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 Banzai Ultimo 04/15/2012

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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Join date : 2008-12-29
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PostSubject: Banzai Ultimo 04/15/2012   Wed Nov 25, 2015 6:50 am

Jim Jackson:  "Good evening and welcome folks to the premiere of Lucha Libre Puroresu's flagship show Banzai Ultimo!  Tonight we have four great matches scheduled for everyone that is guaranteed to knock your socks off.  Joining me at ringside is Mick Mooney."

Mick Mooney:  "Aloha dudes and dudettes!  I'll be joining Jimbo here to bring you all the action that will happen inside the ring.  It's awesomeness certified and we'll make you go COWABUNGA with all the action here tonight."

Jim Jackson:  "That's right Mick, I know the crowd here is excited to get things started so let's kick off the show!"

In the parking lot filled with RVs, something sticks out like a sore thumb. One thing just doesn't belong there with the mobile locker rooms, and that thing is a silver Lamborghini Reventon. The owner of the vehicle stands on the driver's side of the car as he looks around the parking lot with disgust and derision. The man is in full wrestling gear, and as he pulls off his aviator sunglasses, the camera moves in closer to him to allow him time to speak.

Alexander Conway: “This place is filthy, repugnant, and beyond my ability to stomach. What respectable promotion would have its roster use RVs as their locker rooms? This place looks as though it were a redneck convention. I can’t fathom how Marcus Troy came to expect Alexander Conway to show up for work in an RV.”

Turning to see the giant tent where the show is to be held, Alexander Conway can only continue to look disgusted at the state of things.

Alexander Conway: “That bastard is so cheap. I can’t believe I’m going to be wrestling inside of a tent just so that he can avoid paying out the funds to rent a respectable building for his federation. At least I am being paid well for this.”

With a sigh, Alexander tosses his sunglasses into his car before locking the doors and walking towards the giant tent that will be playing host to Lucha Libre Puroresu tonight. The camera follows Alexander as he goes.

Alexander Conway: “What kind of promotion doesn’t even tell a guy if he’s wrestling on his first night or not? I signed the contract and was told to come here, which I did, without any knowledge of whether or not I will be wrestling. I’m going to be pissed if I came all this way just to sit inside of a freaking tent and watch other guys wrestle.”

Alexander suddenly stops walking to through his hands into the air.

Alexander Conway: “I mean really, why would someone as good as I am want to watch other people wrestle? I already know that I can defeat every wrestler Marcus has signed to this little project of his, so I really don’t have any incentive for coming out here unless I’m being paid to do it. Although, Marcus would be stupid to not use me in his companies first show. There isn’t a man in the world who can get better ratings or put on a better match than I can. If Marcus is half the businessman that he claims to be, I’ll have a match tonight, whether it’s been advertised or not. I pity whoever the unlucky bastard is that gets to face me here tonight, because there’s nothing that can equate to seeing the Reflection of Perfection, and then realizing just how far from it that you are.”

A smile appears on Alexander’s face as he says that, but it soon disappears when an employee steps forward to try and “collect his ticket for tonight’s event.” A very vexed Alexander explains just who it is that the man is talking to as the scene fades.

Chasm's beat up old truck pulled into the parking lot slowly, the big engine rumbling through the exhaust system..

Chasm: "Well Solly... ... It looks like... a Wrestling gym...... wonder what that boss of ours has waiting for us this time.."

He slid the car into the spot marked for trainers and opened the door..

Chasm: "If it's paperwork right off the bat... I'm going to jam a baseball bat up someone's arse....."

Solly climbed out of the cab shortly after Chasm... his paws tapping against the pavement..


Bob Bobbie VS Colton Charles Cai Cobb

Jim Jackson:  "We kick off the evening with a match between a veteran against a rookie.  Colton Charles Cai Cobb shall be taking on Bob Bobbie."

Mick Mooney:  "That C4 guy is cool man, I've seen him fight and he's gonna tear down that Bobbie Bob dude within five minutes man..."

Jasmine Lee:  "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a singles match and it is scheduled for one fall!  Introducing first standing at 5 feet 10 inches tall and weighing in at 185 pounds, hailing from Newfoundland, Canada...  BOB BOBBIE!"

The main theme for Star Wars starts to play as Bob Bobbie rushed out from the back in thick rimmed glasses, a white short sleeved polo shirt with a clip on polka-dot tie, slacks and leather shoes. He rushes into the ring and waves to the crowd.

Jasmine Lee:  "And his opponent for the evening, standing in at  6 feet 6 inches tall and weighing in at 235 pounds, hailing from Boston, Massachusetts...  COLTON CHARLES CAI COBB!"

Instead of Colton Charles Cai Cobb coming out the image of Marcus Troy appears through the wide screen projector.

Marcus Troy:  "It seems that there is a little contract dispute which resulted in Mr. Cobb refusing to participate tonight...  But not to worry, I have already found myself a replacement wrestler, someone you all know very well..."

