United League of Lunatics & Lucha Libre Puroresu
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| | | Lucha Loco 08/21/2011 |  |
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The Morbidly Obese Man
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 |  Subject: Lucha Loco 08/21/2011  Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:11 am | |
|  Jim Jackson: "Good evening and welcome to another great edition of Lucha Loco! Only seven days left until our pay-per-view "Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!" and what an exciting show we have for you tonight including the finals of the grand prix for the number one contender for the ULOL Primo Ultimo!"
Brad Blood: "That's right Alexander Conway who is our current ULOL Ligero Maximo and former ULOL Primo Ultimo will be facing Shogun Shogunsen who is not only a former ULOL Primo Ultimo but also the first."
Jim Jackson: "Shogunsen defeated Conway two weeks ago in an impressive match, will we see a repeat here tonight? I'm sure the fans also want to know so without further ado, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"  . The ULOL parking lot, usually a quiet place where vehicles of all shapes and sizes can leisurely rest for a few hours while their owners and occupants watch a wrestling show for an hour or so. Yet tonight, the quiet air will be shattered by a transsexual with a bullhorn.
Boy Bakla: "WHAT DO WE WANT?!"
Crowd of Gays and Lesbians: "NO DISCRIMINATION AGAINST THE THIRD GENDER!"
Boy Bakla: "WHO IS THE CULPRIT?!"
Crowd of Gays and Lesbians: "EUNICE P. WINSLOW!"
Bakla smiles as the small group of gays and lesbians have gathered in the ULOL parking lot to stage a protest.
Boy Bakla: "That's right, ever since day one, Eunice P. Winslow has been discriminating against me. Why is this? It's not because I cannot wrestle, it's not because I cannot entertain. I can only conclude one thing, it's because I AM A TRANSSEXUAL! That's right, my gender is the problem here, you all saw how Eunice P. Winslow stacked the cards against me in my last match. Is this the act of a fair authority figure who champions herself as a vanguard?"
Crowd of Gays and Lesbians: "NO!"
Bakla nods as it is clearly pleased with the support it is getting from the gay and lesbian community.
Boy Bakla: "I am your representation in this sector, the wrestling world. And I'll be damned if I let that old hag stop me from stunting advancement. She may have her sights set on making things difficult for me but even if I have to crawl and claw my way through her, I SHALL!"
The crowd cheers loudly at Boy Bakla's words.Clap! Clap! Clap!
The crowd turns around to see none other than the vice-general manager of ULOL Mrs. Eunice P. Winslow clapping her hands as she walks into the parking lot. Clearly the old lady is not intimidated by the hostile environment as she nonchalantly walks over.
Eunice P. Winslow: "Pretty speech Bakla but you seem to have forgotten one thing. You did not join ULOL to champion gay and lesbian rights, you joined ULOL for the money."
Eunice P. Winlsow smirks as she know she caught Bakla off-guard.
Eunice P. Winslow: "Surely you have not forgotten that you were near broke when you joined ULOL have you? That you needed money to pay for further operations in Thailand? You are as fake as your boob job Bakla! I am not hostile to you because of you being a transsexual, heck I have a son who has come out of the closet. I am hostile towards you because I know who you really are. I know how manipulative you are and how devious you are and if I left you alone, you'll probably create a festering wound in ULOL that can't be healed."
The feisty old lady turns her attention to the crowd.
Eunice P. Winslow: "You've all been had, this person here is not a champion for your cause. The only cause Bakla is interested in is Bakla's own cause. Would someone who champion your cause use you for his own gain? I think not. You are all intelligent people, so I'm sure you all can see the point I am driving at. Now why don't you all settle down and enjoy the show? It would be a waste to be here and not get to watch a fine show as Lucha Loco."
Eunice P. Winslow smiles as the crowd murmurs amongst themselves and after a few minutes slowly enter the building. Bakla can only stare on in anger and rage...Bakla tries to stop the crowd from leaving...
Boy Bakla: "WAIT!!! WAIT!!!"
But all it's efforts are futile as the crowd looks at Bakla with a betrayed expression on their face. Bakla knowing that tonight's cause has been lost whips around and stares at the smirking vice-general manager of ULOL. Gritting it's teeth, Bakla hisses at the old lady.
Boy Bakla: "Damn you Winslow... Damn you to hell!"
With that Boy Bakla leaps off and into it's pink Vespa, buckles on it's pink helmet and rides away, defeated but only for the meantime. The image of the vice-general manager of United League of Lunatics, Mrs. Eunice P. Winslow appears on the giant screen of the ULOL Tron. She coughs to get the attention of the crowd before speaking.
Eunice P. Winslow: "Forgive me for not making my way to the ring but my arthritis is getting the best of me tonight. As you all have seen earlier tonight, Boy Bakla accused me of discrimination, an accusation which I have refuted easily. So to prove my further unbiased decision making, I shall be booking some extra matches for the PPV Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! scheduled for next Sunday."
The crowd looks up the Tron in anticipation of what the feisty vice-general manager of ULOL has to say.
Eunice P. Winslow: "So to prove that I give equal opportunity to Bakla, next Sunday, Boy Bakla shall be facing The DWMA for the Correa Grande Del Oro title currently held by Yuki Monotomo. But since I gave Boy Bakla that opportunity I shall also give the opportunity to two other wrestlers, Connoly and Zombie who people know that I am not too fond of too. So next Sunday battling for the Correa Grande Del Oro we shall have The DWMA versus Boy Bakla, Connoly and Zombie in a three versus three elimination tag match. Whoever eliminates the last member of The DWMA shall become the owner of the Correa Grande Del Oro!"
The crowd cheers loudly at the announcement.
Eunice P. Winslow: "But that is not all, lately there seems to be a lull in the Campeón No Masculino, we all already know that Nao Fook Mi and Raven Connoly shall battle Lady Bianca de Sade for the coveted gold, to make it more competitive, Gina "The Wild" Sheridan shall also be thrown into the mix in a now four-way elimination battle for the said title!"
More cheers are heard but Eunice P. Winslow is not done yet.
Eunice P. Winslow: "The next match I'm going to book for the PPV is one between a certain new wrestler whom I felt wronged another costing him a title shot, Colton Charles Cai Cobb cost "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson his chance at the title, next Sunday UJJ shall get the chance for retribution before his contract expires in an Ironman match!"
More murmurs of excitement fill the air.
Eunice P. Winslow: "The final match I will book or next week is a three-way triangle match where the winner shall get a shot at the ULOL Ligero Maximo! The participants will be three of ULOL's most exciting lightweights. Andrew Hunter versus Little Wang versus Arnold "GoodFella" Bold! And this ends my announcement for the evening. I wish the wrestlers good luck next week as we all cheer for them!"
The ULOL Tron fades out as the crowd cheers loudly. The Camera opens up to Rupert B. Humperdink sitting in the hallway drinking a carton of milk while sitting with a blow up doll
Rupert B. Humperdink: "Want some of my milk?"
The doll is unresponsive
Rupert B. Humperdink: "What's the matter? Are you lack toast and taller ant?"
The Doll remains unresponsive
Rupert B. Humperdink: "You're no fun!"
Suddenly the doll appears to come to life and begins attacking Rupert
Rupert B. Humperink: "Stop it!!"
The doll throws Rupert against the wall and continues to pummel him
Rupert B. Humperdink: "Mommy!!! Mommy!!!!"
Rupert cries as the doll continues to beat him up
Rupert B. Humperdink: "*sob* Please! Stop it! *sob*"
The Doll flip DDTs Rupert onto the fall leaving him unconscious. People come to check on him as the doll blows down the hall. The camera fades to black as the doll vanishes. The scene started with Taufik sitting down in his bed watching some of his old matches and promos. It was clear from the expression in Taufik's face that he is shocked at what he had just seen.
Taufik: "Wait a minute... This can't be me. Could it? No! I can't be this monster. I can't!"
He then struggles to pick himself up and staggers to his feet making a vow to himself.
Taufik: "My past may be riddled with things I am far better forgetting, but I cannot undo the past..."
Taufik goes into deep thought and decides on his new path.
Taufik: "What's done is done but the future can still be changed... From now on I shall shun the old me and champion the cause of justice as payment for my horrible past."
Taufik then proceeded to walk out of the door but the nurse Emma Enema tries to stop him. Taufik kindly brushes her aside.
Taufik: "I'm sorry but I will be checking myself out now Ms. Enema, thank you for taking care of me all this time."
Taufik walks past the nurse and exits the infirmary as the scene fades to black. | |
|  | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/21/2011 Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:12 am | |
|  VS Jim Jackson: “Wooo! This match was brought to you by Free Cat! Why buy a cat when you can have a free one!! And this very next match is going to be against Rupert B. Humperdink and Jim Rival!! Jim Rival pushing all the right buttons at the moment when dealing with Shogun recently!”
Brad Blood: “Well Rival should finally deal with Shogun once and for all, maybe they can have a match next week at the "Ole! Ole! Ole!" PPV?”
Jim Jackson: “I think you’ll find that’s “Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!” Brad!”
Jasmine Lee: “This next match is scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first, Rupert B. Humperdink!!”
Raffi's Banana phone plays as Rupert B. Humperdink comes running out to a thunderous reaction to the crowd who chant his name. He waves to the crowd. He jumps and skips down to the ring drowling, swinging about his scooby doo lunchbox. He skips around the ring a few times before attempting to get in the ring. He falls in and looks like he is about to cry. The ref helps him up and guides him to his corner. Rupert hugs the ref before sitting down and taking a biscuit out of his lunchbox.
Jasmine Lee: “And his opponent, Jim Rival!!”
"Seven Secrets of the Sphinx" by Therion erupts through out the arena as Jim makes his way to the ring at a slow pace. A black background with only the golden outline of a cross leaning back is all that appears on the titantron, occasionally flickering in an almost violent fashion. As Jim finally makes it to the ring he takes off his button down shirt, placing the black armband bearing the same cross back over his left arm before entering the ring.
Jim Jackson: “Well Rupert B. Humperdink in his usual getup and waving to the crowd. Jim Rival looking like quite bemused as Rupert B. Humperdink continues to enthusiastically greet the crowd from the ring.”
Brad Blood: “I know this guy is a total idiot but this guy is a total idiot! I mean he must be on some sort of drugs!!”
Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this matchup is Sully S. Callawag!! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!”
Jim Jackson: “Humperdink is still waving to the crowd despite the fact this match has started. Jim Rival eager to get this match under way but is unable to. Rival now looking to the referee!”
Brad Blood: “The referee now telling Humperdink to stop waving to the crowd and … is he? I don’t believe it! Now Humperdink is crying!”
Jim Jackson: “I think Humperdink took the referee’s stern word as a telling off and obviously got quite upset over it!”
Brad Blood: “Who in the hell hired this ... this … idiot?”
Jim Jackson: “Jim Rival now looking even more annoyed at the weeping Rupert B. Humperdink!! The referee now is trying to apologize to Humperdink for some reason!”
Brad Blood: “Wha…? Why in the …? For what reason?”
