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 Lucha Loco 09/18/2011

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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PostSubject: Lucha Loco 09/18/2011   Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:15 am

Jim Jackson: "Good evening and welcome ladies and gentlemen, it's just one more week until Dios Mio, ULOL's PPV for the month of September and tonight and we have a great card scheduled for everyone tonight. Including the in-ring debut of a new wrestler."

Brad Blood: "Seriously why wait one more week? Management should have just pushed the PPV for this week."

Jim Jackson: "Well, I'm sure everyone is just as excited as you are Brad but a PPV takes time to prepare, still we are sure to have great matches this week. So let's not keep the crowd waiting, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Brad Blood: "Meh!"

"Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers as smoke rises from the floor. Out from the smoke the figure of Marcus Troy, the general manager of United League of Lunatics emerges from the back. He casually walks down the entrance ramp and heads to the ring with a mic in hand as the crowd starts booing.

Marcus Troy: "Hold your tongues, I'm out here tonight to announce the matches for our PPV Dios Mio which will be happening next week."

The boos stop but the crowd still stares coldly at the general manager of ULOL.

Marcus Troy: "That's better... Now I'll make this short and sweet. Next week on Dios Mio, as you all know we already have Ray Kamaura versus Yuki Monotomo for the number one contender spot to challenge for the ULOL Primo Ultimo. Next we shall have a battle for the Correa Grande Del Oro title with a hardcore match between Connoly and Zombie. I also personally received a request from Nao Fook Mi to challenge Raven Connoly for the ULOL Campeón No Masculino in a first blood match which frees our current tag champs The Northern Kings. So The Northern Kings shall be given the option to pick their opponents next week in a TLC match."

Marcus Troy pauses for a while to let all the information he announced be processed by the crowd.

Marcus Troy: "But of course that is not all, we shall also have a Boleto Dorado challenge this coming PPV. Aurora Borealis, Boy Bakla, Colton Charles Cai Cobb, Enigma, Gina "The Wild" Sheridan, Jim Rival, Little Wang, Ragki Nikara, Shogun, and Taufik shall get a chance to battle for the Boleto Dorado in a greased pole match! And for our main event, Alexander Conway shall go against Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing for the ULOL Primo Ultimo! Now that I've wasted enough of my time out here..."

Marcus Troy drops the mic and exits the ring as "Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers. He makes his way up the ramp and disappears to the back as the crowd starts booing again.

The scene fades in backstage. We see the newest addition to the United League of Lunatics sitting on the floor against the wall. A worker walks past, blocking the camera, momentarily, when he walks past the camera shows Enigma. He is know in a handstand position. Another worker walks past, they move out the way and Enigma is now doing one handed, one footed press ups. Enigma then leaps into the air and flips onto his feet. He bows to the camera.

Enigma: "Hello Lunatic fans! Tonight is the night you all see the debut of Enigma! I have a lot of pressure riding on tonight's match! I have to make a good impression for various people. Number one; Mr Troy. He was the one who produced my contract! He might not have been kind in his words towards me, but I hope his opinion changes of me after tonight. Number two; the fans who have been waiting for my debut for a while! And finally! Alexander Conway, he is the champion I wish to compete against. He is the definition of a great lightweight wrestler and deserves everything he has right now! I cannot wait to engage in an in-ring contest with him."

With that being said, Enigma walks out of view and vanishes. The scene fades to darkness.

The Sanctuary is once again alive with the sound of patrons sitting around drinking their beverages rather it be alcoholic, coffee, tea, cola and more. As the camera circles around the sanctuary before stopping at a table where the lovable host stands.

Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Sanctuary!"

Allister jumps off the table.

Allister King: "Well once again we have another interview scheduled for tonight. So lets get this shit underway. Please welcome my guest at this moment, the explosive wrestler, Colton Charles Cai Cobb aka C4!"

The audience claps as C4 enters The Sanctuary, he shakes Allister's hand before they both sit down. Allister waits for a minute, just sitting there tapping on the table til James walks over.

James: "Sorry to keep you waiting sir."

Allister King: "No problem James, Let me see, I will have a double mocha latte. and would you like anything Colton?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb leans back on his seat and crosses his legs, he then seems to go into deep thought before replying.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Bring me a bottle of a 1787 Chateau Lafite Bordeaux."

James stands there staring at the arrogant wrestler.

James: "I'm sorry but we don't have..."

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "What? You don't have it? How about a 1787 Chateau d'Yquem? No? What is your finest wine then? Don't you know only the best and finest wine passes through these magnificent lips?"

James: "I-I will check sir..."

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "That you should! And you better not bring me anything subpar or I shall stuff that wine bottle up where the sun don't shine."

James hurriedly leaves to look for some good wine.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "So hard to find good help these days don't you agree Mr. King? Well shall we get on with the interview? Time is money you know."

Allister King: "eah but so is that bottle which you don't have to pay for. You're lucky I'm generous and givin' you a free bottle of expensive wine. Even yet you're lucky we even have it."

Allister takes out a pack of cigarettes, takes one out, lights it and sets the pack on the table.

Allister King: "So what were you parents like? I mean they must have been complete rich snobs to name they kid Colton Charles Cai Cobb."

A flash of disgust is seen in C4's face at the mention of his parents.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "My parents you ask? No, they are not rich snobs, in fact they are just snobs who's only shining point in their lives was when they gave birth to the magnificent specimen who you are now interviewing. My name came from the combination of my great grandfather Colton Cobb and my grandfather Charles Cobb... Men of great stature and wealth, wealth which was squandered away by my fool parents. Everything I have achieved, I achieved on my own with these two fists."

James arrives with the beverages

James: "Here you go Mr. King, your double mocha latte."

James places the coffee in front of Allister

Allister King: "Thank you James."

James: "And here is your 1787 Chateau d'Yquem, Mr. Cobb."

James places the bottle plus a glass beside C4

Allister King: "James, you may leave."

