United League of Lunatics & Lucha Libre Puroresu
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| | | Lucha Loco 10/09/2011 |  |
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The Morbidly Obese Man
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 |  Subject: Lucha Loco 10/09/2011  Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:04 pm | |
|  Jim Jackson: "Good evening and welcome to Lucha Loco, where the only thing you can expect is the unexpected. Now we have a great show lined up for you this evening, including Andrew Hunter's first title defense since winning the ULOL Primo Ultimo via internet transaction."
Brad Blood: "That's right, Yuki Monotomo is going to destroy Hunter giving him a short title reign."
Jim Jackson: "Well you never know how these things will end up so without further ado, let us get things rolling. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"  The camera pans out to a large dark room lit only by a few red tinted lightbulbs, the room is decorated by a number of altered crosses and religious quotes plastered onto the walls. In the corner of the room with a black haired man wearing a large black trenchcoat bearing the same altered cross that fills the walls of the room. The man appears t obe reading a blood read book the the same symbol carved into it. After a moment and eery quiet the man looks up and begins to speak.?: "There is a time in every sinners life where he looks at himself and decides he desires to repent. Try as he might however, the sinner simply commited more and more moral attrocities day after day. This cycle happens at least a thoudand times a day in every city in this world. When the rightious men in this world grow tired of such greed and corruption killing this planet they crusade against it. I am the embodiment of such efforts. I am Crusade and I have made it my business to help sinners repent!"Crusade: "The process may be a long and painful one, but in the end the sinner always goes on in his life a changed man. A rightious man. A true soldier of the light."The man who called himself Crusade holds up the book he was reading before. Crusade: "This is a book of the written truth. Only a rightious soldier of the light may bear witness to it's contents. A true holy man such as myself must stay on canstant alert for sinners who need help getting through the ordeal of change. This organization is full of men just like that! Dozens of lost souls waiting to be brought into the light! Men and women who have a true calling ahead of them, yet they go about their lives as the corrupted. I am here to make cleanse this wrestling promotion of all of it's sins!"Crusade stands up. Crusade: "Tonight I face a captain of mongrels. A sinner who beileves only in loot and plunder. Sebastion Wolf tonight is the night that you shall pay for the sins you have commited! You will either surrender to the will of the light of you will fall by it's strongest soldier. You have no chance of victory in this engagement, all hope was lost when you strayed from the rightious path... When you became a corrupted sinner.". Crusade: "My quest to help the wretched sinners repent will be a long, painful, bloody process. I will go to war with every man who dares go against the holy teachings of the light! If they refuse to repent? Then I will simply have to remove them from existence...So it is written in the holy tome of the light, Amen."With that Crusade motions for the camera man to leave as the screen fades to black. Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. Holding Petunia in one hand, Bakla raises the mic to its lips and speaks out in anger.
Boy Bakla: "Cut the music! Cut the music!"
Cher's "Believe" abruptly stops.
Boy Bakla: "A disqualification... Hmph... You got lucky Shoggie but next week, it will be different... That referee was biased against me from the start..."
A Man From the Crowd: "YOU USED A BAT YOU HOMO!"
Bakla whips its attention to the man who interrupted its speech.
Boy Bakla: "OH SHUT UP BEFORE I GO OVER THERE AND SHUT IT FOR YOU!"
Bakla swings Petunia and makes a cracking sound as it hits the ring post echoing throughout the arena quickly silencing the crowd.
Boy Bakla: "Well next week Shoggie won't be so lucky, I've taken measures to make sure there'll be no biased referee. I will get back the win that was denied to me and tie the series at 2 wins each, then we shall have a grand match at the PPV, the fifth and deciding match."
Bakla pauses and stares down at the crowd before continuing.
Boy Bakla: "You all cheer for Shoggie but have you forgotten that he wasn't a hero in the past? Have you all forgotten that Shoggie was not a good guy? You are all naive that you believe he's turned over a new leaf just as you are all naive to think that Eunice P. Winslow is a good and fair vice-general manager. But all that will change, all I need to do is to win 2 more matches... Watch closely ULOL... I shall defeat Shoggie 2 more times and then Winslow shall fall."
Bakla cracks its pink baseball bat again into the air making a sharp sound as it slices through the atmosphere before it turns around heads to the back."Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor starts playing on the speakers as flashing multicolored lights starts flashing at the top of the entrance ramp as smoke rises from the floor. A small form suddenly bounces out of the entrance tunnel and through the smoke which is slowly clearing. The crowd looks wide-eyed at the small midget standing on top of the entrance ramp wearing stilts with both arms in the air waving a victory sign with his fingers. The midget runs down the ramp and scampers into the ring.
Little Wang: "Last week, my partner and best friend Nao Fook Mi made a mistake. She again lost herself to emotion thus costing us the match against Brostar & Marston. Thus she has taken leave this week to go to a place where she can meditate and reflect upon her actions giving me free time..."
Little Wang paces around the ring.
Little Wang: "Enough free time to think that I should also consider my singles career other than my tag team one. It's true I am at a disadvantage in singles combat but I still think I have what it takes so I am challenging Jim Rival to fight me in a one on one match with the ULOL Ligero Maximo on the line!"
The crowd cheers at Wang's announcement.
Little Wang: "I saw your match with Enigma Mr. Rival and it got my blood boiling. I saw what the lightweight division is capable of, nevermind the nay-sayers. I know that I am good enough not only to take the belt but also to put on one helluva show. So what is your answer Jim?"
Little Wang waits for Rival to come out. "The New Cult King" by Mushroomhead suddenly comes over the speakers to fill the arena, the gold outline of the cross on the titantron as Jim slowly made his way out from the back. The boos and jeers came down heavily as he patted the Ligero Maximo belt around his waist. Staying at the top of the ramp Jim was handed a microphone, a frigid smile on is face as he brought it up to speak.
Jim Rival: "You, can not be serious. You think, you honestly think, that you even stand a chance against me? Someone who is nothing more than a vertically challenged abomination of the light? Someone who think that they can get far by making all of these ignorant, neurotic, sheep ...'happy'."
Jim chuckled at the thought as the crowd voiced their displeasure, shaking his head before looking back to Wang.
Jim Rival: "Even your name is laughable and nothing more than a horrible innuendo. The same can be said about your so called 'partner'. You see the situation regarding your partner caught my interest because the Connoly girl brought up very good points."
Jim raises his hand to keep from being interrupted as he spoke.
Jim Rival: "...but more importantly you lack the skill, and care too much about others rather than worry about yourself. I, care about myself and the Light. The light guided me to this belt whereas your pathetic fans only guided you to the bottom of the tag team division."
Jim lowered his mic with a smirk on his face, awaiting to hear what kind of response will come. Little Wang: "LACK THE SKILL?!"
It is evident to the crowd that the pitch of Little Wang's voice went an octave higher.
Little Wang: "Maybe it is you who has a reason why you don't want to accept my challenge. I mean what would the wold think of someone who lost to a man half his size?"
Little Wang stares back intently at Jim Rival.
Little Wang: "If you have watched my matches, I put on a great show win or lose, I have more skill in me that you have in your balls. I promise you that you will see a different Wang staring right back at you in the ring, unless of course you chicken out now and decline my challenge... I would just have to go through filing a request through management which I think would be approved anyway. I just find a direct challenge less time consuming."Jim just gave a hearty laugh as he began to walk down the ramp as he spoke.
Jim Rival: "I have seen your matches, you think that putting on a good show will help you win? That it will help you get what you really want? It's a laughable excuse. Me? I got right to the point. I make sure your ass is down on the mat for more than three seconds and walk home a winner."