Jim Jackson: “Jim Rival now suddenly almost doing the same!”
Brad Blood: “Has everyone in this world gone completely insane?!?!”
Jim Jackson: “I’m not sure what Rival is doing but I don’t think it’s necessarily in Humperdink’s favour! Rival now lying on his back on the canvas for some reason and he is pointing at the lights above the ring! Humperdink seems to be better now and laughing at Rival!”
Brad Blood: “Umm … Humperdink now lying with his back on the canvas! Rival putting a hand on Humperdink’s shoulder!! Wait a minute!! Rival with the shoulders down!! I don’t believe it!!”
Sully S. Callawag: “One! Two!! Three!!!”
Jim Jackson: “And Rival wins!! I’m not even sure what happened there! Rival made Humperdink lay on his back and obviously his shoulders were down on the canvas!”
Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this matchup via pinfall, Jim Rival!”
Brad Blood: “Wow! What a match! Rival really pulled that one out of the bag!!”
Jim Jackson: “Sure he did! He tricked Humperdink into lying down on the canvas!”
Brad Blood: “It was a battle of the minds then!! In this instance Rival is blatantly more superior to Rupert B. Humperdink!”
Jim Jackson: “The referee now telling Humperdink to go backstage and Humperdink is completely clueless as to why he came out here in the first place! Wait is that Taufik? Taufik just came out from the back rushing past Rupert! He heads down the ring and is saying something to Jim Rival!”
Brad Blood: “It looks like he's berating Rival for tricking Rupert into losing! Jim did nothing illegal, sure he took advantage of Rupert's IQ level but he didn't do anything that is not permissible. In fact he saved Rupert from getting a beating.”
Jim Jackson: “Rival doesn't seem amused at Taufik's lecture... Jim Rival brushes past Taufik and heads to the back leaving Taufik alone in the ring! We'll be back folks after a few words from our sponsors.”Have you always wanted a pet but cannot afford one?
Have you always wanted a pet but is afraid that it'll destroy the furniture?
Have you always wanted a pet but do not have the time to feed and walk it?
WELL TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!
HERE AT FREE CAT INC. WE WILL SOLVE ALL THOSE PESKY LITTLE ISSUES YOU HAVE! OWN A PET NOW HASSLE FREE! NO NEED TO FEED IT, NO NEED TO WALK IT! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING! SO CALL NOW AT 1-800-FREE-CAT! AND WE'LL DELIVER YOUR VERY OWN FREE CAT RIGHT TO YOUR DOORSTEP FOR FREE!!!Ragki Nikara is sitting in the dank hallways of the ULOL in a cardboard box with "Ragki Nikara" written in black sharpie on it. His hat and coat lay on the top of it. He crawls out from within the box and begins to pace like a tiger in a cage.
Ragki Nikara: "Marcus Troy, I'd better get a dressing room after tonight. I also had better be paid good. I want money. Dollars! Yen! Pesos! Greenbacks! Pounds! Banknotes! Bills! Cash! Treasure! Chips! Wads! Wealth! Gravy! Funds! Dough! Coins! Loot! Pay! Riches! Legal tender!"
Ragki Nikara grabs his black trench coat and throws it on carelessly. He reaches back to the box and takes it hat off of it. He pulls the dark sun hat over his head as the lights flicker above him in the hallway.
Ragki Nikara: "Money is all you can trust in this world. Maybe, just maybe, if I tell the other wrestlers about this, they'll agree. Then they'll pay me to take out their targets! They'll pay me to beat a rival senseless! Yes, I will be the ULOL's mercenary! I'll get paid as a soldier of fortune! With enough cash, I'll take out whoever!"
The scene fades to black as Ragki walks away from his cardboard box down the hall. The massive frame of the wrestler known as The Morbidly Obese Man filled the sidewalk as he trudged down the street en route to the ULOL compound. With only a few blocks away, just as the big man crosses the corner he spots a mob of people also walking towards the ULOL compound. Just then a person from the crowd notices The Morbidly Obese Man.
Person from the Crowd: "THERE HE IS! THE PONY KILLER!"
The big wrestler realizes that this is a group of animal rights activists, he quickly turns and runs as the mob gives chase.
Another Person from the Crowd of Animal Rights Activists: "HE'S RUNNING AWAY! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY! GET HIM!!!"
With the mob giving chase The Morbidly Obese Man ran for his dear life...
Yet Another Person from the Crowd of Animal Rights Activists: "How can someone that fat run so fast?! Quick! He's getting away."
The Morbidly Obese Man gained enough headway that he was able to slip into a blind dark alley and picking up a discarded tarp, covers himself as the crowd runs past him. After a few moments, thinking it be safe, the big man emerges from his hiding place and steps out of the alley. It was then he heard a shout in a different tongue.
[The Man Who Shouted Out in a Different Tongue: "THERE HE IS! THE BASTARD THAT MADE OUR HOMETOWN HERO QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING POP A VEIN IN THE HEAD ALMOST ENDING OUR BENEVOLENT HERO'S LIFE! GET HIM!!!"]
The Morbidly Obese Man: "Aw shit..."
The Morbidly Obese Man resumes running as this time a mob of Q's countrymen chase him as the scene fades to black.Blue and Red lights shine throughout the arena as Edguy's "Robin Hood" begins to play. Allister King and Shadow Callahan, accompanied by Samantha King, walk out onto the entrance ramp to a thunderous roar of the crowd. They pose on the top of the ramp as white pyrotechnics begin to rain down behind them. They continue to walk down to the ring, smiling to the crowd. Allister high fives a few off the audience members before sliding into the ring. Shadow and Samantha just casually walk up the steps and into the ring. They poses once more for the crowd. Samantha hands Allister the microphone.
Allister is about to talk but cant due to the roar of the crowd. They crowd slowly quiet down
Allister King: "How yas doing?"
The Crowd erupt again
Allister King: "So I hope you have been keeping up to date with the goings on of myself. Earlier today I punched a pigeon in the face. It was instinct, he looked like he was going to attack me. Actually I stood their in my time of peril and thought of how a great man would handle the situation so I asked myself ''What would Chuck do?'' since i wasn't going to roundhouse kick the pigeon to smithereens, I punched it in the face. It learned its lesson and fly away all the wiser."
Allister face palms
Allister King: "Ya know I just completely sidetracked myself from why I actually came out here tonight. Tonight makes the dawning of a new era. Why you may ask well it simple yes. Mr. Callahan and myself have decided to venture forth into the enemy territory, guns blazing in hunt for El Dorado. Basically meaning we have decided to enter the lucrative business of tag team wrestling."
The Crowd erupt once again
Allister King: "Today makes the birth of The Northern Kings!!"
Allister smiles
Allister King: "Why Northern Kings? Well ya see I was showing Shad this band I listen to called ''The Northern Kings'', then Sammie turned around and said ''That would make a great tag team name''. I asked them first if they minded us using their band name and they were more than happy to allow us the privilege of using it. So he we are, standing in the middle of the ring as the Northern Kings."
Allister lights a cigarette
Allister King: "On another note, We do have guests for tonight's Sanctuary but only time will tell who they are. That's right! THEY! More than 1 person."
Allister blows some smokes before continuing
Allister King: "Tonight I am scheduled in a little 4 way elimination match between Myself obviously, William LaCroix, ''C4'' something something something Cobb, and Ragki Nikara. Is it me or am I just getting pushed towards the sidelines. I won't let that happen and I know you guys won't let that happen either."
The Crowd Begins chanting ''King''
Allister King: "Merci, my faithful friends. Now let me talk about my opponents for tonight. C4, Charles Colton Cai Cobb, thats a pretty fucked up name to be fair. I mean what kind of parents would name their kid that? Are they terrorists? Ya know they could say they have C4 on the plane."
The Crowd begins to laugh
Allister King: "C4, a rich aristocratic asshole known for exploding. Prematurely exploding that is."
Allister does a little jig to symbolise he made a pun
Allister King: "Ragki Nikara, my guess is he is another member of DWMA. Enough said. William LaCroix, I can't really remember who he is."
Allister scratches his head and looks around. He stops and looks at Shadow and Samantha.
Allister King: "I completely forgot you too were standing there."
The Crowd laugh at the comical antics of Allister.
Allister takes blows some more smoke
Allister King: "Well they have been standing there, completely bored out of their skulls for long enough so I guess we are going to have to end this little session we were having. Well before I go, there is still one thing I forgot to do which you guys love."
Allister spreads his legs apart and looks up to the ceiling.
Allister King: HAIL!!!
The Crowd shout ''TO THE KING!!''
Allister King: "You're damn right."
Allister drops the microphone as the Music of the Northern Kings begins to play as all 3 members leave the ring. They continue to walk up the ramp. Allister stops on the top of the ramp, turns around and bows a few times to the crowd before turning around and heading to the back. The camera fades to black as The Northern Kings are no longer in sight. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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Age : 48
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/21/2011 Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:12 am | |
| Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "A four-way elimination match?! I SHOULD BE in that number one contender's grand prix for the Primo Ultimo! This four-way is a farce!"
The arrogant wrestler flips over a crate backstage and kicks over a few lighting equipment. Bob Bobbie is seen trying to calm the wrestler down with little success...
Bob Bobbie: "Please Mr. Cobb, these equipment are expensive... Please understand that the entrants of the grand prix were decided by the fans..."
Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "The fans?! THE FANS?! Then I should have won! I, Colton Charles Cai Cobb who has taken the internet world by storm! That internet voting you all set up was a sham! It was rigged since I did not win. And what are you doing talking to me? You are not privileged enough to be even in my general vicinity! Now scram!"
Colton Charles Cai Cobb is seething with anger as he kicks another trunk containing equipment over. Bob Bobbie stays quite some distance away from the rampaging wrestler.
Bob Bobbie: "Mr. Cobb, please calm down. Um... Take this four-way as an opportunity sir, an opportunity to prove your greatness here in ULOL!"
Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Greatness? Yes I am great aren't I? That you are right... What is your name again?"
The inters wipes a bead of sweat from his brow and sighs an breath of relief as he seemingly had calmed the raging wrestler, he then replies.
Bob Bobbie: "B-Bob Bobbie, sir..."
Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Mr. Bobbie! You are correct! Yes! I shall use tonight as an opportunity to show the whole world that not even three other men can stop me. I shall make all three of my opponents famous! Famous for being beaten by a great wrestler named Colton Charles Cai Cobb!"
The egotistical wrestler laughs maniacally as he walks off, ego sated. Bob Bobbie slumps to the floor knowing how he has averted a possible disaster as the screen fades to black. VS VS VS Jim Jackson: "The next match is a four-way elimination match."
Brad Blood: "We get to see C4 in action today. WOO! I just love his explosiveness."
Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a four-way elimination match! Introducing first, Allister King!"
Blue and Red lights shine throughout the arena as Edguy's "King of Fools" begins to play. Allister King, accompanied by Samantha Collins, walks out onto the entrance ramp to a thunderous roar of the crowd. He poses on the top of the ramp as white pyrotechnics begin to rain down behind him. He continues to walk down to the ring, smiling to the crowd. He high fives a few off the audience members before sliding into the ring. He poses once more for the crowd, hands Samantha his sunglasses and jacket before heading to his corner.
