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 Lucha Loco 10/02/2011

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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PostSubject: Lucha Loco 10/02/2011   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:03 pm

Jim Jackson: "Good evening and welcome to another edition of Lucha Loco. We are still experiencing the shock that happened in the main even of the Dios Mio! pay-per-view last Sunday. For the first time in ULOL's history we have champion via internet transaction."

Brad Blood: "That's right Jim and I could have been that champion, honestly I was also bidding for that belt it was PrivateButtkiss who was revealed to be Andrew Hunter who beat my bid by ninety nine cents! NINETY NINE CENTS!!!"

Jim Jackson: "Well you can count yourself lucky then, if you won that bid, you'd be facing Yuki Monotomo next week."

Brad Blood: "PSHAW! I can take Yuki anytime!"

Jim Jackson: "Hi Yuki!"

Brad Blood: "I mean, I can take Yuki out for dinner anytime!"

Jim Jackson: "Gotcha!"

Brad Blood: "..."

Jim Jackson: "Anyway, before my partner makes more of a fool of himself, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

"Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers as smoke rises from the floor. Out from the smoke the figure of Marcus Troy, the general manager of United League of Lunatics emerges from the back. He quickly strides down the entrance ramp and enters the ring with a mic in hand. The usual boos that are heard are greatly reduced due to the crowd's anticipation on what Troy has to say about the events that happened last week in Dios Mio!

Marcus Troy: "As you all know, last week, that bastard Alexander Conway SOLD the ULOL Primo Ultimo on E-bay... With a blatant act of disrespect like that, ULOL management have therefore SUSPEND WITHOUT PAY Alexander Conway until further notice. Furthermore, Alexander Conway shall be STRIPPED of the ULOL Ligero Maximo championship and tonight his supposed opponent Enigma shall be facing Jim Rival instead to crown a new ULOL Ligero Maximo!"

The crowd wasn't shocked by the announcement, in fact they already anticipated some form of retaliatory action by ULOL against the actions of the former champ.

Marcus Troy: "Now the next agenda is the current owner of the ULOL Primo Ultimo, Mr. Andrew Hunter... It was by pure luck that it was a member of the ULOL roster that bought the title so management have decided to let Mr. Hunter hold on to that title... But next week, here in Lucha Loco, Andrew Hunter shall defend his newly won title against the number one contender, Yuki Monotomo! We shall see if Mr. Hunter is truly a deserving champion."

Marcus Troy drops the mic and exits the ring and heads to the back as "Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers again.

The Camera opens up to show Allister king and Shadow Callahan sitting their locker room, with the tag team titles, having a cigarette

Allister King: "So I got the night off huh? Lucky me."

Shadow Callahan: "Lucky Bastard, I have to face Felix Schwarz tonight."

Allister King: "Didn't we kick his and his partner's ass multiple times?"

Shadow Callahan: "I think it would be about 3 or 4 times."

Allister King: "Better than nothing."

Allister nudges Shadow

Allister King: "Hey, guess what?"

Shadow Callahan: "*Sigh* What?"

Allister King: "Weeee are the champions my friend! And we'll...."

Allister's phone begins to ring

Allister King: "Oh it's Sammie, gotta take this brah."

They both flick ash onto the floor as Allister answers the phone

Allister King: Greetings "Traveler, Welcome to Adventure Call, I will be your guide!"

Shadow Callahan: :What kind of way is that to answer the phone?"

Allister King: "An epic fantasy adventure way. No I wasn't talking to you Sammie I was talking to Shad."

Allister King: "What do you mean your mother is coming to visit?"

Allister drops the cigarette, falls to his knees and looks up at the ceiling

Allister King: "Why God? Why have you forsaken me? Oh right the phone. Yeah Babez I am going to go stay at a hotel till Satan's ex wife leaves the place. Then after that hire an exorcist to cleanse the place. Also if she eats any of my foot, I will fly down a zip line, smash through the window and snap her neck where she stands."

Shadow stomps out his cigarette

Shadow Callahan: "I going to go get ready for my match."

Allister King: "Yeah no problem dude. What do you mean I'm over exaggerating I seen her bite the head of your dad. I know your dad is still alive I was talking about his other head."

The camera fades out

Ragki Nikara is leaning against a pillar in the parking lot. He sighs as he pulls out a sliver pocket watch to look at the time. Shaking his head, he puts the watch back into his pocket and looks up to the ceiling.

Ragki Nikara: "C4, what's going to be out next move now that you have that ticket? Are you gonna cash it in on the ULOL Primo Ultimo, or the Correa Grande del Oro? Or are you going to use it so that we can be the tag team champions? It doesn't matter to me as long as I get paid. Where the hell are you anyway? I've been here for about 30 minutes waiting for my payment and the next part of the plan."

The man dressed in black walks out of the light above the pillar and into the shadows as he continues his rant.

Ragki Nikara: "Money is loyalty. You have a lot of money, so I have a lot of loyalty. It's a good partnership. Perhaps we'll become a legitimate tag team. I'll keep coming back because glorious greenbacks lure me into this place. Cash, dollars, pesos, yen, bills, Benjamins, hundos, currency, tiny pictures of people that put me to sleep in history class."

Ragki cuts himself off as he goes back against the pillar and back into the light. He checks his pocket watch again and sighs heavily.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb chuckles softly as he again looks at his prize, a giant-sized ticket stub made of gold inside a briefcase.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Plan? Our plan is simple. To parade around with this golden ticket, to keep the champions on edge as they bite their nails in fear on which title I will cash this on. In fact we can even turn the Boleto Dorado into a cash cow of sorts, of course you get a good cut of the profits."

C4 grins widely as he begins to tell his magnificent plan to Ragki. He motions Ragki to come closer as he whispers into Ragki's ear the plan he has hatched. Ragki Nikara's facial expression changes from curiosity to one of exaltation as C4's grand plan gets revealed as the scene slowly fades to black.

The camera pans out to show Shogun sitting on a couch in a room filled with pictures and shelves of memorabilia, most of which are either involving Shogun or a federation he was in. In one area of the room you can see a case holding a golden championship belt with a large silver rose thorn engraved in the middle. The camera eventually focuses on Shogun again as he looks up and begins speaking.

Shogun Shogunsen: "Welcome to my wrestling room! I decided to take a moment to welcome a camera here into my home so that I could make sure everyone who has ever watched ULOL or a Shogun match knows what I am about. I brought you to this specific room because it is the most important room in this place. It holds my greatest triumphs and worst failures. It showcases legends of the past, stars of the future and a few young upstarts who happen to be relevant here in the present."

