circle. Alexander Conway won the Primo Ultimo off Shogun last month. Shogun slowly built himself up again going through different opponents again to get himself into top form to finally get a chance to win the title again."
Brad Blood: "Well Shogun HAS demolished everyone in his path for the past month, The Morbidly Obese Man, Taufik, Musashi Kurama and The Masked Man. I bet he can handle Conway no problem tonight."
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a cage match and is for the ULOL Primo Ultimo Championship! Introducing first, he is your current and reigning ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion, Alexander Conway."
"Hunt You Down" by Saliva blares throughtout the arena as Alexander Conway makes his way to the ring.
Jim Jackson: "Conway is more of a technician, you should wonder how being in a cage will affect his game."
Brad Blood: "Well there are no submissions and the only way to win is by escaping the cage... I'd say Conway is in a big disadvantage here tonight."
Jasmine Lee: "And the challenger, here's the former ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion, Shogun!"
"A Victim, A Target" by Misery Signals blasts though the arena speakers ans the lights begin to flash on and off. As the lyrics begin Shogun bursts from behind the curtains with fire erupting from the ramp beside him. Shogun begins to make his way to the ring with a look of pure intensity on his face. as he makes it to the ring he runs up and rolls into the ring the expression on his face unchanged. He walks over to the ring announcer and takes a mic from his hand to speak.
Jim Jackson: "Tonight we see Shogun again brush off an interview attempt by Stephanie Dawson, a repeat of what happened at the last PPV Ay Basura!"
Brad Blood: "It just means that he is focused tonight Jim."
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "The cage is slowly lowered sealing both men in the ring. The only way to win is to escape the cage... And there's the bell! Both men lock arms... Shogun throws Conway into the cage. Gutwrench into a powerbomb, Conway hits hard."
Brad Blood: "Shogun is showing dominance early on, he is overpowering the smaller Conway."
Jim Jackson: "Conway shakes it off quickly and ducks below a running clothesline attempt by Shogun. Shogun gets taken down by a super kick by Conway! Standing leg lariat by Alexander Conway on Shogun. Second rope flying axe handle, Shogun goes down."
Brad Blood: "This time the champ gets the upperhand. Conway is holding his own against Shogun tonight. Alexander Conway throws Shogun into the cage! An eye for an eye!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway shakes it off quickly and ducks below a running clothesline attempt by Shogun. Shogun gets taken down by a super kick by Conway! Standing leg lariat by Alexander Conway on Shogun. Second rope flying axe handle, Shogun goes down. Conway hits a dropkick on Shogun for good measure."
Brad Blood: "Conway climbs the cage... But Shogun is in hot pursuit. Shogun catches up with Conway and slams Conway's head unto the steel cage! Conway falls back to the canvas."
Jim Jackson: "Shogun with a leg drop misses as Conway rolls away at the last second! Conway with an Irish whip sends Shogun to the ropes."
Brad Blood: "Shogun counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Conway telegraphed that move!"
Jim Jackson: "Gutwrench into a powerbomb, Conway hits hard on the canvas. Shogun is not done punishing Conway yet, he brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly kill Conway. Stun Gun from Shogun!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun uses the chance to scale the cage while Conway is still down. Shogun leaps unto the ropes to begin his ascent. CONWAY SOMEHOW LEAPS AND SHAKES THE ROPES! SHOGUN LANDS ON HIS GROIN RIGHT IN-BETWEEN THE ROPES!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway pulls Shogun down. DDT by Conway! Conway hits a few stomps unto Shogun's torso for good measure and focuses on climbing out of the cage."
Brad Blood: "Shogun gets back to his feet! Conway sees Shogun and leaps from the cage! SHOGUN CATCHES CONWAY IN MID-AIR AND POWERBOMBS HIM INTO THE CAGE!!!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway falls to the canvas in a crumpled heap! Shogun uses this chance to scale the cage again."
Brad Blood: "Wait Conway is up! How the hell could he still stand after all of that?!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway is barely standing, in fact I think he's really hurt. He's just using the ropes for support. Shogun stops his ascent up the cage and leaps back down. Shogun throws Conway into the cage."
Brad Blood: "Shogun twists Conway's arm behind him... Conway reverses a Shogun hammerlock!"
Jim Jackson: "Driven DDT by Alexander Conway. The ring shook violently from the impact! Shogun somehow staggers to his feet... Tornado DDT from Alexander Conway!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun just got planted on the head twice! But I think that took a toll on Conway's battered body too."
Jim Jackson: "That powerbomb to the cage really screwed Conway up. Conway tries to climb up the cage but he is taking slower than usual."