Jim Jackson: "Sobriety along with his weekly talk show has actually made Allister King a popular figure here in ULOL. A win here tonight will solidify this veteran's standing here in ULOL."
Brad Blood: "I like the drunk Allister King better, he was much more fun back then."
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, he's the internet sensation that swept the nation, *barf* Colton Charles Cai Cobb!"
Green Day's "Having a Blast" starts blaring out of the speakers as the silhouette of the penultimate wrestler, covered in smoke and with a light show on, Colton Charles Cai Cobb raises from the ground with his back facing the crowd. He turns around as he steps off the platform and into the entrance ramp with a smirk on his face and an air of arrogance as he makes his way to the ring ignoring the loud boos which echo the ringside. He enters the ring, flexes and stretches waiting for the match to begin.
Jim Jackson: "Arrogant, cocky and egotistical, these are the words that can be used to describe Colton Charles Cai Cobb. His blatant attack on "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson last week has certainly put him on the map."
Brad Blood: "Blatant attack? Johnson had it coming calling C4 a jack-ass."
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next in his debut match, Ragki Nikara!"
"Evolution" by Korn plays as Ragki Nikara walks down the ramp toward the ring quickly. Once he enters the ring, he throws off his sun hat and trench coat toward the ramp and waits for the match to begin..
Jim Jackson: "Former best friend of the Correa Grande Del Oro De DWMA holder Yuki Monotomo, Ragki Nikara is making his debut tonight. Will he find the same success as his former friend?"
Brad Blood: "I feel sorry for this kid, he is placed in a match with three ULOL powerhouses. It'd be a miracle if he survives."
Jasmine Lee: "And Introducing last, William LaCroix!"
"Sonne" by Rammstein begins playing over the speakers as the big man from Switzerland walks down towards the ring. He ignores the crowd as he climbs up the metal stairs onto the ring apron. After wiping his feet on the apron, LaCroix swings one of his long legs over the top rope before doing the same with the other.
Jim Jackson: "Still undefeated, William LaCroix is proving himself one of the major forces here in ULOL."
Brad Blood: "Now if someone can stand a chance against C4, it would be this guy."
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "Looks like it will be Allister King starting things out against newcomer Ragki Nikara. The veteran against the newbie. King lunges in and tries to go for a double leg take-down... Nikara intercepts with a knee! That knocked Allister King back a few steps... Nikara with a snapmare sends Allister King down! Ragki Nikara starts running in circles around King prematurely celebrating."
Brad Blood: "Well he's trying to get the fans to his side, not a smart move but still his idiocy may have gained him a fan or two or three... Now he decides to go for the cover."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Jim Jackson: "Kick out by King! King goes on an onslaught landing punch after punch on Ragki Nikara. Nikara is getting pummeled! Ragki Nikara runs away and tags William LaCroix!"
Brad Blood: "So much for Nikara's ten seconds of fame... If he wants to play with the big boys he should know how to take punches instead of running away like yellow colored chicken!"
Jim Jackson: "King and LaCroix lock arms... It's a test of strength as the two wrestlers grapple... LaCroix gets the upper hand... He gets King into a headlock! King pushes out and shoves LaCroix to the ropes... LaCroix bounces back and takes him down with a shoulder block. King gets back up... Flying shoulder tackle by LaCroix!"
Brad Blood: "That's the power of the Swiss warrior. Allister King seems dazed as he gets back up to his feet. The old King would have easily gotten back up being numbed from the pain due to his drunken stupor."
Jim Jackson: "The same drunken stupor which had also cost him matches he could have won. LaCroix with a Michinoku driver drills King to the canvas! A big legdrop keeps King down. LaCroix goes for the cover!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "King gets a shoulder up! Y'know, for a guy LaCroix's size you'd expect him to be rough, but he executes his moves with such finesse. Even a legdrop looks so refined."
Jim Jackson: "Allister King seems to have gotten some second wind, he's throwing some STIFF chops lighting up LaCroix's chest. LaCroix is being pushed back. Dropkick by Allister King sends LaCroix to the corner of C4... Blind tag! We get a blind tag by C4."
Brad Blood: "LaCroix doesn't seem happy being tagged out. He gives C4 a cold stare which C4 nonchalantly ignores! Now this guy C4 has quickly made a name for himself despite his rookie status by having the balls to attack a main eventer like "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson."
Jim Jackson: "King throws a big punch but C4 dodges it! Colton Charles Cai Cobb gets behind Allister King... High angle back suplex executed to perfection and Allister King is down! C4 is not done, he picks Allister King up on his shoulders, King with some well placed elbows gets himself free. Allister King with an Irish whip sends C4 to the ropes... NO! Reversed! Allister King is whipped to the ropes instead... SPINEBUSTER!"
Brad Blood: "That shook the ring, C4 instantly hooks the leg..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "What the? C4 breaks his own three count by intentionally lifting Allister King's head back up. Looks like C4 wants to make a statement using Allister King as an example."
Jim Jackson: "C4 has Allister King up on his shoulders... King grabs on to the ropes in desperation and manages to slip down. That could have been disastrous for King if he hadn't escaped. King dodges a huge right from C4, he rolls and leaps into the corner and gets a tag on Ragki Nikara!"
Brad Blood: "Ragki Nikara enters the ring, looks like C4 is unimpressed... C4 leans forward offering his cheek to Nikara... Is he offering a free shot to Nikara? Whoa the confidence level in C4 is impressive."
Jim Jackson: "Arrogance seems to be the more appropriate word Brad. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth Nikara throws rights and lefts... C4 soaks the damage and stops Nikara's assault with a headbutt! Big right hand stuns Nikara! Colton Charles Cai Cobb grabs his opponent's waist and hoists his opponent up onto his shoulder in an overhead gutwrench backbreaker rack. He then sits down and simultaneously flips the opponent forwards and downwards, slamming his opponent down to the ground face-first to one side executing an explosive Ground Zero!"
Brad Blood: "WHOA!!! That didn't only shake the ring, I think it shook the entire arena! Nikara is down and out! C4 with a foot over Nikara's chest for a cocky pin... I love that man!"
Jim Jackson: "Hetero?"
Brad Blood: "Platoni... HEEEEEEEEEY!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Jim Jackson: "And C4 has just eliminated rookie Ragki Nikara! Looks like Allister King decides to come out to go after C4... King with a flying double axe handle right off the bat. He manages to send Colton Charles Cai Cobb a step back. King starts throwing hard punches and is actually sending C4 back... Suplex attempt by King... No! Blocked by C4 who lifts King up instead! King slips down behind C4, he spins C4 around... C4 blocks a kick and stuns Allister King with a big uppercut. A kick to the gut sets King up... C4 picks Allister King up on his shoulders... Jumping powerbomb!"
Brad Blood: "Oh! That killed King! The impact probably detached King's soul and sent it straight to purgatory! I could still feel the sonic boom created by that impact! C4 hooks the leg."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Thr..."
Jim Jackson: "Amazing! Allister King stays alive even after that! C4 seems surprised but that doesn't stop him... C4 starts stomping away at Allister King... Wait! King catches C4's leg and pushes him back! Looks like King has gotten a second wind as he gets back up to his feet."
Brad Blood: "Whoa! I'm amazed at King's resiliency... Oh wait, look at King's leg, it's wobbling like jello! He still hasn't recovered from that jumping powerbomb and C4 knows it! C4 can smell that the kill is near, he charges..."
Jim Jackson: "King pulls the top rope down and C4 goes over! Wait! C4 manages to land on the apron! King dodges C4's arm and slams his shoulder into C4's midsection. Allister King picks C4 up and hoists him over the top rope... Bodyslam! C4 gets back up to his feet... Right into a spike slam by King! King hooks the leg."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "Only a two count as Colton Charles Cai Cobb denies King the pinfall. King goes to the top... Ooh this could be a good thing or it could end badly for Allister King."
Jim Jackson: "Flying shoulder tackle sends C4 down! King stumbles to his feet, again he's going for the top turnbuckle. FLYING HEADBUTT CONNECTS! Both men are down! Allister King sacrifices himself to deal damage to C4!"
Brad Blood: "That probably knocked some points out of both wrestlers' IQ... Look, it looks like C4 is stirring... He slowly gets up to his feet and stumbles a little... He goes to LaCroix's corner for the tag, LaCroix steps back avoiding him! He does the smart thing and slaps LaCroix's chest tagging himself out! LaCroix looks irritated at C4 but enters the ring nonetheless."
Jim Jackson: "Allister King has gotten back to his feet... Lariat by William LaCroix sends him down again. King gets back to his feet, LaCroix again sends him down with a stiff clothesline! King rises again for the third time... LaCroix kicks King on the gut going for a facebuster... Countered by King into a back body drop!"
Brad Blood: "King countered that by instinct... Look! Allister King still feels dazed as he grabs on to the ropes to steady himself. I bet you he doesn't even realize he countered that facebuster."
Jim Jackson: "You may be right Brad, looks like Allister is looking for a tag, he gets himself to Colton Charles Cai Cobb's corner, C4 leaps off the apron and pretends he's interacting with a girl at ringside. Allister King is not amused but that's all LaCroix needs to sneak up behind King and roll him up!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: "King kicks out. Looks like C4 is finished flirting with that girl at ringside as he makes his way back up to his corner. Meanwhile back in the ring it looks like King and LaCroix are trading punches. Look at the difference between the two, LaCroix throws with such grace while King's punches look haphazard."
Jim Jackson: "But King scores a big punch sending LaCroix reeling! King Irish whips LaCroix to the ropes, king ducks down for a back body drop... LaCroix with a big kick to King's face countered it."
Brad Blood: "That's what you get for telegraphing that back body drop too early. LaCroix doesn't waste time and sends King to the corner with an Irish whip! LaCroix is signalling for the crowd to go quiet... Here it comes... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Now that's what I call a chop!"
Jim Jackson: "That certainly left a mark... DDT by LaCroix plants Allister King to the canvas. LaCroix hits a knee drop from the second rope. He hooks the leg..."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."
Brad Blood: Allister King still hangs on! William LaCroix raises Allister King up and holds him in place... Ooh... I think I know what's coming next and it doesn't look pretty."
Jim Jackson: "LaCroix with a series of knees into Allister King's head! King can barely stand! LaCroix has that smile on his face... I think we may see his finisher Dementia! William LaCroix lifts Allister King into a fireman's carry before driving his head and neck first into the top turnbuckle. Keeping his hold he quickly charges across the ring to drive them into a second turnbuckle... Wait! Allister King blocks it! Allister King blocks LaCroix's finisher midway!"
Brad Blood: "LaCroix looks surprised! LaCroix quickly recovers and throws a big right but King somehow dodges it! King with a kick to the gut! He could deliver William LaCroix's first loss here!"
