United League of Lunatics & Lucha Libre Puroresu
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| | | Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 |  |
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The Morbidly Obese Man
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 |  Subject: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011  Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:41 pm | |
|  Summer Bold is in the locker room of Age of Pain. Sitting beside her is her client Gina “The Wild” Sheridan. She doesn’t smile nor does she show any emotion. She is cold like a steel. Summer is watching her, admiring her before she speaks.Summer Bold: "Soon these women will feel wrath of the Wild. You're like the weapon of destruction. Well, I know you are not fully ready, but you already did the damage to these pathetic so called divas. Soon gold will be yours."She walks near Gina and whisper to her ear.Summer Bold: "Don’t be shy, please go ahead say something."Gina closes her eyes and says.
Gina “The Wild" Sheridan: "Well you already said that I will destroy these women, and I surely will, unless someone interferes in my plans..."Summer Bold: "Well, that’s what I like to hear."She shows cameraman that his time here is over. And he needs to get out of here. And that's how the scene ends.  W/ VS & Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a handicap match and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, Lady Bianca de Sade!"'Rebirthing' by Skillet blasts over the arena as Lady Bianca de Sade comes out from the entrance tunnel. She walks down to the ring with The British Hawk following behind her. She waves to the fans as she enters the ring.Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, her tag team partner for tonight, Samantha Collins!"Soundgarden's Black Rain begins to blast from the PA system as Samantha Collins makes her way out to the entrance ramp. She stands and lights a cigarette before heading down to the ring. She drops the lit cigarette and stomps it out before entering the ring.
Jasmine Lee: "And now, introducing their opponent, Gina Sheridan accompanied by Summer Bold!"“Highway to Hell” by AC/DC starts to sound and Gina “The Wild” Sheridan accompanied with Summer Bold walks down the entrance ramp and enters the ring to little fanfare.Brad Blood: "Is that Awesome Kong?!"Jim Jackson: "No, that's Gina Sheridan."Brad Blood: "Oh...well that's really dumb. I expected Awesome Kong, not a cheap imitation!"Jim Jackson: "Calm down, Brad, the match is about to start."Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"Brad Blood: "As the bell rings, both Summer Bold and Samantha Collins exit the ring. That leaves the fake Awesome Kong and Lady B to start things off."Jim Jackson: "Lady B charges at Gina Sheridan, only to be booted down! Sheridan grabs Lady B by her hair and pulls her towards her corner before smashing her to the turnbuckles."Brad Blood: "Gina holds Lady B while Summer gets a free kick in on her while the ref isn't looking. Sheridan continues to stomp on Lady B who is trapped in the corner before the referee pulls her away."Jim Jackson: "While the referee is yelling at Gina, Summer grabs Lady B and begins punching her behind the referee's back."Brad Blood: "Summer points at both The British Hawk and Samantha Collins, who were both getting upset at the tactics shown by Bold and Gina."Jim Jackson: "Tactics? They're cheating!"Brad Blood: "I know. What's your point?"Jim Jackson: "While the referee is trying to keep The British Hawk in his sight and Collins out of the ring, Bold walks back over to Lady B and assists Gina in the beat down!"Brad Blood: "Wuhahahaha! I bet Lady B wishes she didn't bring Hawk down to the ring with her now! He's causing her to get destroyed!"Jim Jackson: "The referee finally turns his attention back to Gina and begins counting until Gina ceases her attack. Gina irish whip Lady B into the ropes before catching her with a stiff clothesline!"Brad Blood: "Powerful combination Gina and Summer"Jim Jackson: "It's supposed to be a handicap match Brad, Gina is supposed to fight alone. A suplex from Gina places Lady B very close to the turnbuckle. Gina climbs up the turnbuckle. Top rope slash crushes Lady B!"Brad Blood: "Summer Bold gets another cheap shot in! Gina goes for the cover!"Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Thr..."
Jim Jackson: "Lady B manages a kick out! Gina give Lady B a few stomps before posing to the booing crowd."Brad Blood: "Gina lifts Lady B and slams her to the mat before dragging her by her hair back to their corner where she continues throwing hard chops at her. Summer continues to sneak in some cheap shots."Jim Jackson: "Gina whip Lady B to the ropes before tossing her with a back body drop! Gina goes for the cover."Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Thr..."Brad Blood: "Lady B again manages to kick out. Gina bounces off the ropes before dropping a leg onto the throat of Lady B. Summer climbs the turnbuckle before landing on Lady B with a flying elbow drop! Gina goes for the pin!"Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Three!"Jim Jackson: "No! Samantha Collins broke up the pin attempt just before the three!"Brad Blood: "She might have just prolonged Lady B's suffering. Sheridan irish whips Lady B to the ropes, but Samanatha Collins is able to reach her hand! Sheridan hits Lady B with an elbow before getting dropkicked by Collins!"Jim Jackson: "Collins irish whips Sheridan into the corner before following her in and hitting her with the clothesline! Collins lifts Sheridan onto the turnbuckle before climbing up after her. Superplex from Samantha! Samantha goes for the cover!"Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."Brad Blood: "Gina kicks out at two. Gina connects with a wild right, but Samantha gives her two punches for the trouble before scooping her up and slamming her to the mat!"Jim Jackson: "Samantha bounces off of the ropes, but Sheridan catches her with a knee to the midsection. Sheridan with the DDT! Gina uses this chance to soften up Collins more with hard stomps. Irish whip by Gina sends Collins to the corner. I see another sneak attack by Summer."Brad Blood: "But Collins foils their plans by clotheslining Summer and dropkicking Gina! Collins follows up the dropkick with a few punches, but Gina headbuts Collins away."Jim Jackson: "Gina lifts Collins up before slamming her hard into the turnbuckle. Gina backs away before charging in and squashing Collins with the avalanche!"Brad Blood: "Gina goes for the cover!"Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Thr..."Jim Jackson: "Collins barely managed to kick out there. Gina lifts Collins onto her shoulders. Collins fires off some elbows into the side of Gina's head before sliding down her back and hitting the neckbreaker! Collins goes for the cover!"Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..."Brad Blood: "Gina kicks out at two. DDT from Collins! Bold enters the ring and illegally hits Collins with forearm to the back of the head! Perfectly played!"Jim Jackson: "Sheridan kicks Collins in the gut before bouncing off of the ropes and dropkicking her on the head! Rude Awakening from Sheridan is followed up with the cover." Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two..." Brad Blood: "Samantha kicks out at two! Sheridan charges at Collins, but Collins kicks her in the knee before bouncing off the ropes and kicking Gina in the back of the head!" Jim Jackson: "Before Collins has time to even think after the Erin Go Bragh, Gina kicks her in the stomach and lifts her up for a powerbomb, but Collins uses the momentum to roll over the shoulders of Gina and pull her to the mat!" Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two! Three!" Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match, Samantha Collins and Lady Bianca de Sade!" Jim Jackson: "A surprise pin leads to what has to be thought of as an upset! Lady B rolls into the ring to celebrate with Samantha, while The British Hawk rolls into the ring to celebrate with Lady B!" Brad Blood: "I don't see why bird brain or Lady B are celebrating right now, they didn't help Samantha at all!" Jim Jackson: "They supported Samantha Brad. Wait a second! As Hawk and Lady B turned around, Gina took them out with clotheslines!" Brad Blood: "Summer Bold just hit Samantha Collins with an elbow to the back of the head, and Samantha dropped like a sack of bricks! What's in that thing?" Jim Jackson: "I don't know, but the thing is definitely loaded. Gina grabs Lady B...Wild Buster! Hawk tries to defend his girl, but gets hit with the loaded elbow pad and knocked unconscious! And Hawk gets hit with the Wild Buster! Gina pulls Collins off of the mat and hits her with the Wild Buster as well!" Brad Blood: "This Gina chick is a freak, but she's a freak that knows how to leave a message." Jim Jackson: "Welcome folks to Uno Mas!, ULOL's pay-per-view for the month of June, and what a great night we have for you all tonight! We have Oriental Spices defending their tag titles against two other teams! We have Raven Connoly who will fight Musashi Kuruma who will be returning to action tonight after a freak accident last month, we have Alexander Conway defending his title against Christopher Bain..."
Brad Blood: "Don't forget the highlights of the evening, the Gauntlet challenge for the ULOL Boleto Dorado and also the four-way elimination match for the ULOL Primo Ultimo title! This will be a great night Jim! I can already feel it in my bones!"
Jim Jackson: "You got that right, so without further ado, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!" "Sonne" by Rammstein begins playing on the speakers as a man who the audience has only seen entering the building, begins walking down the ramp. A few boos are heard due to his actions earlier in the night. He takes a microphone off of a ringhand before walking up the steel steps onto the ring apron. He wipes his feet on the apron before entering the ring.
William LaCroix: "Well, well, well....here we all are at another ULOL PPV with a name a child would give. Management finally realized that having a Swiss man on the Pay Per View is bound to get people from Switzerland to pay to view it. And I'm sure that they are doing just that, because unlike you "people" in the audience, the Swiss can actually appreciate talent."
The crowd begins to boo, but LaCroix is quick to continue.
William LaCroix: "Yes, yes, yes, you all boo. We've been here, we've done it. Can we move on?"
The crowd continues to boo, but LaCroix nods his head, taking their booing as an affirmative answer.
William LaCroix: "Tonight, I face a jobber who I have already defeated once before in the past. The Lightweight division just keeps showing itself to be as pathetic as I say it is. The only wrestler from the Lightweight division that has stood up to me is not only an idiot, but is also stepping up only because I have defeated him in the past. He has delusions that he can defeat me, and I shall prove them to be just that very soon."
LaCroix pauses to listen to the crowd for a few moments before continuing.
William LaCroix: "But I don't want to talk about the cowards who are being paid to suck any longer. What I want to talk about is my title shot. When will I get it? I defeated Christopher Bain in my ULOL debut, and yet he was handed a title shot for that worthless Lightweight belt. Ray Kamaura was defeated by a Lightweight before being handed an opportunity to earn a shot at Shogun when he first came to the ULOL. I've won every match I have been involved in so far in my ULOL career, including the newcomers four-way elimination match, where I proved myself to be the most talented newcomer here. And yet, what have I gotten?"
LaCroix allows the crowd to give a few answers before continuing.
William LaCroix: "That's right, nothing. Hell, an old man who wasn't talented in his prime, and certainly is not wine, and so hasn't gotten any better with age, is being given the chance at a golden ticket that would allow him to challenge any champion at any time. Meanwhile, I have to waste my time in the opening matches of a Pay Per View? The opening matches of every Pay Per View should include the untalented and the stupid. Meaning, it should include the women and the Lightweights....and Jack Johnson."
A few fans get a laugh out of the inclusion of Johnson's name, but the majority of them are booing LaCroix's sexist remark and his remark about the Lightweight division.
William LaCroix: "But, what's done is done, I surmise. The LaCroix family makes the best out of every situation, and that's what I plan on doing. I will disassemble my adversary tonight in dominating fashion to demonstrate why I should be included in the more important matches of the ULOL." The scene started with a very dark and silent background with only a playground being shown. The cameraman move towards the playground searching for Taufik. They found Taufik sitting down in one of the slides and as they move closer, Taufik started talking.Taufik: "The people HATES ME! This week I met an asshole who beats his son as though he was a punching bag. He was lucky that I didn't finish him off or else he would not he here in this WORLD!!! There’s one guy in that locker room that reminded me fof people from my past. He was schooling at the same place as me when we were young but the thing is he’s a bully always told other people to do his dirty deeds because he got this thing called popularity just like you Arnold but yours is about power and gold. Well now where is your gold Arnold? The title is now not in your hands and you are having a the Boleto Dorado match. I tell you something there Arnold. As long as Jim Rival is in that match, I can assure you that he won't let you win it easily.”Taufik walks around the playground as the cameramen followed Taufik as he’s now putting his focus on his adversaries for His Pay-Per-View .Taufik: “At the Pay-Per-View. I will be facing three guys as UJJ is going to put his Ultimo Primo on the line as I am going to beat the crap outta him and that transsexual and someone who lost to someone who his not even half his size. Like the arts of war says “It is the rule in war, if our forces are ten to the enemy’s one to surround him; if five to one, to attack him; if twice as numerous, to divide our army into two”. To my adversaries at the PPV, I know everybody will come for the UJJ and eliminate him first but here another words from the book of arts of wars “There are five dangerous faults which may affects a general. Recklessness, which leads to destruction; Cowardice, which will lead to capture; A hasty temper, which can be provoked by insults; A delicacy of honor which is sensitive to shame and the last one is over-solicitude to his men, which expose him to worry and troubles.” I will not be that hasty to make my move at the PPV, but will you? As I believe that a cunning mind is a dangerous weapon when it comes to thing like some place like to call it a four-way-dance as you will never know who will strike and when it will strike. UJJ, better take note of this bitch as I will be coming for that title of yours and take it away from you as I put it in my waist. Now go away before I use you as my punching bag."
Taufik then gives out a sadistic laugh as the cameraman make haste as he doesn't want to be Taufik’s punching bag as the scene fades to black | |
|  | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:41 pm | |
|  Jim Jackson: Well that match sure was a shocker!! I'm being told that we have live footage of a brawl that's been going on since last Sunday!
Brad Blood: I told ya that you couldn't get those two apart!!
The scene cuts to the car park and we see Chriso and Zombie continuing thier assault on each other. Chriso slams Zombie to the floor and then pulls Zombie's arms around his neck trying to choke Zombie, locking in his own submission hold The Straight Jacket Lock. Both wrestlers seem to take this time to catch their breath as they trash talk each other.
Chriso: "Give ... it ... up Zombie......."
Zombie: "To you? .... N... Never!"
Chriso: "Then how ... exactly ... will we ... settle this?"
Zombie: "When you ... are in the ... ground!!"
Zombie chuckles at the thought and is quickly gagged when Chriso tightens the hold.
Chriso: "I am and always .... will be the one to finish you Zombie....."
Zombie: "No one can ... stop me!!"
Chriso: "And what about "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson? ..... Last I saw he has the Primo Ultimo championship on his ... shoulder!!"
Zombie: "It took a car. It took Johnson. It took The Morbidly Obese Man. And it took you to put a stop to me. Now tell me that your little lonesome self is going to finish me!!"
Zombie grins snidely and suddenly summons power still stored inside the beast as he gets to his feet and backs Chriso onto the bonnet of a car. Chriso releases his hold on Zombie. Zombie grabs Chriso and suplexes him onto the car bonnet setting off the car alarm. Zombie looks around for a weapon and sees the closest heaviest object. Zombie grabs the camera and the video cuts out as it impacts over Chriso's head.
Brad Blood: "Wow! I can't believe they're still going! I struggle five min..."
Jim Jackson: "WELL!!! ... Now then Brad ... let's get on with the show shall we? ... we'll keep up with more from those two later in show!" VS Jim Jackson: “Well up next we have John “Grey Skull” Johnson going up against William LaCroix. Grey Skull on a mission to put all cheaters in their place and so far so good.”
Brad Blood: “He put away The Masked Man and now he’s moved onto William LaCroix!”
Jasmine Lee: “Ladies and gentlemen the next match is scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first John “Grey Skull” Johnson!”
One from Metallica blast trough the speakers Sparks are showering as Grey Skull makes his way to the ring, wearing Shorts when he hits the ring the thunder will hit the ring posts.
Jasmine Lee: “And his opponent for this match, William LaCroix!”
"Sonne" by Rammstein begins playing over the speakers as the big man from Switzerland walks down towards the ring. He ignores the crowd as he climbs up the metal stairs onto the ring apron. After wiping his feet on the apron, LaCroix swings one of his long legs over the top rope before doing the same with the other.
Jim Jackson: “Both men out here now and both looking determined!”
Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!!”
Jim Jackson: “And this match gets underway as both men tangle it up! And LaCroix easily throws Grey Skull away!”
Brad Blood: “I’d consider Grey Skull to have some sort of a chance against a man of this size if he was some sort of speedy highflying wrestler! Or even a large powerhouse! But I don’t see this one going Grey Skull’s way tonight!”
Jim Jackson: “LaCroix has Grey Skull in a headlock and uses his strength to apply pressure on Grey Skull’s head! LaCroix just punched Grey Skull to … well … his skull!”
Brad Blood: “Don’t be scared Jim!”
Jim Jackson: “Who said I was …”
Brad Blood: “And LaCroix now stomping a mudhole on Grey Skull! LaCroix going for the pin!! But Grey Skull was lying in wait with a possum pin!!”
Jim Jackson: “LaCroix suddenly in trouble!”
Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Th…”
Jim Jackson: “LaCroix kicks out in time! LaCroix is taken aback and Grey Skull up now! Grey Skull brings LaCroix to his feet and goes straight into a vertical suplex.”
Brad Blood: “Grey Skull obviously not wanting to give up easily!”
Jim Jackson: “That’s what I admire about this guy! He’s here for a good cause and is driven to it! Grey Skull continuing his attack as he repeatedly drives his forearm into the chest of LaCroix.”
Brad Blood: “Grey Skull now has LaCroix to his feet again and attempts an irish whip but LaCroix counters. LaCroix using his strength to pull Grey Skull back towards him and brings Grey Skull down with a strong clothesline! LaCroix not allowing Grey Skull the time to get control of this match!”
Jim Jackson: “LaCroix with right hands to the grounded Grey Skull. Grey Skull forced to his feet and LaCroix plants a big European Uppercut! Grey Skull still on his feet from that and LaCroix hit another one home which brings Grey Skull to the canvas!! LaCroix now choking Grey Skull with his boot!!”