Shogun Shogunsen: "This room defines me. So that is why I chose this room to describe the man Boy Bakla has to contend with. I noticed a few things about you in the few matches we have had together Bakla. You talk a very big game but when I look into your eyes I see fear. You are superstitious, you fear all the old folk towns of any town you pass through I`m sure. So you must obviously fear the tales about me. Anyone who has heard of me or happens to scout their competition knows that I`m a pretty dangerous guy. They hear about the rumors and plain facts that make me look like a complete monster."

Shogun Shogunsen: "Well..most if not all of those rumors are totally true. And if a match you saw makes me look like a ruthless monster it’s an accurate description. I am merciless and uncaring when I get into the ring. My entire life is dedicated to being the best wrestler on Earth so if someone is stopping me from doing that they are in my way. They are an enemy. Right Now Marcus Troy and you Boy Bakla, are my enemies. Troy is a cancer that must be removed from this federation before he can spread anymore pain or hatred and you are simply stopping me from completing that mission."

Shogun stares into the camera intensely.

Shogun Shogunsen: "I honestly do not care if I ever win a championship in this federation again! As long as Troy is still standing in his office ruining careers I cannot focus on being the best wrestler I can be. Anyone who stops me from removing the tumor in the federation is just another person I need to take out on my way to Troy…"

Shogun Shogunsen: "Bakla I am your worst nightmare, the town that takes you in so that you may never leave. The old haunted house down the street that you just so happened to break in to! I am those things Bakla! I am the monster you have to contend with in this best of five series! The matches we have had so far are NOTHING! If you think I even have a thought of failure in my mind you would have to be quite the idiot. I am one hundred percent sure that I will leave this little series as the victor and gain a powerful ally in the battle against Troy. Unlike you I cannot afford to let you win. So if you expected me to take you lightly think again Bakla. I only hope that your fear of the rumors and stories surrounding me will not blind you to the truth that there is a very real, very dangerous opponent that will be standing across from the ring soon."

Shogun Shogunsen: "And to you Troy, I hope you are still watching my every move. Because like Bakla you`re afraid too. However, unlike Bakla you know exactly what I can do and just how fucked you really are."

Shogun cracks a smile before speaking again.

Shogun Shogunsen: "So watch your back pal. I`m still coming for you and anyone else you get in your pocket!"

Shogun stands up and places his hand behind the camera.

Shogun Shogunsen: "Though it’s time for me to show you all out of my home. I have work to do and I said my two cents. I hope this enlightened a few people and maybe showcased my love for this fucking business."

Shogun presses a button and the screen goes black.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/02/2011   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:03 pm


Jasmine Lee: "The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Felix Schwarz!"

Felix Schwarz makes his way to the ring without any music, fanfares or anything.

Jim Jackson: "Felix Schwarz making his way to the ring, competing in some singles action tonight."

Brad Blood: "How very observant of you Jim, thank god you were here or I never would have figured out this was a singles match."

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Shadow Callahan!"

Hugh Laurie's St. James Infirmary begins to play through the arena as smoke covers the entrance. Shadow Callahan comes out with a fedora on his head, a cigarette in his mouth and a cane in hand. He tilts his hat, exhales smoke and has a grin on his face. He tilts the hat over his eyes, twirls the cane as he walks down begins to walk down to the ring. He holds the cane under his arm as he flicks the cigarette away. He walks up the stairs and into the ring. He takes off his fedora and jacket. He places the cane in the corner and sits on the turnbuckle.

Jim Jackson: "One half of the ULOL Campeónes Compañero, Shadow looking to pick up a win tonight against a potential contender for that title."

Brad Blood: "Man, his entrance looks even more pompous than usual after Felix's yawn fest entrance."

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "Shadow and Felix lock up, bodyslam by Schwarz. Felix bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow onto Callahan's chest, Felix goes for another elbow drop but Callahan rolls out of the way just in time."

Brad Blood: "Felix grabs hold of Shadow, and a big piledriver on Mad Man. Hooks the leg for a two count."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Jim Jackson: "Shadow Callahan kicks out, Felix strays on him though, pulling Shadow to his feet, and knocking him right back down with a drop kick.

Brad Blood: "Seems like unnecessary work, why pick a man up just to knock him back down, just seems cruel. Mad Man catches Felix off guard and slams him to the match, followed by several kicks to Schwarz chest."

Jim Jackson: "Legsweep out of Nowhere sends Shadow to the mat hard. Felix going in but Callahan stops him with a hard jab to the gut, followed by a hard upper cut."

Brad Blood: "Did you see the spit fly out of Felix's mouth from that uppercut, hahaha, I think it hit Sully, that's awesome. Shadow kicks Felix in the gut, and follows it with a DDT! Callahan goes for the win."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Jim Jackson: "Felix powers out, and this match rolls on. Power drive elbow by Shadow Callahan. Callahan locks in a headlock, Felix fighting him every step though and manages to break free, Shadow comes right back with a second rope flying axe handle, Schwarz goes down. Mad Man drops an elbow...but misses."

Brad Blood: "Shadow may have well been holding a billboard announcing his next move he broadcast that elbow drop so well. Felix with a clothesline on Mad Man, Shadow gets back up only to be greeted by a bulldog. Schwarz with a quick knee drop to the back of Mad Mans head, damn that looked painful!"

Jim Jackson: "Nice piledriver on Mad Man. Shadow manages to get back to his feet, he goes for a clothesline of hi own but Felix Schwarz has other ideas as he scores with a big spinebuster."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Brad Blood: "Pin-fall attempt gets a 2.9999. Felix Schwarz with a spinning neck breaker on Mad Man. Schwarz slams Shadow Callahan. Felix is really getting some momentum here against the mad man. Shadow Callahan avoids a Felix Schwarz avalanche. Shadow Callahan with a spinning neck breaker on Schwarz, and there goes the momentum right out the window."

Jim Jackson: "DDT from the top rope by Shadow Callahan, now it looks like Felix is in trouble, that looked brutal. Wait a minute, Arnold Bold comes running down the aisle with a chair!"

Brad Blood: "Schwarz goes to Irish whip Shadow Callahan into the ropes. GoodFella prepares to swing the chair...but Shadow Callahan reverses! GoodFella accidentally smacks Schwarz with a chair to the back! AH HA HA HA HA, WHAT A DUMBASS!!!"

Jim Jackson: "Shadow Callahan has Felix Schwarz down on the canvas. Shadow Callahan grabs the cane and grins madly before hitting Felix in the gut. Shadow proceeds to place in the cane against his victims throat and locking in a full nelson, choking the opponent. He slams the opponent face first into the mat with a full nelson face buster without letting go of the weapon. Shadow Proceeds to position himself and begins choking Felix with a full nelson camel clutch with the weapon pushing against his victims throat.!! Felix Schwarz taps out!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by submission, Shadow Callahan!"