James leaves the scene

Allister King: "So your Great Grandfather was rich, Your Grandfather was rich, Your parents were rich, but yet you decided to go into the world of professional wrestling?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb takes a whiff of the fine wine that was just offered, takes a sip to savor the taste before replying.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "My great grandfather built up the empire from nothing Mr. King, my grandfather expanded on that empire and my fool parents squandered it all away. It took only seven years since my father took over the business when we had to declare bankruptcy. I was twelve then, still I was already big for my age and I had to find ways to earn some cash. I also found out that I have a natural talent when it comes to fighting so I started a career in pit fighting. I slowly worked my way up the ranks, never losing, always winning... Soon I was making a name for myself challenging champions of other federations to unsanctioned matches which of course I won. With the help of youtube, I soon became an internet sensation and then Marcus Troy found me... The rest as the cliche goes is history."

C4 takes another sip from his wine.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "So the truth of the matter is, it is only recently I can afford such luxuries..."

Allister takes a drink of coffee

Allister King: "So what you're saying is you basically entered this industry with virtually no training in professional wrestling?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb grins as he replies.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Yes, no formal training at all Mr. King, everything I know, I learned from the streets. No other place to toughen you up than the streets. And besides, with natural talent like mine, I bet you that within a few days, I'll probably surpass any trainer that is thrown my way. I am what you can call an adept. All I need to do is to see a move done once and I can not only copy it but also surpass it."

Allister flicks some ash into the ashtray

Allister King: "I bet you're one of those types of people who would get a trophy made for themselves for being the sperm who won the race."

Allister takes a drink of coffee

Allister King: "Anyway, how do you feel about being the one to retire UJJ?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Tsk tsk Mr. King, I don't need to make trophies for myself when I can win them off people. As for "Unprobable" Jack Johnson? Of course it was great being the person responsible in the retirement of that has been. Calling himself unstoppable... What a joke, if he was unstoppable, he shouldn't have lost the titles he held in the first place. I just put him in his place..."

C4 chuckles as he remembers what he did to UJJ.

Allister guzzles the rest of the coffee

Allister King: "At Dios Mio, you are in the greased up pole match for the Boleto Dorado. You are up against people like Bakla, Shogun, Little Wang, and other former champions but you are also up against women. So do you think you could beat these former champs or even beat up women?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb scoffs loudly.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "That Boleto Dorado is as good as mine. It matters not if they are former champs or former men or women even, they shall all fall to my magnificence as I will be the one to scale that pole and take the golden ticket. They should be grateful they got the chance to share the same ring with me, Colton Charles Cai Cobb."

Allister flicks ash into the ashtray

Allister King: "Well at least you aren't speaking in third person."

Allister thinks for a few seconds of what it would be like to talk in third person

Allister King: "What's your opinion of the double champion, Alexander Conway? So good he won two titles or was it so lucky he won both?"

A wry smile appears on the lips of Colton Charles Cai Cobb.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Mr. Conway is the real deal, he won the Primo Ultimo twice and also won the Ligero Maximo from Lucian Blackheart a great wrestler in his own right. But once I get that Boleto Dorado, Conway will not be spared as I carve my way to the top. Alexander Conway will be a statistic as one of the greats who have fallen to a greater man."

C4 takes another sip from his wine savoring its taste before continuing.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "It is unfortunate that we may become enemies, I actually have respect for what Mr. Conway has achieved but as long as he holds the top title here in ULOL, I Colton Charles Cai Cobb shall have him in my cross-hairs."

Allister stubs out his cigarette

Allister King: "So here is a random question for you. What did you think of the movie ''Inception''?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "I, Colton Charles Cai Cobb shall humor you in this question. Inception is a masterpiece by a magnificent writer and director Christopher Nolan, of course having a main character with the same last name as I was also an added bonus. Definitely a must see, unless of course you are a Raytard, then you may not understand the movie."

Allister King: "I completely agree, it is a masterpiece and Nolan is going to be the top director of the 21st century."

Allister takes out another cigarette and lights it

Allister King: "Who do you think within this company, could match you in the ring, ya know a sort of dream match?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb bursts into sarcastic laughter.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "You make great jokes Mr. King... Match me in the ring. WAHAHAHAHA~!"

C4 wipes a tear from his eye as he can't stop himself from laughing.

Allister blows smoke into the air above him

Allister King: "So what kind of music to like? What is your favorite musical artist? I personally am a fan of most genres. My CD collection starts with Amadeus Mozart and goes all the way up to ZZ top. What tickles your fancy when it comes to music."

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Ah yes, music, one must appreciate music to and not be like uncouth heathens. It does seem that we may have similar tastes Mr. King... I also listen to wide ranges of music, as long as it's not that rap crap or that Friday shit I am more or less open to them."

Allister flicks ash into the ashtray

Allister King: "Another random question here. If you could be any animal what would it be?"

A tinge of anger seem to flash before C4's eyes.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Animal?! ANIMAL?! Colton Charles Cai Cobb is no animal! I am a god! A wrestling god and not some lowly animal."

C4 finishes his wine and slams the glass on the table.

Allister laughs at that reply

Allister King: "Damn you're easy to piss off..."

Allister blows more smoke into the air

Allister King: "If you are so smart then tell me this, what is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen european swallow?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "African or European?"

Allister King: "NII!!! I already answered that! what is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen EUROPEAN swallow?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb seem to come out of a trance.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "OH! I misheard you the first time... I was so busy admiring your wife Mr. King, she is one fine specimen..."

It is clear now that C4 has been distracted staring at Samantha King doing her duties behind the bar.

Allister whistles at C4

Allister King: "Hey, keep it in your pants there fella. By the way the answer was 10 meters per second. Sooo lets finish this with the ultimate question."

Allister stubs out his cigarette

Allister King: "What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color?"

Colton Charles Cai Cobb stands up with rigor and announces...