Brad Blood: “Oh man! Talk about cheating right in front of his face! He releases on that referee’s count! LaCroix now looking pretty confident already! I think he’s forgotten about that incident just a couple of minutes ago!”
Jim Jackson: “LaCroix climbing the turnbuckle! A high risk maneuver in progress! Waiting for Grey Skull to find his feet! And LaCroix lands a HUGE clothesline as he leaped from the top turnbuckle towards Grey Skull! Grey Skull once again on his back in the middle of the ring!”
Brad Blood: “LaCroix with Grey Skull to his feet again and viciously bear hugging Grey Skull! LaCroix’s frame almost swamping Grey Skull as he tries to squeeze the life out of Grey Skull!”
Jim Jackson: “Grey Skull writhing in pain but not allowing himself to give up! And LaCroix releases his hold as he decides to continue a different offense! LaCroix with Grey Skull in position for a piledriver. And the impact shakes the ring! LaCroix picking Grey Skull apart!”
Brad Blood: “I don’t think that this was ever in doubt! LaCroix is a huge man at seven foot and he has the physique to go with it! LaCroix firing right hands down onto Grey Skulls head. LaCroix in control of this match!”
Jim Jackson: “LaCroix keeping Grey Skull stunned with a series of punches. LaCroix throws Grey Skull into the ropes, Grey Skull runs back and LaCroix levels Grey Skull with his signature bicycle kick!!!”
Brad Blood: “Or as LaCroix would like for you to call it, that is his Riot Run!!”
Jim Jackson: “Well I’m sorry about that Brad! I didn’t know you cared so much! But anyway back to the match at hand! Grey Skull in some trouble now! LaCroix is dominating this match and doing it well!”
Brad Blood: “We have seen a slight struggle from Grey Skull but it didn’t turn out to be much in the end! LaCroix going into the pin!”
Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two!”
Jim Jackson: “But LaCroix can only manage a two count! Grey Skull is not giving up!”
Brad Blood: “LaCroix looks pretty annoyed now though! He’s got Grey Skull in the fireman’s carry! I think he’s … oh man!!”
Jim Jackson: “I could feel that impact through the floor! Grey Skull now draped over the turnbuckle after he was viciously slammed over it! And if I’m not mistaken this is just the beginning of this particular finisher move from LaCroix!”
Brad Blood: “That’s right! This is Dementia and Grey Skull gets driven onto the second turnbuckle!!!!”
Jim Jackson: “And now onto the third!! Grey Skull MUST be out of it by now! With such strength and power behind it each time! And now LaCroix finishes with a HUGE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!! And LaCroix straight into the pin!”
Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Three!!”
Jim Jackson: “And that does it!”
Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this matchup via pin fall, William LaCroix!!!”
Brad Blood: “I think he pretty much dominated that match! But it looks like he’s not finished!! Is he going into that Dementia again?!?!?”
Jim Jackson: “I’d say he is! And Grey Skull gets slammed onto the turnbuckle once again!! We need security out here this is uncalled for! He’s already won the match!”
Brad Blood: “I think he’s teaching him a lesson! And onto the second turnbuckle!! Grey Skull is limp! I think he’s completely out of it! LaCroix sees security making their way out here and plants Grey Skull with that Death Valley Driver instead of going for the third turnbuckle!!”
Jim Jackson: “There was no need for any of that! I think Grey Skull got the message during the match! And LaCroix makes his way out the ring to a series of loud boos from the crowd! Security and medics now tending to Grey Skull as LaCroix swaggers up the ramp and leaves the arena! I hope Grey Skull will be alright after that brutal attack AFTER the match was won!! There was absolutely no need for it!”'Machine Gun Blues' by Social Distortion starts to play over the arena speakers. The crowd seems confused at first by the unfamiliar entrance music. A barrage of fireworks go off as Raven Connoly runs out onto the stage, the crowd leap to their feet at Ravens appearance. She has the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly around her waist and the ULOL Campeón no Masculino over her left shoulder, her hair in the usual pigtails, a red plaid skirt, and black tank top. Raven does a skip/run down the ramp slapping her fans hands as she makes her way to the ring. She slides into the ring and climbs up one of the turnbuckles and throws her fist in the air and screams as the arena erupts in deafening cheers. She lumps off the turnbuckle and lands in the center of the ring.
Raven Connoly: "HELLOOOO ULOL!!!!!"
The crowd erupts in cheers again as Rave smiles broadly.
Raven Connoly: "The past couple of weeks have been some weird ones for me, so I decided the best thing to do is shake off all the weirdness from the last few weeks and start fresh. So one way to do that and make things feel a little fresh was to get myself a new entrance theme. I've been using the old one for almost 5 years, I thought it was time to get a new one. The next thing on my list is to have another successful title defense."
Raven takes the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly off and holds it above her head.
Raven: "Tonight I'm defending this one, the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly, and I'm defending it against the man who was unfortunately robbed of his title shot at the last PPV when I accidentally shot him, Musashi Kuruma. Now I still feel horrible at what happened to Musashi, but it happened and we can't change that. Now Musashi Kuruma says that the wound is healed and he is fine, and I hope for his sake that is true. Tonight's match is a submission match, and if there's one thing you don't want going into a submission match is a weak limb, and that goes double when that match is against me. You see, I've always taken pride in my technical skills, and one thing I know is how to make my opponent tap out. Now as bad as I feel about what happened to Musashi Kuruma, that doesn't mean I'll go easy on him, and I'm definitely not going to limit any of my holds by not going after that injured leg. That's how the game is played, if you go in with a weak spot, you better expect your opponent to capitalize on it."
Raven Connoly: "Now Musashi Kuruma is a professional, and I know he would expect nothing less, and I'm sure he already has a game plan to counter thing I throw at him. However, Musashi has another thing to worry about, and that is that I'm not the submissive type."
Raven pauses and gives a slight evil grin as comments are heard through out the arena.
Raven Connoly: "Come on boys, get your minds out of the gutter and stay with me here. The point I was making is that I don't quit, and I don't give up, so Musashi has his work cut out for him if he thinks he is going to win this match. I'm enjoying my reign as ULOL's first and only double champion, and I don't feel like giving it up yet."
'Machine Gun Blues' by Social Distortion hit the speakers again as Raven slides out of the ring. She slaps the fans hands as she makes her way back up the ramp. Raven reaches the stage and throws her fist in the air and screams as the crowd goes wild. Raven points at the ring before disappearing backstage.Felix Schwarz is sitting in the bar and thinks about his miserable life and starts to talk with the bartender. Felix Schwarz: "You know the bartender my life sucks totally."Bartender looks at him.Bartender: "It doesn’t look like your life could suck. Hey you are two times Campeones Companero one half of GoodFella & Schwarz."
Felix Schwarz: "Yeah that’s me but I’m happy about that. I’m not happy about stuff that I’ve done. Hell, I even killed people."Bartender: "I know what you mean. Someone gets killed every day, and we can’t do anything about it. Look. What is on TV all the time politics and criminals? So don’t be like that."Felix Schwarz: "Thanks that you're trying to make me feel better, but it’s not working."
Bartender: "You know what you should try to become a movie star. You have charisma, good looks, and you are a bit famous. Well, it might make you happy." Felix Schwarz: "I never thought about that before. You know what I will make some calls and will see if I really can be the movie star. I got to go now. See you soon man."
Felix leaves the bar and heads back to ULOL arena.  The door to Marcus Troy's office opens and nobody is seen inside. Ray Kamaura and Leon Hinomoto walk into the former tyrants office and Ray takes a seat in his big chair.Ray Kamaura: "I miss good old Marcus. I wonder where he is now? I bet he is getting ass raped by a polar bear somewhere in Mexico, or where ever Q is from. But that's not important."Ray starts to look in the desk. He opens a compartment and pulls out a box. Ray opens the box and finds some of Marcus's expensive cigars. He takes one and lights it up and takes a hit. Then start to cough violently.Ray Kamaura: WOW that's nasty! How can that old fart smoke these. It's worse than smoking a dog turd wrapped in the skin of Michael Jackson."Ray throws the lit cigar at Marcus's plant. The plant catches on fire. Ray and Leon stare at the plant as it goes up in flames.Ray Kamaura: "If he asks Taufik did it. Anyway, what's the plan for tonight's match?"Leon walks over to the plant and turns around. A zipping nose is heard and Leon starts to relive himself on Marcus's burning plant. After a few seconds Leon zips up and turns to Ray. You can now see a charred plant that is still smoking but the fire is out.
Leon Hinomoto: "I think we have to divide and conquer our foes. They are strong and will present much a problem. But I think we can finally accomplish the ultimate goal of the DWMA and win the tag team titles and be the longest reigning champs ever. But we cannot underestimate our opponents again. We need this win and those belts."
Leon took the lamp turned it upside down then chuckled.
Leon Hinomoto: "So, Ray, What are you plans for the match and the overall plan for the DWMA?"Ray chuckles at Leons actions and continues.
Ray Kamaura: "The Ultimate goal of the DWMA is, in fact, the Campeónes Compañero. But Yuki is trying his damnest to obtain the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly. Not just the belt but the girl too. It would also be nice to get Conway back. He will bring the title with him. You and I will capture the Campeónes Compañero and then I will go on the obtain the Primo Ultimo Championship and then the DWMA will be the most powerful stable ever known. Those are my plans. Those are my dreams. Those are the future."
The Scene fades to black. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:42 pm | |
| ARE YOU FEELING GAY?
DO YOU FEEL LIKE GOLD?
IF YOU ARE THEN WE HAVE THE ICE CREAM FOR YOU!
Available in stores now!The ex-General Manager of the ULOL squints as they take the blindfold off him. He sees he is inside some office. A fairly spartan one, with little in terms of decoration. The manager's desk is empty, though.
His guards point to the chair where he is supposed to sit. Marcus Troy does so, his chains dragging on the wooden floor under his feet.
He hears a door open behind him. Then he is face to face with the man who has introduced him to this waking nightmare of merciless tykes, sadistic pinata games, bad food and horny bears.
He is none other than the supreme superstar of the wrestling ring. He is the bane of his life, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Hello, you unfit for consumption excuse of a human being!"Marcus does not answer.Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The ULOL is a strange place to do business! You murder and eat people, and you get rewarded with title shots and solid good! But anyone who does the right thing, they get told to stay away!"The masked wrestler places a sliver of twisted metal in front of Marcus Troy.Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "This USED to be the tainted belt you spent so much to prop up and defend! This was taken care of the RIGHT WAY! And for that, that King of an Allister follows your footsteps, and decides I should stay home! Which isn't so bad for me, since I can do more TV shows! And I can make sure you guest star WITH me!"Marcus' eyes widen in horrified understanding.Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Someone has to keep an eye on you, you bringer of misery to my humble homeland! And someone's got to make sure you behave in all the kids' shows you show up in!"Marcus Troy: "THOSE BASTARDS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!"Marcus' outburst goes limp as he suddenly cowers in front of the masked man who brought him here.Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "You think too badly of my lovely people! Those poor children only want to show you how they feel about you! And I don't blame them! I can only guess why that Allister King thinks what I did is worse than what Carlito and Primo have done to him and his family! I think it's because he's an Ire-man, from south IRE-Land! And you know what they say about them!"Marcus Troy: "You're suspended?"Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "It means I have more time to write the next chapter of my autobiography! And my novels! And to do all those TV and movie jobs I've been putting off for some time! I question Allister's weakie wishy-washy-wooshiness, in rewarding his enemies and punishing his harmless friends! But that only means I get to stay here, in the comforts of my homeland! Live among my poor but persevering people! And watch you dangle like Kermit with my hand up your unlubed sphincter!"Marcus Troy stares in horror at Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing. Behind him, Marcus could see a wall calendar, with its 31 days. It is only then he realizes how much time he has spent trapped in this strange, terrible land. In the hallway outside the infirmary, all is quiet. There are no screaming patients, raving lunatics, or annoying fans who snuck in the back entrance and shouldn't be here but are anyway because they just haveto meet their favorite wrestlers even if it means getting their faces beaten in with a nightstick by overzealous security guards before being tossed out onto the cold, hard concrete.
But then a man steps out from the infirmary, bandage around his leg and light reflecting off of the freshly shaved dome of his head. He begins making his way toward the showers, but before long a young man and his friend (holding a camcorder) seemingly appear out of nowhere and start asking him questions.
Fan 1: "Oh my god, you're Musashi Kuruma! Um...I have some questions. This is an interview, okay? Right? Got it?"
Musashi nods, though he doesn't actually get anything. Well, they must be newbies or something. Might as well go along with it.
Musashi Kuruma: "Yes, I am Musashi Kuruma, famed Buddhist-turned-wrestler. What do you wanna ask?"
Fan 1: "Okay, uh...first, how do you feel about uh...your next match?"
Musashi Kuruma: "My match against Raven for the Correa Grande? It's a submission match, which, if what I've heard of her technical skill is true, will be a big one. Definitely going to be a hard match to win, but I'll give it my all. This bullet wound is only a pebble compared to the mountain I will face on that night!"
Fan 2: "Man, this guy sure likes making his opponents sound tougher than they really are, huh? If she hadn't shot him when he came out with that golden ticket, he'd stomp her into the curb."
Musashi Kuruma: "Now, now, that was a mistake. Anyone could have made it. It could have been Yuki who shot me! But even without this wound (and a very small one it is, make no mistake), I would have to use my full strength in our match. And, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, I hope she does too."
Fan 1: "Cool. So, uh, where are you going now?"
Musashi Kuruma: "The showers. I must cleanse both body and soul before I can tarnish them with the violence in the ring, lest the sins and blood build up until I become as monstrous as that demon, Shogun. If you don't mind, gentlemen."
Musashi walks past the two fans, continuing on his journey to the shower room.
Fan 1: "Dude, did you get that?"
Fan 2: "Yeah, man! I can't believe we actually got to talk to a real pro wrestler, for real! This is so going on Youtube!"
Several minutes later, two trespassers were caught by security, who beat their faces in with nightsticks and tossed them out onto the cold, hard concrete. The trespassers' camcorder was confiscated. After seeing the video, someone said 'fuck it' and used it for Musashi's next promo.Rupert B. Humperdink is seen walking about backstage reciting a screwed up alphabet
Rupert B. Humperdink: "A..B..D...F...P...N...Y...Z...C."
Rupert suddenly stops and looks at a door beside him labelled ''women's shower room''
Rupert B. Humperdink: "Woo Men's Show Room? I am a man!!"
Rupert Rushes into the room closes the door behind him, Screaming is heard
Rupert B. Humperdink: "BOOBIES!!!!! BOOBIES!!!!!!"
??: "GET THE FUCK YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!"
Rupert is pushed out the door with a huge smile on his face
Rupert B. Humperdink: "Hehehehehehehe Boobies hehehehe"
Rupert begins walking away shouting Boobies everywhere as the camera fades to black  VS Jim Jackson: “Now for some more title action this evening. We got Raven Connoly defending the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly against Musashi Kuruma! Which if I remember right Raven accidently shot Musashi at our last PPV!”
Brad Blood: “That’s right!”
Jim Jackson: “And we must remind viewers that it was a complete accident! Raven was pretty shaken from it! And Musashi has fully recovered. But the match tonight is a submission match! Does Raven have an advantage simply because she has that powerful submission in her arsenal? We shall find out!!”
Brad Blood: “Raven’s arsenal?”
Jim Jackson: “Brad? Brad? Your nose is bleeding again!”
Brad Blood: “Eh? What? Oh!! Damnit!!”
Jasmine Lee: “This next match is a Submission title match for the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly! The only way to win is by making your opponent tap out using submission moves! Introducing first, the challenger, Musashi Kuruma!!!”
Dragon by JAM Project plays as footage from an old Japanese anime runs on the Titan Tron, the lights go dim, and fog covers the stage. Once the music starts to become more lively, the lights return to their normal brightness and Musashi runs enthusiastically to the ring through the fog, followed by a line of fireworks down both sides of the ramp, attempting (but failing miserably) to jump onto the mat through the ropes. Once he's disentangled himself, he goes (much more calmly this time) to his corner and offers up a quick prayer to Buddha.
Jasmine Lee: “And his opponent! She is the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly champion and ULOL Campeon No Masculino champion! Raven Connoly!”
'Machine Gun Blues' by Social Distortion starts to play over the arena speakers. A barrage of fireworks goes off as Raven Connoly runs out onto the stage, the crowd leap to their feet at Ravens appearance. She has the Correa Grande Del Oro De Raven Connoly around her waist and the ULOL Campeón no Masculino over her left shoulder, her hair in the usual pigtails, a red plaid skirt, and black tank top. Raven does a skip/run down the ramp slapping her fans hands as she makes her way to the ring. She slides into the ring and climbs up one of the turnbuckles and throws her fist in the air and screams as the arena erupts in deafening cheers. She lumps off the turnbuckle and lands in the center of the ring.
Jim Jackson: “Both wrestlers look about ready for this matchup!”
Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match Jack B. Nimble! Let the lunacy begin!!”
Jim Jackson: “This match gets underway as both wrestlers wearily circle the ring! Both are up to this task and both are going to give their all here tonight! Both wrestlers now lock it up and Musashi in control of that grapple. Obviously with Musashi being a man does give him a strength adavantage. And Musashi hoists Raven over with a suplex! Musashi quickly sliding across and goes into a Camel Clutch pulling on Raven’s neck!”
Brad Blood: “Musashi quickly getting started on those submission moves! Musashi releases the hold and decides to carry on his offense! Musashi pulling Raven up to her feet and scoop slams her back onto the canvas! Musashi continuing with those stomps to the midsection of the grounded Raven Connoly! Musashi now starting to work on the right arm of Raven! As he redirects his stomps from the midsection to the right arm! He will take advantage of that later on I’m sure!”