Brad Blood: "One would think such a blatant use of a cane would get one disqualified, but apparently not. Wait a minute, GoodFella nails Shadow with a double axe handle to the back! Schwarz and GoodFella are putting the boots to Shadow Callahan!"

Jim Jackson: "Well, here comes the other half of the The Northern Kings, Allister King comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending GoodFella & Schwarz running for cover. Allister King saved Mad Man from a major beating."

Brad Blood: "Yeah he sure did, BOOOOOO!!!"




Available in stores everywhere.


The voice of the little man who is one half of the tag team known as Oriental Spices is heard beyond their locker room doors. He paces around inside the locker room looking at his partner and long time childhood friend who is staring down onto the floor.

Little Wang: "You know what you did last Sunday was totally uncalled for. If I hadn't stopped you... No I wouldn't want to think what would have happened if I wasn't there to stop you. Our Master would have been ashamed to have seen you in such a state Fook Mi..."

Little Wang walks over to his partner and puts his hands on her hunched shoulders.

Little Wang: "Listen... I more than anyone should know how you feel now. I who have gone through numerous hardships due to my size. Sure I've been angry, but I have never ever let the rage consume me... Sure Raven cheated her way to win last Sunday but that more the reason you should stay calm and beat her CLEAN! What better way to best her than to beat her clean?"

Little Wang looks at his partner in the eyes...

Little Wang: "You are not alone in this Fook Mi, I am her for you. Listen to me. We must refocus ourselves, we have a match with Brostar & Marston later tonight, so you must snap out of this stupor of self-pity and rage, you got me?"

Nao Fook Mi nods and replies to her partner.

Nao Fook Mi: "Y-you are right... I apologize for my actions last Sunday. I-I just don't know what came over me, before I knew it all I saw was just... RED. It was like everything was blocked out..."

Fook Mi stands up and composes herself...

Nao Fook Mi: "Thank you for being here for me my friend. I have a lot of apologizing and making up to do. I've not only let you down but also let our fans down. I shall try to keep my emotions in check... This ugliness that has reared it's head... I shall conquer it..."

Little Wang smiles at his partner's resolve.

Little Wang: "Well said Fook Mi... Now let's get out of here, we have some last minute training to do to make sure we don't lose to Brostar & Marston tonight. We saw what they were capable of last week..."

Little Wang opens the door and holds it open as his partner exits the room, he soon follows as the scene fades to black.

Green Day's "Having a Blast" starts blaring out of the speakers as the silhouette of the penultimate wrestler, covered in smoke and with a light show on, Colton Charles Cai Cobb raises from the ground with his back facing the crowd. He turns around as he steps off the platform and into the entrance ramp with a smirk on his face and an air of arrogance as he makes his way to the ring ignoring the loud boos which echo the ringside. He enters the ring, holding his prized Boleto Dorado up in the air before settling down and addressing the crowd.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Last week, you all saw my magnificence as I, Colton Charles Cai Cobb won the ULOL Boleto Dorado! The golden ticket that will unlock the way for me towards greatness! Not that I am not already great."

The crowd boos loudly at C4's proclamation.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Now, now, many of you question my victory specially since I had Mr. Nikara assist me win. But that still doesn't change the fact that I am holding the Boleto Dorado here tonight and nine other wrestlers went home empty handed. Is it my fault that I am a better strategist? I used my superior intellect to hire the services of Mr. Nikara who from the start already expressed that his skills are for hire for the right price. Is it my fault my opponents were too ignorant to take that advantage?"

The boos emanate throughout the stadium.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Well, worry not, to show you all my magnificent generosity, I shall not at once cash in this Boleto Dorado. That is correct, I shall be accepting challenges instead, anyone in the locker room can freely challenge for this golden ticket... FOR A PRICE!"

C4 finally got the crowd's attention.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "That is correct for the low low price of one thousand dollars, you can challenge me for this Boleto Dorado and you even can state the ONE stipulation for the match. Expensive you all may say? But isn't a title shot worth it's weight in gold? And this golden ticket is certainly heavy. So come one come all, I shall take on anyone in this C4 challenge which shall remain open for three months. So if there are any takers, just look for my assistant Mr. Ragki Nikara and give him the payment as well as your stipulation. I look forward to defeating whoever decides to step up."

Colton Charles Cai Cobb drops the mic as the crowd stares in stunned silence as he exits the ring and heads to the back as Green Day's "Having a Blast" starts blaring out of the speakers again.

The scene opens to the now familar locker room of Fettel Marston and Brostar. The new tag stars look down as they finish looking over tapes of their previous matches. All the losses played to them by the mental creation "Dad". Fettel stands up and points at the tv screen.

Dad: "Now lads! Don't look so down! I told you we need time to build ourselves up. I told you that you are both inexperienced in the tag team field! I was showing you the past matches in order for you to gain some knowledge on probably what you should've done! These things take time!"

Fettel then turns away to look at the wall behind him.

Fettel Marston: "It makes sense what you say, but you keep saying it and we still haven't had a win! I!! haven't had a win! It's getting me down. I just feel uninspired. Unmotivated!"

Dad: "But tonight! I got a feeling that's going to change! There is a key factor for tonights match! What IS that key factor Mr Brostar, can you tell me?"

Fettel turns around and waits for Brostar to answer.

Brostar: "Our key factor for tonight is not to let our guard down and work as a team. If we can do that, I'm sure we can get ourselves a win."

He says as he waits for either "Dad" or Fettel to reply.

Fettel nods his head but is not entirely convinced of the answer.

Dad: "While ... yes ... we do need that. I've told you fellas that before and I would hope that it has gone in. From your answer I can tell it has. But that wasn't the answer I was looking for. The key factor in our match tonight is actually one of our opponents. Nao Fook Mi! She is distracted. The cold blood between her and Raven Connoly makes her a weak point. I watched her match at the PPV. You exploit that and we're onto a sure win here boys."

Fettel Marston: "It does make sense!"

Dad: "Of course it bloody makes sense boy! This is my work done now. The rest is up to you two. While Little Wang is dangerous without a fully minded Nao Fook Mi, we surely have a win here tonight."

Fettel Marston: "Same as before. Fast and furious! Confuse the hell outta of them! Risk everything!"