"Junkies for Fame" by Shinedown blasts over the arena as Alexander Conway steps out from the backstage of LLP. He stops on the aisle and holds a fist into the air as a series of pyrotechnics explode behind him. Once they subside, Conway pulls his vest off and tosses it onto the ground as he walks to the ring.

Jim Jackson:  "It's Alexander Conway!  Alexander Conway is a very decorated wrestler, he has won top titles in different federations.  Bob Bobbie will have his work cut out for him tonight."

Mick Mooney:  "That Conway dude is the man, man...  I watched him fight and he is like the master of a thousand holds...  He is awesome!"

Jasmine Lee:  "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble.  LET THE ACTION BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson:  "There's the bell!  Bob Bobbie goes on the offensive...  He ducks below Conway's right...  Driven DDT by Bob Bobbie. Spinning bulldog in the corner,  Conway is down!  Bobbie for the three count..."

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa man, that Bob Bobbie certainly surprised Conway there."

Jim Jackson:  "Conway underestimated Bobbie but I think he has woken up and Bob Bobbie better be on his toes...  Alexander Conway fights out of a grapple...  Armbar takedown from Alexander Conway, nicely done. Gut buster, Double B hits hard.  Conway for the cover!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Awww...  He kicked out...  Well that just means he's going to get beat down more..."

Jim Jackson:  "Irish whip and Bob Bobbie is sent to the corner.  Double B gets hit with a splash mountain out of the corner.  He's down!  Conway for the pin!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa man, that Bob Bobbie just won't stay down, I think he's a masochist dude..."

Jim Jackson:  "Bob Bobbie takes a butterfly suplex from Conway but he somehow shakes it off...  Double B reverses a waistlock. Conway takes a hurrancarana from out of nowhere!  Conway is down!  Bob Bobbie goes for the cover..."

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Conway easily got out of that one man...  Bob Bobbie better turn up the heat if he wants to defeat a man like Conway..."

Jim Jackson:  "Conway gets back up to his feet...  And he walks into a face crusher variation!  Double B goes for the pin...  Looks like Bob Bobbie heard you Mick..."

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Well, Conway still manages to get out of that one easily.  Bob Bobbie's attacks lack the sharpness to make them really effective...  Bummer for him..."

Jim Jackson:  "Second rope flying axe handle, Conway goes down. Spinning back kick from Bob Bobbie.  Conway ducks a wild right hand. Conway drives a thrust kick into the chest of Double B.  Conway hits a swinging DDT on Bob Bobbie.  Bob Bobbie is down!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Lucky break for Double B, he gets a foot up on the bottom rope just as the ref is about to count to three..."

Jim Jackson:  "Bob Bobbie fights his way back to his feet...  Big uppercut stuns Conway!  A dropkick and Conway is down!  Bob Bobbie climbs to the top turnbuckle and sizes up his opponent on the ground he leaps up, tucks his arms and legs in then spreads them out...  NO!  CONWAY GETS HIS KNEES UP AT THE LAST SECOND!  Bob Bobbie is down!  Conway hooks the leg!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two!  Three!"

Jasmine Lee:  "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via pinfall...  ALEXANDER CONWAY!"

Mick Mooney:  "Tough luck for Bob Bobbie, his botched finisher finished him...  TOTALLY AWESOME counter by Alexander Conway."

Jim Jackson:  "Wait!  Conway's not done...  Alexander Conway crosses the arms of Bob Bobbie before swinging his legs over the crossed arms while falling onto his back. Forming an "X" shape with his legs, Alexander Conway begins pushing them against Bob Bobbie's neck while also pulling on the arms to maximize the pressure...  IT'S THE SIGNUM VICTORIAE!!!  The match is already over, that's uncalled for!  Bob Bobbie is tapping but Conway holds on...  Bob Bobbie is out!  He passed out!"

Mick Mooney:  "Now that is a totally LEGENDARY AWESOME move by Conway... What a way to kick off the evening."

Chasm stepped into his new office, Solomon his large black canine climbing onto a large bed provided for him in the corner..

Chasm: "Well Solly... looks like another new home.... "

He set his books into a slot, looking at the equipment provided for him..

Chasm: "This should get interesting..."

On the door read

Trainer / Bonecracker
Enter at your own risk

Which was comical.... While he wasn't a doctor.. he'd obtained enough knowledge while travelling.. and during his term as a medic in the military to patch up cuts .. and set a break..

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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PostSubject: Re: Banzai Ultimo 04/15/2012   Wed Nov 25, 2015 6:55 am


Apocalypse VS Chasm

Jim Jackson:  "And the next battle of the evening is a match between two wrestlers who have made a name for themselves around the world."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa dude, I totally have heard about these guys...  One's a commie bastard while the other one talks with wolves which is totally awesome by the way."

Jasmine Lee:  "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a singles match and it is scheduled for one fall!  Introducing first, standing at 6 feet 7 inches tall and weighing in at 400 pounds, hailing from Moscow, Russia...  APOCALYPSE!"