Jim Jackson: “Musashi going for a high risk maneuver as he climbs the top turnbuckle! He has Raven’s arm out! I think he’s aiming for it! Musashi jumps from the turnbuckle … and Raven quickly rolls out of the way! Gravity brings Musashi down as his knee lands heavily on the canvas!! That will be useful to Raven as she gets to her feet now! Musashi trying to recover that knee but Raven on the attack now! She begins to stomp down on that injured knee! Now she gets into position for something! Raven grabs Musashi across his waist and picks Musashi up into the air and then brings him down onto his injured leg!!!”
Brad Blood: “Raven using some strength she must have stored away somewhere! Where though is another question!”
Jim Jackson: “Raven looks like she’s going to capitalize on the knee! She crosses Musashi’s legs with her own and locks in the figure-four leglock! All that pressure onto Musashi’s leg and knee! Musashi now clearly in pain!”
Brad Blood: “But he must try to break free! And so he does as he drags himself and Raven towards the ropes! He’s reaching out for the bottom rope! Still not quite there and Raven applies more pressure before he can get any further!! And he finally gets to the rope!”
Jim Jackson: “Raven releases her hold! Not wanting to give Musashi time to recover she drags him to his feet! With an irish whip Raven sends Musashi to the ropes but he doesn’t get that far as he stops mid flow with that knee! Doubled down with the pain! Raven approaches Musashi but he lashes out with a right hand as she gets close! Was he in pain? Or was it just a ruse to lure Raven in? Nevertheless Musashi quickly jumps into a jumping DDT! Going back to that right arm again!”
Brad Blood: “He needs to work on it Jim! He needs some leverage to even out the playing field! You said yourself that Raven has her own specialty submission and Musashi does not! Hey who the hell is that?”
Jim Jackson: “Well I can tell you that that is Connoly coming out here! Why he’s out here I’m not sure! But that is Raven Connoly’s father Brad! Arrived here about two weeks ago! He obviously has an interest in this match being that his daughter is fighting! He seems content to watch from the top of the ramp!”
Brad Blood: “In the meantime Musashi has continued to work on that right arm of Raven’s! And now he has Raven’s arm twisted around. Raven trying to untwist herself but Musashi twists her arm around again and brings it around behind her back.That Connoly doesn’t seem to want to intervene. I wonder why? Musashi now with the irish whip towards the ropes Raven bounces off the ropes and runs straight into an elbow from Musashi!”
Jim Jackson: “Musashi pulling Raven up and now setting up for I think what is going to be a powerbomb! Indeed it is as he pulls Raven up onto his shoulders but Raven now trying to get her way out of it. Firing down punches on Musashi’s head. AND RAVEN COUNTERS WITH A HUGE FALLING DDT FROM MUSASHI’S SHOULDERS!!!”
Brad Blood: “Both wrestlers down from that reversal. Raven landed on her back from that height but it was worth the risk. If Musashi had finished the powerbomb then he surely would’ve remained in control. We know what Raven is capable of but something like that with Musashi’s power behind it, surely would have ended this match for Raven. Raven slowly getting to her feet and this time Raven is stomping a mudhole on Musashi! Pulling Musashi to his feet she irish whips him in to the turnbuckle. Raven makes a short sprint towards Musashi and dropkicks him!”
Jim Jackson: “Raven now with hard chops to the chest of Musashi! And Raven irish whips Musashi to the opposite corner and once again sprints but this time leaps and plants a shining wizard right into Musashi’s face! Musashi looks like he’s seeing stars!”
Brad Blood: “Raven not giving Musashi time to recover as she goes back to those chops to the chest. Musashi stumbling out from the corner and Raven comes from behind with a bulldog!! Raven once again going to that knee! Exposing it and going for big solid stomps right on the kneecap!”
Jim Jackson: “She goes to the top turnbuckle! This is a risk! Musashi tried this earlier and that set Raven up perfectly! But this time she lands hard on top of that knee with her boot! Musashi in some pain now grasping at his knee! I think he had hoped that Raven had forgotten about that because he seemed to recover! And Raven goes into that figure four leglock again putting pressure on the knee!”
Brad Blood: “Musashi in real trouble now! Trying not to let the pain get to him! I think that Buddhist training would come in handy right about now! And Raven constantly applying pressure! Musashi reaching for the ropes!”
Jim Jackson: “When a wrestler goes for rope over canvas that’s gotta be somewhat exhausting for the wrestler who has the hold locked in! Musashi once again using his strength to pull himself and Raven along the ring floor as he finally gets a hand to the bottom rope! Raven breaks the hold and wonders what to do next as she briefly glances at her father, Connoly, at the top of the ramp.”
Brad Blood: “Musashi rolls out of the ring, goes to the outside and rubs his knee trying to soothe the pain. Raven follows to the outside and uses some punches to stun Musashi. She irish whips Musashi towards the ring post but Musashi counters and irish whips Raven right into the ring post!!!”
Jim Jackson: “Musashi going back to work on arm! Both wrestlers really trying to work on each others limbs! Both with the same tactics going into this match! Injure a limb to work on and take advantage of that! Musashi slamming the right arm of Raven onto the top of the steel steps!”
Brad Blood: “Now he’s wrapping Raven’s arm around the ring post! Fires some right hands to the face of Raven! Now he’s on the ring apron. From one side of the ring he runs, actually more like a fast limp, along the ring apron and he punts the arm he’s been working on! And Raven untangles herself, grasping her arm in pain!”
Jim Jackson: “Musashi drags Raven to her feet and rolls her back into the ring. Musashi enters the ring! Wait a minute!! Raven just quickly dived up into the air!! And Raven now throws Musashi into the turnbuckle behind him! Raven Connoly runs towards Musashi, does a cartwheel jumping into the air and wrapping her legs around his head, Raven Connoly locks her legs around their head and pulls them to the mat locking in a koji clutch executing that submission I was talking about, 'Taste of Heaven'!!!”
Brad Blood: “Oh man Musashi looks like he’s in real pain! His face says it all!”
Jim Jackson: “He doesn’t want to tap out … but …”
Brad Blood: “There it is!!”
Jim Jackson: “Raven Connoly retains! Musashi tapped out!”
Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this match and still Correa Grande Del Oro De *Raven Connoly* champion, Raaaaven Connoly!!”
Jim Jackson: “The noise in this place is unreal! All of our fans cheering for Raven! Connoly at the top of the ramp smiles and walks out of the arena! A happy father I wonder? His daughter is STILL a double champion here in ULOL!! Raven reunited with both of her title belts! She climbs the turnbuckle and raises both titles into the air! She will be celebrating in style tonight!”
Brad Blood: “Musashi fought well but I don’t think it was enough! Raven may be a woman but she ain’t an ordinary woman!!”
Jim Jackson: “You got that right Brad! Raven is an amazing role model for girls and women worldwide! This is Raven at her peak! Can she get any better? Raven interacting with the fans ringside now and we’ll be right back after this!” | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:42 pm | |
| The Camera opens up to show Lex Lexington standing at the interview area holding a microphone
Lex Lexington: "Ladies and Gentlemen my guest at this time, Shadow Callahan."
Shadow walks into view of the camera wearing a bloodstained mask. He looks a lex without saying a word
Lex Lexington: "Mr. Callahan, Tonight you are in the Elimination Boleto Dorado match against 9 opponents. What do you think your chances are of walking out with the victory?"
Shadow Callahan: "I Don't Care."
Lex Looks confused by this statement
Lex Lexington: "But this could be your first step to the top if you win."
Shadow Callahan: "I Don't Care."
Lex Lexington: "Then What do you hope to do tonight?"
Shadow Callahan: "Finish what I started. Out of the 9 opponents tonight, my sights are set on one in particular."
Lex Lexington: "Allister King?"
Shadow Callahan: "Well Done fucking Sherlock. Allister won't make it out of here tonight."
Shadow Removes his mask and smiles
Shadow Callahan: "Look at this mask, Do you know what it is?"
Lex Lexington: "Looks like an ordinary mask to me."
Shadow Callahan: "Then your mind isn't processing what your eyes see. This is what will give me the edge tonight. This mask is stained with the blood of the heathen, Samantha Collins. This mask symbolizes all that the king of fools holds dear and how easy I can take it away from him and leave him burning in sea of despair and self pity."
Shadow Licks the blood on the mask and puts it back on
Shadow Callahan: "If you excuse me, I have an execution to perform."
Shadow walks away laughing as the camera fades to blackThe rumbling sound is heard as a sidecar motorcycle comes into view. Riding on the vehicle are the current ULOL Campeónes Compañero, Little Wang and Nao Fook Mi. The side car motorcycle halts into a parking space as Lex Lexington rushes in with a camera crew. Nao Fook Mi alights first from the motorcycle with the tag team gold visibly seen around her waist.
Lex Lexington: "Ms. Nao, Mr. Wang! I was wondering if we can have a few words with you!"
Nao Fook Mi looks at Lex Lexington and replies.
Nao Fook Mi: "Yes Mr. Lexington, though we may have to keep things short as we still have to get ready for our match tonight."
A smile spreads across Lex Lexington's face after being granted the interview.
Lex Lexington: "This is the first title defense for Oriental Spices and it will be in a TLC match against two very competitive teams. What can we expect from both you and Little Wang tonight Ms. Nao?"
Nao Fook Mi drapes a gym bag over her shoulders, turns around and replies.
Nao Fook Mi: "What else can you expect but Oriental Spices giving 110%? We have always prided ourselves with one thing Mr. Lexington, win or lose we give all we can, win or lose we do not back down, win or lose we give the fans what they want, GREAT WRESTLING!"
Lex Lexington nods as he continues with the interview.
Lex Lexington: "So what is the specific game plan tonight? I'm sure that both of your have trained very hard for tonight's match."
This time it's Little Wang who volunteers to answer the question as he hops out of the sidecar.Little Wang: "Of course we trained hard. In fact we trained harder that we did before for we know that winning the tag titles and keeping it are two different things. As for our game plan? Yes we do have one but we won't reveal it of course, the fans will just have to see it for themselves when we fight Getter Team and The DWMA tonight."
Little Wang tries to put the tag belt around his waist but it keeps slipping down. He tries to drape it over his shoulder but his shoulder is too small to support it so he hands it to his partner instead.
Little Wang: "We've fought both Getter Team and The DWMA multiple times, so we know what they are capable of. I won't lie to the fans that even though we are the champions, we are the underdogs tonight... But even if we are the underdogs, our bite will hurt, our bite will draw blood and last of all our bite shall show the world why we won the ULOL Campeónes Compañero in the first place. Now if you'll excuse us Mr. Lexington, we still need to prepare ourselves for tonight's match."
Lex Lexington nods and faces the camera.
Lex Lexington: "There you have it folks, great words from great champions."
The camera focuses again on Oriental Spices who are making their way into the building as the scene fades to black.The scene opens up with a cameraman clearly jogging and out of breath. In front is one of ULOLs interviewers running down the corridor as yelling and crashes are heard. As they round the corner, Zombie and Chriso are locked in a test of strength.
Lex Lexington: "Guys guys we have been looking everywhere for you......*puff*..... Tell me how you can keep going like this for a full week!!!"
Chriso: "Just a second. Kind of busy here."
Chriso trips Zombie up with a leg sweep.
Chriso: "We have had a long feud going since before ULOL existed.... It will be setttl........"
Chriso is cut off as Zombie chomps on his leg and yanks it out knocking him to the floor.
Zombie: "This bastard has too much to answer for!!! I will be the one to finish him!!!"
Zombie looks down seeing Chriso is no longer there.
Zombie: "Huh?"
Chriso suddenly appears behind Zombie and smashes him over the head with a large wooden box.
Chriso: "Should have kept your eyes on the prize Zombie"
Lex Lexington: "So I guess we should leave you guys to it."
Chriso: "I think he is done.... Hmph."
Chriso walks off down the corridor.
Suddenly Zombie springs up and tackles him from behind sending them headfirst into backstage equipment.
They emerge from the cables with Zombie wrapping a cable around Chriso's throat.
Zombie: "Never take your eyes off the prize Chriso!!! Remember!!!"
Chriso struggles for breath finding a tv monitor with his hands he brings it back over his head onto Zombie's head. Zombies head is inside the monitor as he shakes away his grogginess.
Chriso: "Hey Zombie your on tv!!! *Chriso laughs*"
Zombie headbutts Chriso and removes the monitor.
The two struggle with one another as they both fall through a door marked "Alistair King's office"
Brad Blood: "Jesus man.....Now they are taking it into the big man's office???"
Jim Jackson: "This is about to get ugly."Ryoma spends a lot of time in the training room, punching the punching bags and weighing the weights. It's his way of relaxing after a long, hard day of winning. It feels good, winning. Many people use the phrase 'tasting victory', but few have actually done so. For those that have, the flavor is a bit different for each of them. Ryoma, for instance, perceives it as tasting like a wild boar that he just killed with his bare hands and roasted over an open flame made by yelling at a pile of sticks. He likes that taste.
Ryoma Ichimonji: "I'm tellin' you, Hayato, I can already hear my old man yelling at me from that big karate dojo in the sky. He's yelling, 'Ryoma, you little idjit, it took you this long to win one match!? But even then, I guess it's better'n I expected o' ya! I'm proud o' ya, son. I'm proud. Now go and break some more bones until ya got yerself a title!'. That kind of praise almost makes me shed manly tears, you know what I'm saying, Hayato?"
Ryoma misses the punching bag and ends up punching a hole in the wall. He doesn't seem to notice.
Ryoma Ichimonji: "But we can't let this go to our heads. We've gotta stay cool, calm, collected. Or well, you do. You can't rage like I can, Hayato. You're like a toothpick with a serious lack of anger. Your blood is so un-hot that it's a wonder you're not a block of ice."
Ryoma turns to face Hayato.
Ryoma Ichimonji: "Alright, down to business. What the hell is a TLC match?"Hayato has been sitting on a bench this whole time, focusing more on planning for the next match than the taste of victory. He barely even acknowledges Ryoma's babbling, responding every now and then with a simple 'uh huh' and a slight nod. But when Ryoma asks him what a TLC match is, he can't help but put the pencil and paper down, look over at his partner, and give him a look that says 'what are you, stupid?'.
Hayato Tachibana: "Ryoma, as a professional wrestler in a professional wrestling federation, I would expect you to be, I don't know, professional. That includes knowing the terminology of the business, which in turn includes 'TLC'. Now, to answer your question, it stands for 'tables, ladders, and chairs'. In a TLC match, the participants use the titular objects on one another until they are able to climb a ladder and grab the belt, money, or whatever else might be hanging from the ceiling. Since this is a title match, it will most likely be a belt."Ryoma starts to get a devilish grin on his face.
Ryoma Ichimonji: "So what you're saying is that we can smash the other guys with tables, ladders, and chairs? Man, and I thought this match was gonna be boring! Just think of what you could do...so much blood! So much bone-shattering impact! So many bodies strewn across the ring, broken in half! I can't wait, Hayato! I'm gonna have to tear something apart to hold me over until the match!"
Ryoma runs past Hayato and into the hallway, heading off God only knows where, his voice slowly fading into the distance.
Ryoma Ichimonji: "Let's break stuff! Let's slap some Japs with stamps and war bonds! Let's find out what the hell that even means! Let's..."Hayato shakes his head and returns to planning. Then again, with a wild card like Ryoma, planning is basically pointless. Might as well take a nap and conserve energy...Something on the other end of the building explodes. Ryoma's voice can be heard from roughly the same location.
Ryoma Ichimonji: "WOOHOO! It's a great day to be alive!"Standing calmly in front of the camera amidst the scurrying of feet by the production crew is Lex Lexington and beside him, is the mass of cellulite also known as The Morbidly Obese Man who cannot seem to fit properly into the camera's view.
Lex Lexington: "Welcome folks, we are fortunate tonight to have with us The Morbidly Obese Man who will be competing in the ULOL Boleto Dorado Gauntlet challenge. For those who are new to ULOL, the Boleto Dorado is the golden ticket which gives it's bearer a title shot at ANY title, anytime, any place. So Mr. TMOM, any words for your opponents tonight?"
Lex Lexington passes the mic to the big wrestler.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "I guess everyone would agree that through bad fortune, it seems that the ULOL Primo Ultimo has kept eluding me despite the fact that I deserve to have that title. Well tonight is my chance again to get a shot at the Primo Ultimo. If you look at everyone competing tonight you'd see that the most deserving to get a title shot is ME! You cannot deny the fact that if I faced any of those who will be competing for the Boleto Dorado tonight in a singles match that it will be I who will come out on top every single time. Yes, I can go on and on about how my wrestling career has been unfair to me but instead tonight I shall show it to the crowd that The Morbidly Obese Man deserves that title shot. That The Morbidly Obese Man is undeniably the best competitor out there. That The Morbidly Obese Man IS THE FUTURE OF ULOL!"
The big wrestler hands the mic back to Lex who proceeds with his next question.
Lex Lexington: "Well those are strong words indeed but as history shows, you seem to have had bad fortune with these Boleto Dorado events. From the rope snapping eliminating you to losing a Free Cat eating challenge... We all know how unpredictable these Boleto Dorado challenges can be, will you be able to hit a home run if another curve ball comes your way tonight?"
Lex Lexington again passes the mic to The Morbidly Obese Man.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Curve ball, fastball, screwball, meatball... What ever ball comes at me tonight I shall go at it head on. So many opportunities have already passed me by, I will somehow get my title shot even if I have to dig deep into my bowels to get it... If by some fluke I again fail to get the Boleto Dorado, I won't let that stop me from getting my shot at the Primo Ultimo, in fact that will just make me hunger for the title more... And everyone knows how dangerous it is to stand in my path when I am hungry. Oh is that the buffet table I see being restocked? Is this interview going to take any longer?"