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "My name? I am the internet sensation that swept the nation, the Charismatic Crippler, the Specimen of Magnificence, Colton Charles Cai Cobb! My quest? Of course it is fairly obvious to all who know me, it is to lay waste to all those who stand in my path to greatness, not that I am already not great mind you. And my favorite color? It's the color I leave my opponents in when I'm done with them... Black and blue with the occasional red."

The arrogant wrestler starts laughing maniacally.

Allister picks something off the ground and places them infront of C4. They are appear to be marbles.

Allister King: "I think those are yours. Ya seem to be missing a few."

Allister clicks his fingers and James shows up carrying the usual box. He places it in front of Allister and leaves carrying the empty cup of coffee

Allister King: "Per usual this is a box which outs a medal give to each guest on the show. Yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah, so forth and so on. Here you go."

Allister opens the box, removes the medal and extends it to C4 with along with a hand shake

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Again you make a joke, but remember Mr. King, some jokes are not funny."

C4 takes the medal and walks off.

Allister stands up and watches as C4 leaves the sanctuary

Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen, That was the definition of the word "Douchebag"."

Samantha shouts over to Allister

Samantha King: "I'm surprised he isn't in an infinite loop due to how far his head is up his own ass!"

Allister King: "HAHA well said! Did you give him that wine he asked for?"

Samantha King: "No, we gave him the prepared one. Ya know the one you pissed in"

Allister King: "HAHA HIGH FIVE!!"

Allister high fives one of the patrons of the sanctuary then jumps on his table

Allister King: "Well that's it for this week! We will see you once again in 2 weeks, til then Ciao!"

Allister jumps off the table and Shadow Callahan plays the theme of The Sanctuary as the camera fades to black

Ragki Nikara is seen talking to a person in the darkness. He takes a wad of cash from the person and looks at them. He stuffs it into his wallet.

Ragki Nikara: "I can guarantee that you won’t be disappointed. I’ll be the best bodyguard that money can buy. Sweet, sweet money can buy. I’ll protect you as long as you keep the cash flow coming. Don’t worry, I’ll keep the protection coming as long as I keep getting to hold dollar, cents, yen, pesos, euroes, uh, sorry for ranting, but I’ll keep on offering the protection."

The man is black cleared his throat before continuing to speak.

Ragki Nikara: "I think we're gonna make a good partnership. Like I said, money equals loyalty. Loyalty is the only thing I care about, well, because loyalty is made from money. Bottom line, glorious cashflow equals undying loyalty. Well, I’ll be going now, see you around."

Ragki leaves the dark hallway and begins walking in the direction of his locker room.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 09/18/2011   Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:16 am


Jim Jackson: "Welcome to our first match of the evening, tonight we have the in-ring debut of Enigma, one of ULOL's newest talent."

Brad Blood: "Oh great just what we need, another man behind a mask..."

Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a singles match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Enigma!"

A soothing and spiritual instrumental begins to play as the lights turn dim. After a few seconds pass, Enigma walks out slowly. He raises both hands into the air and point to the roof before outstretching his arms to point to the ring. He lowers his arms and then suddenly leaps forward, rolling onto the edge of the ramp and immediately jumps up to execute a picture perfect somersault. As he lands, pyros placed around the stage and ULOL Tron fire off to make a golden explosion.

Enigma walks down the ramp and leaps onto the apron. He then leaps onto the top rope with amazing balance. He then twists so he facing the stage. He then jumps backwards, performing a beautiful backflip. As he lands the four turnbuckles shoot out golden pyros. He then stands a corner of the ring as the lights resume their usual brightness.

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Rupert B. Humperdink!"

Raffi's "Banana Phone" plays as Rupert B. Humperdink comes running out to a thunderous reaction to the crowd who chant his name. He waves to the crowd. He jumps and skips down to the ring drowling, swinging about his scooby doo lunchbox. He skips around the ring a few times before attempting to get in the ring. He falls in and looks like he is about to cry. The ref helps him up and guides him to his corner. Rupert hugs the ref before sitting down and taking a biscuit out of his lunchbox.

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "Rupert looks a little distressed tonight. He looks paranoid as his eyes darts around the arena... And there's the bell!"


Jim Jackson: "It looks like Rupert B. Humperdink just snapped! He charges head first towards Enigma! Enigma leaps over Humperdink who bounces off the ropes. Humperdink charges back but Enigma spreads himself of the canvas and Humperdink runs over him missing him by just a hair's length."

Brad Blood: "Whoa. He almost got trampled there. Here comes the retard again bouncing back..."

Jim Jackson: "Enigma leaps up in the air... Oh! Rupert B. Humperdink also leaps up into the air and tackles Enigma! Both men fall into the canvas hard. Humperdink gets back up to his feet first... Enigma follows albeit shakily... Humperdink charges in with a clothesline... Enigma with a stiff high kick sends Humperdink reeling!"

Brad Blood: "Looks like that only angered Humperdink more... The village idiot charges again in full force... Enigma leaps over him and heads to the opposite end!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma goes to the ropes... Second rope flying axe handle, Rupert B. Humperdink goes down. Humperdink staggers back up to his feet... He takes a flying neckbreaker from Enigma. Enigma locks on a sleeper hold on Humperdink."

Brad Blood: "That may be a good way to slow Forrest Gump down... Cut the oxygen to his brain... Wait! Humperdink is struggling again... He's bucking and twisting in Enigma's grasp!"

Jim Jackson: "Rupert B. Humperdink counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Enigma is sent staggering back... Humperdink goes high risk... Flying elbow from Humperdink. Enigma is still somehow on his feet... Humperdink hits a high kick on Enigma. Humperdink for the cover!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Only a two count as Enigma gets a shoulder up. The match continues. Humperdink somehow get a headlock on Enigma. He's giving Enigma a big noogie on the head!"

Jim Jackson: "Enigma pushes out of a Rupert B. Humperdink hold. Enigma hits a high kick on Humperdink sending him reeling. Springboard hurricanrana connects! Humperdink hits the canvas but somehow rolls back up to his feet... Springboard reverse DDT by Enigma plants Humperdink's head to the canvas! He hooks the leg."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Kick out by Humperdink... Humperdink runs to his corner and opens his lunch box! Don't tell me the retard is gonna pull out a weapon?!"