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/02/2011   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:04 pm

'Map Of The Problematique' by Muse starts playing throughout the arena, suddenly a wall of flames shoot up across the stage floor, after a few moments Raven Connoly emerges through the flames. She has on black spandex pants, a red and black corset, a black cane with a silver dragon design handle resting on her shoulder, and a long black coat that splits at her waist, once in the middle of her back, and on both sides, forming four tails that dance behind her as she approaches the ring. The crowd erupts into boos and shout out chants of 'Raven Sucks!'. Raven smiles and holds the ULOL Campeón no Masculino above her head as the wall of flames erupts behind her. Raven tosses the belt over her shoulder and makes her way down the ramp, the crowd ruthlessly shouting insults at her. Raven merely smirks and stretches her arms out to her side and holds up her middle finger on both hands as she continues towards the ring. Raven slides in the ring and walks to the center she stands there for a few moments and listens to the crowd and smiles.

Raven Connoly: "Oh get over it you inbred cows, your hero lost, and I won, its as simple as that."

The crowd starts to chant 'Raven Sucks' again even louder this time.

Raven Connoly: "Yes, because I care what you think, it seems like you would realize that by now. You can chant that I suck all you want, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still the ULOL Campeón no Masculino and your hero Nao Fook Mi isn't. Now you can whine and scream all you want about how I cheated, how Nao should be the champion now, well she isn't. You see the difference is I will do whatever it takes to win, and I'm smarter than Nao. It doesn't matter what happened in that match, all that matters is who's hand is held up in the end. I see opportunity and I take it, that's what I did at the PPV, I wasn't disqualified, I won, end of story!"

Raven Connoly: ""Now what happened after I won is whats important, because your precious hero snapped, and snapped magnificently. For the first time Nao didn't care about you pukes, all she cared about was beating me to a pulp, making me pay, and finally her true talent was released. Only to have that flame quenched by that little runt friend of hers. Now of course Nao is deeply sorry for what she did, and she is right back to where she was, a coward, and a mediocre wrestler. Nao, I know you're back there listening, I saw it in your eyes at the PPV, if you would just let that rage out, you could do great things, but you are content letting these fans and that runt sidekick of yours hold you back. Even right now I know you want to come out here so bad and just smash my face in, but of course you won't because you can't let down your fans, the runt, and your stupid pathetic master. You can deny it all you want, but I saw your eyes Nao, and there's a part of you that wants to let that rage out."

Raven tosses the mic to the ground and slides out of the ring. The fans boo her as she makes her way up the ramp and disappears back stage.




Jim Jackson: “We have some tag team action that is bound to get you licking your lips at all the action in this one. Two good tag teams. One is the very experienced and two time Campeóne Campañero Oriental Spices. The other is the new and upcoming team of Brostar and Marston.”

Brad Blood: “And crap too. They still don’t have a win!”

Jim Jackson: “While that is true. We have seen vast improvements on the way these guys team up and risk their bodies for a possible win. They just need that little bit extra to ensure themselves a win.”

Brad Blood: “They keep messing it up. I wouldn’t even ask them to wipe my ass just in case they messed that up.”

Jasmine Lee: “This match is scheduled for a Tag Team Matchup! Introducing first, Brostar and Marston!”

"Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco plays as Brostar comes out and raises his hands as he walks down the ramp and runs into the ring, he goes up to the second turnbuckle raises his hands again, Then he jumps off with a backflip.

“The Devil's Own" by Five Finger Death Punch plays as Fettel Marston appears waving to the crowd. He walks down to the ring slapping fans' hands as he goes. He slides under the bottom rope to enter the ring and proceeds to climb a turnbuckle where he poses by flexing his muscles. He walks over to another turnbuckle on the opposite side and this time poses by simply raising his arms in the air.

Jasmine Lee: “And their opponents, Oriental Spices!!”

Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. Little Wang follows behind her wearing stilts. They quickly makes their way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. They bow and give their respect to the crowd before heading to their corner.

Jim Jackson: “All competitors look about ready to start this one off! Brostar and Marston with a strategy in mind as usual. Put together by the second personality of Fettel Marston, “Dad”!”

Brad Blood: “So in actual fact it’s Fettel Marston because this second personality is just a creation by Fettel’s mind.”

Jim Jackson: “If you want to look at it like that yeah.”

Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match will be Don Q. Hotte!! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!!!”

Jim Jackson: “And finally this match getting underway as Brostar and Little Wang start this one off and their partners go to their respective corners. Fettel giving some last minute advice as he goes to stand on the ring apron. Little Wang diving straight in with a spin kick to the face of the unsuspecting Brostar.”

Brad Blood: “It tends to be worse if you don’t expect an attack like that. Little Wang pushing Brostar back into the corner. And Little Wang pulls Brostar down to the canvas with a jumping spinning arm drag!! Little Wang drops both his legs right onto the midsection of the grounded Brostar!! And another double leg drop right to the midsection!!!”

Jim Jackson: “Little Wang looking good in this one already! Continuing his attack with a few stomps to the face of Brostar. But Brostar trying to get to his feet as he pulls Little Wang in towards him and Little Wang gets hits with a headbutt!! Brostar doing his best to get to his feet! But Little Wang unfazed by that somewhat light headbutt firing a combination of lefts and rights to the face!!”

Brad Blood: “Little Wang looking well in control of this one! Deciding though to tag out to Nao Fook Mi! Maybe as a little cheer up after all the controversy surrounding her match at the PPV! I mean if they can separate Brostar like this so easily and so early on in this matchup, I’d say they have this one pretty much sewn up.”

Jim Jackson: “The experienced against the inexperienced! Perhaps a lesson for the uneducated! Nao Fook Mi bringing Brostar to his feet and sends him to the ropes with the irish whip. And Nao Fook Mi leaping right into the spinning DDT!! Nao Fook Mi turning a nice 180 degrees with that move. Fook Mi looking to go high risk as she climbs to the top turnbuckle!”

Brad Blood: “Looking for something big on the grounded Brostar!! And a BIG Senton Bomb lands!!! Fook Mi with the pin!!”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two!!”

Jim Jackson: “Only a two count on that occasion!! That looked like the winning move right there! But obviously not enough! Nao Fook Mi deciding to tag out to Little Wang and hoping for some double team!! They send Brostar to the corner and now Nao Fook Mi irish whips Little Wang towards Brostar and Little Wang jumps elbow first right to the face of Brostar!!!”

Brad Blood: “Brostar collapses to the canvas! Fettel Marston keen to enter this one and turn it around but so far Oriental Spices have Brostar pretty secluded!! Wait! Is that Raven Connoly coming out here? It is isn’t it!”