The Russian Folk song "Korobeiniki" echoes around the arena. The genre of the song changes as a Heavy Metal version of the song takes over. Apocalypse appears at the top of the ramp with his arms outstretched and with a huge grin on his face. He makes his way down the ramp and shakes some of the crowd's hands. He makes his way over to the ring and jumps up onto the ring apron. He steps over the ring ropes to enter the ring. He then rips his shirt apart to take it off and he throws it into the crowd. He stretches in the ring while he waits for the match to start.

Jasmine Lee:  "And his opponent for the evening, standing at 5 feet 10 inches tall and weighing in at 220 pounds, hailing from London, Ontario...  CHASM!"

The lights fade drawing the crowd to a hush.  The wolf howls as the wind whispered across the mountains. Chasm makes his way through the audience leaping over the barricade.  With a quick flourish to the crowd, Chasm slides into the ring.

Jasmine Lee:  "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble.  LET THE ACTION BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson:  "This certainly looks like a mismatch, Apocalypse has the size and strength advantage here tonight."

Mick Mooney:  "But he's a commie bastard man, so I'll root for the other dude."

Jim Jackson:  "The Soviet Union has broken up Mick, Russia is no long a communist nation...   And there's the bell!  Chasm uses his superior speed to his advantage.  Stiff high kick on Apocalypse by Chasm."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa!  That big dude just soaked the damage from that high kick man...  Totally not cool for Chasm..."

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm tries to grapple the bigger man...  Apocalypse pushes out of a Chasm hold. Armbar takedown from Apocalypse, nicely done."

Mick Mooney:  "That sucks man, that big Russian dude is on top of Chasm...  I don't like that big Russian dude co'z he's Russian..."

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm manages to break away from Apocalypse!  Apocalypse charges in...  Apocalypse misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee by mistake."

Mick Mooney:  "Ooh!  That would totally suck for the referee man...  Totally uncool."

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm goes for a series of strikes, Apocalypse absorbs the damage and lunges...  He gets a hold on Chasm!  Apocalypse hits a swinging DDT on Chasm.  Did you feel the shock wave from that DDT? Pinfall attempt, but the referee is out."

Mick Mooney:  "Now that's a lucky break for Chasm!  The wrestling gods are totally smiling down on Chasm tonight, that's what you get for knocking down the ref you stupid Russian dog."

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm tries to fight his way back up...  Oh!  Big lariat by Apocalypse!  The Russian quickly locks on a hammer lock on Chasm..."

Mick Mooney:  "He's gonna break Chasm's arm dude...  That is total bummer if he succeeds..."

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm elbows Apocalypse in the face to break a hammerlock.  Irish whip by Chasm sends the bigger man to the ropes.  Big backdrop on Apocalypse, executed well.   That shows what momentum and good leverage can do, even a bigger man can be sent flying."

Mick Mooney:  "Uh-oh, don't celebrate yet man, that big Russian dude is still conscious...  He just staggered back up to his feet man..."

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm tries to lift the bigger man...  There is 180 pound weight difference between the two...  This may be bad for Chasm...   Wait!  Chasm somehow manages it!  Powerslam from Chasm. He hooks the leg!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Bummer man, the big Russian dude gets a shoulder up!"

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm with a well timed tornado punch... It connects!  Again Apocalypse goes down to the mat.  Chasm for the three count..."

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Apocalypse gets a shoulder up again...  That totally suck balls dude...  Why won't that Russian dude just stay down?"

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm goes for a sleeper hold...  Wait!  Apocalypse counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Big piledriver on Chasm.  Apocalypse for the pin!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two!  Thr..."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoooaaa!  That was cutting it close dude...  I thought that Chasm was out for the count.  That was like a split of a split second away from three man..."

Jim Jackson:  "Apocalypse thought that he had it there...  He picks Chasm up...  It looks like a powerbomb...  NO! Chasm is fighting back...  He's raining hard elbows down into Apocalypse's head!  Chasm slips free!"

Mick Mooney:  "Yeah, kick that Russian dog back to his motherland dude!  That Chasm is totally rockin' the ring dude."

Jim Jackson:  "Apocalypse in desperation lunges towards Chasm...  Chasm sidesteps, trips and rolls Apocalypse up!  Apocalypse is in trouble and tries to kick free.  Chasm holds on for all he's worth!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two!  Three!"

Jasmine Lee:  "The winner of this match via pinfall... CHASM!"

Jim Jackson:  "Chasm shows us what a veteran is capable of, even against a much larger opponent, he is able to defeat him without using any special finishers.  Chasm offers a hand to help the fallen Russian to his feet,  Apocalypse accepts and shakes on it.  Now that's true sportsmanship for you."

Mick Mooney:  "Man, why did he do that for?  Now Chasm's coolness factor just went down ten points..."