Jim Jackson: "Allister King kicks William LaCroix in the gut and pulls him in and locks in a headlock. He shouts ''Hail to the King'' before lifting William LaCroix into a suplex. Allister spins around a few times before breaking his opponent with a brainbuster. Allister refuses to let go and wraps his legs around William LaCroix and tightens the grip he has on their head with a gullotine choke. Allister King has his finisher Hail to the King locked in!"
Brad Blood: "I think Allister King has misjudged the distance a little though... William LaCroix reaches out and gets his hand on the ropes and we have a rope break... If King had LaCroix in the middle of the ring he may have made LaCroix tap."
Jim Jackson: "King drags LaCroix up... LOW BLOW!!! And the ref didn't see it! King crumples to his knees! William LaCroix grabs Allister King by his waist and hoists him into the air before turning and slamming Allister King down onto his spine while dropping to a seated position. LaCroix just executed the Neurotoxin!"
Brad Blood: "King is twitching on the canvas. LaCroix pulled that one out of his ass! LaCroix goes for the cover! I think it's goodnight for Allister King."
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Thr..."
Jim Jackson: "This time it's William LaCroix who misjudged the distance as Allister puts a foot on the bottom rope saving him from elimination! Both LaCroix and King are spent... It takes a while for them to slowly get back to their feet... LaCroix throws a punch... Allister King dodges and counters with a knee to the gut! Allister King grabs William LaCroix by the head and places him between his legs, readying for a powerbomb. Allister raises his fist in the arm, signaling that its time to send the opponent to ''Kingdom Come''. Allister hooks both of the arms and lifts the opponent up onto his shoulder and flips William LaCroix around, slamming them face first in the mat. Allister King just nailed William LaCroix with his finisher Kingdom Come!"
Brad Blood: "King goes for the cover! Will he put LaCroix away for good?!"
Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"
Jim Jackson: "Allister King has eliminated William LaCroix giving LaCroix his first loss! But wait! Looks like the fight with LaCroix has taken it's toll on Allister King who is barely even moving..."
Brad Blood: "And C4 knows it! He quickly rushes into the ring stomping away at King. Colton Charles Cai Cobb may have this one in the bag! King manages to roll away and get back up unsteadily to his feet!"
Jim Jackson: "Colton Charles Cai Cobb knocks his opponent down and sits on his opponent's back. Grabbing both his opponent's arms, Colton Charles Cai Cobb pulls them across his opponents neck in a "X" until his opponent passes out executing an excruciating RDX!"
Brad Blood: "LaCroix is trapped with nowhere to go! It looks like he's fading fast! I think I see King's eyeballs rolling upwards! C4 is choking the life out of King with the RDX! The referee goes in to check on King... HE'S SIGNALLING FOR THE BELL! IT'S OVER!!! ALLISTER KING HAS BEEN CHOKED OUT!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by submission, Colton Charles Cai Cobb!"
Jim Jackson: "An amazing end to an amazing match, Colton Charles Cai Cobb gets a win taking advantage of Allister King's tiredness from battling with William LaCroix."
Brad Blood: "A win is a win, any smart wrestler would take advantage of that situation in C4's shoes. Looks like C4 is celebrating inside the ring. WAIT! Over there on top of the entrance ramp! It's "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson! UJJ has come out and is staring down at C4 inside the ring while C4 stares back with a smirk on his face. Seems like the UJJ and C4 saga is far from over."ZERO CALORIES!!!
ZERO SUGAR!!!
ZERO FAT!!! Available in stores everywhere.The lights go out and a laser show starts when "Corroded Dreams" by Ride The Sky starts blast in the arena. After 25 seconds Ray Kamaura walks slowly to the start of the ramp. Following behind is Yuki Monotomo. Both superstars stop and the lights turn back on after lightning strikes behind them. The lasers continue as Ray slowly enter the ring. Yuki poses for the fans then runs to the apron. They go to diffrent ring posts and climb them and raise the Campeónes Compañero into the air, then strike a pose. Yuki slides in the ring and humps the air in the direction of the female fans.
Ray Kamaura: "It's good to be back here in the ULOL arena with all you fans! Last week Leon and I returned to our home town and held a party honoring the greatest sable in the ULOL, and for that matter, the WORLD!"
Ray and Yuki raise there titles into the air. The golden belts shimmer in the light.
Ray Kamaura: "We are GODS in this federation and yet nobody is out here bowing at are feet. I think we desevre alittle more credit than being called flukes. Who else in this fed has accomplished something like this? Shogun? Conway? Zombie? Quioaecaopesuckachuppathingy? NONE OF THEM HAVE DONE WHAT RAY KAMAURA, YUKI MONOTOMO, AND LEON HINOMOTO HAVE DONE."
Ray Kamaura, standing tall and proud, shifted his titles around.Before Ray Kamura can continue, he is interrupted by the sounds of a storm. Thunder rang in the arena as lightning struck the stage. Words flash on the jumbo tron. "BREAKING NEWS: A STORM IS BREWING"
Leon Hinomoto: "Ladies and Gentalmen of the ULOL, there is a storm brewing here in the ULOL. The forecast calls for victory with a 100% chance of rain."
Leon Hinomoto,wearing a very expensive tux, walks onto the stage with a microphone in his hand.
Leon Hinomoto: "In other news Nobody gives a crap about the show card for tonight. Shogun and others are doing something and I'm sure the out come will be rather predictable. But that's what makes tonight so different. Tonight the predicted outcome is a DWMA loss. That won't happen, or more like it CAN'T happen. Because, unlike Shogun, and Conway, when we talk big, we can back it up."
Leon cracks his neck while unbuttoning his jacket and shifting his titles.
Leon Hinomoto: "The DWMA is a stable of champions. We cannot be beaten. We cannot be stopped. The DWMA is like a storm. A storm that cannot and will not be stopped. I really don't care about the affairs of the other ULOL superstars, or the divas for that matter. The DWMA will continue to hold onto these titles and nothing can stop us."
Leon steps into the ring and passes his microphone to Yuki.Yuki Monotomo takes the microphone from Leon and walks to the turnbuckle. He leans on it before beginning to talk
Yuki Monotomo: "And gods need a harem, no? So I'm inviting all the lovely ladies of the ULOL to my harem! Don't worry, there may be many of you, but there's enough Yuki to go around for the entire world. We are the best and so we deserve the best, and ladies, you are the best women. So it's only natural that you become my lovers. I will be here for any lady in the ULOL who wants me, so you can all have me."
The ladies' man holds up the Correa Del Oro De Yuki Monotomo high in the sky, light shimmering off of it. He brings the gilded belt down and attaches it to his waist.
Yuki Monotomo: "As a note to the other wrestlers, we are the greatest, I'll stop anybody who attempts to take this belt from me. The Correa Del Oro De Yuki Monotomo is going to be with us for quite awhile. This is my belt and nobody's going to take it from me. We are all champions! We are the best! We are GODS!"Edguy's Robin Hood begins to play as the Northern Kings, Allister King, Shadow Callahan and Samantha King walk out onto the ramp. Allister calls for the music to stop.
Allister King: "Wait a god damn minute here? GODS? Are you complete idiots? One, how can you call yourself Gods if it took you so many tries just to win those belts. Two, You did win them by fluke. Three, I would have expect so called ''Gods'' to have a set of balls which is obvious that you ray are completely lacking in. Four and finally, How can you ascend to the ranks of gods, when you haven't beaten the kings?"
The crowd cheers
Allister King: "Now listen, we haven't even had a match as a tag team yet but its clear that all you can talk is bullshit. I mean seriously? You try to place yourselves in the same league as Q, Shogun, Zombie, Conway and Raven but think about it. Raven alone is far superior than all 3 of you combined. Shogun would just destroy you guys, Zombie would eat your alive and Q who just well do what Q does best."
The Crowd chants ''King''
Allister King: "Look at what I have accomplished here, nothing really, since the beginning of the ULOL resurrection, I have been given only 1 title shot. ONE!! why cause I don't see how winning gold and prove how good you are. I did however become General Manager due to my intelligence."
Samantha slaps Allister across the back of the head
Allister King: "Okay, OKAY, her intelligence. I have beat Shogun. Do you see me brag about it every week? Noooo. I have beat a lot of people but my head isn't so far up my own ass that I call myself a ''GOD''. Only those who are truly insecure about themselves would call themselves gods. King on the other hand is different. In the realm of the King, you and your little posse of douche bags are just court jesters. Thou shalt not pose as thy gods, Thou shalt fear thy king, thou shalt respect thy king. Listen to the worlds long written down, The DWMA are douches who make assumptions. Gods is a pretty big assumption."
Allister laughs
Allister King: "You place yourselves high upon the pedestal only to allow yourselves to fall even harder to the ground. Did I say fall? Sorry, I meant beat. Sooner or later you will face me, and you will fall to your knees and hail to the king! The Kings have spoken."
Allister drops the mic and walks to the back without taking his eyes of the DWMA. the Kings are gone from sightYuki Monotomo watches as the Northern Kings walk down the ramp. He shakes his head and chuckles.
Yuki Monotomo: "Your damn king puns are worse than Leon's weather ones. King, you may have been the one who actually hired me, but I'm not your damned court jester. I'll leave the rest of the Northern Kings out of this, but that was downright unnecessary. I don't see a title in your hands, so I don't think you have room to talk. We're the reigning stable. We carry not only the tag titles, but also the Correa Grande Del Oro. You have nothing. If you are in fact a king then you're the king of nothing. Your empire? Nothing. Your subjects? Nothing."
Yuki steps back to the center of the ring. He pulls his mask down before continuing.
Yuki Monotomo: "We are gods. Our domain? The ULOL. Our worshipers? Anyone who meets us in this ring. The DWMA is a stable of gods. I am a god, King. A king is given his power through divine right, and we grant you none. You are a King only in name. So, I, Yuki Monotomo, a god of the DWMA, grant you the divine right to be King of Nothing. Be grateful, that's more power than anyone else on this roster. Thou shalt obey thy gods. Thou shalt not question thy gods."
Yuki watches the ramp to see if the Nothern Kings are going to return.Allister walks back out alone
Allister King: "Your blasphemous ways well come back to haunt you. And why the hell would I hire you? I don't need someone to do anything for me, yet alone help we win. You may have 2 titles around you waists but you will lose them soon enough. I will laugh my balls off when it happens. No offense Ray."
The Crowd laugh
Allister King: "Your precious little stable is nothing more than the blind leading the blind. From all I can remember is that you guys rarely win. I rarely get booked but yet I'm here every week doing what I do best, Entertain!. I am a charisma king, a king of true valor and a hot queen to match. You have a guy with no balls and a rainmaker. I think its safe to say i win here. And like I said before I don't need a title nor do I want one. I had my pokemon title which I sold and got my money back. Titles mean nothing. They never did. Your divine right is as good as shit."
Shadow Callahan comes out and tries to get Allister to leave.