Brad Blood: "You can say that again. Shogun just got back up to his feet. He sees Conway and quickly goes after him. Shogun catches up to Conway! Both men are throwing punches while hanging on to the cage."
Jim Jackson: "Hard hook by Shogun catches Conway on the jaw! Conway loses his grip and falls down! Shogun jumps down. Shogun lifts Alexander Conway up into into the air in a half nelson and then into a backdrop position before slamming Alexander Conway down to a sitting position, slamming the back of his neck to the canvas executing a Demonic Sacrifice!"
Brad Blood: "SHOGUN HIT HIS FINISHER! THIS COULD BE IT! CONWAY IS NOT MOVING AT ALL! Shogun has a smirk on his face. Shogun begins to walk towards the cage... Wait he stops! He turns around and looks at Conway... Don't tell me..."
Jim Jackson: "He's going for another Demonic Sacrifice! Shogun lifts Alexander Conway up into into the air in a half nelson... CONWAY WITH A MULE KICK TO THE GROIN! Alexander Conway hits Shogun with an enziguri kick, quickly picks Shogun up, and throws him with a release German Suplex. Alexander Conway then waits for him/her to get back to his feet before hitting Shogun with a super kick executing a Dark Demise!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun is down! Shogun is down! Conway staggers his way to the cage wall and starts climbing! Conway is taking his time but Shogun gets back on his feet and gives chase! Conway is almost to the top but Shogun grabs on to his leg... Conway kicks Shogun off the cage! Shogun falls to the mat!"
Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway slowly pulls himself up onto the top of the cage. He takes a moment to gauge the distance before leaping forward. Bringing his knees to his chest, Alexander performs a front flip before continuing the rotation and landing back-first onto Shogun hitting a 630˚ Senton from the top of the cage! THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!"
Brad Blood: "CRAP! I don't believe he did that! That definitely also hurt Conway! Both men are not moving at all! The referee is starting the ten count!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway somehow manages to get himself up and struggles to his knees..."
Jack B. Nimble: "Four! Five! Six!"
Brad Blood: "Conway holds on to the ropes and is slowly pulling himself up back to his feet."
Jack B. Nimble: "Seven! Eight! Nine!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway starts his climb up the steel cage... Wait! Shogun is starting to stir too..."
Brad Blood: "Conway slowly but surely climbs up the cage... Shogun is now staggering onto his feet..."
Jim Jackson: "Conway is halfway up the cage and Shogun gives pursuit."
Brad Blood: "Shogun tries to catch up but Conway is near the top! Shogun tries to reach out for Conway's leg! Conway kicks Shogun who almost falls but somehow hangs on!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway has reached the top of the cage! He swings himself unto the top! Shogun tries to catch up! Conway swings himself over! Shogun has reached the top of the cage too! He grabs down and holds unto Conway's elbow pads!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun is trying to pull Conway back up! Conway wriggles his arms... IT SLIPS OUT OF THE ELBOW PAD!!! CONWAY DROPS DOWN TO THE OUTSIDE!!! CONWAY RETAINS THE BELT!!! Shogun is left on the top of the cage with an elbow pad as consolation!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match and STILL ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion, Alexander Conway!"
Jim Jackson: "And somehow Alexander Conway retains the title in this almost life shattering cage match!"
Brad Blood: "Holy shitakwa that was awesome! And the referee now is motioning to Zombie the official Primo Ultimo championship belt. I see he managed to get away from Q's countrymen more or less intact. The referee raises both the champion and Zombie's hands to signify the winner of this match. We actually have a championship Zombie."
Jim Jackson: "Zombie now looking back to the ring as the cage withdraws back to the ceiling."
Brad Blood: "I think he's scoping out Shogun."
Jim Jackson: "Zombie enters the ring Brad and I think you may be right."
Brad Blood: "Shogun attempting to get to his feet and pulls on the rope to balance himself. A downed Shogun is still a dangerous Shogun."
Jim Jackson: "Zombie saying something to Shogun we can't quite make it out, but Conway now in the ring with a microphone and puts it up to Zombie's face. Conway smiling as well. This is obviously something he is encouraging."
Brad Blood: "Well if it's to knock Shogun down a peg or two I don't blame him!!"
Zombie: " ... betrayed Marcus Troy! I am here to teach all those who let him down Shogun! And as luck would have it you've fallen into my lap!"
Jim Jackson: "And Zombie now pummelling Shogun with hard rights!!"
Brad Blood: "He's stopped briefly setting up something more brutal! Zombie has Shogun by the ears now Jackson!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway shouting to Zombie to go through with the monster's finisher. And a MASSIVE headbutt to Shogun hits perfectly as Zombie executes his signature Deadbutt!"