A man can be seen walking down a beaten up old road in the late afternoon, a LLP camera man is following him for reasons unknown. The man in the lead is wearing a blood read cloak with a hood covering his head, he walks slowly, but surely, implying there is a destination to be found on this trip. After a few minutes of walking the cloaked man points up a hill, to an old building that looks suspiciously like an abandoned church. The camera fallows the man up the hill and into the intimidating old building, covered in broken windows and crosses painted the same shade of red as the cloaked mans cloak. Once inside the cloaked man shuts the door, the only lighting in the large church's hall are assorted candles along with a few torches. Whatever takes place in this church cannot be the acts of sanity. After a long moment the camera focuses on the center of the room where the cloaked man has positioned himself at the top of a pedestal. The man picks up a tattered black book from the pedestal and begins to speak at last.

?: "I have brought you here so that you may relay a message to the entire world. You see, I have a mission to partake in. I have been summoned from the heavens to save the world from damnation. This world has become corrupted by the sins of man, this is unacceptable! The great deity has informed me that the wrestling federation called, LLP is a cesspool of sin! Because of that I, Crusade, the angel of death must cleanse it. I shall bring all of you wrestlers and spectators alike to the side of justice and light! Away from the burden of addictions such as alcohol, drugs or even adulterous sex!"

Crusade: "Every man, woman and child must be cleansed if they wish to live in the paradise with me and the deity! The process will be long and perhaps even painful. However, I have faith in all of you! With me as your mentor, there is zero chance of failure! First I shall take every glorious prize this federation has to offer. Thus bringing the prize salvation from the sin of man. Every challenger I face will be forced to look in the mirror and see how hideous he or she is!"

Crusade begins to walk towards the camera man, now removing his hood to reveal his horrible scared face, a twisted grin spread across it.

Crusade: "I promise to take care of all of you children...I shall be the father of salvation to all of you young hatchlings! Follow my guidance and read the promised land! Or oppose me...and be given a harsh realization of your humanity. No competitor has such skill as I do. No single wrestler shall best me in the ring! When Crusade has his first match, all will be told to the non believers. You shall either join me or fall before me!"

Crusade begins to walk steadily faster as the cameraman backs up in fear.

Crusade: "Unfortunately for you young hatchling... your message shall be sent via a sacrifice..."

Crusade lunges at the cameraman, who cries out in horrible fear, after a moment screams of pain can be heard as a struggle ensues. The camera is kicked, causing the picture to go black right as a scream of agony resonates throughout the church, as well as a shrill, horrible laugh.


Cousin Buford VS Crusade

Jim Jackson:  "Well the next match we have Cousin Buford going against Crusade.  Crusade has been making his name in the indies, while Cousin Buford has just returned to the ring after a long hiatus."

Mick Mooney:  "I heard that Crusade dude preach man...  And I think that it's cool that he is a man of the gospel dude unlike that overweight hillbilly..."

Jasmine Lee:  "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a singles match and is scheduled for one fall!  Introducing first, standing at 5 feet 10 inches tall and weighing in at 320 pounds, hailing from Mobile, Alabama...  What he lacks in wit, he makes up in raw ability. One of the most promising up and comers in wrestling today, and one of the greatest self taught technical wrestlers to hail from the Deep South...  COUSIN BUFORD!"

"Rough & Ready" by Trace Atkins begins playing as Cousin Buford makes his entrance, someone begins fliping the lights on and off for the most sub-spectacular light show ever.

Cousin Buford:  "Seriously people, if someone doesn't stop whoever that is, they're gonna trip the breakers."

Cousin Buford makes his way to the ring dressed in his typical worn out boots, ragged overalls, and stained t-shirt.

Jasmine Lee:  "And his opponent tonight,  standing at 5 feet 10 inches and weighing in at 220 pounds... CRUSADE!"

A loud, eerie chanting begins to chime through the arena before The Beast (Evangelion 2.0 soundtrack) begins to play. After a moment Crusade shambles out onto the ring ramp, his hair nearly covering his face as he makes his way to the ring. The zealot is wearing a plain blue jean shorts along with wrestling boots, he is bare chested, showing off the tattoo of a cross on his chest. Once near the ring he rolls in, quickly making his way to the back end of the ring to await the start of the match.

Jasmine Lee:  "The referee for the match is Jack B. Nimble.  LET THE ACTION BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson:  "Crusade charges in as the bell is rung!  Crusade drives a forearm into the chest of Buford!  Buford takes a back suplex. Hard impact Russian legsweep by Crusade.  Cousin Buford takes a knee lift from Crusade."

Mick Mooney:  "Looks like that Crusade fella is not taking any chances...  He is awesomely keeping Cousing Buford at bay..."

Jim Jackson:  "Cousin Buford reverses a hip toss. Spin kick by Cousin Buford to the face. Flying elbow off the top rope by Cousin Buford.  It connects!  Buford has turned the momentum to his favor!  Buford for the cover!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Crusade gets a shoulder up!  That was like a close call dude...  It'd be a shame if that Crusade dude lost this early in the game..."