Jim Jackson: “It is indeed! And Nao Fook Mi sees her as well. Little Wang telling Nao Fook Mi not to worry about it! But the grimace on the face on Nao Fook Mi says it all! Little Wang deciding for another tag but Nao Fook Mi is more interested in Raven Connoly!!”

Brad Blood: “Brostar just tagged out to Fettel Marston!! Marston with a conniving look on his face!!”

Jim Jackson: “Raven Connoly pulling something out of a pocket. What’s that? Is that? That’s a razor! Looks like the very same one she used on Nao Fook Mi!! Waving it and mocking Fook Mi!! Nao Fook Mi is giving chase!! Raven quickly exiting the arena as Fook Mi continues to chase her.”

Brad Blood: “She’s forgetting one important person!! Little Wang watches despairingly as Marston continues to stalk his prey!”

Jim Jackson: “Little Wang all on his own!!! Little Wang turning around expecting Brostar but he gets met with POWERFUL knee right to the face!! Mind Trouble from Fettel Marston!!! Little Wang is down and out!! Marston with the shoulders down!!”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two!! Three!!!”

Jim Jackson: “And they get the win!!!”

Jasmine Lee: “The winners of this matchup via pinfall, Brostar and Marston!!!”

Jim Jackson: “They pick up their first win together!!”

Brad Blood: “And Fettel Marston’s first win in ULOL!! Albeit with help through Raven Connoly but a win all the same!”

Jim Jackson: “It sure is tarred with a large brush this one!! Without Raven Connoly these two were going nowhere!! The Raven Connoly and Nao Fook Mi feud soon to erupt by my reckoning! The two females sure are heating up ULOL!!”

The scene opens to a darkened, bloodstained room. A flickering light hangs down from the ceiling which provides the only light. In the middle of the room there is the large hunched figure of Zombie sitting on a chair. Breathing heavily he stares at the floor. Suddenly there is a knock at the door and Dr. Booboo B. Gone enters. He strains his eyes trying to adjust to the darkened room.

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "Zombie? Zombie! I have had orders to check on you. Are you ok? Do you need assistance in any way?"

Zombie looks to the visitor groggily and he scoffs at the offer for help. He begins to talk but his speech is slurred.

Zombie: "What do I need help for? You bastards went and took Connoly away. You left me lying on the concrete."

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "We had to prioritise! When medics came back, you had disappeared!!"

Zombie: "You know Hell don't have anything over a match like that."

Dr Booboo B. Gone moves closer to the broken Zombie. He attempts to examine the crushed right arm of Zombie.

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "Let me have a look at this arm."

Zombie retracts his half wooden half mangled flesh arm and holds it to his chest.

Zombie: "Leave it alone. I like it."

Dr Booboo: "Management are going to have something to say about it though... I doubt..."

Zombie: "Tell me ... who was driving that car? Was it Q again?"

Dr Booboo B. Gone shakes his head.

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "It was Ray Kamaura."

Zombie's suddenly delves into deep thought.

Zombie: "He lost his match didn't he? I remember. Frustrated huh? No title shot for a year ...."

Zombie starts to chuckle, it soon turns to loud laughter. Dr Booboo B. Gone has a concerned look and drags the still laughing Zombie to his feet. Zombie pulls away and stumbles slightly in the process.

Zombie: "I don't need your assistance. I'm going to the ring."

Zombie limps over to the door of the room and exits with a concerned Dr Booboo B. Gone following close behind.

Jim is seen in his locker room, walking back and forth as he smoked his cigarette smiling form ear to ear. Glancing to the side he sees once again, Lex Lexington come in but in a more timid manner, still uneasy in Jims presence. Jim stop his pacing to wave Lex over in a...creepily warming manner.

Jim Rival: "Come in come in, I already know why you are here and that is some perfect timing on your part."

Lex goes to speak before Jim just covers his mouth to interrupt him, making a hushing noise.

Jim Rival: "I know, I know. You wanted to ask how you can see the light, but right now I rather talk about something else. We all just saw the absolutely wonderful announcement that just made everyone's day. The match that was placed in for the ULOL Ligero Maximo after what that...that fool Conway has done."

Jim finally moved his hand from Lex's mouth, Lex rubbing his face for a moment and clearing his throat before speaking.

Lex Lexington: "What are your thoughts on your opponent Enigma? He had made an impressive debut and earned the title shot only being here for a short time."

Jim just chuckled a bit before giving his response, taking a deep drag off his cigarette and dropping it to the ground. With a good twist of his foot to make sure it was put out he turned to Lex, exhaling the smoke as he spoke.

Jim Rival: "Anyone who hides behind a mask has something to hide, and is ashamed of who they are and are obviously not as good as they say they are. This Enigma person can have all the flashy entrances and moves he wants, but it will not help him like the Light will help me."

With that Jim began to escort the camera man and Lex out of the room. The last shot of the scene being the door slamming on Lex's face before fading to black.

The arena is filled with the crowds of fans waiting for the next exciting installment of ULOL's weekly show Lucha Loco. Suddenly with no warning Zombie limps out onto the stage. No music accompanies him as he limps down the ramp. Dr Booboo B. Gone follows him out onto the stage but waits by the entrance.
Zombie cautiously limps up the steps and slowly enters the ring. He asks for a microphone and tries to grab it with his mess of an arm but fails to grasp any part of it. He quickly snatches it with his left and stumbles over to the middle of thhe ring. He looks around at the crowd and begins to talk, his speech is still slurred.

Zombie: "Apparently I am not myself. Apparently I am not as what I should be. So I'm slurring my words a bit. Do I look like I need any assistance? I just walked out here from backstage by myself. I know Connoly is not anywhere near or anywhere in this arena .... though that is only an assumption."

Zombie raises a finger and points in the general direction of the titantron and the main stage.

Zombie: "So instead of calling HIM out ... I want the biggest man in ULOL. Where is the No Title Shot Man? Where is Ray Kamaura?"

Zombie waits for Ray Kamaura but he quickly chips in a last sentence.

Zombie: "On the condition that you DON'T come out here in a car."

Zombie chuckles to himself and waits for Ray Kamaura.

Zombie rolls his eyes rather dramatically. He begins to speak his speech still slurred.

Zombie: "Very well then coward. At least Connoly would still come out here whether he was "Mr No Title Shot Man" or not. Certainly the most cowardly giant I've ever known."

Zombie stumbles over to the ropes and exits the ring.

Zombie: "Clearly I need some assistance. Even though I waited for Ray Kamaura after my brutal match. That is a different kind of courage. Ray Kamaura needs to take note."