Brad Blood: "Ooo man Shogun will feel that in the morning! Alexander Conway celebrating with his new best bud and he raises Zombie's hand in the air."
Jim Jackson: "And Zombie now smiling at the downed Shogun. He quickly grabs the microphone off Conway who is still celebrating. And I think Zombie has a few more words."
Zombie: "That's what you get when you betray Marcus Troy! The Age of Pain will know only what they call themselves once I have finished with them! On a completely different note I would like to thank The DWMA for their kind hospitality! And I have a gift to their supposed leader and STILL the ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion, Alexander Conway. This gift comes right from the heart ... quite literally. If you'll just give me a moment..."
Jim Jackson: "And Zombie just put his hand into his body in the general area of the heart. He seems to be pulling at something there."
Brad Blood: "I can see a part of that belt moving Jim! Is he ... is he going to give Alexander Conway the championship belt?"
Jim Jackson: "We can only assume! And Zombie continuing to pull on what we think is the belt lodged inside of him. He mentioned a gift to the current champion Alexander Conway.... and I think ... I think he has some sort of leverage on it now Brad! I think he.... holy hell..."
Brad Blood: "Oh man that was gross! I think every bone in his ribcage cracked and he has the belt now in his hands!"
Jim Jackson: "He also has a large hole in his chest where he just pulled that belt out! And that belt is dripping in all sorts of gooey horrible liquid!"
Brad Blood: "I don’t understand how he can be standing with that large gaping hole."
Jim Jackson: "And Alexander Conway smiling now as Zombie looks to him. Brad I never thought I’d see the day that Zombie actually did something right for a change! I mean it takes some real guts to do something like this on such a large stage here tonight!"
Brad Blood: "Of whatever guts he has left!"
Jim Jackson: "And Zombie now handing the title over to Conway. Conway can taste it but … "
Brad Blood: "Whoa wait a minute! Zombie just drew it back and now he’s shaking his head. What’s going on?"
Jim Jackson: "Conway now looking surprised probably like everyone else in this arena and … Zombie just slammed that title belt over Alexander Conway’s head!! What on earth is going on? Zombie now stomping with those large feet onto Conway’s chest."
Brad Blood: "Zombie now with the microphone and he’s down to Conway’s level. He’s got a hold on Conway’s hair. What’s he going to do now?"
Zombie: "I want you to look at me when I’m talking Conway! Did you really think that I was going to give you this belt? Huh? Look at me!!!"
Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway trying to break free from Zombie’s grasp but Zombie replies with a hard slap to Conway’s face which subdues Conway once again!"
Zombie: "I want you to be awake Conway! Don’t make me have to knock you out! Did you really think that I was going to stay in your little group? That I was going to join your little band of idiots? I’m taking this belt away from you. Or as you will call it … I’m STEALING your championship belt! When Q shoved this belt up my anus I knew that it was mine and I am not going to give it to someone like you! And if you ever want it back then a title match with me is the only chance you have at gaining it! I will never be friends with anyone especially not you! My entire career I have betrayed people left right and center and that will never change!! I’m in it for myself and when I see my chance I will take it without a moment’s notice! I’ll see you soon Conway!!"
Jim Jackson: "Zombie making his intentions clear, as he raises the ULOL Primo Ultimo championship belt above his head. And yet another betrayal at the hands of Zombie."
Brad Blood: "Man the crowds boos are deafening."
Jim Jackson: "Zombie leaves the ring with the title belt draped over his shoulder and takes something which clearly does not belong to him. Alexander Conway is bound to come back hard from this betrayal. I sure hope Zombie is ready for him when it’s crunch time!"
Brad Blood: "Crunch time is Zombie’s specialty! I think he’s got Conway well in hand!!"
Jim Jackson: "Well we shall find out soon or maybe our next show which is when we shall see you now! We are out of time here tonight be sure to join us next time!!"Jim Jackson: "What a PPV! A lot of unexpected events happened tonight."
Brad Blood: "The return of that fairy fruitcake gender incorrect Boy Bakla, the return of the Free Cat Challenge to ULOL. Marcus being hauled off to Q's country... Things can't get any more unexpected."
Jim Jackson: "Well tonight other that Nao Fook Mi losing her title, GoodFella & Schwarz, Lucian Blackheart and Alexander Conway had a successfully retained their respective titles."
Brad Blood: "Though Zombie ran off with Conway's title after a brutal attack..."
Jim Jackson: "I figure that things will only get more interesting from now on Brad... Oh don't forget, starting next week Lucha Loco will be moved to Sundays! So until next Sunday, this is Jim Jackson saying sayonara and tune in to Lucha Loco to see the fallout of this PPV!" | |
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