Lex Lexington gulps as The Morbidly Obese Man passes the mic back.
Lex Lexington: "Oh... We're done Mr. TMOM... All done... Thank you for your time..."
The big wrestler doesn't even hear Lex as he is already on his way to the buffet table as the scene fades to black. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:43 pm | |
|   & VS & VS & Jim Jackson: "The next match is the much awaited TLC match for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero titles. Three of ULOL's top teams will be battling for tag team supremacy here tonight."
Brad Blood: "Well knowing ULOL, TLC may have a different meaning from the regular Tables Ladders and Chairs..."
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a TLC match, Tomatoes Lettuces and Cabbages match scheduled for one fall and is for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero titles!"
Jim Jackson: "Look at all the fresh produce being carted into the ring and outside the ring!"
Brad Blood: "I KNEW IT!!!"
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing first the challengers, the team of Hayato Tachibana and Ryoma Ichimonji, Getter Team!"
Ryoma and Hayato walk out onto the stage as footage from a Japanese anime is shown on the Titantron, and Ima ga Sono Toki da by Ichiro Mizuki plays. Fireworks erupt from the edges of the stage, which Hayato uses to light a cigarette while Ryoma adjusts his gloves, grinning creepily as he looks around the arena. Their trip down the ramp is less flashy, with Ryoma running toward the ring and jumping right in while Hayato walks slowly enough to enjoy his smoke before joining his partner. Once in the ring, he puts out the cigarette on the turnbuckle as usual, while Ryoma can barely keep himself still with all the adrenaline running through him.
Jim Jackson: "Taking advantage of the situation between GoodFella & bold and Rival & Taufik, Getter Team won a three-way battle to get a slot in this match."
Brad Blood: "Well, the question now is if they have what it takes to get the tag gold, Getter Team is the team with the least experience here tonight."
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, the team of Leon Hinomoto and Ray Kamaura, The DWMA!"
The lights go out and a laser show starts when "Corroded Dreams" by Ride The Sky starts blast in the arena. After 25 seconds Ray Kamaura and Leon walk slowly to the start of the ramp. Following behind is Yuki Monotomo. All three superstars stop and the lights turn back on after lightning strikes behind them. The lasers continue as Ray and Leon slowly enter the ring. Yuki poses for the fans then runs to the apron. They go to diffrent ring posts and climb them, then strike a pose. Yuki slides in the ring and humps the air in the direction of the female fans, then moves to the outside. Ray and Leon move to the same side of the ring and wait for thier challengers. Yuki moves back to the barrier and starts talking to the ladies.
Jim Jackson: "The DWMA has been itching for gold for a very long time now, always coming close never taking it. Will tonight be their chance to finally get the titles that have eluded them?"
Brad Blood: "I still until this day do not know what the hell DWMA stands for."
Jasmine Lee: "And finally introducing the current and reigning ULOL Campeónes Compañero, the team of Little Wang and Nao Fook Mi, Oriental Spices!"
Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. Little Wang pops up from in between her legs. They quickly makes their way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. They bow and give their respect to the crowd before heading to their corner.
Jim Jackson: "Definitely one of the more popular teams here in ULOL, Oriental Spices often viewed as the underdogs surprised everyone last month by winning the tag titles despite the odds. The question in everybody's mind if they can hold on to those belts."
Brad Blood: "Even as champs, these guys are still considered the underdogs, this is their chance to prove that their win last month was not a fluke."
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "All six wrestlers are in the ring right now waiting for the bell to ring... And there it is! Everyone starts diving into the produce littered across the ring! It's Little Wang who gets to the crates of tomatoes first and we see a volley from him!"
Brad Blood: "He hits Kamaura with ease! Being the biggest man in the ring, Kamaura is the easiest target! Tachibana and Ichimonji get to the crate of cabbages... They throw a volley of green veggies at Hinomoto! OH!!! RIGHT ON THE NUTS!!! Hinomoto clutches his groin and crumples to his knees!"
Jim Jackson: "Little Wang blinds Ray Kamaura with a tomato to the face, Nao Fook Mi takes advantage and hits a springboard spinning side kick sending the big man reeling. Double clothesline by Getter Team takes Ray Kamaura down!"
Brad Blood: "Fook Mi with great elevation hits a drop kick sending both Tachibana and Ichimonji down! Oh! A lettuce hits Fook Mi on the side of the head! Rainman with another piece of salad ingredient intercepts a tomato in mid air! A second lettuce slams into Little Wang before he could throw another tomato!"
Jim Jackson: "Flying elbow from Leon Hinomoto on Nao Fook Mi. Nao Fook Mi somehow staggers to her feet... Spinebuster by Ray Kamaura! Nao Fook Mi is down! Wait! Getter Team stuns Ray Kamaura with a double kick to the gut... OH!!! A double suplex into a crate of lettuce and the big man is down!"
Brad Blood: "Wait here comes Wang! Springboard dropkick sends Tachibana over the top rope! Tachibana falls head first into another batch of tomatoes making instant ketchup! Wang with another springboard attack... NO! Intercepted by a cabbage in mid-air! Wang falls to the canvas! Ichimonji grabs the small wrestler..."
Jim Jackson: "Powerslam into some more leafy greens! Ryoma Ichimonji turns around... Right into a enziguri by Leon Hinomoto! Leon Hinomoto with a springboard crossbody... Ryoma Ichimonji is down with both shoulders on the mat!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Ichimonji kicks out at two. Rainman with an Irish whip sends Ichimonji to the ropes... Beautiful back body drop sends Ichimonji into the air! Wait! Fook Mi hits a spinning wheel kick on Rainman sending him down to the canvas! Kamaura grabs Fook Mi from behind... Fook Mi slips free! Kamaura lunges towards her... FOOK MI WITH A LETTUCE IN EACH HAND SLAMS IT INTO KAMAURA'S SKULL!!! KAMAURA HAS A CUT!!! Now those lettuce have a dressing!"
Jim Jackson: "Nao Fook Mi climbs up to the top of the ring post... Flying crossbody... NO! Ray Kamaura catches Nao Fook Mi in mid-air and tosses her over his head! Nao Fook Mi crashes into Hayato Tachibana who just entered the ring sending him over the top rope again crashing into some more produce outside the ring."
Brad Blood: "Wait, here comes Ichimonji! He locks arms with Kamaura and both wrestlers engage in a test of strength! Kamaura is getting the upper hand and he pushes Ichimonji to his knees! Wang climbs on Ichimonji's back with a cabbage... RIGHT INTO KAMAURA'S HEAD! KAMAURA IS BLEEDING!!! Ichimonji uses this chance push Kamaura back..."
Jim Jackson: "Leon Hinomoto with a tackle takes Ryoma Ichimonji down. He grabs a fresh ball of lettuce... Leon Hinomoto stuffs the whole lettuce into Ryoma Ichimonji's mouth! Ryoma Ichimonji is choking from the lettuce! Little Wang leaps off the top rope... He gets a leg scissor on Leon Hinomoto... Hurricanrana! Leon Hinomoto is flung to the canvas!"
Brad Blood: "Wang again goes high risk, he climbs up to the top of the ring post.... Tachibana pulls him by the pigtails and throws him outside headfirst into a big crate of lettuce! Wang is looks like he disappeared into a crate of salad greens like a small child disappearing into those little ball pits in playgrounds. Tachibana off the top turnbuckle... Flying shoulder block takes Kamaura down! "
Jim Jackson: "Hayato Tachibana with a flying leg drop.... Right into Ray Kamaura's nape! He turns around... RIGHT INTO A TOMATO! Nao Fook Mi with a volley of tomatoes sends Hayato Tachibana to the ropes. Stiff clothesline sends him over! Ryoma Ichimonji finally manages to spit out the lettuce and gasps for air... Nao Fook Mi hits a a springboard reverse DDT planting Ryoma Ichimonji to the canvas! Nao Fook Mi hooks the leg."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Kamaura breaks the three count with a double axe handle. He grabs Fook Mi and goes for a back suplex... Fook Mi slips free and lands on her feet! Fook Mi kicks a ball of cabbage right into Kamaura's face... KAMAURA IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN!"
Jim Jackson: "Leon Hinomoto comes to his partner's rescue and hits a neckbreaker on Nao Fook Mi! Irish whip sends Nao Fook Mi to the turnbuckles... Leon Hinomoto rushes in with a flying knee... Nao Fook Mi is stunned! Bulldog off the corner... Nao Fook Mi eats canvas! Leon Hinomoto turns around... Hayato Tachibana gets him with a springboard corkscrew splash!"
Brad Blood: "Big chop by Kamaura almost cleaves Tachibana in half! Ichimonji charges in... Ichimonji and Kamaura start brawling all over the ring! Wait I see a hand appear from a crate of lettuce! It's Wang! The midget has finally surfaced! He gasps for air as he climbs out of the crate of produce!"
Jim Jackson: "Huge uppercut by Ryoma Ichimonji stuns Ray Kamaura... Facebuster by Ryoma Ichimonji plants the bigger man! Ryoma Ichimonji in a great feat of strength lifts up Ray Kamaura! A BALL OF LETTUCE TO THE BALLS FROM LITTLE WANG AND RYOMA ICHIMONJO COLLAPSES WITH RAY KAMAURA OVER HIM! HE IS PINNED DOWN!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Springboard knee drop by the midget stops the three count! Kamaura tries to stomp on Wang but Wang eludes Kamaura's legs... He grabs a tomato on the ground... He throws it under Kamaura's foot! Kamaura slips! TIMBERRR!!! Kamaura falls face first... Little Wang slips in a tomato between Kamaura's head and the canvas! SPLAT!!! KAMAURA'S FACE IS IN A CRIMSON MASK!!! Little Wang goes for the cover..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Thr..."
Jim Jackson: "Ray Kamaura kicks out at the last possible moment! Ray Kamaura manhandles Little Wang... He throws Little Wang headfirst into Nao Fook Mi like a javelin! Both members of Oriental Spices are down! Hayato Tachibana rushes towards Ray Kamaura... SPEAR BY LEON HINOMOTO FROM OUT OF NOWHERE TAKES HIM OUT!!! Ryoma Ichimonji gets back up to his feet... Leon Hinomoto superkicks Ryoma Ichimonji back onto Ray Kamaura's shoulders. Ray Kamaura holds the stunned opponent while Leon Hinomoto climbs to the top turnbuckle. Leon Hinomoto leaps off and double stomps Ryoma Ichimonji's head before Ray Kamaura drops him with a Death Valley Driver executing The Final Rain! Ray Kamaura for the cover!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via pinfall and NEW ULOL Campeónes Compañero, Leon Hinomoto and Ray Kamaura, The DWMA!"
Brad Blood: "How in the world did that happen? The only one to get busted open by vegetables won the tag gold?"
Jim Jackson: "The DWMA is still in shock at their victory! The referee is handing the belts to them... Yuki Monotomo jumps into the ring and starts celebrating with the new tag champions. Finally their quest for tag team gold has come true!"Arnold Bold known as GoodFella is standing in the front of the locker room of Taufik. He has a mission to collect money that this man owes to Manolo Ferrer.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "I know you are here. So don’t hide and just come out. We need to talk." Taufik is sitting in his sofa with a beer in hand as Arnold saw him. Taufik then stand up and goes eye to eye at Arnold as he started to speak
Taufik: "What the fucking hell do you want? What made you come to this place? What the hell you wanna talk to me about?" Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "You see Taufik, I don’t get you at all. You think about yourself as a monster who destroys everybody but now mocking Stone Cold Steve Austin?" GoodFella just shows Taufik a copy of paper, which says former client, Taufik, that by using violence to void his contract with Mr. Ferrer, he is now legally obligated to compensate Mr. Ferrer 20% of his gross income from the remaining months on his contract, before the contract was to have reached its completion date."Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "So every single month I will come for the payment to Manolo Ferrer from you. So you better give this money to me or else."Taufik: "You so stupid Arnold. Manolo is quite a smart ass and bring someone like you while I can do that via bank transfer and he can have my 20% of my salary, cause I'm not here for money, I'm here to kick someone ASS!!! You got a problem with that?"
Taufik looks at Arnold as he goes to the fridge and drink some water from the cup as he stares at his former stablemate as the scene fades to black.Scene fades in somewhere backstage. We see The British Hawk standing in front of the camera. He starts talking.
The British Hawk: "After a month absence, The British Hawk returns to the United League of Lunatics! And what a way to come back! Tonight I get to win the Golden Ticket!"
The British Hawk smiles.
The British Hawk: "I have some tough competition to deal with. But I know that I can defy the odds and win the Golden Ticket! Just think, the titles I could win! I near enough have history with all the current champions!"
The British Hawk: "Raven, I know her from Wrestling Havoc Worldwide. I faced her in a tournament match. She should have won that match, I'm not going to lie. So it'll be interesting to see how we square off."
The British Hawk: "Alexander Conway, The guys a douche in my opinion. But you can't question his in ring ability. I do know him for WHW also. I know that we'd perform a great match if we were to face off."
The British Hawk: "Jack Johnson, He is on top of the ULOL mountain. I sorta respect him for what he does in the ring. But sometimes he can be quite a douche. I never won a major title in my career. Maybe I could go after him."
The British Hawk: "Well it's time for my match. Wish me luck guys."
TBH walks away from view as the scene fades to black.The scene opens to Alexander Conway sitting on the floor of his locker room and leaning against the wall. His breathing is slow and his eyes are closed, it looks as though he is sleeping. Despite looking like this, Alexander begins to speak. Alexander Conway: "Ladders...ladders...ladders. Lucian Blackheart learned what it meant to be in a match with Alexander that involved ladders. It meant pain for him, and it will mean pain for Bain." Alexander's eyes open as he looks up towards the cameraman.
Alexander Conway: "What? Haven't you seen wrestlers prepare for a match before? Some choose to physically prepare while others choose to mentally prepare. I always choose the latter. Now, where was I before you interupted me?" After waiting a few moments for an answer, Alexander continues. Alexander Conway: "Oh yes, my match with Bain. What else can I say? I'm going to win this match because I am not only more intelligent than Bain, but because I am simply better than him. Now that does not mean that I am underestimating him! I know what Bain is capable of, especially in ladder matches. Hell, he's won twelve ladder matches so far in his career, and I was even involved in one of those. But, this will be his thirteenth ladder match, and thirteen will be the unlucky number for Christopher Bain. How can I say that with such confidence?" Alexander hops onto his feet before throwing his arms wide. Alexander Conway: "Look at me! I'm the Billy Mays of wrestling! He was the Lord of the sale's pitch, just as I am the Lord of the Ring! Bain is just a wannabe bitch compared to me, as is the rest of this roster!" Alexander points a finger at the camera. Alexander Conway: "Some people refer to Bain as dynamite in these ladder matches. Well, he's the only kind of dynamite that's never going to bang. And I mean that in more ways than just one." Alexander thrusts his hips into the air to give an idea of what other ways he might mean before striding across the locker room to his door. Alexander Conway: "Bain, trust me when I say, you're not anywhere near being on my level, and you never shall be." The door closes as Alexander walks out, marking the end of this segment.Lex Lexington is standing in the DWMA locker room beside Yuki Monotomo looking in the DWMA's barren refrigerator for some food. He finds some bread, cheese, and meat, which he throws together for a sandwich.
Lex Lexington: "Good evening ULOL fans, I'm Lex Lexington here with an interview with the DWMA's newest member and ULOL raising star, Yuki Monotomo."
Lex looks at Yuki to say something. After an akward moment of silence Lex speaks again.
Lex Lexington: "Yuki, why did you join the ULOL and the DWMA."
Yuki responds after taking a bite of his sandwich.
Yuki Monotomo: "Well, I joined because it was gonna be worth money and so I could make a name for myself and stop running from my problems. Oh and pay back Ragki's family. Still working on that one. As for the DWMA, well, Ray would have broken my kneecaps if I hadn't."
Lex shakes his head, shocked at his answer about the DWMA.
Lex Lexington: "Breakyour kneecaps? Why would he do that? Isn't he your friend?"
Yuki laughs as he takes another bite. He swallows, then replies.
Yuki Monotomo: "Yeah, that's Ray, think later, do now. That's how he's always been. And come on, it was an empty threat he wouldn't really do that... I hope."
Lex clears his throat to ask the next question.
Lex Lexington: "So why Taufik, why is all your rage devoted to Taufik?"
Yuki finishes his sandwich and begins to think about the answer. After a moment he finally replies.
Yuki Monotomo: "Taufik, is an asshole. Plain and simple. Running his mouth every night on the ULOL. It got on my nerves, even as a viewer, to see a guy like that swear and try to order everyone around. He demanded title shots he didn't really have the ability to win. I did the same thing, but I did it to stomp his face in. I just really don't like him on a molecular level. I'm working with Goodfella to purge his existance from the face of the earth for god's sake! He needs to see that he deserves no title!"
Lex Lexington: "You mentioned the title. Are you still after Raven's title?"
Yuki Monotomo: "Of course. She already has one and I can't stand a woman I can't beat and or make fall to me. Stubborn one, that Raven. She is keeping that title around her waist warm for me. I'll make her submit in one match and laugh as she yells for me to let go so she can give me the title. But the girl is won't let me take it off of her. Pisses me off. Nice ass, tough. And a great rack."
Lex is taken aback by Yuki's sexual comments as Yuki stares off into space, nodding his head.
Lex Lexington: "So, what do you think is going to happen in your match tonight?"