Jim Jackson:  "Crusade ducks a wild right hand.   Irish whip by Crusade sends Buford crashing into the turnbuckles back first...  Crusade with a running dropkick into the corner.   Right into Buford's throat!  Buford goes down!  Pin by Crusade!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Bummer dude...  Buford kicks out..."

Jim Jackson:  "Buford tries to grab on to Crusade as he is getting up...  Crusade rolls away...  Crusade blasts Buford with a super kick.  Pin!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Aww...  Double bummer, how could that hillbilly dude kick out after that?!"

Jim Jackson:  "Crusade goes for a grapple...  Buford counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Stiff high kick on Crusade by Cousin Buford.  Buford keeps Crusade grounded with a headlock!"

Mick Mooney:  "That Crusade dude is being squashed by all that fat...  That totally blows...  I'm glad I'm not in Crusade's shoes right now."

Jim Jackson:  "Crusade pushes out of a Cousin Buford hold. Buford takes a chop from Crusade. Cousin Buford grabs Crusade from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up... But Crusade rolls through with the move! He used a pull of the tights to get Buford over!"

Mick Mooney:  "That ref started counting.  He totally doesn't see that handful of tights!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Jim Jackson:  "Despite cheating Buford is still able to kick out at two!  Big rights by Buford sends Crusade down...  Cousin Buford goes for the legs...  Figure four leglock is locked in!  Crusade is in trouble!"

Mick Mooney:  "Wait!  That Crusade dude just pulled something from his tights...  It's a pair of shiny brass knuckles dude!  HE USES IT ON BUFORD'S HEAD!"

Jim Jackson:  "Cousin Buford staggers around clutching his head!  Crusade lunges at his opponent, elbowing him to the ground. instantly Crusade kicks Cousin Buford in the head before locking him in a double arm bar resembling a grotesque cross, executing the Revelations!

Mick Mooney:  "DUUUDE!!!  Buford taps!"

Jasmine Lee:  "The winner of the match via submission...  CRUSADE!"

Jim Jackson:  "Crusade steals the victory tonight thanks to that brass knuckles of his...  The crowd is booing loudly...  Wait Crusade slides out the ring...  He brings in a steel chair!  The match is over... He shouldn't..."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa man...  We may see another beat-down here tonight...  AWESOME!"

Jim Jackson:  "Wait!  Buford's cousin Jolene slides into the ring!  She leaps up into the air and takes Crusade down with a dropkick!  Crusades gets back up to his feet...  HURRICANRANA BY JOLENE SENDS CRUSADE FLYING OVER THE ROPES!  Crusade lands on his feet and quickly makes a retreat as Cousin Buford gets back to his feet as the crowd cheers for the Hillbilly duo."

Mick Mooney:  "Bummer man."

"Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers as smoke is bellowed out from smoke machines. Out from the smoke the figure of Marcus Troy, the general manager of Lucha Libre Puroresu emerges from the back. Dressed in a three piece Armani suit, he quickly strides down the walkway and enters the ring with a mic in one hand and a lit cigar in another.  

The crowd recognizes Troy as he has run prominent federations in the past, they know of his cruel nature and of his greed, yet they also know for all his faults, this man can put on a great wrestling show.  Clearing his throat, Marcus Troy begins his oratory.

Marcus Troy:  "Greetings ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages this is Lucha Libre Puroresu and welcome to our flagship show Banzai Ultimo!  Now many of you know me for I have ran other federations in the past..."

A heckler suddenly interrupted the general manager.

Heckler:  "Ran them to the ground you mean!"

Not appreciative of being interrupted, Marcus Troy takes a big puff from his cigar before addressing the heckler.

Marcus Troy:  "You tend to forget sir, that I am the sole authority here, that I am God when I am in this big top tent and God doesn't appreciate being rudely interrupted.  Security!  Escort that man out right this instant!"

Murmurs emanate from the crowd as security personnel approach and drag the heckler out of his seat and out of the big top tent.

Heckler:  "Fuck you Troy!  Fuck you and your show!"

As the commotion settled and the heckler banished, Marcus Troy addresses the crowd again.

Marcus Troy:  "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, this being LLP's first show I have something special in store.  I know work has been scarce for wrestlers these days so I am putting forth an open invitation.  For what you may ask?  Well for a tournament!  That's right, a tournament for the LLP World Championship belt, the top gold here in LLP.  The tournament shall be held on the 29th of April but the slot is only open for eight wrestlers, so the first eight wrestlers to step forward shall get a chance to compete."

Marcus Troy lowers the mic and waits for wrestlers to volunteer.

Bond's "Explosive" starts blaring out of the speakers as the silhouette of the penultimate wrestler, covered in smoke and with a light show on, Colton Charles Cai Cobb is seen as the curtain rises with his back facing the crowd. He turns around with a smirk on his face and an air of arrogance as he makes his way to the ring ignoring the loud boos which echo the ringside.  He picks up a mic and enters the ring.  Waiting for the loud boos to subside.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb:  "Again the crowd shows their jealousy towards me for being a specimen of perfection.  Not that I can blame them of course for I am none other than Colton Charles Cai Cobb, better than the best.  But I am veering off topic here."