Zombie limps his way up the ramp holding his arm to his chest. He drops the microphone and looks drunkenly to Dr Booboo B. Gone. Zombie then goes to exit the main arena back to the backstage area.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/02/2011   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:04 pm

The scene opens in a hospital room, Connoly is lieng in a hopital bed, asleep. He has bandages all over his body. Connoly wakes up and lets out a groan as he holds his head. He looks around the room, he sits up and winces in pain, he tosses the sheet off of him and moves his legs off the bed.

Voice: "I don't think your supposed to get up."

Connoly looks over to the chair in the corner of the room. Raven Connoly is in the chair reading a magazine. Connoly smiles, and then winces again.

Connoly: "Is anything broken?"

Raven Connoly: "No, amazingly, but the doctor says your really banged up."

Connoly: "I've been banged up before, if nothings broken then I don't need to be here."

Raven Connoly: "Fine, then leave."

Connoly goes to get up, as he stands up his leg suddenly gives out, he grabs hold of the bed and catches himself. He sits back down on the bed.

Raven Connoly: "Like I said, nothings broken, but you are really banged up. Muscles sprained, bruising, lacerations, a whole bunch of other medical crap I didn't under stand. They say you need to stay here a few more days, and they aren't going to clear you to get back in the ring for at least 2 weeks."

Connoly: "That's bullshit, I just need to get up and start moving around, I'm fine."

Raven looks up from her magazine.

Raven Connoly: "Dad! You got hit by a damn car, and your not exactly a spring chicken anymore. It's only a few weeks at the most, maybe you should listen this time and get some rest. Plus, Mom is pissed off enough at you, I suggest you take the doctors advise this time."

Connoly: "Where is your Mother?"

Raven Connoly: "She went home to get some rest, she's been here with you for 3 days now."

Connoly: "I've been out for three days!? Jesus Christ, and what about Zombie, how is he?"

Raven looks up at Connoly again with a perplexed look.

Raven Connoly: "Since when have you cared about how your opponent was doing."

Connoly: "Point taken, but that son of a bitch put up a hell of a fight. That could possibly be one of the best, and most brutal, matches of my career. We beat the hell out of each other, and it took getting hit by a car to end the match. So, yeah, maybe it's out of character but I am making sure my opponent is OK."

Raven Connoly: "He's a fucking Zombie, they just left him there, I'm sure he scuttled off eventually."

Connoly: "That's bullshit, he gave everything he had in that match and ULOL thanks him by leaving him laying in the street. That makes me sick to my fucking stomach!"

Raven Connoly: "Well, I don't know what to tell you Dad, I'm sure he's fine."

Raven's phone goes off, she picks it up and looks at the screen.

Raven Connoly: "Moms on her way back up, I've got to go anyway."

Raven gets up out of the chair and winces a little.

Connoly: "Looks like someone else isn't 100% after her match."

Raven Connoly: "Well, I can still walk, so I'm in better shape than you. Plus, you need to think about what your going to say to Mom when she gets up here. She wasn't real happy about you getting back in the business, and now your back in the hospital. Zombie can't even come close to what she's going to do to you."

Connoly smiles and waves as Raven walks out of the hospital room and the scene fades to black.


Jim Jackson: "In a move by management to punish Alexander Conway, Marcus Troy stripped the ULOL Maximo Ligero title off of him and now we have Jim Rival and Enigma battling for it."

Brad Blood: "Well I can see that this is a great match in the making."

Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall and is for the ULOL Ligero Maximo! Introducing first, Enigma!"

A soothing and spiritual instrumental begins to play as the lights turn dim. After a few seconds pass, Enigma walks out slowly. He raises both hands into the air and point to the roof before outstretching his arms to point to the ring. He lowers his arms and then suddenly leaps forward, rolling onto the edge of the ramp and immediately jumps up to execute a picture perfect somersault. As he lands, pyros placed around the stage and titantron fire off to make a golden explosion.

Jim Jackson: "Bursting into ULOL in a package of excitement, Enigma caught the eye of management and was originally booked to face Alexander Conway until Conway was stripped for the title."

Brad Blood: "He should thank his lucky stars for getting a title shot less than a month since his debut."

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, his opponent, Jim Rival."

"Seven Secrets Of The Sphinx" by Therion erupts through out the arena as Jim makes his way to the ring at a slow pace. A black background with only the golden outline of a cross leaning back is all that appears on the titantron, occasionally flickering in an almost violent fashion. As Jim finally makes it to the ring he takes off his button down shirt, placing the black armband bearing the same cross back over his left arm before entering the ring.

Jim Jackson: "Jim Rival, has also made a mark since his return to ULOL, taking on even Shogun Shogunsen."

Brad Blood: "Well this is a chance that he deserved, Troy was right to give him this title shot."

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for tonight is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "There's the bell, and Enigma and Rival lock up! Both men are grappling to get a better position! They're pushing each other to the ropes! Enigma pushes Rival to the corner! The referee getting between them, trying to separate them!"

Brad Blood: "And Jim Rival takes the opportunity to suckerpunch Enigma!"

Jim Jackson: "Rival jumps on Enigma, hammering away! He forces Enigma to the corner! Punching him down! Sends Enigma to the opposite corner! Rival rushes in after him, but Enigma hops over him! Takes Rival down with an armdrag! Takes Rival back down with a legsweep!"

Brad Blood: "But Rival manages to connect with a right hand!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma's staggered! Rival rushes into a belly-to-belly suplex! ENIGMA HITS RIVAL WITH A SHINING WIZARD BEFORE HE COULD GET TO HIS FEET!"

Brad Blood: "Incredible! The force of the impact sends Jim rolling outta the ring!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma has Jim Rival reeling! He's trying to go after him, but the ref telling him to stay in the ring!"

Brad Blood: "Rival trying to get his bearings back! That kick to the send has him loopy!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma gets around the referee! To the outside and he goes for the Asai moonsault on Rival!"

Brad Blood: "He missed!"


Brad Blood: "Jim Rival just busted out his finisher this early in the match! Enigma's sprawled motionless on the floor!"

Jim Jackson: "Rival trying to get Enigma back in the ring, but he's trying to lift at least 150, maybe 170 pounds of dead weight!"

Brad Blood: "Referee gonna count both of 'em out!"

Jim Jackson: "Rival manages to roll Enigma back in the ring! Goes for the cover!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Brad Blood: "But the ref spots Rival using the ropes!"

Jim Jackson: "The official admonishing Jim Rival, but Rival goes to work stomping on Enigma! He's forcing Enigma to the corner with some hard kicks! Big stomp to the face!"

Brad Blood: "Rival dragging Enigma to the center of the ring for another pin attempt! One! Two! No three"

Jim Jackson: "Jim Rival...scoops Enigma and drops him throat first over the top rope! He goes for another cover!"