Jim Jackson: "Rupert B. Humperdink pulls out a... A toy Pokeball?!"

Rupert B. Humperdink: "I SUMMON YOU SQUIRTLE!"

Brad Blood: "Humperdink throws the ball which bounces off Enigma's chest harmlessly and lands on the canvas... The referee scratches his head not sure if he should call it using an illegal object... Seeing his Pokeball being useless, Humperdink charges at Enigma with both arms flailing!"

Jim Jackson: "Enziguri by Enigma stops Rupert B. Humperdink in his tracks."

Brad Blood: "Enigma tries to end the match by hooking Humperdink's leg... No! Humperdink kicks out before the ref can even start the three count. He again scampers to his lunchbox... What crazy thing will he pull out next?!"

Jim Jackson: "I think it's a... It's a plastic Sword of Omens!"

Rupert B. Humperdink: "Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Brad Blood: "And a light comes out of the toy Sword of Omens with the Thundercat signal on it... The retard seems pleased with himself..."

Jim Jackson: "Enigma looks like he's not sure if he should pity his opponent or laugh at his opponent... Enigma lunges in for the kill. Rupert B. Humperdink swings the toy sword at Enigma which breaks in half as it strikes Enigma on the biceps!"


Brad Blood: "Oh great, now the retard is crying! He whips around... I think I see rage in his eyes..."


Jim Jackson: "Rupert B. Humperdink throws caution to the wind and charges towards Enigma in blind rage. Enigma ducks a clothesline attempt. Enigma uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Rupert B. Humperdink gets knocked to the ground by Enigma. Enigma hops over ropes and lands on the apron. He then jumps onto top rope and launches himself forward, he performs a somersault splash onto Rupert B. Humperdink and then gets up and springs off the top rope on the opposite side, except this time, Enigma performs a Tornillo splash executing a dazzling Springboard Combo!!"

Brad Blood: "Oh! I don't think Rupert is getting out of that one..."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall, Enigma!"

Jim Jackson: "A successful debut by Enigma. Rupert B. Humperdink seems to be oblivious to his loss as he cries over the broken toy sword while Enigma celebrates his win..."

Brad Blood: "Wait! What is that on the retard's corner... Is that a giant doll?! Where the hell did that doll come from?! Looks like the retard is scared shitless!"


Jim Jackson: "Rupert B. Humperdink just ran away screaming! What the hell is going on here?"

The camera opens up in the hallways to the sound of someone running. From the voice it appears to be Rupert B. Humperdink

Rupert B. Humperdink: "Help me!! He's going to kill me!!"

Rupert runs past the camera and a shadow is seen following him on the wall

Rupert B. Humperdink: "Ahhhhh!!!"

The sound of crashes is heard. The camera begins to move to find out what it is. It finds rupert lying on the ground, crying in pain.

Rupert B. Humperdink: "He won't stop! I want my mommy!"

Rupert manages to get to his feet but out of nowhere Patsy appears.

Rupert B. Humperdink: "Please stop!"

Patsy grabs Rupert and flies up to the ceiling before flipping around more times that ya can count and dropping Rupert on his head with a flip piledriver. Luckily due to rupert wearing a helmet he is not hurt but appears to be knocked out. Patsy flies away as people show up to tend to rupert. the camera fades to black

The crowd begins to boo when Marcus Troy's face appears onscreen, without any fanfare.

Marcus Troy: "I just wanted to add something to my earlier announcement for Dios Mio's card. I want to add some sizzle to the match between Ray Kamaura and Yuki Monotomo. Yuki, Ray, you better hope you win this contender's match, because THE LOSER WILL NOT BE GETTING ANY TITLE SHOTS FOR A YEAR."

Brad Blood: "What?"

Marcus Troy: "Not getting any more title shots also means the loser does not get involved in any Boleto Dorado match. You try doing a Kofi Kingston on someone who's supposed to fight in a Boleto Dorado match isn't going to work. I'll have the refs throw you out anyway."

Brad Blood: "What?"

Marcus Troy: "Let me explain. Yuki, you've basically just said the Correa Grande del Oro isn't worth much. Going by your logic, your Correa Grande del Oro title reign wasn't worth much either. And going by that logic, if you become Primo Ultimo Champion, you STILL wouldn't be worth much. But I thank you for your candor, so I'm making this booking with the chance of saving you from the inconvenience of you wasting your your time on any more worthless title reigns, by giving title shots to people who actually want them."

The fans react to Marcus' explanation.

Marcus Troy: "And now for Ray Kamaura. How many times have you crapped on the Ligero Maximo title? I've listened to you rant about how that title isn't worth anything. I'd like to tell you this: I LIKE having that championship around. I LIKE having cruiserweights fight over it. That's why we still have the Ligero Maximo around. I don't agree with your opinion of the Ligero Maximo title, but I will use your opinion as basis for my decisions on whether you deserve any more title opportunities. So Ray, Yuki. Make the most of your match. Because after this PPV, one of you won't be receiving any title shots of any sort for the next 365 days."

The audience is left in shock as the feed from Marcus' fades out from the screen.

Loud crashes are heard coming from the locker room of Little Wang and Nao Fook Mi collectively known as Oriental Spices. As the cliche goes, it was like a hurricane had hit the room as overturned chairs, smashed locker doors and various articles of clothing are strewn around the floor. Little Wang can only watch as his partner and best friend Nao Fook Mi smashes another piece of furniture into splinters with an axe kick. He tries one last time to calm his partner down.

Little Wang: "Feel better? You know those furniture are innocent and costs money to replace."

Nao Fook Mi glares at the midget wrestler.

Little Wang: "Oh don't give me that look. Fine Raven cost us the tag titles, but you already put in a request to the office of the general manager for a match against her next week in the PPV, isn't that enough? This is exactly what Raven wants you know. To get you to lose yourself to your anger. Don't play into her hands Fook Mi... Calm down."