With a smug expression C4 turns around and faces the general manager of LLP.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb:  "Let me be the first to come forward and accept your invitation Mr. Troy.  I shall enter that tournament and be the FIRST LLP World Champion.  The top wrestler in the industry only deserves the top title.  I shall easily dispatch whoever you send my way and put that belt where it rightfully belongs.  Around my waist."

The crowd again starts to boo which the arrogant wrestler merely shrugs off.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb:  "Ah yes, again jealousy rears it's ugly head.  You all should learn better manners.  Booing me because you are all jealous of my standing, because you are all jealous of my skill...  Tsk tsk tsk...  You think mere booing can change the fact that the one walking out with that title is me?  Well prepared to be disappointed."

And with the same air of arrogance he had when he appeared, Colton Charles Cai Cobb swiftly turns around and exits to the back as Bond's "Explosive" starts to play again on the speakers amidst a chorus of boos.

As the boo's begin to die down, a mighty Rebel Yell is heard thought the tent and the lights start to flicker on and off in a massively chaotic style.  Suddenly the sounds of banjos are heard blasting out of the sound system.  The crowd of hundreds turn to watch as a large hillbilly man and his very attractive companion approach the ring.  The large man gracefully rolls up onto the mat and pulls a microphone from his overalls.

Cousin Buford: "Woowee! See Jolene! I's told ya I heard somtin bout wrastlin going on over here! That there man just was sayin that he was gonna hold a tournament for a belt. And that other man was flappin his gums about winnin.  Like I always says, I do, just cause a cat has kittens in the oven, don't mean we calls em biscuits.  Sorry for not introducing myself, Mr. Troy, my name is Cousin Buford, and people call me Cousin Buford.  I reckon you can just call me Cousin Buford, too!"

Buford signals over to his companion and continues.

Cousin Buford:  "And this is my cousin Jolene. We wanna join in yer little event and see how we fare gainst that there other guy, and who ever else wants ta show up!"

The crowd claps politely as the large man waves and walks back toward the back of the arena and talking to Jolene.

The lights dim drawing the crowd to a hush

Mick Mooney: "Whoa man, what the hell just happened to the lights?"

Jim Jackson:  "Yeah... I have no idea.... "

The wolf howls as the wind whispered across the mountains
and the lights begin to strobe back to life as Apocalyptica's 'Rage of Poseidon' erupts over the loudspeakers

Mick Mooney:  "Okay... so that's getting a little weird...."

Jim Jackson:  "You know.. this kind of looks familiar..."

A spotlight erupts focusing on a section of the crowd in the cheap seats where a familiar man sits next to some ecstatic fans.

Chasm: "A tournament to find out who the best is?... Well I see a lot of mouthpieces.. and a lot of rookies... but I've yet to see any real fighters..."

The crowd erupts with cheers as the man known as Chasm continues.

Chasm:  "Marcus Troy, you invited me here...  When you invited me you did so to train your fighters, to test them, and to make them the greatest the world will ever witness...   I don't give a rats ass about soft metal on dead skin... I care about the challenge.... So you can go ahead and put my name down on that little list...  but make sure the people on that list realize what they're going to face..."

As Chasm drops the mic the lights fade again, leaving an empty seat when the lights return.

A loud, eerie chanting of hallelujah begins to chime through the big top before The Beast (Evangelion 2.0 soundtrack) begins to play. After a moment Crusade shambles out onto the ring ramp, his hair nearly covering his face as he makes his way to the ring. The zealot is wearing a plain blue jean shorts along with wrestling boots, he is bare chested, showing off the tattoo of a cross on his chest. Once near the ring he rolls in, quickly snatching a microphone from a ring hand as he begins to speak.

Crusade: "I am sure many of you saw my message earlier tonight. I did not think that I would be able to fight for the top prize in the company so early, however, when I heard of this tournament I left my sanctuary to get here as soon as I possibly could. You see, foolish heathens such as the few of you in this crowd could not possibly understand the complexities of the great deity. You must see his word first hand in physical for to truly be convinced!"

The zealot turns to Marcus Troy.

Crusade: "Mr. Troy, I must ask that you add my name to the bracket of your tournament so that I may do the work of the great deity by destroying all barriers between a heathens mind and his soul. The only way to do such a thing is by breaking ones body! I can do the breaking for you heathens! I shall break each and every one of you until you join my cause and become enlightened like I am! However, like all great movements I must first make my statement to the world. That statement will be winning LLP's top prize in this tournament. Nothing shall stop me in my quest to cleanse the minds of the sinners in this crowd and in the back. Eventually all of you shall be disciples of the great one."

Crusade lowers his head, muttering a soft prayer before continuing.

Crusade: "May all of you in the crowd tonight be blessed by my message. For it is the word of the great deity himself. The one and only creator of the Universe. While many of you are skeptical, I shall prove that I am the chosen one by taking this federation by it's heels and shaking it until it submits. Amen."