Jim rubbed his face for a moment, looking around to the crowd before looking back to Wang. He climbed onto the ring apron but stood on the outside of it as he spoke.
Jim Rival: "Pardon my language there, very unbecoming for a man of the cloth like myself. Back to the matter of at hand if you really wish to have a match with me, then fine. I had my reasons to decline at first like handling more 'important' matters but I will accept your challenge...."
Jim tucked himself between the ropes and entered the ring, leaning back against the ropes.Jim Rival: "...but not now of course, in fact I will be polite and give you....lets say two weeks. Maybe you can reconsider and back down to let someone else more deserving into the ring with me. Either way the end result will be the same. "'Map Of The Problematique' by Muse starts playing throughout the arena, after a few moments Raven Connoly emerges on the stage. Raven has the ULOL Campeón no Masculino over her shoulder, she stays on the stage and begins to speak.
Raven Connoly: "AWWWWW, Nao can't be here tonight, she has to go reflect on her failures, that's a shame, I'm really going to miss her tonight. But look at you Little Wang, acting like a big boy and calling out a so called champion, that is sooooooo cute..., pathetic, but cute. Lets face it Wang, if it wasn't for Nao, you never would have a title in the first place, your a runt, and your partner is a cunt, HEY! that rhymes!"
The crowd boos as Raven continues.
Raven Connoly: "The fact that either of you two think you deserve to wear that title is a joke. I've got more talent in my pinky then the two of you put together. If anyone should be getting a chance at that title, it should be me, someone who could actually bring some prestige to that tarnished belt, but I digress. Wang, if you wanna go for that title you do it, who am I to say you can't do it, I mean you couldn't keep the ULOL Campeónes Compañero, and you lost to god damn Brostar of all people, but sure, you can win that title. You do make a very good point though Wang, maybe you do need to look into singles competition, because I don't think your partner will be around much longer. Anyway, I'd love to stick around and hear your witty retorts, but I have more important things to tend too, but I'm sure everyone here is going to be tortured with the anticipation of your amazing title match."
Raven shots the two wrestlers a condescending smile before disappearing backstage again.  VS Jasmine Lee: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, Crusade!”
"Believe" by Disturbed hits the speakers. The lights in the arena turn and a spotlight shines down on Crusade as he walks out of the entrance curtains to the jeers of the crowd. Crusade can be seen carrying his blood red copy of the Holy Bible in his hand while he makes his way down to the ring. The light from the spotlight shines off of the large leaver trench coat Crusade wears everywhere. Once in the ring Crusade sheds the trench coat cueing the lights in the arena to turn on. After shouting out to the fans about their various sins Crusade takes a seat in one of the turnbuckle corners with his Bible pressed against his cheat, waiting for the match to begin.
Brad Blood: “Hey look, it’s the Jim Rival wannabe! I’m so glad these guys are creative enough to come up with their own gimmicks.”
Jim Jackson: “At least they get in the ring and wrestle, Brad. Maybe you should try it sometime.”
Brad Blood: “Shut up, Jim.”
Jasmine Lee: “Introducing next, Captain Sebastian Wolf!”
Alestorm's Shipwrecked begins to play throughout the arena as the scourge of the seven seas, Captain Sebastian Wolf, makes his way out to the entrance ramp. He takes out his pistol and fires it into the air as a jolly roger falls and covers the tron. He puts his pistol back into its holster before continuing down to the ring. Before he enters the ring, he removes his cutlass and begins to threaten a few of the audience members. With the cutlass still in hand, he walks up the steps and enters the ring. He climbs till one foot is on the top turnbuckle and the other is on the second rope. He raises the cutlass in the air and lets out a pirate yell. He jumps off the turnbuckle, the referee forces him to relinquish his cutlass and pistol. He hands them over and removes his hat and coat before suddenly diving out of the ring.
Jim Jackson: “Where the hell is Sebastian going?"
Brad Blood: “It looks like he’s heading to the back. Wait a second…he’s got two bottles of rum! Isn’t that moronic pirate drunk enough already!?”
Jim Jackson: “I guess not, Brad. Sebastian climbs back into the ring and downs one of the two bottles! He stumbles backwards a bit before starting to drink the second one!”
Brad Blood: “So he’s going to wrestle totally and completely drunk? Smart move, I’m going to love watching you lose, Wolf. It’s too bad that means I have to watch the Jim Rival wannabe win.”
Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!”
Jim Jackson: “The bell rings as Sebastian continues to drink his rum. Crusade looks impatient to start however, and pushes Wolf, causing Wolf to spill some of his rum!”
Brad Blood: “The drunken pirate looks pissed about the spilled rum. He pushes Crusade back and begins to drink his rum again. Crusade again interrupts him by pushing him again. With a look of anger, Sebastian Wolf suddenly smashes the rum bottle onto the head of Crusade!”
Jim Jackson: “The referee has no choice but to signal for the bell!”
Jasmine Lee: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the match via disqualification, Crusade!”
Brad Blood: “The Jim Rival wannabe won, but I’m not complaining! I’m glad Wolf smashed that bottle over his head! Oh! It looks like Crusade is a bleeder; look at all of that blood!”
Jim Jackson: “It doesn’t look like Wolf is done just yet. He kicks the referee in the gut before throwing him out of the ring. After disposing of the referee, Wolf begins stomping a mud hole into Crusade!”
Brad Blood: “Hahaha! That’s exactly what the wannabe deserves! He wouldn’t be getting his ass kicked if he wasn’t such an idiot!”
Jim Jackson: “Captain Sebastian Wolf rolls out of the ring and grabs a table! He slides it into the ring before spreading the broken glass from the bottle around onto it! Wolf smashes the first bottle from earlier onto Crusade’s stomach before taking the glass and putting it into a pile along with the glass from the other bottle.”
Brad Blood: “This doesn’t look good for Crusade. I think someone is going to be bleeding a bit more here soon.”
Jim Jackson: “Wolf pulls Crusade to his feet before kicking him in the gut and lifting into the air! Crusade with some elbows on Wolf's head slips down... He picks Wolf up... SPINEBUSTER THROUGH THE TABLE!”
Brad Blood: “Aww! I wanna see that Jim Rival version 2.0 go through the table but Wolf going through it is also good enough for me.”
Jim Jackson: “How despicable! This wasn’t even a match! Wolf just assaulted Crusade for no reason but then Crusades retaliation after shouldn't also have happened!”
Brad Blood: “No reason? Crusade spilled his beer! Besides, Crusade is a religious moron. I hate religious morons! Well at least we saw something amusing tonight.” | |
|  | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/09/2011 Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:05 pm | |
| ARE YOU FEELING GAY?
DO YOU FEEL LIKE GOLD?
IF YOU ARE THEN WE HAVE THE ICE CREAM FOR YOU!
Available in stores now!Green Day's "Having a Blast" starts blaring out of the speakers as the silhouette of the penultimate wrestler, covered in smoke and with a light show on, Colton Charles Cai Cobb raises from the ground with his back facing the crowd. He turns around as he steps off the platform and into the entrance ramp with a smirk on his face and an air of arrogance as he makes his way to the ring ignoring the loud boos which echo the ringside. Following close behind is his paid mercenary Ragki Nikara.
Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Last week I issued a challenge, and it seems that there were no takers. Not surprising since everyone knows that they cannot possibly beat me and take away my Boleto Dorado even if they have a stipulation in their favor. Regardless, I shall keep my challenge open."
C4 chuckles as the crowd boos loudly.
Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Now to the next matter, it seems that ULOL management has decided to put me and my business associate here Mr. Nikara in a tag team match, against former tag champions no less. Well I gladly accept this challenge as it will allow me to show everyone here that I, Colton Charles Cai Cobb does not only shine in singles division but also in the tag division."
C4 starts laughing and exits the ring followed by Ragki Nikara. Lex Lexington is standing in the backstage area like always and waiting for someone to come. It doesn’t matter who will come he just wants to get an interview. The man known as GoodFella in the wrestling business just appeared with his partner Felix Schwarz and that’s Lex chance to get a few words. Felix Schwarz: "Look Lex now it’s not a good time for us to be interviewed by you. This month has been very tough for us and don’t ask why cause it’s not your business..."GoodFella doesn’t look very good but he nods his head after Felix finishes what he has to say. They are heading to the locker room and wait til the match starts.The scene opens in the ULOL arena, A whole bunch of screaming audience wait for something to happen. “Show Goes On” plays as Brostar appears on stage wearing a nice new black jacket with his name at the back in bright red.
He also has some new red trunks with blue lighting bolts on the sides, he walks down the ramp tagging the crowd’s hands. He runs in the ring and taunts to the crowd, Brostar grabs a mic and speaks.
Brostar: "Hey people, how are you all doing?!"
He yells as some of the crows start screaming.
Brostar: "That's what I wanted to hear, anyways it has been a while since I have come down to this ring and spoke in front of all of you people."
He says as he pauses for a moment to sit on the turnbuckle.
Brostar: "I usually am seen in the back talking to my tag team partner Fettel and getting my ass kicked in the ring every time I am booked."
He says as some of the audience start to laugh a bit.
Brostar: "In which has come to a bit of an issue for me, for a some while. I only have had one win this year, which was a fluke, which was against my own tag team partner Fettel. And that’s it throughout this year I’ve been losing."
Brostar: "But that is about to change, no more will look like a fool and get my ass kicked."
He gets off the turnbuckle.
Brostar: "Starting with next week’s match, I’ll finally get a win and finally win some gold for not only for me but my tag team partner and friend Fettel, So the next time you people will be seeing me and Fettel, you will be seeing your new ULOL Campeónes Compañero."
He finishes as he walks out of the ring with his music playing, he tags the crowds hands again and goes to backstage with the camera turning off. & VS & Jim Jackson: "And we have the next match of the evening, this is a tag team match between the former ULOL tag team champs and two men who recently made an alliance. When management found out Colton Charles Cai Cobb paid Ragki Nikara to help him win the Boleto Dorado, they decided to pit the alliance against the former tag team champions to see if their partnership can withstand going against one of ULOL's most experienced tag teams."
Brad Blood: "C4 is awesome! He alone can kick both GoodFella & Schwarz's ass. He's also a genius for getting the services of Ragki Nikara."
Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first the team of Arnold "GoodFella" Bold and Felix Schwarz, GoodFella & Schwarz!"
"Fire Flame" by Birdman starts to sound, the light suddenly turns off after a few seconds it starts again and Felix and Arnold are standing in the middle of the ring and waving to their fans.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, the team of Colton Charles Cai Cobb and Ragki Nikara!"
Green Day's "Having a Blast" starts blaring out of the speakers as the silhouette of the penultimate wrestler, covered in smoke and with a light show on, Colton Charles Cai Cobb raises from the ground with his back facing the crowd. He turns around as he steps off the platform and into the entrance ramp with a smirk on his face and an air of arrogance as he makes his way to the ring ignoring the loud boos which echo the ringside. He enters the ring, flexes and stretches waiting for the match to begin.
"Evolution" by Korn plays as Ragki Nikara walks down the ramp toward the ring quickly. Once he enters the ring, he throws off his sun hat and trench coat toward the ramp and waits for the match to begin.
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "And it's Arnold Bold and Ragki Nikara starting off for their respective teams. There's the bell! After a quick grapple, it's GoodFella who gets the upper hand and lands a delayed hangman's neckbreaker on Nikara! GoodFella sets Nikara up... Piledriver nails Nikara's head on the canvas! He goes for the early pin."
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Still to early to put an end to the match. GoodFella drags to their corner and tags in Schwarz! We're gonna see a double team here..."
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella & Schwarz whip Ragki Nikara into the corner. Felix Schwarz whips Arnold Bold in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. BIG clothesline on Nikara and he slumps to the canvas! Schwarz hooks the leg."
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Still only a two. Schwarz goes to work on Nikara keeping the wrestler grounded with a headlock... And Nikara gets a hand on the ropes! Nikara has got to find a way to answer back to the more experienced team of GoodFella & Schwarz."
Jim Jackson: "Bodyslam by Felix Schwarz and Ragki Nikara winces in pain. drops an elbow... But Nikara moves out of the way. A few hard stomps by Nikara keeps Schwarz down. Swan dive headbutt from Nikara... Oh! That connected hard!"
Brad Blood: "I think Nikara not only knocked Schwarz silly with that but also himself. Oh wait! Nikara crawls on his forearms... He leaps and tags in C4! Oh yeah, things are gonna explode now!"
Jim Jackson: "Hard impact Russian leg sweep by Colton Charles Cai Cobb! Felix Schwarz walks into a jaw breaker. C4 quickly applies a sleeper hold on Schwarz! Schwarz is stuck with nowhere to go! He's fading fast!"
Brad Blood: "GoodFella leaps in and kicks C4 on the back breaking the sleeper! Nikara with a dropkick sends GoodFella over the top rope! Schwarz again gets caught in a submission maneuver. It's an ankle lock!"
Jim Jackson: "Felix Schwarz somehow gets to the ropes and gets a rope break. Colton Charles Cai Cobb throws a big right, Schwarz dodges and leaps to their corner... He gets a tag and Arnold Bold leaps back into action."
Brad Blood: "GoodFella goes straight into a brawl with C4! Whoa! He's actually duking it out with C4... And unfortunately he's losing the exchange against the bigger wrestler."
Jim Jackson: "Irish whip by Colton Charles Cai Cobb... REVERSED BY ARNOLD BOLD! SPINEBUSTER ON C4! This may be a shift in momentum. C4 gets up... Massive lariat by GoodFella! He goes for the cover..."
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "C4 gets a shoulder up at two! GoodFella starts to throw lefts and rights but C4 with a good defense parries the blows as he gets back up to his feet."
Jim Jackson: "Arnold Bold continues his barrage hoping to get lucky. A big right drops Colton Charles Cai Cobb! GoodFella misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. C4 quickly recovers and picks GoodFella up... Powerbomb!"
Brad Blood: "That shook the ring! Wait is Nikara removing the protective covering on the turnbuckles?! He did! Haha! That sneaky bastard! Now he's signalling to C4 pointing to the exposed steel!"
Jim Jackson: "Colton Charles Cai Cobb sees what his partner has done, a big grin appears on his face! A double axe handle keeps Arnold Bold stunned. Ragki Nikara dashes over to where Felix Schawrz is and starts to brawl with him! The referee's attention shifts to the brawl!"
Brad Blood: " Irish whip by C4 sends GoodFella back first into the exposed steel! Oh man that has got to hurt... GoodFella's spine hit that turnbuckle hard. C4 slams GoodFella's head into the exposed steel! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!"
Jim Jackson: "GoodFella is busted open! He slumps to the mat lifeless!"
Brad Blood: "Genius move by C4 and Nikara. The ref finally restores order and orders Nikara back to their corner! Perfect timing!"