Nao Fook Mi slumps to the floor, her back against the dented locker room door. She slowly raises her head and looks at her partner in the eyes.

Nao Fook Mi: "Yes, you are right as usual my friend. I apologize for my actions... It's just..."

Fook Mi clutches her head in frustration as she stares on the floor again.

Nao Fook Mi: "Such a sorry state I am in am I? How did I let myself get this way? When did I let the actions and words of an individual get to me like this? You are right my friend, what I need to do is to prepare myself for my match next week. I shouldn't lose myself to anger and rage, I should not give Raven the satisfaction of seeing me in this state."

Fook Mi rises back up to her feet and looks at Little Wang a small smile on her face.

Nao Fook Mi: "So, shall you help me train for my match next week?"

Little Wang: "Need you ask my Fook Mi? Of course I shall help you."

Little Wang walks over to Fook Mi.

Little Wang: "Of course that also means you are buying me dinner."

Little Wang grins as Nao Fook Mi grins back.

Little Wang: "C'mon, lets stop wasting time, we still need to clean up before heading to the training grounds."

Both wrestlers start to clean the locker room as the scene fades to black.




Available in stores now!

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 09/18/2011   Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:16 am

The scene opens with Ray Kamaura staring at a TV screen where Marcus Troy is making his announcement about the PPV. When the message is over and looks of disdain crosses Ray's face. The Massively giant superstar reaches up and grabs the television and throws it as far as he can into a nearby baby oiling station.

Ray Kamaura: "NO! NO! MARCUS CAN'T DO THIS!"

Ray attempts to kick a box full of technical equipment but he stops and rethinks what he is doing.

Ray Kamaura: "This is crazy! On the off chance that Yuki beats me then I won't get any more title shots for a year! I haven't even been in this company for a year."

Ray Kamaura starts franticly pacing back and forth talking to himself.

Ray Kamaura: "Okay, Ray, You'll just have to beat Yuki. I have to win the Primo Ultimo before my first year is up. It's not a want it’s a need! I have stood toe to toe with every superstar in this business and I have faithful but on a good show for the fans and this is how Marcus repays me? Hell, had I not come to the company Yuki, nor Leon would be here."

Ray Kamaura stops pacing and just as he does that a light bulb above his head turns on.

Ray Kamaura: "I have an Idea!"

Ray Kamaura looks up at the light then looks back down and shakes his head.

Ray Kamaura: "That was strange. Anyway, All I have to do is beat Ragki tonight and that momentum will rocket me straight into a pin fall over Yuki! Then its right back to Conway!"

Ray Kamaura walks over to the table he knocked over and picks up a bottle of Johnson’s Baby oil and he proceeds to rub it on his exposed skin. "I’m ready" He said as he headed toward the arena.


Jasmine Lee: "The following match is scheduled for one fall, Introducing first Ragki Nikara!"

"Evolution" by Korn plays as Ragki Nikara walks down the ramp toward the ring quickly. Once he enters the ring, he throws off his sun hat and trench coat toward the ramp and waits for the match to begin.

Jim Jackson: "Ragki Nikara making his way to the ring, and he looks ready for a fight! "

Brad Blood: "He sure does Jim..., Uhm, does this guy work here?"

Jim Jackson: "I doubt he would be in the ring if he didn't Brad."

Brad Blood: "Valid point."

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Ray Kamaura."

"Sound Of Madness" by Shinedown starts to play as Ray Kamaura, The leader of the DWMA, begins striding towards the ring. His seven foot frame towers over everything until he comes to the apron. Ray grabs the top rope and steps onto the ring then over the ropes into the ring. He swiftly moves to a turnbuckle and climbs it raises on arm into the air.

Jim Jackson: "Ray Kamaura not having a lot of luck the past few weeks would be an understatement, he really needs a win tonight."

Brad Blood: "You can say that again, if he looses tonight he will probably kill himself, which would help his merchandise sales if nothing else."

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte, LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "There's the bell and the two men lock into a grapple, Nikara gets the upper hand and tosses Ray into the rope with an Irish whip, and then nails him with a huge clothesline!"

Brad Blood: "Ray jumps back to his feet and nails Nikara with a stiff chop, and follows it up with another chop, you could hear that one throughout the entire arena."

Jim Jackson: "Ray Kamaura hits a bulldog off the ropes. Nikara gets slammed. Ray going for an early win!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2.."

Brad Blood: "No luck. What's his name hits a few punches."

Jim Jackson: "Ragki Nikara."

Brad Blood: "Gesundheit, Kamaura looking good in there, he tosses who's it into the ropes and follows with a big boot."

Jim Jackson: "Leg drop by Kamaura, hooks the leg."

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2.."

"And.., Oh look that guys name is written right here on the card, Ragki Nikara kicks out, Ragki Nikara with a low blow, well it's probably better if Ray doesn't breed any way."

Jim Jackson: "Spin kick by Nikara, and Ray looks dazed. Nikara off the second rope hits a flying elbow. Ray stopping Nikara's momentum fast with a Mongolian chop. A few more punches from Ray followed by a kick in the gut, and a DDT on Nikara."

Brad Blood: "Ray pulling Nikara back to his feet, sideslam by Kamaura, seems odd that he picked him up at all, Ray goes for the win!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2.."

Jim Jackson: "Nikara isn't out yet, Nikara hurls Ray into the corner, Nikara runs in and hurls Kamaura into the air with a monkey flip. Nikara flips around and kicks Ray hard in the back, Nikara off the ropes and a strong kick lays Kamaura out, cover by Nikara."

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2.."

Brad Blood: "No dice, Ray grabbing Ragki, Irish whip by Kamaura followed by a shoulder block. Another Irish whip, SPINEBUSTAH~! Ragki Nikara is in trouble now. Ray Kamaura kicks Ragki Nikara in the gut causing Ragki Nikara to double over, puts his right shoulder to the back of Ragki Nikara's Neck, grabs the back of his legs and quickly lifts them up. Ray holds the pose for a few seconds and then falls onto his butt, crushing Ragki Nikara's neck on his shoulder, Game Changer!!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2....3...!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pin fall, Ray Kamaura!"