Yuki: Long or short answer?
Lex Lexington: "Long answer I guess."
Yuki Monotomo: "Allister King, falls on his face after tripping over a chicken. Andrew Hunter, chases the chicken and crashes into the ring. Arnold "Goodfella" Bold, dodges the chicken madness only to be crashed into Bo Hetfield. Bo Hetfield, crashes into Arnold "Goodfella" Bold while chasing a chicken. Connoly, the chicken jumps onto his chest and pushes him onto The Morbildy Obese Man, who rolls onto over onto him. Jim Rival, submits to me. Shadow Callahan, attempts to eat The British Hawk only to get punched out by the Morbidly Obese Man. The British Hawk, while running from Shadow Callahan, runs into the other fist of The Morbidly Obese Man. The Morbidly Obese Man, wears himself out while chasing the chicken and takes a freak Connoly to the face. Me, releases a chicken, makes Jim Rival submit to me, and wins a date with Raven while Connoly is passed out."
Yuki smile triumphantly before walking away from Lex to get warmed up.
Lex Lexington: "What in the world goes on in his mind? Sex, winning, hating Taufik, and chickens?"
The scene fades to blue. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:44 pm | |
|   VS "Take Over" by Dale Oliver begins playing throughout the arena as Christopher Bain steps out onto the entrance ramp. Walking to the center of the ramp, he stops for a moment before throwing his arms out wide as a volley of pyrotechnics explode behind him. As they subside, the young man begins walking towards the ring, slapping the hands of any fan who reaches out to him. When he arrives at ringside, he hops onto the ring apron before hopping over the top-rope. He climbs onto a turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. After having one thrown at him, he hops off the turnbuckle and walks towards the center of the ring.Christopher Bain: "You people are in for a treat tonight! It's almost time for my ladder match with Alexander, and trust me when I say, it's going to steal the show! Some of you may be doubting me when I say that, and with good reason. What have I accomplished so far in the ULOL, right? Nothing, really. What have I shown you all so far in the ULOL? Nothing, really. But, you haven't seen Christopher Bain, until you've seen me in a ladder match! Just trust me when I say, you're not going to want to miss this, as it will be fast-paced and very exciting. But, before we get to the ladder match, there is something I would like to address."Bain looks around the arena at the crowd before continuing.Christopher Bain: "Earlier, Alexander called himself the Billy Mays of wrestling. Well, Alexander, the only things you have in common with Billy Mays are your lying skills and your addiction to drugs. You could easily be one of the most popular men in this industry if you would just stop with the politics, stop with the lies, stop with the arrogance, and stop being such a salesman! Tonight, I am going to burst your bubble. I am going to relieve you of some of your arrogence. I am going to defeat you, and take that title from you, for your own good. I'm going to show you that you are not infallible, that you are beatable, and that the support of these fans can go a long way."Bain turns to look towards the backstage of the ULOL.Christopher Bain: "Alexander, you might as well call me Arthur Miller, son, because it's death of a salesman!""Suffer Unto Me" by Avenue F blares throughtout the arena as Alexander Conway steps out from the backstage of the ULOL with a microphone in hand and a smile on his face.Alexander Conway: "Hi, Billy Mays here with a special TV offer! Watch me crush this lame, naive, ignorant, tool of a wrestler!"Alexander walks down to the ring, admist a sea of boos, to confront Christopher Bain. As he comes face to face with Bain, Alexander instead looks at the crowd, the stupid smile on his face once more.Alexander Conway: "Call now, it takes just one easy payment for me to whoop his ass!"Alexander faces Christopher again before continuing.Alexander Conway: "Bain, you're an idiot. These fans won't jump over the barricade and start beating me up! They can't and won't help you! Their cheers won't make you get up if I break your spine. I will not call you Arthur Miller, because this salesman isn't going to die. These people pay more money to see me wrestle, and possibly lose, than they do to see you make false claims or even win."The crowd's boos become louder, but Alexander continues to speak over them.Alexander Conway: "Tonight, my victory is more certain than death or taxes. I've always been the superior wrestler, just look at my résumé. I've won more matches and more titles than you ever will! You can call me a liar, a politician, a salesman, whatever you desire. The fact remains, however, that I am everything I say I am. I'm mint! I'm money! I'm an educated gentleman, and I am the Ligero Maximo Champion! Alexander against a tool is just too bad, because after this America is gonna lose a bitch!"Alexander drops his microphone before slapping Bain across the face.Jim Jackson: "Well, it looks as if Alexander has even less respect for Christopher Bain than we were led to believe."Brad Blood: "That's rich! Alexander slaps him and Bain doesn't even do anything about-"Jim Jackson: "Bain just punched Alexander and now these two are trading hands!"Brad Blood: "We've got a pre-match brawl on our hands! Whoo! I hope Alexander beats this little goodie two shoes down into the mat!"Jim Jackson: "A spear from Bain causes both men to fall through the ropes and out of the ring, but their fight doesn't stop. Alexander ends up on top and begins raining punches down onto Bain before security comes out and seperates them."Brad Blood: "Oh come on! Why does security have to ruin everything?"Jim Jackson: "Don't be so upset Brad, it looks like the ladder match is coming early! The ladders are being brought out and the Ligero Maximo Title is hanging high above the ring."Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is a ladder match and is for the ULOL Ligero Maximo Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, Christopher Bain!"The camera zooms in on Bain, who is struggling against security to get at Alexander.Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, the ULOL Ligero Maximo Champion, Alexander Conway!"The camera zooms in on Alexander, who is calmly waiting for the security to release him so that he may go back to fighting Bain.Jasmine Lee: "LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"Brad Blood: "And they're off! As the bell rings and the security release them, Alexander and Bain begin trading punches outside of the ring once more!"Jim Jackson: "Alexander thumbs Bain in the eye before throwing Bain against one of the ladders that are to be used for this match. Alexander grabs Bain and pulls him over to the steel steps before slamming his head into them a few times."Brad Blood: "Alexander takes a moment to assess the situation before grabbing the ladder he threw Bain into and sliding it into the ring. As Alexander goes to enter the ring, Bain grabs him and pulls him back out. A release dragon suplex from Bain!"Jim Jackson: "While Alexander is down, Bain slides into the ring and begins positioning the ladder. Before he can begin climbing however, Alexander double axe handles him in the back before slamming his face off the ladder and whipping him into the turnbuckle."Brad Blood: "Alexander charges at Bain before jumping and slamming his knees into Bain's chest. Instead of letting Bain fall out of the corner, Alexander pushes him back in and begins hitting Bain with a flurry of punches and kicks."Jim Jackson: "Alexander backs away before charging in again, only to be caught by the rolling liger kick from Bain! Bain catches Conway behind the ear with a roundhouse kick, knocking Conway into the corner! Conway tries to walk out of the corner, but is hit by a running dropkick from Bain!"Brad Blood: "Conway is sent flying with the monkey flip! Shining wizard from Bain!"Jim Jackson: "Bain repositions the ladder before beginning to climb it. He's almost to the top but Conway is up! Conway bounces off the ropes, but before he reaches the ladder, Bain backflips off of it and stomps on Conway's back!"Brad Blood: "Conway is still standing after that?!"Jim Jackson: "Back suplex from Bain!"Brad Blood: "Well, Conway isn't standing any more."Jim Jackson: "Bain begins climbing the ladder again, but Conway grabs his leg and pulls him down. Conway blocks a punch before dropkicking Bain to the ground! Conway waits for Bain to get up before suplexing him into the standing ladder!"Brad Blood: "The ladder is leaning against the ropes and Bain is still on it! Alexander throws a few punches into Bain's head before climbing the turnbuckle. Legdrop from Alexander onto Bain!"Jim Jackson: "Conway lifts Bain into a powerbomb position. He moves towards the leaning ladder, I think he wants to powerbomb Bain onto it!"Brad Blood: "But Bain counters and DDTs Conway into the metal!"Jim Jackson: "Bain tries to pull Conway away from the ladder, but Conway suddenly hits Bain inbetween the legs!"Brad Blood: "Smart thinking from Conway. Conway quickly grabs the ladder and leans it up against the turnbuckles before grabbing Bain and irish whipping him at it while charging after him."Jim Jackson: "But Bain uses the ladder to backflip over Conway! But Conway isn't surprised. He grabs the ladder and smacks Bain in the head with it before Bain can hit any kind of offense."Brad Blood: "Conway leans the ladder back up against the turnbuckle before lifting Bain up for another powerbomb, but Bain again counters, this time into a hurricanrana that sends Conway flying into the ladder!"Jim Jackson: "Bain throws the ladder down onto Conway before climbing the turnbuckle. He leaps and stomps his feet onto the ladder, sandwitching Conway between it and the ring!"Brad Blood: "Bain once again sets up the ladder and begins to climb it. He makes it to the top and reaches for the title, but Conway grabs the ladder and tips it over! What? Bain landed on his feet!?"Jim Jackson: "Bain lifts Conway onto his shoulders, but Conway hits Bain with a few elbows before sliding down his back. Before Bain can react, Alexander grabs him and runs him to the ropes before throwing him over them and onto the floor!"Brad Blood: "Conway positions the ladder underneath the title before beginning to climb it. As he's climbing Bain recovers and pulls himself onto the ring apron. Bain jumps onto the top rope before leaping and landing on the other side of the ladder!"Jim Jackson: "As both men make it to the top, they begin to exchange punches. Alexander seems to be getting the better of it, but Bain quickly slams Conway's face into the metal! Bain just flipped over Conway and grabbed his waist!"Brad Blood: "Bain's trying to pull Conway down into a powerbomb, but Conway isn't letting go of the ladder! Wait! It's tipping!"Jim Jackson: "Conway just got sandwitched inbetween the ring rope and the ladder! As Bain lifts the ladder, Conway falls into the ring. He could be done, this may be Bain's chance to win!"Brad Blood: "But Bain has just tossed the ladder away! Hr lifts Conway onto his shoulders before running towards the turnbuckle and diving forwards, crushing Conway with a rolling fireman's carry slam. Riding the momentum, Bain rolls to his feet and hops onto the turnbuckle. While facing the turnbuckle, Bain jumps back and front-flips 450°, but catches nothing as Alexander rolled out of the way!"Jim Jackson: "As Bain turns around he's met by an enzuigiri kick from Alexander. Conway picks Bain up, and throws him with a release German Suplex. Alexander waits as Bain uses the ropes to help him get to his feet. As Bain does so, Conway catches him with a super kick that sends him tumbling over the ropes!"Brad Blood: "It doesn't look as if Conway feels comfortable enough to climb the ladder off of the Signum Excellence. Instead, he leans it up against the turnbuckle again as Bain recovers on the outside."Jim Jackson: "Conway notices Bain's recovery and runs towards the ropes before cartwheeling into a backflip which takes him over the ropes and down onto Bain!"Brad Blood: "Conway tosses Bain into the steel steps before walking around the ring and grabbing a second ladder, which he slides into the ring. He grabs a third ladder, and makes his way back over to Bain, but Bain sees him coming and dropkicks the ladder into Alexander's face!"Jim Jackson: "Bain waits for Conway to get up before charging and smashing the ladder into Conway's face! And it looks like Conway's been cut off of the impact! Bain drops the ladder onto the floor as he goes to pick up Conway, but Conway lifts Bain onto his shoulders before spinning Bain out into a TKO!"Brad Blood: "That looked to have been a desperation move from Alexander, who is now using this time to recover."Jim Jackson: "Both men are beginning to stir, but it's Alexander who gets to his feet first. He kicks Bain in the gut before Gory Bombing Bain onto the crowd barricade!"Brad Blood: "Conway's grabbing the third ladder. He sets it up on the crowd barricade and the ring apron before picking Christopher up and putting him onto it. Conway climbs onto the ring apron before also walking onto it."Jim Jackson: "Conway's lifts Bain up for the piledriver, but Bain is able to shift his weight around enough to get back down onto the ladder before back body dropping Conway into the crowd!"Brad Blood: "Bain crawls into the ring as Conway attempts to pull himself over the barricade, but a fan jumps on him, pulls him to the ground, and begins attacking Conway! Security quickly come over and pull the fan away from Conway while also dumping Conway over the barricade to prevent any more damage to him. It looks like he was wrong when he said the fans couldn't and wouldn't help Bain!"Jim Jackson: "Bain begins setting up the second of the two ladders in the ring as Conway drags himself over the steel steps. As Bain begins climbing, Conway uses the ropes to help him get onto the turnbuckle."Brad Blood: "Conway hops onto the ladder he had leaning against the turnbuckle and rides it closer to Bain before leaping off and onto Bain's back! Bain tries to knock Conway down, but Conway wraps his legs around Bain's chest and isolates an arm! Conway has Bain locked into a cobra clutch!"Jim Jackson: "Bain loses his grip and falls to the mat with Conway, who is still applying the pressure! Bain is losing consciousness! Wait, Bain is rolling ove and onto his knees! Bain, with Conway on his back, gets to his feet! He drives Conway into the turnbuckle to force Conway to release the hold!"Brad Blood: "Bain goes across the ring and leans one ladder against the turnbuckle before coming back to Conway's corner and laying the second one in front of it. Bain pulls Conway out of the turnbuckle before irish whipping him into the first ladder! As Conway bounces off of the metal, Bain lifts him onto his shoulders."Jim Jackson: "He runs towards the turnbuckle before diving foward, crushing Alexander with a rolling fireman's carry slam onto the second ladder! Riding the momentum, Bain rolls to his feet and hops onto the turnbuckle. While facing the turnbuckle, Bain jumps back and front-flips 450° before crashing down ontp Conway!"Brad Blood: "That was the Worst Case Scenario for Conway, as now Bain has free reign to get the title."As Bain positions one of the ladders beneath the title, "Living in Dog Years" by Neurotica begins playing over the PA System as a man steps out from the backstage of the ULOL and begins walking towards the ring.Jim Jackson: "What in the Hell is going on? Who is that?"Brad Blood: "I don't know, but whoever it is, he's got Bain's attention."Jim Jackson: "Bain's wasting time yelling at this man, demanding to know what he is doing, while Alexander is recovering in the corner!"Brad Blood: "Is that guy coming over here? We don't need another commentator! Oh, he was just grabbing a steel chair to sit on. I guess he just wanted a front row seat to this match. Is he a wrestler or something?"Jim Jackson: "I don't know, but what I do know, is that Alexander is on his feet. Bain realizes this too and goes charging in, but Alexander is able to get a leg up just in time!"Brad Blood: "Bain's out of it! Alexander hops onto the turnbuckle before corkscrewing back, catching Bain's head, and slamming it to the mat with the corkscrew cutter!"Jim Jackson: "Both of these men are exhausted and battered. Alexander forces himself up only to hit Bain with the michinoku driver! Alexander tries to climb the ladder that Bain set up, but is moving so slowly that Bain is able to recover, jump onto Alexander's back, and pull him down and into a backstabber!"Brad Blood: "Bain climbs the turnbuckle as Conway writhes in pain! He waits for Conway to get to his feet before leaping and going for a flying front dropkick, but Conway counters it with a sit-down powerbomb!" Jim Jackson: "Conway gets to his feet and waits for Bain to recover before bouncing off of the ropes and catching Bain with the running calf kick!" Brad Blood: "Irish whip from Alexander sends Bain hard into the corner. Alexander comes charging in, but Bain moves out of the way! Now it's Bain's turn to charge in, but Alexander catches Bain and tosses him over the ropes, but Bain hangs on!" Jim Jackson: "As Alexander turns around, he is hit with a kick from Bain. After kicking Alexander, Bain uses his leg to force Alexander face-first into the turnbuckle." Brad Blood: "Alexander stumbles back, before falling onto his back. Bain takes the opportunity to leap over the top rope and land a leg across Conway's throat!" Jim Jackson: "Bain once again lifts Conway onto his shoulders, but Conway rakes his eyes before sliding down. Alexander lifts Bain up for a suplex before letting him go and dropping to the mat with his knees up, causing Bain to land back-first onto them! Terminal Velocity from Conway!" Brad Blood: "A tired and sore Conway is now making his way up the ladder. But again, he moves so slowly that Bain has time to recover and also begin climbing the ladder! As Conway tries to unhook the title, Bain gives him a solid punch to his ribs." Jim Jackson: "And now both of these man are exchanging punches! A fall from this height would end the match for either one of them. But Conway is starting to get the advantage, and lands a few unanswered punches." Brad Blood: "Bain's starting to lose his grip on the ladder! Conway punches him again, and Bain releases his hold on the ladder! But Conway catches his hand and pulls him back up! What is he doing? He could have just won the match!" Jim Jackson: "Conway punches Bain once more for good measure before turning Bain around and gripping his waist. German Suplex off of the ladder from Conway!" Brad Blood: "BAIN JUST WENT THROUGH THE LADDER THAT WAS SET UP ON THE CROWD BARRICADE AND THE RING APRON! I think he's dead Jim!" Jim Jackson: "That was a nasty fall, I think we'll need the EMTs to come out here again. The stranger that came down to watch this match is even on his feet." Brad Blood: "Alexander plus ladders equals injury to his opponents, apparently!" Jim Jackson: "Alexander hit the mat pretty hard when he threw Bain, we're forgetting that he isn't moving either." Brad Blood: "He didn't go THROUGH A LADDER, now did he?" Jim Jackson: "No, but-" Brad Blood: "Exactly, he's fine." Jim Jackson: "I guess your right, he's moving now, but he's also holding his left shoulder. I think he may have hurt himself when he took out Bain." Brad Blood: "At least he's conscious." Jim Jackson: "What is that other guy doing? He just slid into the ring!" Brad Blood: "He's helping Conway up, and now he's trying to force Conway to climb the ladder. Try using your eyes next time instead of asking stupid questions." Jim Jackson: "But why is he helping Conway?" Brad Blood: "Maybe Eunice or Allister sent him out here because this match is taking too long?" Jim Jackson: "We're on Pay Per View, Brad, I don't think time is an issue." Brad Blood: "Conway has made it to the top of the ladder! He's reaching for his title...he's got it! Conway wins!" Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the match and still the ULOL Ligero Maximo Champion, Alexander Conway!" Jim Jackson: "Christopher Bain and Alexander Conway had one Hell of a war tonight, but it is Conway who stands tall after the dust clears." Brad Blood: "With some strange guy who we've never seen before!" Jim Jackson: "Yes, with some strange guy, who he is now celebrating with as the EMTs come out here to take care of Christopher Bain." Brad Blood: ""Expect the unexpected" is the motto here, but who would have expected Bain going through a ladder? Or this random guy who is now helping Conway to the back?" Jim Jackson: "There was probably some nutjob somewhere who guessed this would happen." Brad Blood: "But if he was right, that would mean he wasn't a nutjob, right?" Jim Jackson: "....""Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence erupts over the arena speakers. After a few moments Connoly walks out onto the stage, he is wearing a green plaid kilt, white t-shirt, and a long black leather coat. Connoly throws his arms out to his sides, he has a oddly huge grin on his face as he looks around at the packed arena. The crowd is a mix of boo's and cheers as Connoly makes his way down the ramp and climbs into the ring. Connoly walks over to edge of the ring and grabs a mic from one of the stage hands.