Brad Blood: "But Sully S. Calawag sees Rival with his feet on the ropes for leverage! Rival protesting that he didn't know the ropes were there!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma sent hard to the corner! Manages to clip an incoming Jim Rival with a boot to the face! Rushes at Rival, but gets back bodydropped!"

Brad Blood: "And Jim Rival takes the opening to go for a lionsault!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma rolls out of the way! Both men are down!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three! Four!"

Brad Blood: "Jim Rival the first to his feet! He stumbles over to grab Enigma but Enigma surprises him with a rollup!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma nearly got him! Jim Rival quickly back on his feet! Hammers Enigma with hard strikes! Headbutt to Enigma! And now he's going for a T-bone suplex"

Brad Blood: "Enigma hits him in the head!"

Jim Jackson: "Breaks free and CONNECTS WITH A BACK BRAIN KICK!"

Brad Blood: "That kick flips Rival over!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma with a big move to cut his opponent's momentum! He's trying to get to his feet before Jim Rival!"

Brad Blood: "Rival trying to get up too!"

Jim Jackson: "And Enigma with a sunset flip!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two"

Brad Blood: "Rival kicks out!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma catches Rival for an atomic drop! Grabs him from behind for an inverted DDT!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma staggering to his feet! Kicks a dazed Jim Rival into the ropes! He has Rival in a wristlock...climbs up the ropes!"

Brad Blood: "The Enigma's doing a ropewalk!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma leaps off and KICKS RIVAL IN THE FACE!"

Brad Blood: "And he's going for the pin!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma can't get the three! He goes for another pin!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two!"

Brad Blood: "Still no go!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma trying to drag Rival to his feet! Rival still limp! Enigma scoops him up...oh Rival fights out of the hold! But Enigma forces him to the ropes! Irish whips Rival!"

Brad Blood: "But Rival grabs the ropes when Enigma tries for a hurracanrana! Enigma plants himself on the mat!"

Jim Jackson: "Rival manages to get an opening!"

Brad Blood: "Charges at Enigma! But Enigma trips him up!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma with the presence of mind to counter Jim Rival! Rival rolling to the ropes. Enigma...gets to his feet!"

Brad Blood: "Enigma trying to sneak up on Jim!"


Brad Blood: "Oh Enigma's head nearly got torn off!"


Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three!"

Brad Blood: "And we have a new Ligero Maximo champ!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner! And NEW Ligero Maximo Champion! JIM RIVAL!!!!"

Jim Jackson: "Jim Rival bested Enigma tonight to become our new Ligero Maximo!"

Brad Blood: "A well-deserved win if you ask me!"

Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to it's fans before it enters the ring with flourish and heads into the ring.

Boy Bakla: "Last week, it seems that my plan backfired on me..."

Bakla paces around as some cheers are heard.

Boy Bakla: "So this week, there'll be no more cuffs, it will be me and Shoggie wrestling in the ring. Tonight I shall get a win over Shoggie and repeat the feat I did in our first match in this best of five series. I know that old bag Winslow is watching, she may be quiet these past few weeks but she is definitely watching... Don't worry Eunice, tonight I shall win my match and I shall be one win away from removing you from power. To Shoggie..."

Bakla takes a breather before continuing.

Boy Bakla: "I'm gonna have a different surprise for you tonight. I'm gonna make you regret siding with that old bag Winslow."

Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as Bakla exits the ring and heads to the back.

Have you always wanted a pet but cannot afford one?

Have you always wanted a pet but is afraid that it'll destroy the furniture?

Have you always wanted a pet but do not have the time to feed and walk it?




The megalithic frame of the wrestler also known as The Morbidly Obese Man emerges from the entrance tunnel as the ground reverberated with each step he took. He stops at the top of the entrance ramp, looks around then proceeds to the ring with a mic in hand. He takes a deep breath then begins to chuckle for a moment before composing himself again to address the crowd.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Last week, all you all saw me pound the masked menace known as Quioae-Igotmyasshandedtome until he was nothing but meat paste and it's a pounding he deserved. This supposed masked hero whom I once thought highly of, not only made a deal with Marcus Troy but also terrorized the backstage area with his hippy countrymen. That's right, he let his countrymen do his dirty work for him, but all that has been neutralized by me. I not only gave him a beating, I also gave his countrymen a well deserved trashing."

There are a few boos heard which quickly dissipated.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Q painted me as a bad person... He painted me as a monster... Well con-fuckin-gratulations Q you got what you wanted! You turned me into a monster, and guess what, this monster has a prey in sight... YOU! What you experienced last week at Dios Mio! is but just the tip of the iceberg. I am not done with you yet Q because once I am, you will not be pinin'! You'll be passed on! You'll be no more! You'll ceased to be! You're gonna be expired and gone to meet your maker! You'll be a stiff! Bereft of life, you'll rest in peace! If you're not nailed to a post you'd be pushing up the daisies! You're metabolic processes are now history! You'll be off the twig! You'll kick the bucket, shuffled off your mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! YOU'LL BE AN EX-WRESTLER!!"

The Morbidly Obese Man finishes his rant and drops the mic, exits the ring and heads to the back as the crowd stares on in silence.


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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 10/02/2011   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:05 pm

Alexander is seen striding through the parking lot as a camera tails him. He has a huge wad of money in his hands and is counting it as he walks. Stopping once he has reached his car, Alexander turns to look at the camera. He holds the money in plain view of the camera.

Alexander Conway: “This, this is more money than I get from half a year’s worth of wrestling in this shithole called ULOL. This entire federation is a joke, and it is mainly made that way because of Q and Marcus Troy’s greed. Hell, I could do a much better job if I was deaf, blind, and dumb! But because of my displeasure with this organization, I have finally decided to end it. I ended my contract with the ULOL tonight. This is the last you will see of Alexander Conway on ULOL grounds. Have fun in your craptastic federation, losers! In the meantime, I’ll be kicking ass in federations that actually matter. Au revoir, United League of Lunatics.”

Alexander slides behind the wheel of his Lamborghini Reventon before speeding out of the parking lot and flying down the road as the scene fades.

A camera backstage unexpectedly finds the presence of a masked man. The crowds react as they see it is the disguised daredevil of the ring. He is the superior standard of the squared circle. The man known only as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.

The international icon of the ring notices the camera on him. He looks back at the camera quizzically, before beginning to speak.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I wish I could say something positive about Rob Conway! I really wished I could! But in the end all we see is Conway YET AGAIN unable to handle the big moment that was handed to him! On the night when he COULD HAVE proven his worth! What did he do! HE SHOWED HE COULD NOT HANDLE SUCCESS!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing points to the camera.