Jim Jackson: "Colton Charles Cai Cobb has Arnold Bold's leg hooked!"
Brad Blood: "This is it!"
Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall, Colton Charles Cai Cobb and Ragki Nikara!"
Jim Jackson: "In a display of blatant cheating Colton Charles Cai Cobb and Ragki Nikara steals a win against GoodFella & Schwarz."
Brad Blood: "It's strategy Jim. I think we may have witnessed a birth of a great partnership here." | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/09/2011 Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:05 pm | |
| The scene started with Taufik sitting down in his sofa looking at the Pay-Per-View and was disgust on Ray Kamura actions as he keep on replaying the run over on Connolly and Zombie. Taufik looked at the camera and started to speak.
Taufik: "Ray Kamura, what you did really disgust me. How can you be so heartless that you have to use a vehicle and run two men over? What were you thinking?"
Taufik took a slight turn to watch the incident again before he continues to talk.
Taufik: "I know that you are going for the Ultimo Primo and Yuki was the only thing that stands in your way, and you lost. Because of that the stipulation holds that if you lost, you won't get any title shot for 365 days. What did you do to vent out your anger? You go and ran over two men who have nothing to do with you and your loss. There're other ways of taking out that anger and running people over isn't one of it. Don't you be worried? Don't you think that they will go after you after they recovered?"
Taufik took a small breather as he switched off the TV. He then stands up and continues to speak.
Taufik: "This is a deal Ray. I'm going to help you to get out of this situation, and if I beat you tonight, at the following week, you will have to issue a public apology to both Connoly and Zombie. I know that we have a history of some sort in the past, but you have to remember this isn't the Taufik that you faced. This Taufik will fight if he had no other choice and what you've done make me have no other choice."
Taufik walks out of his locker room as the scene fades to black.The scene opens to show Lex Lexington walking through the halls. He stops, abruptly, and looks toward the camera.
Lex Lexington: "Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time, he is your Primo Ultimo championship belt holder; Andrew Hunter."
Andrew Hunter steps into the shot, dressed in his favorited brown jacket and wearing his treasured championship draped over his shoulder. The still somewhat ecstatic champion nods at Lex, seeming to signal that it's okay to start.
Andrew Hunter: "Sorry Lex, but think you can leave now? I'm just pretty sure that the writer would probably all kinds of screw up your dialogue in this promo."
Lex Lexington: "But I'm-"
Andrew Hunter: "Doing your job? Look, most interviews go like this: interviewer introduces a wrestler, wrestler shoves interviewer out of the shot, and then the wrestler just talks into the camera. That's pretty much your standard day in the office!"
Lex grumbles something, though inaudibly, as he walks out of the shot. The stroke-of-luck champion shakes his head before speaking once again.
Andrew Hunter: "Sorry Lex! But I have a feeling you would have sounded agonizingly generic!"
Andrew Hunter: "Okay, other than that, I would like to formally apologize for not being here last week. Although I'm a champion, nobody even bothered to check my twitter to see that I was stuck in the ER since about the end of the day after the pay-per-view until now. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think I drank coffee... That combined with my current state of overwhelming excitement, which seemed to switch on and off, must have COMPLETELY shut down my heart. It's a miracle I'm alive!"
Andrew shrugs his shoulders, as if at ease that he's been in a cardiac arrest for the past two weeks.
Andrew Hunter: "But damn! When I woke up, I felt so rested, so energetic, and at ease with everything! I'm thinkin' that that little heart attack slash cardiac arrest very well could have been the best thing could have been done for this little title reign."
Andrew Hunter: "I'd love to stay and chat, but when I said until now, I meant until... You know, an hour ago. So I really need to get ready for my match."
Andrew Hunter ends his slopped together promo, as signaled by him stepping out of shot. The camera shifts, to show him walking down the hall. The rear of the brown jacket, along with the belt draped on his shoulder, is the last thing the camera sees before it fades to black."Sound Of Madness" by Shinedown starts to play as Ray Kamaura, The leader of the DWMA, begins striding towards the ring. His seven foot frame towers over everything until he comes to the apron. Ray grabs the top rope and steps onto the ring then over the ropes into the ring.Ray Kamaura: "Two weeks ago I was cheated by Marcus Troy. I never tapped out to anyone, and I'll be damned if Yuki Monotomo will walk around this company, acting all high and mighty. Did you all see what I did to him after the match? I could have ended him anytime during that match, but instead i decide to give that freeloader a fighting chance. He road my coatails into this company and stabbed me in the back. Now I have to wait for an entire year before I get a shot at the Primo Ultimo Championship."Ray Kamaura lowered his head and sighed.He looked around at all the fans chanting "You Tapped Out!" The words festered in his mind and rage came over him.Ray Kamaura: "SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU BASTARDS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH THIS COMPANY!"Ray took a second and stomped on the mat.Ray Kamaura: "Last week I was not in the building, and Zombie had the guts and the nerves to call me out. Then called me a coward! Earlier tonight, Taufik put a stipulation on our match."The raging giant started laughing.Ray Kamaura: "I will destory everyone and anyone who gets in my way. Zombie, Taufik, get your asses out to this ring, I'll take you both on at the same time! While your at it bring Shogun and Connoly so i can take out all the trash at the same time. THIS GIANT IS PISSED!"Ray threw his mic outside of the ring and waited for a reply from any of the men listed ."Hybird Stigmata-the Apostasy" by Dimmu Borgir hits the speakers suddenly as the lights in the arena begin flashing on and off. As soon as the first lyric is screamed Shogun bursts out from behind the curtain letting out a loud roar-like scream before walking down the ramp. When he reaches the ring, Shogun rolls under the bottom rope and stands up to face Ray Kamaura. He does not take a mic from a ring hand, nor does he say a word to the giant in front of him. Instead he simply waits for some action from the big man."Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence erupts over the arena speakers. After a few moments Connoly walks out onto the stage, he is wearing a green plaid kilt, white t-shirt, and a long black leather coat. He has bandages all over his body and he is using a cane to walk, the Correa Grande Del Oro De Connoly is around his waist. Connoly stops on the stage for a moment and looks into the ring at the two wrestlers. He makes his way down the ramp and climbs up the ring steps and enters the ring.
Connoly: "I'm sorry to interrupt you two, but I just had to join the party. You're pissed Ray!? You're pissed? You have to forgive me but I'm a little confused at why you're pissed. You lost your match at the PPV, plain and simple, as we heard, you tapped out."
Ray glares at Connoly as he speaks.
Connoly: "Then instead of dealing with the loss, you acted like a damn little brat and left the arena in a rush to get the sand out of your vagina and hit Zombie and Myself with a DAMN CAR!!! Then your going to say Zombie had the NERVE to come out here last week and call you out. YOU HIT HIM WITH A FUCKING CAR!!!! Despite that, and being beaten to a pulp he walked out here last week, barely able to move and called you out, a man who can walk down that ramp after the match we had and after getting hit by numb nuts car during his hissy fit has the right to call whoever he wants a damn coward. While we are on the subject, where the fuck where you last week anyway. I wasn't here because your damn stunt put me in the hospital so I couldn't be here, you looked fine to me, at least from what I saw before you ran me down. Now your pissed and your going to take us all out."
Connoly looks behind Ray and then around the ring.
Connoly: "Well, I don't see your car anywhere Ray, how exactly are going to do that. You can be as pissed as you want, you lost your match, and now your out here whining, WHAAA I don't have a shot at the Primo Ultimo Championship WAAAA, Taufik and Zombie called me a coward WAAAAA. You made your bed, now lie in it!"Ray Kamaura began to speak without a microphone. The fans can hear nothing.