Connoly: "Oh yes, are all of you inbred morons in for a treat tonight!! Tonight you finally get to see a legend return to the ring, tonight you will actually get to see some real wrestling tonight in the ULOL ring, something it's been horribly lacking since its return. That's right, tonight I step in this ring with 9 other so called competitors for the Belto..., well what ever the damn thing is called, everything in this federation has a ridiculous name, but basically it's my ticket to the top of this heap."
Connoly pauses for a second as he walks around the ring.
Connoly: "So tonight I have to take on 9 other competitors in a gauntlet match, that's a grueling match for most, not for me, but for most. I, however, live for this kind of match, I mean the mere thought of getting to beat the hell out of 9 other people just fills me with joy, I mean I've got goosebumps just thinking about it. Now this is a gauntlet match, which I assume means 1 on 1 matches, the winner then has to take on the next competitor, so on and so on, but it's been awhile since I've been in a ring, so hell, it could mean something completely different now, I really have no idea. What I do know is that in the end, I will be the winner. I mean look at my opponents, a drunk gm, a giant tub of lard, a masked lunatic who killed his child..., or childhood friend, who knows, some lunatic who wants to kill our gm who's super 'dark and evil'..., and some other guys, why am I going through this list you know who's in the damn match. The point is that I will walk away the winner of this match, and that is a guarantee!"An image appears on the titantron, showing a small music box with a little ballerina spinning as the hollowed chimes rang out in an echoing manner. The room was dark with the spotlight shining down on the 'portrayed' eerie item, giving light to its details. Footsteps slowly made itself aware as a skewed image of a person walked in from the background, eventually revealing himself under the same light. He began pacing around the music box in the same counter-clockwise rotation of the ballerina, his eyes seemingly fixated onto it.
Jim Rival: What makes someone a legend people ask. Everyone having each of there own opinions, but always a common answer When a person does something that others dare not to do, to think outside the box and do something no one else has done, then that person is a legend.
Jim gave a small chuckle, as he continued his stalking of the box. Even at one point humming along to the tune as more spotlights began to turn on one by one in the background. Each spotlight shining down onto a large photo of each of the nine other Boleto Dorado competitors. As the final spotlight came on he looked up to the camera as if to look directly at Connoly.
Jim Rival: By that definition then we are all legends in our own right, in one form or another. You are no better than the rest of us. Though it is quite obvious that you look to relive your old days. We all know time waits for no one and has no mercy.
Jim paused his stride for a brief moment, turning on his heel now to walk in a clockwise circle around the music box. The melody it produce still evident as the figurine 'dance' in its revolving state.
Jim Rival: Tonight we all see who is worthy of such a belt and such a title. One by one, they will walk up, and they will see that the light is not shining on them this night. Regardless of their desires, their needs, their vengeance that drives them to try and be the winner only one will talk away.....and the light always chosen the one to lead them all....the one that is power tempered with mercy. The one who has the brightest light shinning on them and the one that has the guidance of the light to fulfill what he has been chosen to do.....me...
As Jim spoke the last statement, each of the spotlights turned off one right after the other over the pictures. The timing between each perfect with his words before finally leaving the last spotlight on himself and the music box by the end of the last word 'me'. With that he gave a frigid smile, walking away from the ballerina with the music ringing louder now as he vanished into the blackened background. The music came to slow end as the ballerina faced the camera, finished with his performance the spotlight finally turning off to leave a black screen to end the video. Connoly starts to clap his hands slowly, mocking Jim Rival.
Connoly: "Well, that was certainly very deep and dramatic. I have to hand it to you ULOL crew, you certainly have the dramatics down to an art. Looks like you put a lot of thought and time into that promo, I mean it was really very well thought out. I particularly liked the lighting and the camerawork, really created a nice mood. You see the problem is, none of that will do you any good when you step into this ring. Maybe if you spent more time learning your damn art, and less time making your student films, I might actually feel threatened by some of my competitors in this match.
"You see, what it all boils down to is I'm better than every single person in that locker room. Everyone here loves to talk tough and put on their little shows, but when you step into this ring there's only one thing that's going to keep you in the game, and that's how good you can fight, and when it comes to a fight, none of you can hold a candle to me."
Connoly tosses the mic down on the mat and throws his arms to his side, he leans his head back and smiles as the crowd showers him with boos. He rolls out of the ring and makes his way up the ramp and disappears backstage.The scene opens upon a hallway, the sparcely traveled and dimly lit kind. In this hallway sits a small wooden desk and an uncreative chair, along with a stack of about five pieces of paper next to the legs. Of course, most people would probably notice that Andrew Hunter, dressed in his full wrestling attire, sitting in the chair.Andrew Hunter: "Hello, ladies and gents, to the first, and probably last, "Jobber's View!"He pulls a the top sheet of paper from the stack and sets it on the desk. "Boleto Dorado" can be read on the sheet by our non-dyslexic viewers.Andrew Hunter: "I'm sure that everyone knows what's coming up shortly, right? The 10-man Boleto Dorado challenge, the likes of which nobody knows the stipulation of? Well, if anyone looked at the list of contestants, they'll know that I'm on that list, and my goal tonight is to run through the list of contestants other than myself."Andrew turns the paper around to show the name "Allister King".Andrew Hunter: "Allister King, the now sobered, past booze addict who currently controls whether I, and all the ULOL roster, keep our contracts. However, despite having all the power of this company, he still seems to insist on earning what he gets, so I respect him in most aspects."He tosses the paper from his hands, and pulls up the next card, the name "Arnold Bold" revealed.Andrew Hunter: "Goodfella, one of the last members of the Age of Pain that are still standing. Apparently he and his partner, Felix, still have something left to fight for, because they haven't folded yet. And let's not forget that they apparently worked something with the DWMA... I dunno though, they all speak with some kind gibberish half of the time. But let's not get off track, shall we?"Andrew flips the card over again, "Yuki Monotono" can be read.Andrew Hunter: "I really hope I spelled that right... Yuki is the third member of the DWMA, and recently had a friendly encounter with Bold. Again, I've never really managed to figure out half of the stuff this guy says... but the blue hair and mask looks pretty damn cool."Out with the old, in with the new sheet, reading "Bo Hetfield".Andrew Hunter: "I... really... don't get this guy. Another drug addict? He's only bothered to show up to one of our shows... so I can't really say much anything about him, other than how many drugs he can stuff into himself, which almost anyone can find by searching on 1337tube, where almost nobody can find if they look for it."Flipsy flopsy, next side reads "Connoly".Andrew Hunter: "Connoly. A veteran in every aspect of the word. Name it and he's done it. I have every respect for him, but I still have some doubt on how well he'll do. I mean, he's way past his prime, and older people are very fragile when it comes to injury. What I'm saying is that that guy's career is running low on time, and it may already be out."Andrew seems to forget that he's already shown the other side of the sheet and he turns it back around. He quickly catches on and tosses it away. "Jim Rival" is on the front of the next card.Andrew Hunter: "One of the newer additions to the ULOL roster. He and Eunice seem to have some history. And he also has a history of booze addiction, and what appears to be some unfinished business with "Goodfella". He's convinced that he's on some sort of mission from God, and he's currently hanging out with a fuckin' psycho who enjoys saying fuck, in every form of the word. However, nobody can see him fight and not be impressed by... whatever kind of spark he brings to the table."Next! "Shadow Callahan" is on the other side.Andrew Hunter: "From a religious former addict to evil in every form of the word. The first thing he ever did on ULOL was kill someone. Yep, he strapped Scott Logan to a burning cross. He's made enemies with both our GM and a transsexual, but only one can be of a threat to him tonight."Andrew crumples the paper up into a wad and tosses it up and over the camera...???: "Ow! Papercut!"... but doesn't quite clear the cameraman's head. Andrew proceeds to pick up the final sheet, which reads "British Hawk".Andrew Hunter: "TBH hasn't been leading a successful career lately. He puts his girlfriend, Lady B, ahead of his own success, which isn't exactly a bad thing, depending how you look at it. However, this guy can change a match in an instant. And boy, he can fly higher than almost any wrestler in the world, including myself. I've never faced him, but his leap first; think later strategy can often cost him deeply, but not too deep for a little determination to dig him out. In my opinion, he's one of my tops picks to win tonight."Andrew turns the paper again, which reveals the name of "The Morbidly Obese Man".Andrew Hunter: "I said that Hawk was one of my favorites to win, but this guy in defineately in the top slot. Unless the match is a ladder or escape only cage match, of course. Anything else, he can plow, destroy, smash, and eat any and all obstacles in his path. He also holds an honor that no man, woman or child has ever, nor will ever hold again. He was WHW's first and last, undisputed, Bacon Champion!"Andrew rolls the paper up and drops it on the floor.Andrew Hunter: "And there you have it, all ten men in the Boleto Dorado challenge. That's all the time we have tonight folks. And remember, this lunacy and more is brought to you by Free Cat!"The scene cuts to a Free Cat commercial.Uno Mas! has been brought to you by Free Cat, Inc.
HERE AT FREE CAT, INC. WE WILL SOLVE ALL THOSE PESKY LITTLE ISSUES YOU HAVE! OWN A PET NOW HASSLE FREE! NO NEED TO FEED IT, NO NEED TO WALK IT! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING! SO CALL NOW AT 1-800-FREE-CAT! AND WE'LL DELIVER YOUR VERY OWN FREE CAT RIGHT TO YOUR DOORSTEP FOR FREE!!! Camera opens up shows Allister King punching a wall while Samantha is sitting on a chair
Allister King: "He is going to pay for this! No one man does that to you and gets away with it."
Samantha Collins: "I'm Ok just leave it."
Allister turns away and stares at Samantha with a look of hatred in this eyes
Allister King: "Leave it. He beat the shit out of you last week and for what? To get my attention? Well he's got it and he will be sorry he ever fucked with me or you."
Allister places his hand on Samantha's shoulder and gets on one knee
Allister King: "What he has done is unforgivable. He killed Scott, He beat you and he won't stop till me and him finish it."
Allister Stands up
Allister King: "Me and him are in the Boledo Dorado match tonight. And I will make sure he doesn't win. You also have a match tonight and I will make sure he doesn't get involved."
Allister opens the door
Allister King: "We End it Tonight, No matter what!"
Allister leaves as the camera fadesAs the camera fades the one that was following Chriso and Zombie opens up. Chriso and Zombie come smashing through the door and fly over the desk as papers fly everywhere.
Allister King: "What the fuck?"
Allister ducks as a bottle from his cabinet goes flying.
Zombie is next to it throwing them at Chriso who is using a chair as a shield and batting them away. Zombie soon runs out of bottles and is met by the chair smashing to pieces over his skull.
Allister King: "STOP BREAKING MY STUFF!!!"
Zombie and Chriso appear not to hear Allister as they continue their tussle. Sami has barely enough time to move as Zombie and Chriso begin trading punches.
Allister King: "THAT'S IT MATE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE YA FUCKING TURD PUSHING BASTARDS!!"
Allister walks over to Zombie and Chriso and grabs the back of both their necks in each hand. He hoists them off the floor and throws them out the door as they land hard on the floor. He slams the door behind him.
Zombie and Chriso look at the door in shock, then back at each other, then the door again before resuming their punching contest down the corridor.
Brad Blood: "Wow..... Did you know Allister was that strong?"
Jim Jackson: "Well Sami keeps getting brought into everything. I think he has finally snapped." | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:44 pm | |
| Cameras backstage pick up Chuck Norris, who is speaking to the 10 participants in the Boleto Dorado match.
Chuck Norris: "There's been some crazy rules for the match you're all wrestling in tonight. I hope you've done what you can to prepare for whatever is going to happen in your match. The last time around, we had Russian roulette. Tonight, it could be anything. Just do what you can to protect yourselves, and good luck."
The camera pans across each of the competitors. Allister King and Shadow Callahan seem more interested in ripping into each other. As are Jim Rival and Arnold Bold. Connoly merely rolls his eyes, as if thinking that he's wasting his time on this pep talk. Andrew Hunter shoots quick glances at his opponents, perhaps rethinking whatever strategy he had in mind.  VS VS VS VS VS VS VS VS VS Richard Simmons: "Hello boys!"
Richard waves to the wrestlers.
Richard Simmons: "So we've got the stipulations set for tonight's Boleto Dorado match! I've been asked to explain the rules to you. You're going to need to focus on your reaction time. It's all going to be about who is quicker on the draw."
The contenders exchange quizzical looks.
Richard Simmons: "In case you're wondering, you're not going to shoot each other. You're going to fight it out for the Boleto Dorado, they way people of all ages fight it out when something has to be settled. Rock-paper-scissors!"
Confusion and laughter break out, as the wrestlers react to the announcement. The Morbidly Obese Man raises his arms in a "That's it?" pose, while Connoly laughs derisively. The British Hawk starts making rock-scissor-paper gestures with his hands, as if warming up for the match.
Staff step out, bringing large boxes with long handles sticking out from the top. They carry these boxes to the ring.
Richard Simmons: "You'll now be asked to draw from the boxes, to see if you play as rock, paper or scissors!"
Brad Blood:: "Huh?"
The wrestlers exchange confused looks, but do as they're asked. The Morbidly Obese Man and Arnold Bold randomly pull sticks. Their sticks turn out to be much stouter at the other end. GoodFella's stick has several scissors taped to it, while the Morbidly Obese Man's wrapped in newspaper.
Allister King raises his stick. The stout end has rocks attached.
Richard Simmons: "You go with rock-paper-scissors, and the last one left standing wins the Boleto Dorado!"
Brad Blood:: "What?"
Richard Simmons: "And just to have you folks know, this match is endorsed by the World RPS Society! Check them out at www.worldrps.com! "
Richard Simmons leaves.
Jim Jackson: "They're...this isn't rock-paper-scissors!"
Brad Blood:: "Maybe it's an update for the 21st century!"
Jasmine Lee: "The officials in charge are Don Q. Hotte and Scully S. Calawag. And now...LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Jim Rival swings and nearly hits GoodFella! And the wrestlers all getting defensive, as they brandish their...rock, paper and scissors!"
Brad Blood:: "I can confirm that Arnold Bold's got the scissors, while Jim Rival has rock. Allister King and British Hawk also have rock. Connoly's got scissors. Morbidly Obese Man and Bo Hetfield have paper. Shadow Callahan has rock. Andrew Hunter has paper, and Yuki Monotomo has hard nipples. I mean scissors."
Jim Jackson: "King and Callahan both have rock. Does this mean they will cancel each other out?"
Brad Blood:: "Or maybe they become a rock band. We have two referees monitoring the match. One thing Richard Simmons forgot to bring up is that pinfalls and submissions do not count. If a competitor is knocked down, he is given a ten count. If he can't get up, he's eliminated."
Jim Jackson: "Connoly points to the Morbidly Obese Man. He's telling everyone they should go for the biggest man first!"
Brad Blood:: "And Hetfield agrees with him!"
Jim Jackson: "But he rushes right into a hard whack from the big man's newspaper! Callahan attacks Allister King! The General Manager ducks and dodges! And he manages to grab Callahan!"
Brad Blood:: "Yuki takes TBH down with a big boot to the face! That is technically not a rock, paper or scissors, but it is legal for this match!"
Jim Jackson: "King and Callahan both have rock. Does this mean they will cancel each other out?"
Brad Blood:: "Rival blocks GoodFella's swing! Shoves him off hard, but GoodFella sidesteps Rival's scissor swing! The action's like watching Pirates of the Caribbean! Only with rock-paper-scissors!"
Jim Jackson: "Connoly staggers the Morbidly Obese Man with a blow from his scissors! But Morbidly Obese Man lashes out and CRUSHES Connoly against the turnbuckle! ALLISTER KING CRACKS HIS CLUB ON BO HETFIELD'S HEAD!"
Brad Blood:: "He swung for Callahan and missed!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo has the upper hand on Andrew Hunter! Hunter groggy from Monotomo's assault! The British Hawk whacks GoodFella from behind! JIM RIVAL CONNECTS WITH A LARIAT!"