Allister King: "Get away! I'm not finished here. You so called gods will be vanished and fallen like the great kingdoms of long ago past. Kingdoms like Atlantis, Avalon, El Dorado. I will destroy all these so called gods that stand in my way and all those who oppose shall we be vanished, left bloodied and never again see what greatness lies above there heads. A divine execution is in order for you three, oh yes it is, and it shall not be swift but it shall be all powerful, vengeful and merciless none the less."
Allister looks extremely demented at the moment
Allister King: "May your blood flow like the ancient rivers of Babylon and you children slaughtered amongst the stones. Tiocfaidh ár lá!!"
Shadow and security help drag Allister away who had momentarily gone insaneThe scene opens in the locker room of Oriental Spices where we see Nao Fook Mi and Little Wang having a discussion.
Nao Fook Mi: "Everyone is talking about breaking walls when we are breaking our backs to get the tag titles back... Seriously anymore walls get broken and the ceiling will cave in on us."
Nao Fook Mi sighs and leans back as she stretches her muscles.
Nao Fook Mi: "Y'know this could be our last shot in a while for the tag team titles Wang... We definitely must take those belt back from The DWMA. We really don't have time to worry about who does the better interview or who does the better or who gets to say the last word, it all boils down to who wins the match at the end of the day."
Fook Mi looks to her partner who seems to be nodding in agreement to what she just said.Little Wang: "Well you know how people are, they always want to get the last word in, they always want to have the one up on the word wars but they forget that being eloquent in the mic is different from being eloquent in the ring."
The midget wrestler finishes buckling his stilts to his legs and hops up.
Little Wang: "I know you still have that unfinished thing with Raven but as you said earlier, this may be our last chance so I think we should really go for bust. Though I have been thinking if things don't work out for us tonight, what will we do then?"
Little Wang seems to be in deep thought...
Little Wang: "We've been a tag team for a while now Fook Mi, we've had moderate success. We've even won the tag titles once... But maybe..."
Little Wang's words seem to trail off...Nao Fook Mi: "I know where you are going... Put that thought on hold. Let's continue this discussion after the match okay?"
Fook Mi places a hand on Little Wang's shoulders... Little Wang looks up to his partner and nods.
Nao Fook Mi: "As of Raven, I'll handle her this coming PPV, I'll take the ULOL Campeón No Masculino and maybe in the process knock some sense into her. C'mon, let's go... There's still time before our match how about some light sparring?"
Little Wang nods and smiles as Oriental Spices leave the locker room as the scene fades to black. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/21/2011 Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:13 am | |
|  The camera opens up to show the busy sanctuary with the loveable idiot of a host standing on top of the usual table. The Master of the Piano, Shadow Callahan, is playing as usual. Allister King turns around and looks out amongst the audience sitting and enjoying themselves.
Allister King: "Ladies and Gnetlement, Welcome to the Sanctuary!!"
The audience cheer as Allister jumps off the table.
Allister King: "We have an usual situation tonight. Instead of one interviewee we have two. So please join me in welcoming to the sanctuary, Arnold ''Goodfella'' Bold and Felix Schwarz!"
The audience applaud as the duo enter. They shake Allister's hand and sit down. Allister calls over the waiter
Allister King: "Hmm I will have the mocha latte this time my good sir, would you two like anything to drink before we start?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "Well thanks for the offer but no I don’t want anything to drink."
Felix Schwarz: "Well I just drank my coffee 30 minutes ago, so this time I won’t have any drinks."
Allister dismisses the waiter
Allister King: "Then I will take it you want to get straight down to the interview? No problem?"
Allister Lights a Cigarette
Allister King: "So how did you two meet in the first place? Did your eyes lock from across the room and you just instantly know he was the one for you?"
Allister chuckles
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "No it wasn’t like that. First meeting was when I found him in at that time it was Age of Pain locker room, he said doors was wide open and he just entered. I shouted “Get the hell out."
Felix smiles remembering the first time meeting with Arnold.
Felix Schwarz: "This guy scared the shit out of me at that time. However that was long time ago. Wait a minute this question sounded like you think that we are gay. We are not."
Allister King: "No its nothing like that Felix. It was only a joke."
The waiter brings Allister his coffee.
Allister King: "Thank you."
Allister sets his cigarette on the ashtray as he takes a drink of coffee
Allister King: "That's good coffee and fast service."
Allister looks directly at the camera, gives a thumbs up and a wink before turning back around to the Bold and Schwarz.
Allister King: "So let's talk about the big man himself, the head honcho, Mr. Manolo himself. How did you meet him and get him to manage you two?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "When this federation was reopened, me and the guy who can’t remember who he is. Yeah that guy. Taufik. We went to him and asked himto represent us. And he made some demands which we followed to the letter and here we are."
Felix Schwarz : "Well I offered my services to the stable when same guy who can’t remember who he is now, kidnapped himself."
Allister takes a drink of coffee and picks up his cigarette
Allister King: "On the subject of Taufik, do you have any regrets about what you did? I mean the guy was a complete tool, we all know that but why did ya near kill the poor bastard?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "I regret one thing. That I didn’t do that sooner."
Felix laughs.
Felix Schwarz: "Regret? There is no such a thing as regret. It was also a statement to everybody who doubted what GoodFella & Schwarz can do. Even if it is at the cost of Taufik's life. Then so be it."
Allister drinks what is left of his coffee
Allister King: "Yas really are cold-hearted bastards ain't ye?"
Allister continues to smoke his cigarette
Allister King: "Let's see, The DWMA, you and those guys have been going at each others throats since I can remember. They are the current tag champs so you probably have your eyes set on reacquiring those belts. Why do you hate them and why do you think they hate you?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "No, we are sweet and polite, but then everybody thinks you are total joke you need to do something and we did. Yes this so called stable which stands as Douches Who Makes Assumptions. Or how I like to call them just simply competitors from Dancing With The Stars. They totally do not deserve to be champions."
Felix Schwarz: "Why do we hate them? Look at them. At first we have their so-called team leader, the tool Ray Kamaura. A giraffe is even smarter than him. Then it comes an American native Leon which calls himself a Rainman and for finale we have a fugitive Yuki Monotomo who sucked cocks in that village of his. Does a cock sucker deserve to be champion? No he doesn’t."
Before Allister can ask another question Arnold adds up.
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "And tonight we have a match against them and Oriental Spices and Getter Team. So I am pretty sure that the title will be ours again."
Allister King: "Well good luck in that match."
Allister flicks ash into the ashtray
Allister King: "Something I completely forgot to ask you guys, why did you become a tag team? I mean you could just as easily been associates in the singles division?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "To be fair that is Taufik's fault again. We had a match against Morbidly Unstoppable at that time and Taufik was kidnapped himself so Felix offered his services and later on we thought that we could continue working together."
Allister King: "Well you have been a tag team for awhile now, have you considered disbanding and hunting for gold individually?"
Felix Schwarz: "Well who knows maybe that will happen sometime,but not now or anytime soon."
Allister stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray
Allister King: "So tell me, what was it that got you to become wrestlers? Was it seeing a glorious match as a child, were you family wrestlers, or was it just some random series of events?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "To be fair I actually don’t remember what did pushed me to become a wrestler."
Felix shakes his memory before answering this question.
Felix Schwarz: "Well actually I don’t remember either but I would say that Ric Flair and “Macho Man” Randy Savage made biggest impact for me."
Allister chuckles
Allister King: "Bad memories huh? Well maybe you can remember what was your favorite match you've been in?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "No it’s not like a bad memories. I think that would be GoodFella & Schwarz versus Oriental Spices. It was when a match ended with double count out. It was amazing match. And despite our different point of views they are great competitors."
Felix Schwarz: "My favorite match was against Morbidly Unstoppable. Well I would like to face them again sometime in the future."
Allister King: "Oriental Spices and Morbidly Unstoppable? Nice choices. So who do you want to face who you haven't already? Any match?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "Maybe Alexander Conway and his partner Ethan who calls themselves Lords Of The Ring."
Felix Schwarz: "I think you and Shadow would be nice to face sometime in the future."
Allister grins
Allister King: "Well Felix, maybe we can arrange that. Hey Shad! Wanna have a match against these guys soon?"
Shadow Callahan: "Why not? It should be fun!"
Allister King: "Well there's you answer."
Allister chuckles
Allister King: "By the way, there have been rumors going about that you guys are intimate, ya know sexually, I don't know who started these rumors but how you feel about it?"
Felix Schwarz: "It’s not true. And no other comment."
Allister King: "Well you know what question is coming next right?"
Allister drums on the table before asking the question
Allister King: "What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color?"
Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "My name is Arnold Bold. My quest is to become legendary tag team of professional wrestling. Favorite color is red."
Felix Schwarz: "My name is Felix Schwarz. My quest is to become legendary tag team. Favorite color is orange."
Allister clicks his fingers and the waiter brings over two boxes. Allister opens the boxes.
Allister King: "Well here is your medals."
Allister places them around the necks of Bold and Schwarz
Allister King: "I hope you have had fun and I hope to see you again. Don't worry we will talk to Troy about arranging that match."
Allister extends his hand
Felix Schwarz: "Yeah it was fun to be there."
Felix shakes Allister hand and after that Arnold shakes King hand.
Allister King: "Arnold Bold & Felix Schwarz everyone!"
The audience applaud as the duo leave. Allister climbs up on the table
Allister King: "Well everyone, that's it for this weeks edition of the sanctuary. Our next show will be after the PPV so until then. Hail To The King!! Goodnight and god bless."
Shadow plays the piano as Allister jumps off the table unto the floor. The camera fades to blackLex Lexington is lurking backstage as usual. He see's Raven Connoly walking out of her dressing room and pounces.
Lex Lexington: "Raven, can I ask you a few questions. You are scheduled for a 4 way match for the ULOL Campeón no Masculino, what's going to be your strategy."
Raven stops and turns around, and hits Lex with a piercing glare, if looks could kill, Lex would be dead twice.
Raven Connoly: "My strategy, it's simple, I'm going to leave three women in the ring broken and bleeding as I walk away with MY ULOL Campeón no Masculino, it's as simple as that. Now, if you excuse me."
Lex Lexington: "Raven, just a few more questions."
Raven spins around and slams the handle of her cane into Lex's throat and slams him back against the wall. She presses the cane against his throat holding him against the wall.
Raven Connoly: "Maybe I didn't make myself clear when I said excuse me, this interview is over!"