Ray Kamaura: "How about I put you in your coffin, old man? Hell, you and Zombie can share an open grave."
Ray Kamaura simply waited for a move to be made.Shogun quickly moves to take a microphone from the nearest source possible so that he may speak.Shogun: "You know, there seems to be a pattern here. It involves Ray Kamaura whining and crying every single time he loses a match. No matter who beats him, or how he lost there will ALWAYS be some form of bitching or complaining afterward."Shogun: "So you aren't getting a title shot for a year...SO FUCKING WHAT? Some wrestlers go through entire careers before they get a shot at a low end title much less the most sought after prize in wrestling today! What you need to do Ray Kamaura, is show the world that you are not some nobody who created the worst faction in the history of pro wrestling. That you are NOT some idiot who tried to steal my hype by calling himself a god! NO! What you need to do is show the world that you actually have some wrestling ability somewhere inside that mountain of moron you call a brain!"Shogun: "You called me out here for a reason you big pile of wrestletrash so how about you tell me why. I could care less about your problems with Connoly or Zombie. Just tell me what your problem is with me so we can sort it out like men. That or I will probably just have to make you tap out. Just like I did in your first title match in this company!"Shogun drops the mic on the pot and waits.Ray Kamaura cracks a wide grin and rolls out of the ring. He proceeds to walk up the ramp laughingConnoly: "Fantastic! Just more proof that your a damn coward Ray. Well, walk away while you can my friend, because it looks like you've got two of the meanest son of bitches in this federation gunning for you!"
Connoly looks over at Shogun, Shogun looks back at Connoly. The two men look at each other for a few seconds. Connoly nods his head at Shogun, then walks over to the corner of the ring and eits and makes his way up the ramp.Tonight's Lucha Loco has been brought to you by Free Cat, Inc.
HERE AT FREE CAT, INC. WE WILL SOLVE ALL THOSE PESKY LITTLE ISSUES YOU HAVE! OWN A PET NOW HASSLE FREE! NO NEED TO FEED IT, NO NEED TO WALK IT! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING! SO CALL NOW AT 1-800-FREE-CAT! AND WE'LL DELIVER YOUR VERY OWN FREE CAT RIGHT TO YOUR DOORSTEP FOR FREE!!! VS Jasmine Lee: "The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first Ray Kamaura!"
"Sound Of Madness" by Shinedown starts to play as Ray Kamaura, begins striding towards the ring. His seven foot frame towers over everything until he comes to the apron. Ray grabs the top rope and steps onto the ring then over the ropes into the ring. He swiftly moves to a turnbuckle and climbs it raises on arm into the air.
Jim Jackson: "Well as we heard earlier tonight, Ray Kamaura is in a foul move, and who can blame him after his loss at Dios Mio! he will not get a title shot for a year!"
Brad Blood: "Yeah, thats the way it should be, he lost the match, he needs to deal with it instead of being a damn baby!"
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Taufik!"
"The Way I Am" By Emniem started playing as Taufik walks out and shake hands with some fans as he goes to the ring and awaits his opponent
Jim Jackson: "Taufik heading straight into the ring with the angry giant, he does not seem to concerned with Ray's foul mood."
Brad Blood: "Probably because he also thinks Ray is a giant pussy. Where the hell has Taufik been the past few weeks anyway?"
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Kamaura going right to work and hits a right hand. Ray Kamaura hits some more punches. He is putting some serious force behind those punches. Ray Kamaura with a spinning neckbreaker on Taufik. Running knee lift from Ray Kamaura, Taufik is trying to get his bearings after getting hit by this freight train!"
Brad Blood: "He's probably just stunned by the smell of pussy coming off of Ray! Tau pushes out of a Ray Kamaura hold. Flying shoulder tackle by Tau sends Kamaura CRASHING to the mat. Powerful Spear by Taufik. Looks like Taufik is turning the tables on Ray!"
Jim Jackson: "Tau drops an elbow...but Ray Kamaura moves out of the way. Kamaura gets a stalling fallaway slam on Taufik! Ray hooks the leg."
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two!"
Brad Blood: "Taufik kicks out at two. Ray Kamaura drills Taufik with a press slam into a Michinoku Driver! Another cover,"
Don Q. Hotte: "One! Two!"
Jim Jackson: "I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Ray keeps the attack on, Tau reverses a waistlock, only to be scooped up and slammed by Ray Kamaura."
Brad Blood: "If Ray was any sort of giant he would have crushed Taufik by now, more evidence that Ray is all bark and no bite."
Jim Jackson: "Why don't you say that to Ray's face."
Brad Blood: "Because his breath would probably knock me out, yeah thats why. Kamaura kicks Taufik in the gut to reverse the momentum. Fallaway slam by Ray Kamaura puts down Taufik."
Jim Jackson: "This may be it, Ray Kamaura moves in for the kill. Ray Kamaura kicks Taufik in the gut causing him to double over, puts his right shoulder to the back of Tau's Neck, grabs the back of their legs and quickly lifts them up. Ray holds the pose for a few seconds and then falls onto his butt, crushing Taufiks's neck on his shoulder. . END GAME!!"
Don Q. Hotte: "1....2...3!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall, RAY KAMAURA!"
Brad Blood: "Well, thats that I guess, wait is that Zombie? Zombie comes running down the aisle with a chair, and gets into the ring! Zombie misses Kamaura with a chair shot! Ray Kamaura grabs the chair, and knocks Zombie to the canvas with it! Zombie gets a taste of his own medicine!"
Jim Jackson: "Zombie get's back up, well it would seem Zombie is doing better this week than he was last week. Zombie nails Ray with a huge lariat and knocks him to the mat hard. Ray goes to get up but Zombie kicks him in the stomach, Zombie kicks him a few more times and Ray rolls out of the ring and onto the floor!"
Brad Blood: "Zombie rolls out of the ring and is greeted by a huge right hand from Ray. The two men trading blows, they are beating the hell out of each other! Ray grabs Zombies arm and whips him up the ramp and into one of the barricades, and Zombie hits hard. Ray goes in, OUCH! And he gets a kick in the nuts!"
Jim Jackson: "Zombie tosses Ray off the ramp and then jumps on top of him and starts beating the hell out of him. The two men are in an all out brawl now, and they crash into the backstage area!"
Brad Blood: "It looks like there might be a new rivalry in the works!" | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/09/2011 Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:06 pm | |
| The light casts a ominous shadow over the immovable mass also known as The Morbidly Obese Man as the camera focuses on his face. His eyes giving everyone who looked at it goosebumps as they look into the eyes of one who has gone over the edge of sanity.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Last week, the foolish foolish man known as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing issued a statement saying that he will come after me. Well little man, here I am. You think I will cower and hide? I've already instilled fear in your countrymen, they who once thought that they can take me on if they had the numbers now run away in fear when they hear my footsteps. They are cowards really, once they found out that even in their sheer number they are helpless against me, they flee. A country of cowards, just like their so-called hero. A coward who hid behind a mob, a coward who hides behind a mask."
The Morbidly Obese Man chuckles softly.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Maybe I would lose to you when it comes to a bout of name-calling. Yes, that is your true talent isn't it? Inventing names you call your opponents. A worthless talent for a worthless wrestler."
The camera zooms in and focuses on the big man's eyes.
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Well Q, it's time then for you to find out what we do to worthless things... You want to come after me? BRING IT LITTLE MAN!"