Brad Blood:: "Scully S. Calawag's just counted out Bo Hetfield!"
Jim Jackson: "Down to nine men. The Morbidly Obese Man TOSSES Connoly into Yuki Monotomo! Rival barely ducks the British Hawk's strike, but is clipped nonetheless!"
Brad Blood:: "He looks dazed!"
Jim Jackson: "CALLAHAN SMASHES HIS CLUB TO THE BACK OF HAWK'S HEAD! Allister King ducked that swing, and the British Hawk paid for it!"
Brad Blood:: "Bold just caught Jim Rival with a snap swinging neckbreaker!"
Jim Jackson: "But Hunter catches GoodFella with a paper club to the midsection!"
Brad Blood:: "Technically, the club is wrapped in paper."
Jim Jackson: "Connoly SMASHES his club into the Morbidly Obese Man's leg! TMOM HOWLING in pain!"
Brad Blood:: "AND CONNOLY JACKS THE BIG GUY IN THE JAW, TAKING HIM OFF HIS FEET!"
Jim Jackson: "Don Q. Hotte's counted out the British Hawk!"
Brad Blood:: "Connoly manages to land a hit on Monotomo! He's rushing at opponents bigger than he is, and scoring!"
Jim Jackson: "And another SWING connects, sending Yuki Monotomo down! Connoly looking pleased with himself THE MORBIDLY OBESE MAN JUST LOW BLOWED HIM FROM BEHIND!"
Brad Blood:: "HUNTER SCORES A HOMERUN WITH CONNOLY'S HEAD! I SEE HIS DENTURES FLYING OUT!"
Jim Jackson: "CALLAHAN AND KING SLAM THEIR CLUBS AT EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME! THEY BROKE THEIR CLUBS!"
Brad Blood:: "SHADOW JUST STABBED ALLISTER WITH HIS BROKEN CLUB! ALLISTER KING HAS A CUT!!"
Jim Jackson: "ALLISTER KING TRYING TO FIGHT BACK, BUT SHADOW CALLAHAN JUST STABBING HIM REPEATEDLY!"
Brad Blood:: "ALLISTER KING IS BLEEDING!! Don Q. Hotte's counted out Yuki Monotomo!"
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella with an atomic drop to Andrew Hunter! Hunter stumbles into the ropes, BUT RIVAL CUTS DOWN GOODFELLA WITH A BIG HIT TO THE BACK!"
Brad Blood:: "Connoly somehow beat the count! ALLISTER KING IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN!"
Jim Jackson: "BLOOD GUSHING EVERYWHERE OUTTA THE GENERAL MANAGER! OH A SPURT CATCHES CONNOLY IN THE EYE!"
Brad Blood:: "Connoly can't see! HE GETS WHACKED WITH ANDREW HUNTER'S ROLL OF NEWSPAPER! AND I SEE HIS TOUPEE FLYING OFF!"
Jim Jackson: "Sully S. Calawag's counted out Arnold Bold! AND JIM RIVAL SMASHES HIS CLUB ON GOODFELLA! THAT WAS UNNECESSARY!"
Brad Blood:: "Shadow's grabbing another club. He wants to get rid of Allister King permanently!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter takes advantage of Jim Rival's distraction, and nearly DECAPITATES HIM with a shot! BUT MORBIDLY OBESE MAN SPEARS HUNTER OFF HIS BOOTS!"
Brad Blood:: "Sully S. Calawag's counted out Connoly! AND ALLISTER KING'S DOING HIS BEST IMPRESSION OF MR. ORANGE!"
Jim Jackson: "Callahan with a look of pure evil as he gets ready to finish off Allister KING JUST TOSSED A HANDFUL OF HIS OWN BLOOD IN SHADOW'S FACE!"
Brad Blood:: "He's bleeding from very deep cuts, but he's OMIGOD HE'S REACHED INTO HIS OPEN WOUNDS, AND IS STRANGLING SHADOW CALLAHAN WITH HIS OWN INTESTINE!"
Shadow Callahan: "HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK"
Jim Jackson: "JIM RIVAL'S JUST BEEN COUNTED OUT! ALLISTER KING DESPERATELY HANGING ON, AS HE USES HIS OWN INTESTINES TO CHOKE THE EVIL LIFE FORCE OUT OF HIS HATED ENEMY! THE MAN WHO KILLED HIS FRIEND! THE MAN WHO ATTACKED HIS WIFE!"
Brad Blood:: "I heard he also raped Allister's hamster to death!"
Jim Jackson: "SO MUCH BLOOD! They slip! But King KEEPS HIS INTESTINAL DEATH GRIP ON SHADOW CALLAHAN! EVEN AS HIS LIVER AND STOMACH SLIP OUT FROM INSIDE HIM, THE GENERAL MANAGER WILL NOT QUIT! HE WANTS TO KILL!"
Brad Blood:: "TMOM JUST WHACKED BOTH OF THEM IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK! YOU CAN HEAR THAT HIT ALL THE WAY TO THE NEXT TOWN!"
Jim Jackson: "Ten count starting for King and Callahan!"
Brad Blood:: "ANDREW HUNTER CATCHES AN UNSUSPECTING TMOM WITH ANOTHER STRIKE TO THE BACK! THE BIG GUY GOES DOWN!"
Jim Jackson: "Both Allister King and Shadow Callahan have been eliminated!"
Brad Blood: "And the Morbidly Obese Man's been counted out! We have a winner!"
Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen. The winner of the Boleto Dorado...Andrew Hunter!"
Jim Jackson: "Looks like EMTs are stitching Allister King up... I can't believe he would use his own guts to try and kill Shadow Callahan. This is getting pretty graphic..."
Brad Blood: "Just as EMTs finish the last stitch... Shadow jumps Allister! They start brawling again all the way to the back! We really have one tough GM, I mean he still is able to fight despite his condition..."A Victim, A Target by Misery Signals hits the speakers. After a moment fire spouts from the entrance ramp and "The Demonic God" Shogun can be seen walking through. The familiar emotionless expression can be seen glued to the mans face as he makes his slow decent down the ramp towards the ring to the fans dismay. Soon Shogun enters the ring and takes a mic from an awaiting ring hand where where he now begins to speak.
Shogun: "Here we are once again on the brink of insanity. A fatal four way match for Jack Off`s newly won Primo Ultimo championship. When you look through the contestants it looks like it might be an easy win doesn't it? "
Shogun begins pacing the ring
Shogun: "First you have Boy Bakla. A rather pathetic...thing that needs a bat to even THINK about winning a proper match. A thing that seems to think it actually stands a chance in hell at winning the greatest prize of them all. Bakla you are nothing but a fool and tonight will show you just how obvious that really is."
Shogun stops in the middle of the ring
Shogun: "Speaking of fools the next opponent on the list is Taufik! Little needs to be said about this man honestly. He is a terrible wrestler a two faced pile of crap and a man who has a new personality every few months! He will not win his match tonight because every other wrestler in the ring outclasses him in every way shape or form!"
Shogun: "And then you reach the last opponent in the match...and realize that UJJ wont have quite that easy a match. Because the final opponent is me! The best wrestler in the world!"
Shogun: "Jack Off, you just won that belt a month ago! Now you will lose it to me. Tonight four wrestlers will enter the ring. One wrestler shall leave..That wrestler is me. The rightful champion shall have his belt returned to him once again."
Shogun drops the mic and begins exiting the ring'Shut Me Up' by Mindless Self Indulgence starts to play through the arena. Shogun stops suddenly from exiting the ring and stands up, glaring at the stage. Connoly walks out onto the stage smirking as usual.
Connoly: "Hey there Shogun, how are ya? I don't think we've had the honor yet. Now I'm sorry I came out here and interrupted your angst ridden miserable exit, I'm sure it would have been grimtastic, but I actually have some interest in the winner of your match tonight as well. Since I will be winning my match tonight, that means I will have a ticket to go after any belt I want. Now, since my own blood has possession of two titles, those are out, now I don't have a tag partner, so there goes that option. So that pretty much leaves the ULOL Ligero whatevero and the ULOL Primo Ultimo. The way I see it, why go for the ground chuck when you can have the prime rib?
Now a fatal four-way can really take a lot out of a wrestler, whoever wins that match is going to be lucky to be able to walk. Now that would be a pretty good opportunity for someone to walk in and take that belt right out of that new champions weak, exhausted hands. Of course my match tonight is no walk in the park either, but you never know. My point is whoever wins your match tonight better be looking over their shoulder, because even if by some insane freak occurrence I lose my match tonight, I'm still going to be gunning for that Primo Ultimo. Now, I'll let you get back to your sorrowful exit."
Connoly smiles as he points at Shogun and winks before he turns and starts walking backstage.Artificial Fear's metal cover of "Song of Storms," without the music box playing, blares out of the speakers and the lights go out completely. Then A single bell chimes. Then a faint whisper is heard.
???: "...for whom the bell tolls..."
The lights turn on and an area of the ring canvas is covered in splotches of water as if rain has fallen.Shogun walks over to a conveniently placed ring attendant and takes a mic-
Shogun: "It's almost as if people expect me to win tonight...I have a fossil and my jobber senses tingled when that water fell!"
Shogun chuckles
Shogun: "You go ahead and cash that ticket in old man. Cash it in right after my match. Because I`m not like other failures in the federation. I wont be letting it go that easily. You cant be much better than that pathetic daughter of yours after all and she had to shoot a man to keep a title around her waist!"
Shogun laughs before dropping the mic and begins to head backstage once again.The Camera opens to show Allister King and Shadow Callahan Brawling in the backstage area. After a few minutes security finally intervene
Allister King: "You lucky bastard, If these security weren't holding me back, i would kick the every loving shit out of you."
Shadow Callahan: "Anytime I will be happy to burn your carcass to ashes just like you friend Scott."
Allister attempts to break through security but is unable to
Allister King: "That's it Mother fucker, Me and You, after the show. We finish this tonight."
Shadow Callahan: "Great, I will see you in the parking lot."
*Shadow walks away with a smile on his face
Allister King: "None of you better get involved later or else your all fired."
Allister walks away as the camera fades to blackThe scene started with Taufik driving into the arena as he parked his car and take the luggage out of the bonnet of the car and makes his way to the locker room. With so much intensity in his eyes he looks like he is ready to go. When he reached to the locker room, Taufik puts down his luggage and moves gear up as he is doing a promo later in the night. Moments later, Taufik is in his locker room with the lighting in the room are red as the camera is on Taufik as he start his promo.Taufik: “Tonight is finally the night I’m waiting for. Tonight is the night that I am going to get myself up in the Ultimo Primo title belt and tonight is the night that the whole world will I’ll be facing two men and a completely confused gender as I am making my Pay-Per-View Main-Event debut at the same night. What a debut for me as I will make my mark on someones ass and to whoever is watching this Pay-Per-View in this arena and at home. Tonight you people will see firsthand as I will eliminate my opponent like “The good fighter of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and when waited for an opportunity of defeating the enemy” words of Sun Tzu, I don't need to tell you what it is. Figure it out yourselves.”Taufik then throw a steel chair to the side and gave a right jab to the wall as he is pumped up for his match later as he continues to talkTaufik: "UJJ,you have the most to lose as your chances of retaining this title is 25% but I can't stop wondering that when you win that title on last month PPV, Your "Big Ass Tubby" friend was in the same match as you. But now it's a whole new different ball game Motherfucker as he will not be in the match to do your FUCKING WORK FOR YA!!! Then we have a Transvestite Boy Bakla. I was still disgusted with your intentions of coming here a the first place. And with you winning this Ultimo Primo is like having Vickie Guerrero flaunting her new lingerie to Dolph Ziggler and he told me that "He is now afraid of the light". If you don't get it then FUCK YOU!!! Then last but not least we have Shogun. Shogun, you think that calling yourself a demonic god scares me? Well here's a newsflash for you Asshole, you ain't scaring anyone by the way and you have become a joke ever since you lost to Little Wang. Someone who is not even half your height and I heard rumors that Little Wang scares you off from the Tag division. What am I supposed to be scared off? The odds with me in this match have been higher since the stats that I gave you people."Taufik then walks away from the scene as he got out from the room but stops and head back to the cameraman as he is going to address one more thingTaufik: "Before I forget I have one more thing to say. To "The Age Of Fools". Your beloved manager is now at a hospital in an undisclosed location. You know how it feels when I hit that Singapore Cane on Manolo? IT FELT GREAT!!! IT'S SMELL FREEDOM!!! and I know that Conman is jealous of me because I managed to do what he been trying to do before "joining" the group. He even had a match with him and he Fucking lost. I heard that the "Dancing With The Stars" are taking the credit that they didn't even do a thing or two about it. They are just a couple of tools that just smoke weeds and pots in their locker room. Then there their newest pot-mate, Yuki. Well he's been doing fine with them as he pinched Ray nipples in the locker room last week. Well listen kid, you don't know where your going this because you can't even fight me with my arms tied behind my back at your best day. If you wanna play with fire, you gonna get yourself FUCKING BURN!!! Taufik then went out of the room and outside of the arena to light up a stick as the scene fades to black. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Uno Mas! 06/26/2011 Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:45 pm | |
| Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to it's fans before it enters the ring with flourish and addresses the crowd.
Boy Bakla: "Good evening everypeople! So it tonight we shall finally see what ULOL's most divalicious queen can do! Tonight you shall all see me defeat three other albeit hunky opponents in the ring to be the NEW ULOL Primo Ultimo! That's right, I shall put a stop to Taufik who clearly needs someone to wash his mouth with soap... I shall show an unstoppable Johnson that he can't go on jacking and still keep standing... And finally I shall show a demonic god that even omnipotent beings fall to the superior skill of Boy Bakla!"
Bakla pauses for a few seconds before continuing...
Boy Bakla: "Yes, yes, you may all think that I am ambitious to say all these, in fact, I bet my competitors are also thinking of saying the same things too. But you see, even if they do only I, Bakla will be the only one to achieve one thing... To win the Primo Ultimo and look beautiful while doing it!"
The crowd cheers and laughs out loud. Bakla waits for them to settle down then continues.
Boy Bakla: "Seriously, ever since my return to the ring, things have been kind of rocky for me, but I endure the bumpy road and look where I am tonight? I have a chance to win the most prestigious belt here in ULOL. So to everyone watching tonight, watch closely as I show you all how this diva will shine... Ciao!"
Bakla blows kisses to the crowd and exits the ring heading to the back to prepare for it's match later.The flabtastic wrestler also known as The Morbidly Obese Man sits calmly on a specially reinforced bench in the locker room wolfing down a Philly cheese steak sub. He licks his fingers as he stuffs the last piece into his mouth as his tag team partner and current ULOL Primo Ultimo champion polishes his belt.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Polish that belt any longer and you'd rub out the engravings Johnson."
The big man grins as he got his partner's attention.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "You know as far as I'm concerned I could have won that title off of you if only that ring didn't give out... Though tonight I think you'll be having it tough. Shogun and Bakla? I suggest you take them out early if you can. Those two are the REAL threats... Of course you can probably use their animosity towards each other against them... Taufik? Well he's just small fry now without Manolo Ferrer."
The big man stands up and makes his way to his partner.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "So... You gonna need my help tonight or are you going to go at it on your own?"
The Morbidly Obese Man looks at his partner waiting for a reply.The Primo Ultimo Champion places his belt over his shoulder and smirks.
"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "Nah. I want to prove to everyone that I am a deserving champion. I'll be contradicting myself if you came out tonight. But I know that I'll walk out with the Primo Ultimo championship."
UJJ taps his tite.
"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "But if anything that came out of Tau's mouth that did make sense. It was the fact that I have 25 percent chance of retaining. Call me crazy but I like those odds."Suddenly Zombie comes crashing through the wall and into Morbidly UnStoppable's locker room! Zombie is on the floor on top of the rubble and covered in dust. He coughs and groggily waves the dust away. Chriso steps in through the hole, breathing heavily he nods to TMOM and then to "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson. Zombie looks to UJJ and growls.
Zombie: "You .. you .. you ... I'll d-d-destroy you again! Once ... once ... I've ...."
Zombie briefly points in the direction of Chriso then loses his track of thought and sees TMOM. His face turns to one of disgust.
Zombie: "And people .... say .... I .... suh ... that I ... suh suh smell!"
Chriso shakes his head smiling.
Zombie: "W-w-what the .... hell ... are you ... smiling ... for you cowardly ... bastard ... dickhead... bastard ... ?... We're in ... a ... some ... kind of endless ... battle ...."
Chriso: "Sorry ... about .... the ... wall ...."
Chriso drags Zombie to his feet and goes to throw him back through the hole but Zombie counters with a punch to Chriso's midsection. Zombie then grabs Chriso and throws him into the wall which breaks as Chriso crashes down to the other side.
Zombie: "These ... are some ... shit .. walls!"
With that said Zombie follows after Chriso through the second hole leaving Morbidly Unstoppable on their own once again.The Morbidly Obese Man stares at the damage done by the brawling wrestlers...
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Well that came out of nowhere... Well I wish you luck then my friend, you need to retain that title, our last match ended in a draw... I would still like to win that title off of you."
The big man slaps UJJ's back as the scene fades to black.  VS VS VS Jim Jackson: "We got all four competitors in the ring. This match is a one fall fight to the finish. So Jack Johnson doesn't even have to be pinned or forced to submit to lose the title."
Brad Blood: "They're all just staring each other down, trying to decide who to go after first."
Jim Jackson: "Taufik strikes at Johnson! But the Champ blocks it! And Shogun hits Johnson while he's occupied with Taufik!"