Jim Jackson: "Well Ray picks up a much needed win, building some momentum going into the PPV!"

Brad Blood: "That he did, and now I can once again forget that other guys name."

Jim is seen in his locker room, lounged back into a chair and reading a book. He casually flips to the next page as Lex Lexington is seen coming to the scene from the left, mic in hand and peering at the reading lightbringer intrigued.

Lex Lexington: "Uhh Jim, sorry to disturbed you but I would like to get your thoughts on your upcoming Boleto Dorado match as well as your match for tonight."

Jim just looks up for a moment, quirking a brow to Lex before going back to his item of interest. Before he spoke he once again turned to the next page. His eyes never left the book, speaking indirectly to Lex.

Jim Rival: "The Rumble, my thoughts on it are simple. We have nine other people in there trying to make a name for themselves. Some new, some old. All of them wasting their time."

Jim paused for a moment to turn another page in his book, this time looking up at Lex as he leaned forward.

Jim Rival: "I will win that golden ticket, and with it I will get something that everyone knows I so very deserve. The ULOL Ligero Maximo."

Lex Lexington: "That is quite a bold statement."

Jim Rival: "Bold? More of a foreshadowing of things to come."

Jim gave a gold glare to Lex who just gave a hard swallow in response.

Lex Lexington: "N-noted. What about your match tonight?"

Jim just chuckled, leaning back into the chair again and reading from where he left off.

Jim Rival: "What about it? A waste of time but another chance to let someone see the Light. Which reminds me I don't think -you- truly believe it in it."

Lex began to visibly sweat when Jim finished his statement, twitching and fidgeting under the pressure. Jim closed his book and rose from his seat which prompted Lex to quickly run out of the locker room, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process. Jim just gave a frigid smile before sitting back down and continuing to read once more as the scene fades to black.

The scene opens to the ULOL arena car park. The camera pans around seemingly admiring the flashy cars parked up in the spaces. A lone security guard is sitting on a chair with a cup of coffee in his hand and he is reading a copy of Transvestite Weekly. Boy Bakla's pouting face is on the cover and the guard intently reads an article inside. He takes a sip of his hot coffee and continues to read with interest.

Suddenly the huge swinging doors to the car park fly open and Zombie strolls out casually. He goes over to the guard and stands next to him. Hoping that just being there will get the attention of the guard. But the security guard is too intent on reading his magazine he doesn't notice the huge hulking figure of Zombie. Zombie suddenly snatches the magazine from the guard's grip and takes a look at the cover.

Zombie: "Tarzanvestitea Week? Is that Boy Bakla on this book?!?!?"

The guard is shocked at first and then attempts to retrieve it back.

Guard: "It's Transvestite Weekly!! And yes it is! Can't you read?"

Zombie: "Oh! No I can't. I don't need to. But I would like to know which of these cars is Connolys? I'll give you your book back if you tell me which one exactly it is!! And no lying!! I shouldn't need to threaten you! Just being who I am should be enough for you not to lie to me!!"

The guard points out a particular car and Zombie checks it out. He laughs snidely and chucks the magazine back to the guard. Zombie rubs his hands in delight and grabs a fire extinguisher from the corner it was assigned to. The guard then runs over to Zombie and goes to grab the can from Zombie's grasp but fails to take it away.

Guard: "Please don't use that! We must always have a fire extinguisher around! Health and Safety and such! Wait a minute ... your not going to ... I mean ... "

The guard looks to Zombie in terror at what he's about to do.

Zombie: "Oh oh I'm sorry! But ... I don't really care! I'll put it back once I've finished!"

Zombie smiles and pushes the guard out of the way. He directs his attention to the car and holds the fire extinguisher above his head and slams it down over the bonnet of Connoly's car.

???: "HEY!"

The camera shifts toward the direction of the guard, who's looking directly in back of him. The attention is on none other than Andrew Hunter, that guy who failed miserably at defeating Alexander Conway...

Hunter makes his way toward the undead hunk of meat, stopping abruptly before walking directly into the flestering flesh.

Andrew Hunter: "Are you crazy?"

Andrew reaches into his jacket, coming out with a base tire iron. Don't ask me how it fit in there...

Andrew Hunter: "You're blatant disregard for Health and Safety rules could get us sued! Here, use this instead..."

Andrew sets hands the tire iron to Zombie, who in turn, though some what wearily, or maybe just surprised, hands over the fire extinguisher.

Andrew proceeds to set the extinguisher back to its assinged corner. He takes a moment to make a small gesture towards the camera before walking away. The camera shifts back to Zombie, who's eyes are directed on the iron.

Zombie grips the tire iron and looks to Andrew Hunter as he walks off and exits the car park. The guard breathes a sigh of relief and waves to Andrew Hunter.

Guard: "Thank you!! At least someone respects Health and Safety around here!!"

Zombie smiles and he looks back to the tire iron. Happy with his new implement he continues to slam Connoly's car. Smashing all the windows in and knocking the wing mirrors off. Zombie then continues to climb up onto the bonnet of the car and onto the roof. He then proceeds to slam the tire iron on the roof of the car and jumps up and down. Zombie jumps off the car and smashes all the lights on the front and on the back.

Guard: "Have you finished now?"

Zombie: "No I haven't!"

Zombie strolls over to the fire extinguisher once again and points to it. He picks it up and walks over to stand next to the car.

Guard: "Oh no! Please don't!"

Zombie points to the car and unclasps the safety clip on the extinguisher. Zombie readies the can as if about to put out a fire and squeezes on the lever which forces the foam inside to discharge into Connoly's car.

Guard: "Noooooooooooo!"