The crowd reacts as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing goes on.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I am done with a failure like Rob Conway! A man who could not even beat a MANAGER! In a MATCH! My attention is now on that sordid slab of cellulite! That Morbidly Obese Man! My people demand justice! And they will get it!"

The fans react to Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing's oath. He says nothing more, as he stalks off.


Jim Jackson: "We have the main event of the evening, Boy Bakla has been feuding with Eunice P. Winslow and her representative in a best three of five battle is none other than Shogun Shogunsen. With one win each under their belt, whoever wins tonight gets an advantage in this best of five series."

Brad Blood: "Both Bakla and Shogunsen are tough competitors as proven in their previous two matches, it hard to gauge who will win tonight, this match could go either way."

Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a singles match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, Boy Bakla!"

Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to it's fans before it enters the ring with flourish and heads to it's corner waiting for the match to begin.

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Shogun Shogunsen!"

"Hybird Stigmata-the Apostasy" by Dimmu Borgir hits the speakers suddenly as the lights in the arena begin flashing on and off. As soon as the first lyric is screamed Shogun bursts out from the hind the curtain to the roar of cheers mixed in with boos. The wrestler has the same golden belt around his waist. When he makes it down the ramp Shogun quickly rolls into the ring and faces his opponent.

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "And there's the bell! Both wrestlers lock arms and thus begins a test of strength. Shogun Shogunsen gets the advantage over Boy Bakla! Double-arm suplex by Shogunsen, Bakla hits hard. Shogunsen tries to apply an armbar but Bakla wrests its arms free. Stun gun from Shogunsen!"

Brad Blood: "Bakla is seeing birdies! Bakla flops to the canvas! Shogunsen dives down for a cover!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla gets a shoulder up! Bakla struggles to its feet... Shogun Shogunsen grabs Bakla from behind and Bakla tastes a high angle back suplex."

Brad Blood: "It probably tasted like chicken... But seriously, what does chicken tastes like anyway? Can you describe how chicken tastes like? Chicken tastes like everything and nothing at the same time... It's like God's cosmic joke on us, describe how chicken tastes like, and while we fumble around for the answer he gets a good laugh at our expense."

Jim Jackson: "And Boy Bakla now somehow gets the advantage as Bakla backdrops Shogun Shogunsen out of a piledriver attempt. Dropkick from Bakla sends Shogunsen to the ropes... Oh! A knee right to the face and Shogunsen goes down! Bakla with a second rope splash... Connects, Bakla hooks the leg!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Shogunsen says nay! He kicks out with vigor. Bakla with a wrist lock keeps Shogunsen grounded. Whoa! Shogunsen flips Bakla over with just sheer strength!"

Jim Jackson: "Irish whip by Shogun Shogunsen sends Boy Bakla to the ropes. Shoulder block takes Bakla down! Bakla gets up and turns around right into a STIFF clothesline! Tiger bomb by Shogunsen! Bakla is down! Shogunsen for the cover!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Bakla gets out at two! Shogunsen drags Bakla up to its feet. Oh! Bakla gouges Shogunsen's eyes and the ref gives Bakla a warning but Bakla already takes back the helm."

Jim Jackson: "DDT by Boy Bakla plants Shogun Shogunsen to the canvas. Bakla grabs Shogunsen's leg and tries to apply a half-Boston crab! Shogunsen struggles and tries to make his way to the ropes... He gets the bottom rope!"

Brad Blood: "Bakla still holds on! The referee warns Bakla but the fruitcake still holds on. The ref begins the five count."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three! Four..."

Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla finally lets go but the damage has been made. The referee seems to be having none of that and is giving Bakla a scolding... Shogun Shogunsen uses the ropes to haul himself back up to his feet. Bakla charges towards Shogunsen, Shogunsen pulls the top rope down... Bakla goes over!"

Brad Blood: "Bakla lands on the apron! It blocks a clothesline by Shogunsen! Bakla pulls Shogunsen's hair and uses it to slam Shogunsen on his back. The ref again warns Bakla who merely ignores him."

Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla with a slingshot bodysplash from the apron! Shogun Shogunsen rolls away at the last second! Bakla hits nothing but canvas! Shogunsen with a Tiger driver nearly crushes the spine of Bakla! Cover!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Shogunsen still can't get the win! Bakla hangs in there and we can see the frustration in Shogunsen's face. Bakla battles its way back up to its feet."

Jim Jackson: "Shogun Shogunsen with a high kick! Boy Bakla blocks it with a forearm! Shogunsen ducks a wild right arm from Bakla and brings his knee up to counter... Bakla blocks Shogunsen's knee! Bakla goes low and takes Shogunsen's leg from under him!"

Brad Blood: "That was the leg Bakla worked on earlier with that half-Boston crab. Shogunsen limps back up... Irish whip by Bakla... Reversed by Shogunsen! Bakla slams into the ref!"

Jim Jackson: "Shogun Shogunsen lifts Boy Bakla up into into the air in a half nelson and then into a backdrop position before slamming Boy Bakla down to a sitting position, slamming the back of his neck to the canvas executing a Muscular Bomb! Shogunsen hooks the leg!"

Brad Blood: "The ref is down! Shogunsen realizes it! He tries to rouse the ref! He could have won it then and there if not for that ref being out! Bakla is beginning to stir... Bakla crawls to the corner and reaches down... IT'S PETUNIA!!! BAKLA JUST PULLED OUT IT'S PINK BASEBALL BAT!"



Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by disqualification, Shogun Shogunsen!"

Jim Jackson: "BOY BAKLA GOES BALLISTIC! IT STARTS SCREAMING IN THE REF'S FACE! Bakla is throwing a tantrum in the ring! Now Bakla is threatening the ref with Petunia!"

Brad Blood: "Shogunsen is back up, he winces in pain... Bakla turns around... SHOGUNSEN TAKES BAKLA OUT WITH A SPEAR!!! Oh man! Bakla almost got cleaved in half! Bakla is laid out in the ring as Shogunsen exits and heads to the back."

Jim Jackson: "Need I say it again but what a night! We have a new Ligero Maximo champion tonight... We also saw a surprise departure by Alexander Conway... Then we also had the feud between Bakla and Shogun heating up... What else can you ask for?"

Brad Blood: "Money and women."

Jim Jackson: "Yeah riiiiiiiiiight... But seriously, what a great way to kick off the month... I'm sure we'll have more surprises next week. So until next Sunday, this is Jim Jackson saying good night."

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