The Morbidly Obese Man reaches out to the camera and starts to squeeze it. A loud crackling and popping is heard as the screen turns to static. The whirr of a helicopter is heard as the visual slowly comes into focus. The day's harsh light shines on the red rocks of a steep cliff. The camera pans across several directions, taking in every detail of the rock face, the rocky plains at its feet, and the occasional vulture flying overhead.
Someone's grunts are faintly heard above the din of the copter. The camera stops shifting about, zooming in on a man-shaped blemish on the face of the cliff.
The blemish is of a a man using only his hands and feet to free climb up the vertical cliff. He relies only on his skills, strength, and keen sightedness to find the path of wrinkles and scars on the rock that would take him to the top of the peak.
The camera zooms ever closer, and we find that the free climber is none other than the A of the apex. He is none other than the masked man famous the world over, but known only as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.
It is his grunted efforts we hear, as he inches his way up the barren rock, a mic wired on him.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Stumbling and falling! Are building blocks! To future success! That flaccid flabby foe and pony killer's actions only spur me! To better prepare myself! To try at him again! And! If the mountain of obesely morbid is wallowing to get me! Then what better way to prepare for the challenge! Than to climb this peak!"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing reaches to the side to latch onto a faint protrusion of rock.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Overcome this challenge! To get ready to climb the sweaty cellulite of that man's porkfat peaks!"
Voice: "You're almost there. Only about 10 meters to go."
The clip then speeds up, showing Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing progressing up the wall of rock, while a clock shows how much time he's taking to reach the top. And then, he's there, pulling himself up onto the top of the cliff.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "This! Was! A! Challenge I met! And passed! My! Training! Continues! So I may! Plant my flag! On the top of that ogre of obesity!"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing then motions to the helicopter crew still filming him.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I'll need some water!"
Voice: "Mister Grylls said you gotta rely on whatever you got on hand for your training. You may haveta drink your own piss."
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing pauses in midwave after receiving their answer.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" The scene opens with the monsterous Ray Kamaura entring the office of Mrs. Eunice P. Winslow. Ray looks around admiring half dead plant in the corner. His mood turned sour again and he proceeded to walk up to the desk and sat down in a black leather arm chair.
Ray Kamaura: "Good evening Eunice. I dragged myself in here to ask you to lift Marcus's stipulation. If anyone in the ULOL has the power to do so, it's you. I would also like to remind you that i once sided with you during the war with our Ungeneral manager. What say you?"
Ray Kamaura waits for his answer.The vice-general manager of ULOL looks up at the big wrestler and takes a sip andputs down the tea cup she was holding.
Eunice P. Winslow: "Ah yes Mr. Kamaura, I was just about to ask for you. Yes it is true that Marcus Troy's stipulation in your match with Mr. Monotomo was not fair but running over Zombie and Connoly does have it's consequence. I have actually appealed your case to the board of directors and though no serious injury was taken by Zombie and Connoly, they have agreed to instead shorten the one year ban of no title shots to three months but there is a condition. You need to prove you are main event material again, you need to win three matches in a row Mr. Kamaura in one night. Your matches shall be scheduled for the 23rd of October."
Mrs. Winslow looks at Ray Kamaura in the eyes.
Eunice P. Winslow: "I see deep anger in your eyes Mr. Kamaura, while your anger was justified, your actions were not, that is why you must work for Troy's ban on you to be shortened."
Eunice P. Winslow takes another sip of her tea before continuing.
Eunice P. Winslow: "I do agree that Marcus Troy is an abusive bastard, yet the board of directors still see value in him as he brings in income. What we need now are people who will go against Troy without stooping down to his level."Ray Kamaura stood up and walked over to the door once again looking at the plant. He stops and faces Mrs. Winslow
Ray Kamaura: "I pity those three men."
Ray Kamaura opens the door and walks out.As the scene opens, the familiar setting of the single locker and bench. However, as the camera pans around the room, it becomes evident that the locker room of the interwebs champion is completely empty; as far as human beings, anyway. Of course there's still the "Jobber's View!" desk in the corner.
As the cameraman turns to leave the room, the door suddenly opens as the Internet Transaction Champion steps through the door, dressed in full wrestling attire and the Primo Ultimo draped over his shoulder. At first, he looks a tad bit surprised. But then he glances up at the clock, (behind the cameraman, where I couldn't point it out! Give me a break!), and realizez why the cameraman is here. He proceeds to the bench, stained and worn as though it be, and takes a seat. A small smile comes onto his face as he removes the belt from his soulder, setting it down next to his legs.Andrew Hunter: "Gotta say, lugging around that ten pound belt can be somewhat tiresome... Hey, maybe it wouldn't be that noticeable if I weren't carrying it with me like a parrot all day, but still!"Andrew relaxes his muscles a bit, reclining his back into an obtuse arch. The convinient position of the wall causes him not to fall backward, but rather to lean against it.Andrew Hunter: "Yes, I know why your here. I wasn't here last week and I completely blew off an interview a little bit earlier. But now my match is coming up even sooner, and guess who wants me to say a few words?"
Andrew Hunter: "Wait, I want to say a few words... Nevermind."Andrew reveals his bad sense humor by actually chuckling at this mistake before continuing with his train of thought.Andrew Hunter: "Now, I know for a fact that nobody thinks I fall into the category of 'deserving' of this belt..."
Andrew Hunter: "And that's understandable. In fact, it's expected! But what I really can't stand is waking up and finding out that I've become a joke on the internet! I know I'm the champ now, but... I guess this just falls into the category of one of those times you have to prove yourself to all the critics, even the ones who can even BEGIN to do what you do."He takes a glance back up at the clock, shrugging his shoulders for some reason.Andrew Hunter: "And that's what I intend on doing tonight. Win one match, win another. And sooner or later, even the people who don't believe you could ever be a 'true' champion have no choice but to say, 'DAMN! He ain't half bad!'"The Stroke of Luck Champion rubs the back of his head, eyes closing momentarily. He takes a deep breath, all the while collecting his thoughts.Andrew Hunter: "Just so I keep sounding like a face, I should probably comment on what a great competitor Yuki Monotomo is, but really; I summed it up best on the first Jobber's View..."
Andrew Hunter: "I've never really managed to figure out half of the stuff this guy says... but the blue hair and mask looks pretty damn cool!"
Andrew chuckles, this time at somewhat decent humor! He glances back up to the clock, and a small frown, though it looks more like a neutral poker face, takes hold of his lips. He stands up, grabbing his championship.Andrew Hunter: "Sadly, I'm out of time. But, incase you just completely ignored me, expect tonight to be the first of a series of wins..."
Andrew Hunter: "It's different when you have something to lose. More motivation."  VS Jim Jackson: "Now we have the main event coming up. Andrew Hunter shall be defending his ULOL Primo Ultimo against Yuki Monotomo."
Brad Blood: "Well we may actually see the title change hands tonight. Andrew Hunter did not win the title by pinning the former champion y'know."
Jasmine Lee: "The following contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall and is for the ULOL Primo Ultimo! Introducing first, he is your reigning ULOL Primo Ultimo, Andrew Hunter!"
"New Divide" by Linkin Park blasts through the arena. Andrew Hunter appears on the top of the ramp, straightening out his elbow pads. He cracks a grin as he begins walking down the ramp. He slaps the hands of the fans on his left, followed by the fans on his right, seeming to enjoy the spotlight. He slides underneath the ropes and quickly bounces back up, jumping up on a turnbuckle and staring into the audience.
Jasmine Lee: "And the challenger for tonight, Yuki Monotomo!"