Zombie proceeds to completely empty the whole of the fire extinguisher inisde the car leaving the foam to cover the seats and the whole of the inside. Zombie chuckles and drops the empty fire extinguisher to the floor. Zombie smiles as he leaves the guard who is now sucking on his thumb in the foetal position on the floor and mumbling as if he's completely lost his mind. Zombie leans down to the guards level.

Zombie: "That should do it! Oh by the way ... thanks!"

Guard: "But ... but .... but ... but ... but ..."

Zombie laughs loudly and extends back up to his standing position. He walks off leaving the guard still in the foetal position.

Guard: "But ... but ... but ... but .... but ..."

Connoly: "WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

Connoly runs out and see's the damage done to his car. He looks over at the guard laying on the ground.

Connoly: "What the fuck are you doing!?"

Guard: "But, uhm, I..,"

Connoly: "But.., uh.., I.., What are you retarded, isn't your damn job to make sure shit like this doesn't happen!?"

Guard: "Well, yeah, but..,"

Connoly: "But what? Who the fuck did this, how did they even know this was my car?!"

Guard: "Well, I may have pointed it out to them."

Connoly stops and looks at the guard, his face turns bright red.

Connoly: "YOU POINTED IT OUT TO HIM!!??? Oh, of course you did, I mean it's not like its your job or anything to make sure this shit doesn't happen. Jesus Christ, what do they pay you to sit here and watch someone destroy someones car. It was that Zombie piece of shit wasn't it, WASN'T IT!?"

Guard: "Yeah it was, I'm sorry, do you want me to call the cops, you can press charges."

Connoly looks at the guard with a confused look.

Connoly: "Call the cops? Press charges? No, no, no, wheres the fun in that."

Connoly walks over to the guard.

Connoly: "Hey, this piece of shit here is your car right?"

Guard: "Yeah, but please don't do anything, I just paid that off."

Connoly: "Really, you just now stopped making payments on this car, it's 20 years old."

Guard: "Well I don't make a lot of money doing this job."

Connoly: "No kidding, I wonder why. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt your car."

Guard: "Oh, thank you so much."

Connoly: "You are."

Before the guard has a chance to react, Connoly grabs the guards head and smashes his face into the hood of the car, breaking his nose and sending a spray of blood all over the hood. Connoly slams the guards head into the hood a few more times leaving a nice sized dent. Connoly then lifts the guard over his head and slams him through the windshield of the car.

Connoly: "There, now I feel a little better. No I'm going to go tear that mother fucker Zombies head off his damn shoulders."

Connoly storms back into the arena entrance.

The scene started with Taufik watching the television where he is looking through his match with Jim Rival and due to the fact he lost, he then started talking.

Taufik:"Well that last match didn't go the way I wanted. I still have work to do in order..."

Taufik then stands up and looked into the mirror as he sees a reflection of himself as he continues to talk.

Taufik:"This head of mine, it still had the stinging pain that just won't go away. I know going back active will slow or even make my recovery process worse, but I can't accept the fact that people like Jim Rival keep on attacking their already weakened opponent, and that is the main reason that I come back to active roster even when the doctor advises me not to."

Taufik then pops back down on his sofa as he say some last few words.

Taufik:"I have never regretted my decision and next Sunday at Dios Mio PPV is the return of the Boleto Dorlado. Even in whatever state I'm in now, I'm making sure that Jim doesn't win it and of course if the opportunity arises, I will go for the win and that my beloved fans, is a promise."

Taufik then walked out of the locker room as the scene fades to black.

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 09/18/2011   Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:17 am

'Map Of The Problematique' by Muse starts playing throughout the arena, suddenly a wall of flames shoot up across the stage floor, after a few moments Raven Connoly emerges through the flames. She has on black spandex pants, a red and black corset, a black cane with a silver dragon design handle resting on her shoulder, and a long black coat that splits at her waist, once in the middle of her back, and on both sides, forming four tails that dance behind her as she approaches the ring. The ULOL Campeón no Masculino is around her waist. Raven smiles as she climbs into the ring as the crowd shower her with boos and insults. Raven stands in the center of the ring and waits for the crowd to quite down.

Raven Connoly: "So how about those new ULOL Campeónes Compañero, huh?"

The crowd erupts in boo's and hisses and break into a chant of 'Raven Sucks! Raven Sucks!'

Raven Connoly: "I told you last week I could take the titles off of those two single handedly, and that's exactly what I did. You have no one to blame but your self Nao, you started this war, you decided to wage this battle against me and my evil ways. I guess now you realize you bit off way more than you can chew, and you just keep coming back for more. Now you want a first blood match at the PPV for the ULOL Campeón No Masculino? You want to up the ante and have a match where the goal is for me to smash in that pretty little face of yours? Nao, when will you learn that you can't beat me, if I were you I would give up while I still had a career, but hey, its you're funeral, you want a first blood match hun, you got it!"

The crowd starts to cheer loudly at Ravens acceptance of the match.

Raven Connoly: "Of course now we have another crusader who has jumped in the ring to stop the evil Raven. Last week Shogun decided to waltz out here and drone on about my recent, I guess you could say makeover. Now I will admit it is an interesting role reversal, yes I was the one who came out here a scolded Shogun when he turned his back on his fans. That's when I was a moron like Fook Mi, when I actually thought it was better to be honorable and play by the rules, and what did it get me, the same thing that it's getting Nao, not a damn thing. You see the difference is Shogun, is for some reason, you went back to the fan favorite, the hero. For what, you really missed all these inbred idiots stroking you off? What did you get for it, I don't see any gold around your waist, now your stuck fighting that tranny whore Bakla. You see, unlike you, I'm never going to sacrifice my career to make these fans happy, I'm here to win, I'm here to be number one, and I don't care who I have to destroy to get there!"

Raven drops the mic and slides out of the ring as the fans boo. Raven smiles and stretches her arms to her side and extends her middle finger on both hands to the fans as she walks back up the ramp and disappears back stage.

Yuki Monotomo is pacing back and forth through the locker room of the DWMA. He pushes dummies out of his way, kicking them and punching them. He axe kicks through the bench that was recently fixed from him doing the same thing. The silver duct tape rips in strands on the floor.