With that Crusade exits the ring, babbling incoherently to himself as he makes his way up the ramp.


"Weird Al" Yankovic's "Eat It" starts blasting from from the speakers and the earth reverberated and shook as the monstrosity known as The Morbidly Obese Man stepped out from behind the curtains and makes his way into the ringside.  Stopping short of entering the ring, the behemoth of a man stands outside staring at the general manager as the crowd looks in awe and amazement at how is it possible for a man to eat himself to a size like that.  The big man grabs a mic and begins to speak.

The Morbidly Obese Man:  "I guess it's my turn to throw my name into the hat..."

A huge smirk spreads across the big man's face as he scans the ring...

The Morbidly Obese Man:  "A new place, a new ring to dominate...   And dominate I will for no one is as big as me here in LLP, those wrestlers who I shall be facing the tournament, well I apologize in advance to all of you since you all shall be going home disappointed and empty-handed."

The big man then pauses for effect.

The Morbidly Obese Man:  "Now next in my agenda is the man I shall be fighting tonight....  Richard "The Dragon" Johnson...  Your name is a legend in the world of wrestling, but then again so is mine...  We never really had a match yet so tonight's match shall be a groundbreaking one, the meeting of two legends in the ring...  I know better than to underestimate a man of your reputation so be prepared for I shall be coming with everything I have and in my first match here in LLP, I shall stand victorious."

With that the mammoth of a man discards his mic, turns around and heads to the back as his music starts to play again.


"Chasing the Dream" by Alex Kassel starts playing on the speakers as Christy Chase dashes through the curtains waving to the crowd as she makes her way to the ring. With a huge leap she lands on the ring apron and slingshots herself into the ring using the top rope. She lands perfectly, waves one final time to the crowd before turning and facing the General Manager of Lucha Libre Puroresu.

Christy Chase:  "Good evening Mr. Troy, I don't want to seem presumptuous here but since you threw out an open invitation for the tournament, I would like to join the tourney too.  I know I still have no name in the world of wrestling but this tournament is the perfect way to do just that.  I guarantee you that even though I am a rookie, I shall not lose in terms of showmanship nor skills against veterans of the sport."

Christy Chase turns to the crowd...

Christy Chase:  "What do you say y'all?  Y'all want to see me kick some veteran butt?"

The crowd cheers loudly...  The rookie wrestler turns to face Marcus Troy again, a smile beaming on her face.

The main theme for Star Wars starts to play as Bob Bobbie rushed out from the back in thick rimmed glasses, a white short sleeved polo shirt with a clip on polka-dot tie, slacks and leather shoes.  Holding a mic up, Bob Bobbie walks towards the ring while speaking, stopping short of entering the ring.

Bob Bobbie:  "Then I shall take that last spot Mr. Troy.  I have been an intern working in wrestling companies for the past three years, I think it's about time I make my debut as a wrestler.  I know I do not look like it but during my internships I have closely watched other wrestlers and practiced alone to polish my skills.  So this tournament is the perfect way for me to get my name out there."

The crowd looks on to the nerdy wrestler standing outside the ring, then towards the General Manager to see his reaction.

Marcus Troy shrugs his shoulders indifferently and replies.

Marcus Troy:  "It's your funeral Bob, I don't care either way...  Now that all the slots have been filled, I shall announce the format of the tournament which is scheduled for the 29th of April...  These eight brave men and women shall fight in two four-way elimination matches.  The winner of the elimination matches shall then move forward to fight in a lumberjack match...  THE SAME NIGHT for the LLP World Championship!  Of course, the lumberjacks shall be the six wrestlers who got eliminated in the tournament."

A sly grin spreads across Marcus Troy's face as he takes a puff from his cigar.

Marcus Troy:  "With that the stage is set!  In two weeks we shall crown a new champion, who it may be, we shall find out!"

Marcus Troy drops the mic and exits the ring walking past the rookie wrestlers and heading to the back as "Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing again.


Richard "The Dragon" Johnson VS The Morbidly Obese Man

Jim Jackson:  "And we have finally reached the main event for this evening, a meeting of two legends in the ring."

Mick Mooney:  "Duuude!  This is totally like gonna be awesome.  We have like Richard "The Dragon" Johnson going against the humongous wrestler The Morbi...  Morbu...  That really really really fat dude."

Jasmine Lee:  "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event of the evening.  The following contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall!  Introducing first, standing at 6 feet 3 inches tall and weighing in at 235 pounds, hailing from parts unknown...  He's the modern day Adonis, RICHARD "THE DRAGON" JOHNSON!"

Suddenly high flames light on, as though the projection screen was set to fire!  Richard ''The Dragon'' Johnson makes his way to the ring wearing a cobalt blue silk dobak with a silver twisting dragon from front to back. His black trunks show a large dragon head on the front of his crotch. The Dragon is shielding himself from his magnificence with a pair of mirrored navigator sunglasses. As he steps into the ring, Johnson spreads open his arms to the crowd, which opens up his robe and exposes his muscular body and the dragon head on his shorts.