"Ninja" by Machinae Supremacy echoes throughout the arena. Fog rolls down the ramp as Yuki Monotomo walks slowly toward the ring. He blows a few kisses at some female fans from each ring corner.
Jasmine Lee: "The official in charge is Jack B. Nimble. And now... LET THE..."
Brad Blood: "Hunter's been bowled over by Yuki! Monotomo jumped the bell!"
Jim Jackson: "The giant Yuki Monotomo pressing his advantage over the blindsided Champion! Hammers Hunter down with big chops!"
Brad Blood: "He's keeping Andrew Hunter at close range, making sure he doesn't have enough room to move or counter!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter trapped in the corner, as Yuki slams him repeatedly with Kevin Nash elbows! Yuki grabs him before he can drop to the mat and escape!"
Brad Blood: "Jack B. Nimble warning the big lug to get the match closer to the center of the ring, but Yuki instead slams Hunter backwards into the corner again!"
Jim Jackson: "And Monotomo's got his boot pressed against Andrew Hunter's throat! Yuki breaks the count at four!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki Monotomo was in a must-win contender's match with former running buddy Ray Kamaura, where the loser would be banned from getting any title shots for a full year! The big guy talks a big game, but now he's actually in the biggest match of his career, and he's starting it off white hot!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo again slams Hunter hard into the turnbuckles! Yuki using his size and reach advantage to keep the Champion pinned in the corner!"
Brad Blood: "But Yuki drags Hunter off the ropes to get the ref off his back!"
Jim Jackson: "Andrew Hunter staggered by a hard knee to the gut! Yuki...flips Hunter over with a gutwrench suplex!"
Brad Blood: "The Champ's trying to roll outta the ring! And quick thinking by Yuki!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki quickly dropping down with a baseball slide, that actually shoves Hunter to the outside!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki Monotomo came to this match prepared to take that title off Andrew Hunter!"
Jim Jackson: "He's definitely wasting no time going to the outside to chase the Champion! Hunter gets kicked in the ribs! Yuki sends him crashing into the ringsteps!"
Brad Blood: "Hunter's gotta find a way to cut Yuki's momentum! He's already gotten a lot of flak for practically buying his way to get the Primo Ultimo. One former Primo Ultimo was quite vocal about it. Which means he sees himself being a better champ than Hunter."
Jim Jackson: "And who is this former champ?"
Brad Blood: "How many former Primo Ultimo champions do we have, Jim? Yuki trying to rip Hunter's arm off!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo has Hunter caught on the ringpost, as he pulls hard on the Champion's arm! The challenger lets go, and Hunter nearly falls limp!"
Brad Blood: "Both men getting dangerously close to getting counted out!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter being pushed back in the ring by Yuki! Yuki...after Hunter's arm again! But gets poked in the eye!"
Brad Blood: "SUPERKICK to the knee by the Champ!"
Jim Jackson: "Andrew Hunter forcing some wiggle room between himself and his much larger challenger! That kick actually took Yuki down!"
Brad Blood: "But he's gotta KEEP Yuki down!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki lunges, but Hunter dodges and rolls him up from behind!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO!"
Jim Jackson: "And a kickout! But Hunter grabs Yuki by the leg and DROPKICKS it hard!"
Brad Blood: "This time it's the other leg! And the Champ suddenly drops on top of Yuki!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki with a strong kickout! But Hunter quickly mounts him! Going for the ground and pound!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki trying to push him off! Hunter's strikes connecting! Yuki manages to grab Hunter's hand!"
Brad Blood: "And now the Champ's trying to force a pinfall! Yuki's 6'11" frame is no use if he's laying on the mat!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO!"
Jim Jackson: "Two and kickout again! Yuki unable to sit up, as he struggles to get Andrew Hunter off him!"
Brad Blood: "And Andrew Hunter's using his head as tries to keep pinning the bigger man down! Monotomo's gotta keep using his energy kicking out!"
Jim Jackson: "The Challenger's got the size and reach advantage, but he comes to this title match having spent the past few years living as a drifter. Andrew Hunter has spent the same amount of time fighting all sorts of opponents from around the world. And he's no doubt tapping into that veteran experience as he works to keep Monotomo from getting to his feet!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki doing whatever he can to keep at least one shoulder up! Both men basically pushing against each other!"
Brad Blood: "Andrew rolls off Yuki and knees him in the head! Yuki didn't expect that!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo tried to block it, but that knee connected! And Hunter trying to grab him for a rear naked choke!"
Brad Blood: "The big guy trying to block it!"
Jim Jackson: "HUNTER CINCHES IT IN! HE'S GOT YUKI IN THE REAR NAKED CHOKE!"
Brad Blood: "But Yuki has his foot on the ropes!"
Jim Jackson: "The official telling Hunter to let go! He's giving him a warning count!"
Brad Blood: "The Champ lets go at four!"
Jim Jackson: "World class grappling by Andrew Hunter as he manages to punch through Yuki Monotomo's size! SEIZES YUKI BY THE HEAD AND LAUNCHES HIMSELF OVER THE ROPES!"
Brad Blood: "Randy Savage rope snap nearly takes the big lug's head off!"
Jim Jackson: "Andrew Hunter hitting a big move to keep the Challenger reeling! The Champion takes his time getting back in the ring...and connects with a hard running knee to Yuki Monotomo!"
Brad Blood: "Hunter right now can afford to be more deliberate in his attacks, so long as they keep hitting Yuki."
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO!"
Jim Jackson: "Another near-fall! Hunter with another attempt!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO!"
Jim Jackson: "And yet another near-fall! Hunter on his feet....and stomps Yuki's hand to add insult to injury!"
Brad Blood: "Andrew Hunter with the right strategy to keep his opponent from coming back in this match. Yuki lit him up earlier with a big rush of attacks. The Champ's got to keep the momentum on his side."
Jim Jackson: "But Yuki kicks Hunter in the head as he reaches down to grab him! That could put a stop to the momentum you were talking about, Brad!"
Brad Blood: "The Champ wasn't expecting that. He's gonna have to recover quickly, before Yuki gets to his feet"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo manages to clip Hunter with a lunging tackle! And now he's on top of Andrew Hunter, firing away those big hands on the Champion!"
Brad Blood: "They just took the brawl outside!"
Jim Jackson: "Both men roll out of the ring! Monotomo manages to stagger Hunter with a kick to the head! But he is unable to follow up, as he opts to catch his breath!"
Brad Blood: "But he stops Hunter's charge with a big SPINEBUSTER!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter crushed on the floor! That move could be the game changer for this championship match! Yuki is slow to get up, though!"
Brad Blood: "The big lug has to get Hunter in the ring! He's not winning the Primo Ultimo staying on the floor!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo manages to rolls Hunter back in! And he's going for the cover!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
Brad Blood: "Hunter's got his foot on the ropes!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki pins him again! This time hooking both feet!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter shoots the shoulder up! Yuki Monotomo...stomps him hard on the head!"
Brad Blood: "And follows through with a big toss that nearly slams the Champ on the back of his head!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo is gesturing that the he wants the Primo Ultimo title around his waist! The Challenger smells blood! He's waiting for Hunter to stagger back to his feet!"
Brad Blood: "It'll be a helluva story for this kid to leave the I.N. Sane Arena as the top dog in ULOL! From being homeless to being high on top of the mountain!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki sweeps Hunter's legs out from under him AND EATS A DIAMOND CUTTER FROM ANDREW HUNTER!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki just took that move's full impact!"