Raven removes her cane and walks away. Lex falls to his knees gasping for air as the scene fades to black.  & VS & VS & VS & Jim Jackson: "And now it is time for the title match of the evening. The DWMA will be putting their titles on the line tonight against three other teams, Brad."Brad Blood: "And it's not even an elimination match! First pinfall or submission decides the fate of those belts. If I was the DWMA, I'd be a bit worried."Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a four-way tag team match scheduled for one fall and it is for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero! Introducing first, the team of Ryoma Ichimonji and Hayato Tachibana, the Getter Team!"Ryoma and Hayato walk out onto the stage as footage from a Japanese anime is shown on the Titantron, and Ima ga Sono Toki da by Ichiro Mizuki plays. Fireworks erupt from the edges of the stage, which Hayato uses to light a cigarette while Ryoma adjusts his gloves, grinning creepily as he looks around the arena. Their trip down the ramp is less flashy, with Ryoma running toward the ring and jumping right in while Hayato walks slowly enough to enjoy his smoke before joining his partner. Once in the ring, he puts out the cigarette on the turnbuckle as usual, while Ryoma can barely keep himself still with all the adrenaline running through him.Jim Jackson: “The Getter Team has come so close to winning those titles on numerous occasions. Will tonight be their night?”Brad Blood: “I doubt it. These guys come close and then fail every time! Why would tonight be any different?”Jasmine Lee: “Introducing next, the team of Little Wang and Nao Fook Mi, the Oriental Spices!”Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. Little Wang follows behind her wearing stilts. They quickly makes their way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. They bow and give their respect to the crowd before heading to their corner.Jim Jackson: “Another team that has come so close only to lose. Unlike the Getter Team however, Oriental Spices has won the tag team championships once before in the past. There have been rumors that these two may actually split up if they can’t get it done tonight.”Brad Blood: “If that’s true, then I guess this is the last time we’ll see these two as a team.”Jasmine Lee: “Introducing next, the team of Arnold Bold and Felix Schwarz, GoodFella and Schwarz!”"Fire Flame" by Birdman starts to sound, the light suddenly turns off after a few seconds it starts again and Felix and Arnold are standing in the middle of the ring and waving to their fans.Jim Jackson: “The former two time tag team champions look to make it three tonight.”Brad Blood: “They’re my pick to win. I think these two will be getting it done here tonight.”Jasmine Lee: “And finally, introducing the ULOL Campeónes Compañero, the team of Ray Kamaura and Leon Hinomoto, The DWMA!”The lights go out and a laser show starts when "Corroded Dreams" by Ride The Sky starts blast in the arena. After 25 seconds Ray Kamaura and Leon walk slowly to the start of the ramp. Following behind is Yuki Monotomo. All three superstars stop and the lights turn back on after lightning strikes behind them. The lasers continue as Ray and Leon slowly enter the ring. Yuki poses for the fans then runs to the apron. They go to diffrent ring posts and climb them and raise the Campeónes Compañero into the air, then strike a pose. Yuki slides in the ring and humps the air in the direction of the female fans, then moves to the outside. Ray and Leon move to the same side of the ring and wait for thier challengers. Yuki moves back to the barrier and starts talking to the ladies.Jim Jackson: “Our current tag team champions have had a long and rocky road so far. While they don’t always win, they have managed to pull out the win when it has mattered the most.”Brad Blood: “Many argue that they are only fluke champions. How many times have they won by the skin of their teeth? Tonight could be an opportunity for a solid win to show that they are not fluke champions. However, I don’t think that they will be walking out of here tonight with those belts.”Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!”Jim Jackson: “It looks like Little Wang and Ray Kamaura will be starting this match off.”Brad Blood: “Ha! Even with the stilts, Ray Kamaura still towers over Little Wang.”Jim Jackson: “Ray wants a test of strength with Little Wang, but Ray has his hand up too high for Little Wang to reach.”Brad Blood: “Hahaha! Poor midget!”Jim Jackson: “Little Wang knocks Kamaura back with a dropkick! Wang bounces off the ropes and flies at Kamaura, who goes for the big boot, but Wang ducks and clips a knee! Ray tries to get up, but Wang keeps him down with a low dropkick to the head! Cover.”Don Q. Hotte: “One…”Brad Blood: “Ray tosses Little Wang off at one! Ray attempts to get to his feet, but Wang dropkicks a knee before DDTing Ray to the mat! Another cover!”Don Q. Hotte: “One…”Jim Jackson: “Ray again throws Little Wang off at one. Little Wang bounces off the ropes and runs at Ray, but Ray flips him with a huge clothesline! Ray kicks Wang hard in the face before grabbing Little Wang’s stilts and pulling them off!”Brad Blood: “Ray’s just snapped the stilts! Hahaha! It looks like Little Wang will be tiny again!”Jim Jackson: “Ray grabs Little Wang by the throat before lifting him high into the air and slamming him to the mat with a huge Game Changer! Ray goes for the pin!”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Thr…”Brad Blood: “The pin gets broken up at the last second by Arnold Bold! This is not a good start for Little Wang.”Jim Jackson: “Ray Kamaura pulls Wang up for a body slam, but Wang slides down his back before dropkicking the back of Ray’s knee! As Little Wang bounces off of the ropes, Arnold makes a blind tag! Bulldog from Little Wang who is trying for the pin, but the referee is telling him he’s not legal.”Brad Blood: “Arnold Bold grabs Little Wang and hurls him over the top rope before covering Ray!”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”Jim Jackson: “Ray forces Arnold off of him at two. Bold and Kamaura begin to exchange punches, but Ray easily takes advantage and backs Bold into The DWMA’s corner. He hits punch after punch before finally tagging in Leon. The DWMA irish whip Bold into the ropes before hitting him with a double clothesline! Leon drops an elbow onto Bold before holding the shoulders down.”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”Brad Blood: “Arnold is out at two. Leon bounces off the ropes and goes to drop a leg on Arnold, but Arnold rolls out of the way! Clothesline from Arnold! He pulls Leon up before suplexing him towards the corner that Schwarz is in. Arnold tags in his partner before grabbing Leon and holding down as Schwarz climbs onto the turnbuckle. Big splash from Schwarz who stays on Leon for the pin!”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”Jim Jackson: “Leon kicks out at two. Schwarz punches Leon a few times before tagging Arnold back in. Double suplex! Arnold tags Schwarz back in. Arnold and Felix irish whip Leon into the ropes before tossing him with a double back body drop! Felix covers Leon for the pin attempt.”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”Brad Blood: “But again Leon kicks out. Felix works Leon over with a few punches before irish whipping Leon into the corner. Felix charges in and hits Leon with a hard clothesline before tagging in Arnold. Arnold grabs Felix and irish whips him at Leon for a second clothesline!”Jim Jackson: “Leon stumbles out of the corner and into the arms of Arnold, but as Arnold lifts Leon onto his shoulders, Leon squirms out and makes the tag to Nao Fook Mi.”Brad Blood: “Fook Mi takes Arnold down with a big dropkick! And she does it a second time! And a third! Felix comes in to try and help his partner, but Nao Fook Mi hits him with a stiff roundhouse kick!”Jim Jackson: “But it was just the distraction that Arnold needed! He just wiped Fook Mi out with a clothesline to the back of the head! He’s lifting her up....piledriver! Arnold goes for the cover!”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”Brad Blood: “Only a two count! I remember when piledrivers actually ended matches.”Jim Jackson: “Neckbreaker from Bold! He isn’t done yet though. Lifting DDT! Arnold is really focusing on the neck and head of Nao Fook Mi. Arnold tags in Felix.”Brad Blood: “Arnold lifts Nao Fook Mi onto his shoulders. Death Valley Driver onto the knee of Schwarz! This has to be it, Schwarz goes for the cover.”Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Thr…”Jim Jackson: “Ray Kamaura dives onto Schwarz to break up the pin, even though Fook Mi got her foot on the bottom rope just before he did so.”Brad Blood: “You don’t take chances like that in a match such as this, Jim.”Jim Jackson: “Nao Fook Mi uses the time that Ray has given her to tag out to the big man.”Brad Blood: “Why would you tag out to him? You want to win, and the only way to win is to be the team that gets the pin. You need to have someone from your team in there to do that!”Jim Jackson: “Ray with a big boot to Schwarz! Schwarz gets back to his feet only to be run over by Ray! Body slam from Ray! Kamaura bounces off of the ropes and hits Schwarz with a running boot to the side of the head! Ray forces Schwarz to his feet before grabbing him by the throat...”Brad Blood: “But Schwarz kicks Ray’s injured knee out from under him before DDTing Ray! Schwarz rolls over and makes the tag to Little Wang, but I don’t think that’s who he thought he was reaching out to!”Jim Jackson: “Little Wang springboards off the ropes and flies into Ray with a missile dropkick! Little Wang hops onto the turnbuckle, but only gets knees on a moonsault attempt!”Brad Blood: “But that hurt Ray just as much as it hurt Little Wang!”Jim Jackson: “Both men get back to their feet, but Ray shoves Little Wang so hard that he goes flying into the Getter Team’s corner! Ryoma tags himself in!”Brad Blood: “This is the first we’ll be seeing of the Getters. They’re both fresh and in a good position to win this match.”Jim Jackson: “But as Ryoma and Ray begin to exchange punches, Bold reaches in and tags the back of Ryoma!”Brad Blood: “Well, so much for the Getters taking advantage and winning. Ryoma looks pissed.”Jim Jackson: “Ray turns to tag in Leon, but Bold clips his leg before he can! Bold rolls out of the ring before grabbing Ray’s leg and bending it over the bottom rope. Bold pulls on the leg with all of his weight as Ray screams out in pain! Leon jumps down and goes for Bold, but Bold rolls into the ring before Leon can do anything.”Brad Blood: “Bold pulls Ray to the center of the ring before dropping in elbow onto the knee! Bold’s locking in a figure four! He’s going to try and make Ray tap out!”Jim Jackson: “But Leon jumps in and stops him before he can apply any pressure! And in comes Schwarz! The two teams begin brawling as the referee tries to regain control!”Brad Blood: “Here come the Getters! They’ve just jumped into the brawl as well! In the chaos, Arnold gets knocked back into the corner of the Oriental Spices and Nao Fook Mi makes the blind tag!”Jim Jackson: “The Getter Team have just thrown GoodFella and Schwarz over the top rope! As they turn around, The DWMA clothesline both members of the Getter Team over the top rope as well! Little Wang with a crossbody that sends both himself and Leon over the ropes! Only Ray and Fook Mi remain, and they are both legal!”Brad Blood: “Ray tries to clothesline Nao Fook Mi, but she ducks it before locking her forearms over Ray’s neck and nape! She’s got the Fook Mi to Sleep locked in tight! Ray tries to escape, but soon falls to the mat!”Jim Jackson: “The referee lifts the arm and it falls! He lifts it a second time and it falls again! He lifts the arm up a third time…and it falls! Ray’s out cold!”Jasmine Lee: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match via submission, Nao Fook Mi and Little Wang, the Oriental Spices!”Brad Blood: “I don’t believe it! They won the titles for a second time!”Jim Jackson: “The other teams and Leon are just realizing what has happened, and they look furious! Arnold is arguing with the referee, trying to say that no tag was made.”Brad Blood: “He didn’t feel it, but the referee and all of us saw it. Sorry Bold, but you lost!”Jim Jackson: “So much for the DWMA’s run as both the tag team champions and as the second double champions of the ULOL.”Brad Blood: “Awww...too bad for them. I guess luck can only get you so far. Well, so much for their claims of being Gods.” Jim Jackson: "Last week we saw footage from the London riots and our cameras followed our very own wrestler Zombie as he dealt with the problems over in England. During this past week Zombie has been doing a lot of media and press. Zombie has been doing interviews and press conferences and we caught up with Zombie during one particular conference."