Brad Blood: "Boy Bakla just jumped onto Shogun!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun versus Bakla! Taufik peppering Johnson with multiple strikes! Goes for a running clothesline, but Johnson tackles Taufik with a clothesline of his own!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun bodyslams Bakla!"
Jim Jackson: "Johnson with a belly-to-belly suplex! Tries to pin Taufik, but doesn't get the count! And he gets off Taufik, dodging an attempted Shogun stomp!"
Brad Blood: "Tau caught the flat of Shogun's foot! And that's gotta hurt!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun and Johnson trading strikes! Shogun has been adamant these past several weeks that he thinks Jack Johnson is just keeping the belt warm for him."
Brad Blood: "UJJ would like nothing better than to make a successful defense, and prove his critics wrong, especially the three he's fighting against right now. But like you said, this is the type of match where the champion doesn't even need to get pinned or submitted to lose his gold."
Jim Jackson: "Jack Johnson counters a Shogun suplex attempt, and drops Shogun to the mat!"
Brad Blood: "But Boy Bakla catche UJJ with a crucifix pin! One! Two! Three"
Jim Jackson: "Johnson kicks out! But Taufik dives onto him!"
Brad Blood: "This is the reality of being Primo Ultimo Champion. You got everyone gunning for you. Shogun stayed on top for months, turning back every almost every challenge that came his way. UJJ has to do everything he can if he wants to end the night still on top of the mountain."
Jim Jackson: "Shogun takes Bakla and Johnson down! He blocks Taufik's attack! Lifts up, no Taufik rakes him across the eyes! Taufik clips Shogun with an enziguiri!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun has claimed for weeks that he's the best wrestler in ULOL. That no one has any chance against him in a one on one fight. He's even declared his opponents tonight of being unworthy of holding ULOL's top prize, claiming it to be his title, and he's taking it back. It's hard to make an argument against that, when he's practically beaten everyone who's been booked to fight him."
Jim Jackson: "Like Little Wang, Arnold Bold and Musashi Kuruma."
Brad Blood: "It's a long list. I was bound to forget a few names."
Jim Jackson: "Taufik misses the running Yakuza kick to Johnson! But he manages to duck Johnson's counter! Facebuster to the knee takes the Champ down!"
Brad Blood: "Boy Bakla just frankensteinered Shogun outta the ring!"
Jim Jackson: "Taufik dropping down for the pin! One! Two! Only gets two!"
Brad Blood: "Tau just SUPLEXES UJJ hard into the corner! He knows he's only got a few moments alone with Johnson, and this could be his best chance to win big!"
Jim Jackson: "Taufik violently turned against the Age of Pain, blaming them for holding him back. He has claimed to be the biggest reason why the Age of Pain has enjoyed so much success, at the price of himself not winning any titles."
Brad Blood: "Manolo Ferrer actually convinced the GM to give Tau a title shot, literally just minutes before Taufik dumped him. Taufik can very well be the next Primo Ultimo Champ, which would be a delicious bit of irony for the Age of Pain's enemies."
Jim Jackson: "Taufik trying to kick Boy Bakla out! But Bakla catches Taufik's boot, and hits a dragon leg screw! And Bakla with a SHINING WIZARD to Jack Johnson!"
Brad Blood: "UJJ just caught that flush in the face!"
Jim Jackson: "Bakla kicks Taufik in the ribs, nearly sending him out of the ring! Bakla now taking advantage...goes for the cover on Johnson!"
Brad Blood: "But UJJ still alert enough to kick out!"
Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla has been embroiled in a feud with Shogun and Shadow Callahan for the past several weeks. Bakla becoming the Primo Ultimo Champion tonight gives it bragging rights over the Anarchists which I daresay they can't ignore."
Brad Blood: "They'd be livid with rage. Shogun would try to tear Bakla apart the minute they got back to the locker room."
Jim Jackson: "Then again, Shogun could just do nothing, like what happened with Little Wang. And Bakla counters a Taufik attack! Flips Taufik with a big suplex!"
Brad Blood: "Bakla sees UJJ trying to get up! Charges at him NO IT SHOOTS THROUGH THE ROPES TO DROPKICK SHOGUN BACK TO THE OUTSIDE!"
Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla keeps it momentum, as it surprises Johnson with a backslide!"
Brad Blood: "No, UJJ is trying not to get rolled over!"
Jim Jackson: "Johnson...breaks out of the backslide! PLANTS BAKLA WITH A JKO!"
Brad Blood: "Bakla's face down on the canvas!"
Jim Jackson: "Taufik attacks Johnson! Lifts him but Johnson fights out of the hold! AND POWERSLAMS Taufik!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun manages to dive in just in time!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun stops Johnson's pinfall attempt! He's lashing out hard at the Champ! Rams him into the corner! He's got him trapped, while laying into him with hard strikes!"
Brad Blood: "UJJ blocking his hits! He's fighting out of the corner!"
Jim Jackson: "But Shogun blocks! And a T-bone suplex nearly drops Johnson on his head!"
Brad Blood: "UJJ has been hammered by all three challengers, Jim! He's been calling himself Unstoppable for so many years! Now he has to show he can really live up to that name! Or else be labeled a jackoff!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun would like nothing better than to make that insult stick on Jack Johnson! The former Primo Ultimo Champion continuing his assault...and a tiger suplex pin on the Champ!"
Brad Blood: "No, he lets go! Now he's going after Taufik!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun beating down the still groggy Taufik! Looks like he's going with the strategy of keeping all his opponents down, at least long enough for him to score the win!"
Brad Blood: "Cutting off Tau before he could recover is certainly a case of thinking on his feet! And again, he doesn't even need to pin or tap out UJJ. Shogun can go after Bakla or Taufik."
Jim Jackson: "Taufik trying to fight back, but Shogun has him covered. Taufik has been accused of being the Age of Pain's weak link. But he's continuously vilified Shogun and Jack Johnson for what he sees as inexcusable flaws of their own."
Brad Blood: "He's been ripping UJJ for being the lesser half of Morbidly Unstoppable. And we all know he's done the sacrilege of saying Shogun's afraid of a midget!"
Jim Jackson: "And while we're discussing Taufik, Jack Johnson's taken Shogun down with a stiff running neckbreaker! Everyone's down!"
Brad Blood: "You mean everyone but Boy Bakla!"
Jim Jackson: "Bakla pins Taufik! One! Two but Tau kicks out!"
Brad Blood: "Now it's going to try and pin Shogun!"
Jim Jackson: "One! Two! And the referee only says two, as Shogun raises the shoulder!"
Brad Blood: "There's still UJJ! It's got him covered!"
Jim Jackson: "And Bakla only gets another two count! Boy Bakla making the most of the opportunities presented to it!"
Brad Blood: "RUNNING DROPKICK TAKES SHOGUN BACK DOWN!"
Jim Jackson: "Bakla with a standing MOONSAULT on Shogun as a follow-up! But it rolls off Shogun, as Johnson tries to break up the pin!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun ate that fist!"
Jim Jackson: "Bakla is a freak, but it's a very successful freak! It has a very distinguished championship track record! And it could add another accolade to its name tonight!"
Brad Blood: "UJJ overpowering Bakla's offense! The Champ gets caught with a big elbow to the face!"
Jim Jackson: "But it catches Bakla's running charge, and lifts it up! Press slams Bakla onto Taufik!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun attacks Johnson! He's hooking him up for the Demonic Sacrifice!"
Jim Jackson: "Johnson spins outta the hold! He's grabbing Shogun for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!"
Brad Blood: "He nearly cut Shogun in half!"
Jim Jackson: "The Champ pulling that counter in the nick of time! But Taufik CONNECTS with a vicious diving forearm to Johnson!"
Brad Blood: "It's a four-wreslter pileup in the ring!"
Jim Jackson: "Taufik...he crawls on top of Johnson! THIS COULD BE IT!"
Brad Blood: "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
Jim Jackson: "BAKLA PULLS TAUFIK OFF JOHNSON It's attacking Taufik!"
Brad Blood: "Keep Tau beaten down long enough to go for either Shogun or UJJ!"
Jim Jackson: "Bakla grabs Tau, but Taufik counters the piledriver attempt, sending Boy Bakla to the mat! Taufik throws Bakla outta the ring!"
Brad Blood: "Bakla's hanging on the ropes! Taufik doesn't know it yet!"
Jim Jackson: "JACK JOHNSON BLOCKS TAUFIK'S ATTACK! BIG SPINEBUSTER ON TAUFIK!"
Brad Blood: "SHOGUN GRABS JOHNSON! AND HE PLANTS HIM WITH THE DEMONIC SACRIFICE!"
Jim Jackson: "BAKLA LAUNCHES ITSELF OVER THE ROPES TO LAND ON SHOGUN! BAKLA'S GOT SHOGUN COVERED!"
Brad Blood: "ONE! TWO! THREE! WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION!"
Jim Jackson: "BOY BAKLA'S THE NEW CHAMPION!"
Brad Blood: "WAIT! WAIT! THE REFEREE SAYS SHO MANAGED TO KICK OUT BEFORE THREE! BAKLA CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
Jim Jackson: "Bakla arguing with the ref! Shogun charges Bakla from behind!"
Brad Blood: "Oh Bakla gets out of the way! Running DDT to Shogun!"
Jim Jackson: "No Shogun slips himself loose from the DDT! Grabs Bakla by the legs! SLINGSHOTS IT INTO TAUFIK!"
Brad Blood: "THEY'RE BOTH OUTTA THE RING!"
Jim Jackson: "Johnson still groggy! SHOGUN GRABS HIM! DEMONIC SACRIFICE!"
Brad Blood: "HE'S GOT IT THIS TIME! ONE! TWO! THREE!"
A Victim, A Target plays to a huge round of boos, as Jasmine Lee announces the winner's name.
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of the match...and NEW PRIMO ULTIMO CHAMPION...Shogun!"
Brad Blood: "He's done it! Let the reign of terror begin again!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun has outlasted Jack Johnson, Boy Bakla and Taufik, to regain the Primo Ultimo title!"
Brad Blood: "He had a dominant title reign the first time around! I can only imagine how much more dominant he'll be this time! The guy is proud of the fact he's a division killer! He's gonna have another long run of destroying anybody ULOL books against him!"
Shogun poses with the title, taunting the defeated challengers as they leave. He climbs to the second rope, holding up the title belt and laugh at the boos, when "Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers.
Jim Jackson: "...what!"
A familiar man steps out. He looks a lot healthier and a lot better dressed than his recent videos have depicted him.
Brad Blood: "MARCUS TROY!"
Jim Jackson: "HOW!? I THOUGHT HE WAS TRAPPED IN Q'S COUNTRY!"
Marcus ignores everyone's reactions as he starts talking. His gaze fixed on the man in the ring.
Marcus Troy: "I hope you remember me. You had a title defense the night I was ousted as GM. Since then, my life took a bad turn. I'm not going into the specifics of that; I heard everyone knew what happened to me these past several months. But now, after a very hard negotiating process with the people who I did wrong...I'M BACK!"
And the crowd lets him have it, booing as loud as they can.
Brad Blood: "He looks...pretty healthy!"
Marcus Troy: "I cut a deal with those people. And I was released about a month ago. So those videos you see of me....they're dated, man. But enough with that. To celebrate my return to ULOL, I want to make my first booking. What better match to make...than a defense of the Primo Ultimo championship?"
Jim Jackson: "Title defense!"
Marcus Troy: "And I want to make sure your first defense, Shogun, is against a guy I know you'd want to get your hands on!"
A nu-metal track starts to play. The crowd suddenly goes intense with screams.
Brad Blood: "WAIT! HIM!?"
Jim Jackson: "Q!?!?"
Shogun stares in disbelief and outrage, as the masked wrestler known as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing walks out to challenge him. Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing does not turn to acknowledge Marcus Troy, as he runs to the ring.
Brad Blood: "Q?!? What's going on here!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun CLOTHESLINES Q the second he stepped into the ring! Q trying to get to his feet, but Shogun kicks him back down!"
Brad Blood: "What the hell is Marcus Troy doing back here! They were just airing videos of him trapped in Q's country! Getting beaten up by mean little kids and very angry bears!"
Jim Jackson: "He just brought out Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing as Shogun's first challenger! Marcus Troy was never relieved of his position as Vice General Manager!"
Brad Blood: "Allister King's in the hospital, while Eunice isn't available!"
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing rocking Shogun with hard chops! Knees him in the face! Rushes at Shogun, ONLY TO BE CAUGHT IN THE STUN GUN!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun's just fought off three other opponents a few minutes earlier! But he's manhandling Q!"
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing was suspended all this time! But now he's back in action, and getting his butt kicked by the new Primo Ultimo Champion!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun just taunting Q! Telling him he's a lot better than him!"
Jim Jackson: "He slaps Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing! But Q fires back! Shogun bitchslaps him again!"
Brad Blood: "Q's got no fight in him anymore! It's all been slapped outta him!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun holding Q by the throat! He SPITS at Q! And HE'S GOING FOR THE DEMONIC SACRIFICE!"
Brad Blood: "WHAT THE!"
Jim Jackson: "Q frees himself! SLAPS SHOGUN SO HARD HE FLIPS TWICE IN THE AIR!"
Brad Blood: "HE JUST LANDED ON HIS FACE!"
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing...he's wrapping Shogun up in some sorta move! It's...a submission move of some kind!"
Brad Blood: "My God I didn't know the human body could bend like that!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun's screaming his head off! He's tapping out to Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing! What the hell move is that!"
Brad Blood: "MY GOD Q WINS! NEW CHAMPION! NEW CHAMPION!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of the match...and NEW Primo Ultimo Champion! Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing!"
Jim Jackson: "Good God he just dethroned Shogun! He just dethroned the Demonic God!"
Brad Blood: "What the hell!"
Jim Jackson: "When Shogun said he was going to get back his title, he probably never thought he'd just have it for less than five minutes!"
Brad Blood: "Q is celebrating with the title! What in the hell, Jim!"
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing was practically IGNORED by Shogun for months! Shogun had nothing but contempt for Q, and promised him he'd have more title reigns than Q would ever hope to dream off! But Q just one-upped him, right on the night of his biggest triumph!"
Brad Blood: "Not if Shogun has anything to say about it!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun's attacked Q! He punches out the referee! And now he's punching away at Q!"
Brad Blood: "Q just pissed him off one too many times!"
Jim Jackson: "Shogun drags Q to his QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING JUST SLAPS HIM HARD AGAIN! SHOGUN FLIPS INSIDE OUT LIKE A FEATHERWEIGHT!"
Brad Blood: "SHADOW CALLAHAN JUST BLINDSIDED Q!"
Jim Jackson: "Callahan in the ring to help his buddy! He's checking on Shogun...and now he's going after Q! Q rolled out to the floor, but the Anarchists are after him!"
Brad Blood: "They got him! Uh-oh, they're coming this way!"
Jim Jackson: "They're clearing our table! My God, these two evil men plan to destroy our table, using Q's body!"
Brad Blood: "Shogun is absolutely shaking with rage! His biggest night, ruined in the blink of an eye! He's gonna make sure Q never walks again!"
Jim Jackson: "Q COUNTERED THEM! HE COUNTERED THEM!"
Brad Blood: "HOW!?! HOW!?!?"
Jim Jackson: "Q JUST DDTED BOTH SHADOW CALLAHAN AND SHOGUN THROUGH OUR TABLE! THE ANARCHISTS ARE TWITCHING HELPLESSLY!"
The new holder of the Primo Ultimo dusts off a few splinters of wood that stuck to his costume. He slowly picks up a microphone discarded from the frenzied fighting, then points to the annihilated Anarchists.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "You're outta toilet paper again!"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing bonks the microphone off Shogun's broken body, then picks up his latest trophy. He slides back into the ring, and raises his prize for all the fans to see.
Brad Blood: "Q just turned ULOL on its head!"
Jim Jackson: "He's buried the hatchet with Marcus Troy?!?"
Brad Blood: "Q's walking outta here with the top prize in ULOL! He's the new king of the mountain!"
Jim Jackson: "Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing is the Primo Ultimo Champion!"Jim Jackson: "What a night... The curve ball tonight took everyone by surprise!"
Brad Blood: "You got that right. I mean Q and Marcus?!!! Oh man, did hell freeze over?"
Jim Jackson: "Well things may be wrapping up tonight but we still have a showdown in the parking lot between an injured Allister King and Shadow Callahan... Let's have a look..."
The ULOL Tron comes to life and we see Allister King and Shadow Callahan in the parking lot.
Allister tackles Callahan to the ground and begins a barrage of punches.
Callahan Headbutts Allister.
Callahan kicks Allister in the gut.
Callahan is about to hit Allister with the kendo stick but Allister kicks Callahan in between the legs causing him to be disorientated momentarily...
Allister whips callahan into a car.
Allister spinebusters Callahan and begins to pummel him.
Callahan knees Allister in the gut then pushes him aside.
Callahan kicks Allister in the back of the head making him headbutt the ground and busting him open.
Callahan lifts Allister up and throws him into a SUV.
Allister attempts to kick Callahan but is too slow and gets a big right hook to the face.
Callahan lifts Allister and powerbombs him into the windshield of the SUV.
Callahan climbs up on the SUV and lifts the barely breathing body of king up and powerbombs him of the SUV causing him to land head first.
Allister is unconscious and bloodied, his stitches opened again as the EMTs show up. Callahan Laughs and walks away as the ULOL Tron feed ends...
Brad Blood: "Oh man, Allister took one helluva beating... This could be Marcus Troy's perfect chance to snatch back the GM position..."
Jim Jackson: "Whether that happens though, we'll find out next week... Thank you for watching folks... Until next time, this is Jim Jackson saying sayonara!" | |
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