Jim Jackson: "It looks like Monotomo was trying to go for his White Dragon Hold! It's a dangerous submission move that nearly killed one of his childhood friends!"
Brad Blood: "I'm not even sure if Andrew Hunter realizes he just countered Yuki's finisher! He could have busted out that diamond cutter out of pure instinct!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter gets up! He's trying to stand up before his challenger!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki jabs him hard in the jaw!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo's long reach connecting! And another couple of huge strikes keep the Champion reeling Hunter blocks! Goes for the kick but Yuki grabs his outstreched leg!"
Brad Blood: "And he turns the counter into a suplex on Hunter!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
Jim Jackson: "HUNTER KICKS OUT!"
Brad Blood: "The Champ staying in the match! And Yuki goes right back to kicking and stomping him!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter vainly trying to cover up from Monotomo's strikes! He can barely stand as Yuki grabs him! YUKI GOING FOR THE WHITE DRAGON HOLD!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki not bothering with the theatrics! He just wants to crush the man for good!"
Jim Jackson: "But Hunter somehow grabbing the ropes! Jack B. Nimble ordering Monotomo to let go and Yuki violently slams Hunter flat on the mat!"
Brad Blood: "Andrew Hunter's too winded to even try crawling outta the ring!"
Jim Jackson: "Monotomo looking frustrated not being able to put Andrew Hunter away! He presses his boot against Hunter's throat, trying to choke him out!"
Brad Blood: "A bit of good strategy there, though! The guy using his size and a minimum of effort to hurt the Champ!"
Jim Jackson: "Yuki steps off Hunter at four! But goes right back to choking him! And again he lets go at four! Yuki Monotomo maximizing his size and reach advantage over the Champion!"
Brad Blood: "And he's yanking a limp Andrew Hunter to his feet!"
Jim Jackson: "A LOUD chop sends the Champion reeling into the ropes! Hunter can barely stand! MONOTOMO LUNGES WITH A MIGHTY YAKUZA KICK!"
Brad Blood: "Yuki crotches himself on the top rope!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter's stumbling wildly! Springs to the ropes and leaps at Yuki!"
Brad Blood: "He SPIKES the big lug headfirst into the mat!"
Jim Jackson: "A huge THUD as Yuki's head got planted! No bounce! Just a loud crash!"
Brad Blood: "He saw Yuki wide open, and gunned him with a creative version of the Final Gambit! He's covering him!"
Jack B. Nimble: "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
Brad Blood: "Hunter's still champ!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of the match, and STILL Primo Ultimo Champion, Andrew Hunter!!!!!!"
Jim Jackson: "Hunter takes advantage of the challenger's painful misstep, to put him away with his Final Gambit!"
Brad Blood: "There's probably not a more appropriate time to use a move called the Final Gambit than in the play that just happened! Andrew Hunter looked like he was well on his way to being an ex-Champion!"
Jim Jackson: "Official Jack B. Nimble raises Andrew Hunter's hand as he gives him back the Primo Ultimo Championship! Hunter's barely got enough left in his tank to stand, let alone celebrate!"
Brad Blood: "Still, what a phenomenal contest between Andrew Hunter and Yuki Monotomo! The true winner is walking out with the Primo Ultimo title!"
Jim Jackson: "For once in my life I completely agree with you Brad! But wait whats this?! Our Ligero Maximo Champion, Jim Rival, just entered into the ring and is now beating the daylights out of Andrew Hunter!"
Brad Blood: "Hunter can't fight off Jim, what a relentless attack!"
Jim Jackson: "Relentless and uncalled for! What is the meaning of all this!"
'Make Them Suffer' By Cannibal Corpse begins blaring over the arena. The arena floods with boos as the General Manager of the ULOL walks out. He walks directly to the ring and enters the ring. Jim Rival is still pummeling Andrew Hunter. Marcus hauls Jim off of Andrew Hunter and starts speaking aggressively towards Rival. But the aggression stopped. Marcus cracks a wicked smile. He raises Jim Rival's hand into the air. The boos resume. Marcus asks for a microphone. He gets given one and begins to speak.
Marcus Troy: "Ladies and Gentlemen, THIS right here is the future of this company! Together! Jim Rival and I will lead this company into a NEW era! Shogun, Zombie, Q. None of these have what Rival has! And that is respect for authority! Jim Rival was supporting me right from the start!" Jim Rival never ceases to impress in the ring and he gets the job done! Which is why we have our Primo Ultimo Champion rolling on the floor in pain! No one can stop us!"
Troy nods at Jim Rival and Jim picks up Andrew Hunter and lands a brutal Waters of Nazareth! Jim then starts pummeling Andrew Hunter some more! Then all of a sudden, the lights go dim in the entire arena. Bleeding In Stereo's 'Black and White' begins blaring over the arena. Everyone in the arena looks towards to the stage in shock. Jim shoves Andrew Hunter out of the ring. After a few moments, a figure then appears from the stage walking with its back to the ring. The figure is concealed in a black hooded top and a black cloth covering its face. The figure then stops outside the ring.
Troy and Rival are confused at this mystery person. The figure then removes the jacket. Revealing a very large and toned body, The figure then removes the cloth from the face and covers the face with the face. It climbs the apron and enters the ring. Looking at the mat. The figure removes the hand from face and slowly looks up at Troy.
Every single fan in attendance jumps out of their seats and cheer as loud as they can as the figure is none other than the proclaimed 'Unstoppable' Jack Johnson! He smirks at Troy and Rival. Troy backs behind Rival and looks in complete shock. The music fades, not that anyone would have noticed because the fans are still going crazy!
Troy orders Rival to go for UJJ. Rival rushes towards UJJ, he attempts a clothesline but UJJ ducks under and turns Rival around. He jumps up, grabbing Jim Rival in a three quarter face-lock before slamming him to the ground with a LEGENDARY JKO!!
But UJJ doesn't stop there. He rushes over to the other side of the ring and stops Troy from making a hasty exit. He pulls Troy back and leaps up, grabbing Marcus Troy in a three quarter face-lock before slamming him to the ground with a LEGENDARY JKO!!
The fans cheer loudly as UJJ raises his arms and looks at the downed Troy. He goes into his suit jacket and pulls out a pen. He then produces a bit of paper from his bottoms. In bold, the words 'CONTRACT' are seen. The camera zooms in to the credentials of the contract.
Contract Starts: 9th October 2011
Contract Expires: 16th May 2016
Wage Payment Per Show: $500,000
GM Signed: MARCUS TROY
Wrestler Signed:
UJJ clicks the pen and signs the contract. He puts the contract back into his pocket and picks up the microphone that was dropped by Marcus.
"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "I'm back!"
The fans cheer loudly as 'Black and White' resumes playing as UJJ climbs a turnbuckle and taunts. He climbs down and exits the ring. He walks up the ramp and raises his arm once again. The cheers are deafening as UJJ goes behind the curtain.Jim Jackson: "Man, talk about a great night of unexpected results."
Brad Blood: "I know, I was sure Andrew Hunter would have lost the title, talk about lucking out... That was like a fluke win. More surprising is the return of "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson"
Jim Jackson: "Things will definitely heat up again... Still, Andrew Hunter manages to retain tonight. Plus Ray Kamaura finally gets a chance to lift his ban on title shots... Will he succeed or will he fail?"
Brad Blood: "I can't believe that Kamaura whined to Winslow to get his ban shortened... Still he has a new problem to worry about, a problem named Zombie."
Jim Jackson: "You got that right, anyway, we are out of time, so join us again next week folks for another edition of Lucha Loco. Good night everyone!" | |
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