The scene opens to a large room which is filled with journalists and cameramen. There is a large long table at the front of the room. The table has microphones all along it and there are seats ready for the occupants. Suddenly a small number of important looking people in suits and Zombie enter. The room is suddenly filled with blinding light bulb flashes as the cameramen all start to take pictures of the men and Zombie entering. The men all sit down and Zombie takes his seat in the middle of the table. Zombie slouches down into the chair and crosses his arms. He licks his lips and smiles dryly whilst watching all the journalists through the bulb flashes.
Important man No.1: "Okay well this conference can get started! Obviously any questions you have feel free to ask! But please keep it on subject! Mr. Cameron here obviously made the right decision to employ this um ..."
Zombie sits upright in his chair not realizing he was sat next to the Prime Minister David Cameron. He looks at the Prime Minister with confusion. He shrugs his shoulders and smiles at the journalists. He looks to the man talking and leans forward into the microphone on the table in front of him.
Zombie: "Ummm? Um what? I'm a Zombie you ass! Get on with it!"
The journalists chuckle and look to the man who laughs nervously and then continues to talk.
I.M No.1: "Right! Please any questions then?"
A number of journalists calmly raise their hands. The man picks out a particular journalist and the journalist stands up.
Journalist 1: "Uhh yes I have a question for Zombie. What are your plans considering the future? Do you have any endeavors concerning your ability which you displayed last week?"
Zombie smiles and leans forward to speak into the microphone.
Zombie: "Well I intend to beat the living daylights out of whomever holds the ULOL Primo Ultimo! If it's Q then all the better! Concerning last week ... I got a good win over some lackluster competitors! Merely a stepping stone to me becoming the top man in the roster ... once again!!"
The journalist looks at Zombie confused and corrects his question for Zombie to understand.
Journalist 1: "No, I was referring to the riots which you single-handedly dealt with. Plenty of other governments around the world would love to use you I'm sure! How would you feel if you were called on again in similar circumstances?"
Zombie: "Uhh ... well I suppose it would be okay. As long as the pay is good and the food is right!"
Another journalist stands to ask a question.
Journalist 2: "Another question to Zombie! Would you therefore leave your wrestling career behind for these opportunities? Would you become a hired mercenary instead?"
Zombie leans forward again and begins to speak.
Zombie: "Why would I want to do that? I have no desire to do this full time! Every now and again then fine! But let's be honest ... the Prime Minister here got lucky! I was hungry at the time when he called me and I wasn't doing much at ULOL!"
Zombie suddenly gets frustrated at having to lean forward to talk into the microphone all the time. He violently grabs at the microphone and pulls it out from the table. He then adopts his normal stance with holding the microphone under his face similar to his In-Ring promos. He continues on his rant.
Zombie: "The reason I got into this particular case was because the bastards were rioting for no reason! I would have turned down that Mubarak asshole in Egypt because those Egyptian people were there together and protesting for a real valid reason! I ain't going to do these poxy politicians a favor simply so they'll have more money in their pocket and so that they'll look good at the end of it all!"
The journalist nods once Zombie stops and sits back down in his chair. Another journalist stands up.
Journalist 3: "Yes I have a question for Zombie!"
The Prime Minister and the other men at the table rolls their eyes and turn to look at Zombie disapprovingly. Zombie looks at the men and chuckles.
Zombie: "Whatsa matter fellas? Am I stealing your limelight?"
Journalist 3: "Well let's be honest you do deserve it! In fact I'd probably go as far to say that you are probably one of the best known wrestlers in the world at this very moment in time!"
Zombie: More than Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing?
Journalist 3: "Oh most definitely!"
Zombie: "That's all I need to hear!! Do ask your question!"
Journalist 3: "What did you say to Marcus Troy when you returned to ULOL this past Sunday?"
Zombie's face turns sour and he looks at the people around him.
Zombie: "No more questions!"
Journalists suddenly stand up in protest and quickly shout out their individual questions.
[b]There is some sort of a commotion towards the back of the group of journalists.
Voice: "Move out of the way, move it, I've got some questions and I'm clearly more important then you internet bloggers."
One of the journalists near the front is suddenly shoved to the side and we see a man emerge wearing a grey suit that is slightly to small for him, he is wearing a grey fedora with a piece of paper in the side that says 'PRESS', and has a recorder and a microphone.
Man: "Zombie, C. Onnoly from the 'Zombie Got Lucky Last Week Times' I know you said no more questions, but this is a press conference and it seems quite ridiculous that we all stand here looking at each other. I would like an answer to that guys question, What did you say to Marcus Troy, what was your response. Are the rumors true that you are just a spineless two face slug who can't pick a side?"
Zombie starts to speak but C. Onnoly holds up his hand and stops him.
C. Onnoly: "Hold on one second scabby, I have a few questions here, I'll just throw them out there and then you can answer them. What do you say to the people who are saying your win last week was a fluke and thyme amazing wrestler Connoly could easily defeat you any day of the week? What do you have to say about the popular thought that since you are a Zombie your brain is rotted much like the rest of you and that you are, in fact, a total idiot? I have this gross rash on my arm now, how do I get rid of it? What d...,"
Journalist 3: "Hey pal, this is a press conference, not a one on one interview, why not shut your mouth and give someone else a chance."
C. Onnoly: "Oh, my apologies, go ahead sir."
Journalist 4: "Thank you, Mr. Zombie A lot of pe..,"**SMACK**!!
Suddenly C. Onnoly kicks the man in the face in a move that seems very similar to a 'Bloody Sunday'.
C. Onnoly: "Oh shit, my fault, my fault, anyone else have any questions?"
The journalists all shake their head no.
C. Onnoly: "Where was I, hmmmm, Oh yeah, Why does Connoly butt into everyone else's role plays..., Oh, that's for another press conference, sorry. Here we go, do you think the reason you win any matches is because you smell like a rotten asshole and your opponents just pass out, or do you actually think you have some sort of skill? Lastly, I have uncovered evidence that before you became Zombie you were a catholic priest who often had very long 'one on one counseling' with young boys, what do you say to these allegations? That last part may be made up."
C. Onnoly waits for a response.Zombie smiles and gets to his feet.
Zombie: "Are you actually here complaining about your loss? I thought you were the type who didn't give a screw about anyone and got on with it! And you know, the only reason your still sticking out like a sore thumb is because your still fighting a battle which is quite obviously over!"
Zombie jumps over the table and approaches C. Onnoly.
Zombie: "And on the subject of the aforementioned battle. You will find out soon enough where my allegiances lie! And as for your last question.... I'm not even sure myself ... for all I know I could've been a very loving religious man! And if that is the case, then this body being damned for all eternity in this state is the most deserving of sentences for such atrocities!!"
Zombie continues to approach C. Onnoly and is now toe to toe with the large Irishman.
Zombie: "You wanna see the result of a one on one? Let's go right here! Let's give these scavengers something to write about!! I can see the headline now! "Zombie puts Connoly in his place! ... AGAIN!!"
Zombie chuckles and continues to talk in Connoly's face.
Zombie: "No matter how much you try to think that you are better than me ... you will never be in the same league as me!! If you want to risk proving that to the world then let's go motherfucker!! I'll show you what this "spineless two faced slug, total idiot and former catholic priest who had long intense sessions with young boys" is REALLY made of!!!!"
Zombie clenches his fists ready for the possible fight about to break between the two.C. Onnoly: "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! Now just calm down Scabby, I seem to have touched a nerve with my questions. I know when you are confronted with the truth it can be a lot to take."
C. Onnoly tosses his recorder on the ground and takes of his hat and his sports coat as he speaks.
Connoly: "Alright, let's stop playing this game, yeah? For someone who says he's out of my league, you got awfully defensive and awfully quick to challenge me. I might even go as far to say your acting like some one who is a little threatened, you know kind of like when a cat tries to make himself look bigger then he really is in an attempt to scare off a predator. So you think you're so much better then me huh, you're so confident that you can beat me? Well, tell you what Scabby, I'll give you one free hit, you want to do this, lets do this, show me what you got!"Zombie smirks and goes to raise his fist. As he pulls back, large security men suddenly barge in. Some of the men rush over to the prime minster and the rest stand between the two wrestlers.
Security 1: "Don't worry Prime Minister this situation is under control! There won't be any violence here to bother you sir!"
Another security man presses his finger against his ear and speaks to an unknown source.
Security 2: "We have it under control sir! I repeat we have the situation under control! The package is safe!"
The security man then looks to the two wrestlers.
Security 2: "You two are going to have to leave! We won't be letting you fight here! We can't risk the Prime Minister getting hurt!"
Zombie sneers at the security men and continues to watch Connoly.
Zombie: "Another time then?" The big screen flashes to life with an image of Shogun sitting down on a couch in what appears to be a locker room his large golden belt he has been carrying around lately hands in a display case right above his head. Shogun looks directly into the camera before beginning to speak.
Shogun: "Thank you for taking the time out of your day to join me in my locker room Camera Mcmanson. I thought I would take some time this week to talk about a few things just like I always do. However, this week I`m gonna do it in the comfort of my locker room!"
Shogun stretches and leans back on the couch
Shogun: "So..where to begin? I beat the big man last week to advance into the finals tonight against Alexander Conway! How fitting is that eh? It seems like no matter what title is on the line or what position of power is being contested, the biggest spectacles always begin and end with a match between Alexander Conway and Shogun."
Shogun leans forward in his seat, taking a more serious expression
Shogun: "Conway and I have battle numerous times since the beginning of this federation. We have fought over championships, tickets, bragging rights you name it we had a match for it. So it only seems right that the two of us would meet in the finals of this tournament. Honestly I am a bit glad that he managed to take out Johnson. I really do not feel that Johnson even deserves to be in the same ring as a true wrestler like Conway."
Shogun lets out an exaggerated gasp.
Shogun: "Oh yes! I said that Conway is a REAL wrestler while Johnson is not. You see a real wrestler would be focusing on mastering his craft in the ring! All Johnson does is come out week after week, trying to get the people to buy his claims of being "best in the world". Look Johnson, you and I both know that I was PROVING my claim of being best in the world before you knew who CM Punk was so perhaps you should shut your damn mouth and focus on that C4 chump before he kicks your shitty T-shirts down your throat."
Shogun: "I know that it is not a popular subject to speak on but I cannot wait for Johnson to get his crybaby ass out of this company so that a real wrestler can get a spot on the fucking card for a change. Maybe Allister King will get a title shot for once!"
Shogun: "Forgive me..I let myself get sidetracked again. Alexander Conway lost to me two weeks ago. Tonight he is going to lose once again. When he does the match of the century will be on! The one everyone has been asking for. The match that will finally decide whether or not I am full of shit or if Q is the paper champion I say he is. The match that will sway the chips out of Marcus Troy`s hands and into the hands of wrestlers who want to wrestle!"