Jasmine Lee:  "And his opponent for tonight, standing at 6 feet 3 inches tall and weighing in at over 600 pounds, hailing from parts unknown...  THE MORBIDLY OBESE MAN!"


"Weird Al" Yankovic's "Eat It" starts blasting from from the speakers and the earth reverberated and shook as the monstrosity known as The Morbidly Obese Man stepped out from behind the curtains and makes his way into the ring.

Jim Jackson:  "These two men have never really met each other in a match before yet both has had a long career in wrestling.  Both are multiple champions so this match is really a fitting main event for LLP's first show."

Mick Mooney:  "Totally dude...  And there's the bell signalling the start of awesomeness!"

Jim Jackson:  "Both men slowly circle each other, each aware of the reputation his opponent has...  It's The Dragon who charges in first with blazing fists and lightning kicks."

Mick Mooney:  "Oh man, that really fat dude is just taking in all those strikes.  He's like a gigantic punching bag dude..."

Jim Jackson:  "The Morbidly Obese Man scores with a headbutt and then hits some punches.  The Morbidly Obese Man fires off some right and left hands.  Richard Johnson is stunned...  The Morbidly Obese Man with a spinning neckbreaker on The Dragon.  TMOM slams Richard Johnson down."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa!  That really really really fat dude is pouring on the heat.  He totally caught The Dragon dude off guard there."

Jim Jackson:  "That's right Mick, that headbutt earlier really put Richard Johnson off his game...  The Dragon slips out the back of a The Morbidly Obese Man bodyslam.  A few uppercuts stuns the big wrestler.  Vertical suplex attempt by Richard Johnson..."

Mick Mooney:  "He's too heavy for The Dragon dude to lift. It's a miracle the ring could withstand his weight man..."

Jim Jackson:  "Richard Johnson goes with a DDT instead!  TMOM getting up to his feet...  Short range spear from Richard Johnson...  The Dragon bounced off the big man!  Richard Johnson with a springboard axe handle brings the big man to his knees!  Enziguri!  The big man is down!  The Dragon goes for the pin..."

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Whoa!  That really really really fat dude just threw The Dragon off of him like he's weightless!"

Jim Jackson:  "The match continues. TMOM kicks Richard Johnson in the gut to reverse the momentum. Big piledriver on The Dragon.  Cover!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "It's like a miracle that The Dragon was able to get a shoulder up with all that weight on him.  He's like smothered in fat dude."

Jim Jackson:  "Tornado punch from The Morbidly Obese Man.  Richard Johnson gets caught on the jaw!  He goes down!  Cover!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Mick Mooney:  "Richard Johnson kicks out!  I still can't believe he could actually move under all that weight dude...  Wait!  TMOM goes for the cover again!"

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two..."

Jim Jackson:  "Still only a two count!  The Morbidly Obese Man sits down, it's clear that he is getting a little winded as the match drags on.  The Dragon blocks a punch. The Morbidly Obese Man walks into a stiff lariat clothesline from The Dragon.  TMOM gets back up and Richard Johnson showers him with leg kicks."

Mick Mooney:  "It's like The Dragon is chopping down a tree and his axe is that vicious legs of his.  Ooh!  That fat dude is down on one knee dude!"

Jim Jackson:  "Richard Johnson gets a sleeper locked in...  Wait!  The Morbidly Obese Man fights out of a grapple. TMOM slams Richard Johnson down.   Big boot to the head and Richard Johnson gets rattled!  The Morbidly Obese Man shoves his opponent down unto the mat, he leaps up into the air and sits down on them with such force crushing them to the canvas and pinning them to the mat executing a morbidly horrifying Massive Sit Down!!!"

Mick Mooney:  "Oh man!  That has got to hurt big time dude..."

Jack B. Nimble:  "One!  Two!  Three!"

Jasmine Lee:  "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via pinfall...  THE MORBIDLY OBESE MAN!"

Jim Jackson:  "A valiant effort by Richard "The Dragon" Johnson but tonight he falls short against LLP's biggest wrestler.  The big man goes to the crowd to celebrate his victory."

Mick Mooney:  "Still props to The Dragon dude for he rode the giant killer wave, even if he wiped out, I still give him props for facing that really really really fat dude.  It was a totally awesome bad-ass battle."

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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PostSubject: Re: Banzai Ultimo 04/15/2012   Wed Nov 25, 2015 6:59 am

Jim Jackson:  "What a great premiere, we had four exciting matches but what's more exciting is the announcement the general manager Marcus Troy made just before the main event.  You heard it here first folks, on April 29, 2012 we'll be having a special tournament for the LLP World Championship."

Mick Mooney:  "I know dude, that was like a real mind-blower.  I can't wait until the 29th.  I already have my bet on who's gonna take home the gold.  It's gonna be AWESOME!"

Jim Jackson:  "That it is Mick, unfortunately it is time for us to bid farewell, so on behalf of my partner here, good night and thank you for watching Banzai Ultimo."

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