Shogun: "When I win my third Primo Ultimo championship from that Tarzan wannabe the first step in booting Troy out of power will be taken. And I DARE you to try and stop me. Send Jim Rival out fifteen more times if you want to! I will not be denied! I won that belt twice now and I will win it for the THIRD time at the pay per view. Mark my words, I will be the next Primo Ultimo champion even if I have to fight through the entire roster to win it! Even if I have to fight until my career ends in the middle of that ring I will take that title away from Q and Marcus Troy! The devil himself will not be able to stand in my way! "
Shogun: "So Conway...I hope you are bringing your A game tonight. Because you are certainly going to need it!"
Shogun then stands up and walks past the camera man, signifying the end of the interview as the picture fades to black. | |
| | | | The Morbidly Obese Man
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| | Subject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/21/2011 Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:13 am | |
| 2011/08/15 is stamped on one corner of the video, which shows members of the press eagerly point their microphones at the patient who has just checked out of the hospital.
The man they have come to see is none other than the spectacular standard of sports entertainment. The masked man known throughout the world as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.
The reigning Primo Ultimo Champion speaks.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "This has been a very challenging time! What that super sweaty sack of cellulite has done is a dastardly evil thing! He took a pony meant for the Taufik, and turned it into a flattened twinkie! That pony was born and raised in my humble homeland! One of the few left from my country! It cannot be a pony again! Taufik cannot ride it! All he would see is a shapeless splotch that used to be His Little Pony!"
One of the reporters raises her hand.
Reporter: "What did the doctors say about you losing so much blood?"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing points to the bandage over his mask. It is a new mask.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The shock of finding my gift turned to Taufik's Little Meat Blotch is just the latest in a long line on insults! That led to a vein popping! That walking lard hill committed a grave insult! I wish I could say it's as funny as hearing a two-time McWendy's champion complain about me actually posting more than him, but it is not! This is twice that the Morbid Meat Mountain has caused such offense!"
Reporter: "Can't he just...pay for a new pony?"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The pony is squashed like a jelly donut! He cannot go back and put it together! This is an insult that he must answer for! I would be more furious than I am now, if it were not the gift of Ray Kamaura!"
The members of the media give each other confused looks. Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing quickly explains.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "My good countrymen helped me get over the shock with some Youtube films that I have missed!"
One of the masked man's countrymen, also a journalist, hurriedly brings out an iPad to show to the other reporters.
The clip is entitled, Early Days Of A Full REEE-TARD.
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I thank you for coming! But I have appointments I need to go to!"
Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing starts shaking hands with the journalists gathered, as the clip ends.As the scene opens, a couch and TV that we have become familiar with can be seen. However, the person who is usually sitting on that couch, watching that TV, isn't here. In fact, it doesn't seem anyone is in the locker room. This is confirmed by the camera panning around the whole room, with no soul in sight. As the cameraman turns to leave the room, the door suddenly opens as Alexander Conway steps into the locker room. At first, he looks a little surprised, but he then looks at his watch and realizes why the cameraman is here. Alexander walks over to a chair and takes a seat before looking up at the camera and beginning to speak.Alexander Conway: "Last week, Shogun decided to say that it was irrelevant how he won, and the only thing that mattered was that he won. That doesn't sound like a face to me...nope, that sounds more like a dumb-ass. I mean really, this is coming from the guy who complained when I won the Primo Ultimo Championship from him, "because it took two men to do it". But Shogun, I'm glad you have this new logic, because now you can finally accept that you lost to Q. I mean, going by your logic, it doesn't matter that Q got a match with you immediately following one that you just had. It also doesn't matter if that was even the real Q or not. The only thing that matters, according to you, is that Q won the match. What I am saying, for those of you that are too simple to understand, is that what Shogun said is completely imbecilic, and that he should be ashamed for even thinking of saying such a thing while he was trying to play a face. And by trying to play a face, I mean failing to play a face."Alexander holds a hand to his mouth.Alexander Conway: "Oh no! I think I just broke the fourth wall again!"Alexander shrugs his shoulders.Alexander Conway: "Oh well, it's not like the fourth wall doesn't get broken at least once a week anyway."Alexander rolls up the air into a ball before pushing it aside.Alexander Conway: "All kidding aside, this week I face Shogun in the finals of the tournament. When I defeat him, I advance to face the masked Stevie Wonder at the Pay Per View. And of course, once the dumbed down midget with the Napoleon complex sees this, he'll freak out and try to make some response to me. Although, where Q is concerned, none of his responses are really that insulting or relevent. They mainly just consist of him picking one fault in the other person before throwing out a bunch of random and unintelligent insults. But really, what can I expect from a small man living in a poor country? He has to do something to make himself feel important, even if that something is just being the resident joke of the federation. He could always go back to fighting smerfs, I heard that that storyline was a classic....a classic failure. But don't get me wrong, he's still better than Shogun and Jack Johnson."Alexander taps his chin for a few moments as he thinks.Alexander Conway: "What was I talking about before the Q rant...oh yes! That moron named Shogun. Well Shogun, I am sure you'll soon cry about me insulting you, and about how I broke the fourth wall, and about how because of my breaking of the fourth, I am not serious enough for your terribly high standards, but I could care less! You can go complain, you can say that I haven't "refuted you on even one point" all you want, but it won't make a difference. The fact is, I'm going to win tonight. The only thing that could have been changed, was how you lost. And this thing would only have been changed if you wouldn't have made such a poor comment last week. I mean, I could have forced Ethan to come back this week and then I could of belittled him before making him promise to keep a certain flea named Jim Rival out of the contest, but I'm going by your logic now. So I could care less if Rival costs you the match, because apparently, the only thing that matters is whether or not I win. So Shogun, after I do win and after you lose your chance to win the Primo Ultimo Championship, I don't want to hear you say a word about how you lost, since the how doesn't matter according to you."Alexander gets out of the chair before walking over to the door of his locker room.Alexander Conway: "But don't worry, Shogun. I'm sure you'll come up with some crappy promo in response to this, and I am sure that you'll eventually find some success later on. But for now, the man who will be sitting on top of the mountain will be none other than Alexander Conway, and you will just have to cry about that one since you sure as hell won't be taking me down from the summit anytime soon."Alexander motions for the cameraman to leave as the scene fades. VS Jasmine Lee: "The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is the final round in the number one contender tournament for the ULOL Primo Ultimo! Introducing first, Alexander Conway."
"Suffer Unto Me" by Avenue F blares throughout the arena as Alexander Conway steps out from the backstage of the ULOL. He looks over the booing audience before he walks down to the ring.
Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Shogun."
"Hybird Stigmata-the Apostasy" by Dimmu Borgir hits the speakers suddenly as the lights in the arena begin flashing on and off. As soon as the first lyric is screamed Shogun bursts out from the hind the curtain to the roar of cheers mixed in with boos. The wrestler has the same golden belt around his waist. When he makes it down the ramp Shogun quickly rolls into the ring and faces his opponent.
Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"
Jim Jackson: "As Jasmine said, this is the final round in the number one contender match. One of these men will walk away from this match the number one contender for the ULOL Primo Ultimo, the other will just walk away."
Brad Blood: "Well, that's partially true, knowing these two, the one who looses this match may not be able to walk away. I am hoping for some blood!"
Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway starting us out with a strike to Shoguns chest. Shogun counters with a elbow right to Alexander Conways face."
Brad Blood: "Shogun moves in and locks an arm bar on Conway, Conway better do something quick before Shogun breaks that arm. Man I hope Conway breaks his arm, that would be awesome!"
Jim Jackson: "Not today Brad, Conway manages to get to the ropes and Shogun releases his hold."
Brad Blood: "Shogun throws a wild right hand that connects with Jack B. Nimble rather than Conway and Jack B. Nimble and is down. Here we go, now this should get good."
Jim Jackson: "Front legsweep slam by Shogun, hit with precision. Shogun goes for the cover, but there's no one to count, Jack B. Nimble is still out! Shogun jumps up and tries to revive Jack B. Nimble."
Brad Blood: "Yeah, thats what you should do do a unconcious man Shogun, shake him violently! Conway picks his moment and nails Shogun with an elbow to the side of the head. Conway uses a basement dropkick to the knee."
Jim Jackson: "Shogun slams down onto the mat and Conway quickly crushes Shogun with a big legdrop. Jack B Nimble stumbles back to his feet, Conway with a cover!"
Jack B. Nimble: "1...2..."
Brad Blood: "Shogun is not done yet, Conway keeps on Shogun with a Tiger suplex, and Conway goes for the pin again."
Jack B. Nimble: "1...2.."
Jim Jackson: "Shogun kicks out just before the three count. Shogun with a quick kick to Alexander Conway's gut to reverse the momentum."
Brad Blood: "Nice! I bet Alexander is going to be pissing blood for a week after that one!"
Jim Jackson: "Wow, thanks for that image Brad."
Brad Blood: "Any time Jim, any time. Massive back suplex! Alexander Conway got snapped in half, and now Shogun going for the cover."
Jack B. Nimble: "1...2..."
Jim Jackson: "Conway kicks out just in time. Alexander Conway catching Shogun off guard with a right hand out of nowhere!"
Brad Blood: "Wait a minute, we have company Jim Rival comes running down the aisle with a chair! This looks promising, very promising!"
Jim Jackson: "Conway and Shogun continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Wait, Shogun notices Rival out side of the ring, he shouts something at Rival."
Brad Blood: "Shogun should be watching Conway, Alexander Conway spins Shogun around and pulls Shogun into a front facelock before scooping Shogun into the air and spiking Shogun's head into the mat with a Northern Lights Bomb. Here comes the cover."
Jack B. Nimble: "1...2...3! Ring the bell!"
Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pin fall, and the number one contender for the ULOL Primo Ultimo, Alexander Conway!""
Jim Jackson: "There you have it folks, Alexander Conway is going to Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! to face Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing for the ULOL Primo Ultimo!"
Brad Blood: "Wait a minute, Jim Rival slides into the ring as a groggy Shogun stumbles to his feet. Jim Rival blasts Shogun with a chair to the head! Shogun falls to his knees and takes another chair shot right to his back."
Jim Jackson: "This is ridiculous, there is no reason for this. Rival nails Shogun with two more shots and then throws the chair onto Shoguns head. Jim Rival slides out of the ring and makes his way back up the ramp."
Brad Blood: "Hey, and theres the blood, told you the looser of this match wasn't going to be walking away. Hot damn I was right."
Jim Jackson: "I'm glad you are finding the joy in Shoguns pain Brad, that's real nice of you."Jim Jackson: "Wow, what a night! It seems that things have only heated up tonight here in ULOL. A great show just before the PPV! Tonight we not only saw NEW tag team champions but we saw Alexander Conway advance to face Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing for the ULOL Primo Ultimo next week."
Brad Blood: "You got that right, plus next week we also see the Correa Grande Del Oro title, the ULOL Campeón No Masculino title on the line too! Plus we get C4 VS UJJ and also Jim Rival and Shogun will be settling their differences once and for all."
Jim Jackson: "All in all a great card next week in our PPV "Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!" And that's all the time we have for tonight! Thank you for joining us, good night and good fight!" | |
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