Yuki Monotomo: "A match for the number one contender? I’ll win the Primo Ultimo. I will be the champion. I will reign as god of the ULOL. I will attain the title. I don’t care how long it takes. I am a god. I can take the title whenever I please. I’ll just take it later."

Yuki kicks the final dummy. He lies down on the floor.

Yuki Monotomo: "That’s right. It’s all a matter of waiting."

The scene fades into blackness.


Jim Jackson: “Our match now is going to include competitors Jim Rival and Andrew Hunter! Both of these wrestlers making somewhat of an impression these last couple of weeks. Jim Rival obviously in a heated feud with his former tag partner Taufik. And Andrew Hunter comes off from his loss to Alexander Conway!”

Brad Blood: “Gutted! And what’s even more gutting is that that match was a title match for the Ligero Maximo championship! Sooo… who knows what state Hunter is in tonight!”

Jasmine Lee: “This next is scheduled for One Fall! Making his way to the ring first, Jim Rival!”

"Seven Secrets Of The Sphinx" by Therion erupts through out the arena as Jim makes his way to the ring at a slow pace. A black background with only the golden outline of a cross leaning back is all that appears on the titantron, occasionally flickering in an almost violent fashion. As Jim finally makes it to the ring he takes off his button down shirt, placing the black armband bearing the same cross back over his left arm before entering the ring.

Jasmine Lee: “And his opponent, Andrew Hunter!!”

"New Divide" by Linkin Park blasts through the arena. Andrew Hunter appears on the top of the ramp, straightening out his elbow pads. He cracks a grin as he begins walking down the ramp. He slaps the hands of the fans on his left, followed by the fans on his right, seeming to enjoy the spotlight. He slides underneath the ropes and quickly bounces back up, jumping up on a turnbuckle and staring into the audience.

Jim Jackson: “Well he seems alright to me Brad!”

Brad Blood: “Seeeeeems!”

Jim Jackson: “Well to those of you who are not Brad Blood. Both of these wrestlers look about ready to start this one! Actually Brad, Andrew Hunter looks pretty keen to start this one off! Determined to get some wins back into his pocket, I’m sure!!”

Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match will be Jack B. Nimble!! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!!”

Jim Jackson: “And this match is underway!! Both competitors tangle it up with a show of strength, both pushing on each other!! Rival breaks it up with a kick to the gut of Hunter!! He follows up with a forearm to the back of Hunter!! Andrew Hunter backs up onto the ropes!! Rival rushes Hunter with his arm outstretched!! But Hunter ducks and Rival goes over!!”

Brad Blood: “Rival though managing to find his balance on the ring apron!! Andrew Hunter takes the opportunity and slams Rival with a big right hand!! Jim Rival clatters down to the outside just in front of us!! Hunter also exiting the ring and hoping to use the outside to his advantage!!”

Jack B. Nimble: “One!”

Jim Jackson: “It could also play to Jim Rivals advantage as well!! Rival could counter and do the same!! Hunter with Rival to his feet and grapples in preparation for his next move!! Hunter looking for the suplex!! Rival though resisting locking his leg with Hunters!! Andrew Hunter thinking quickly kicks Rival in the midsection and immediately brings Rival up and over his head to perform a well-executed suplex on the outside!!”

Jack B. Nimble: “Two!!”

Brad Blood: “Hunter bringing Rival to his feet once again! Sending Rival towards the steel ring post!! But Rival counters that irish whip and sends Hunter flying into it instead!! The back of Andrew Hunter thumping right up against that steel!!”

Jack B. Nimble: “Three!!”

Jim Jackson: “Rival looking pretty aggressive!! Obviously not happy with the way things have been going so far in this one!! Rival firing a load of violent punches to the head of Andrew Hunter!! Jim Rival coming over to our announcer table!!”

Jim Rival: “Get up!!!”

Jim Jackson: “What? What’re doing? Wh…”

Brad Blood: “Woah! Jim, are you ok? Jim? Rival just pushed Jim Jackson to the floor and he’s taken his chair!!”

Jim Jackson: “That … that … that goddamn son of a bitch bastard little shit!!”

Brad Blood: “Uhh …”

Jack B. Nimble: “Hey! Put that down!! What’re you doing?!?!”

Brad Blood: “Nimble trying to intervene!! Rival though just looks like he wants to cause some damage!!! AND THE STEEL CHAIR NOW HAS A MOULDING OF HUNTER’S HEAD!!! THE REFEREE IS CALLING FOR THE BELL!! Jim Rival slamming that chair right onto Andrew Hunter’s head!!!”

Jim Jackson: “Serves him right!! You can’t do that to someone like me!!”

Jasmine Lee: “On account of a disqualification, the winner of this match is Andrew Hunter!!!”

Brad Blood: “I don’t think he’s quite finished though Jim!! Using the irish whip once again and he sends Hunter flying into the steel steps closest to us!! Continuing this vicious attack on Andrew Hunter with a load of punches and stomps!! Wait a minute!!!! Apparently we have a camera with a feed of Taufik!!! There he is!!!!! Taufik sprinting through the backstage of the arena!! Sprinting through the open doors and into the arena!!! He’s running down the steps through the crowd!!! The crowd here is going nuts!!!!! Rival not noticing the commotion as he goes for another chair shot!!! Taufik slides over the barrier and he snatches the chair from Rival!!”

Jim Jackson: “That’s right!! Come on Taufik!!!”

Brad Blood: “And he gives Rival a taste of his own medicine! Now there are two imprints on that steel chair! Taufik chucking the chair away and beating Jim Rival down!! Taufik looking for a spear on Rival!! Taufik charges as Jim Rival stands up and he hits the spear!!! RIGHT THROUGH THE BARRICADE!!!”

Jim Jackson: Yes!!! Thank you Taufik!!”

Brad Blood: “Andrew Hunter now up on his feet and … Jim what’re you doing? Jim? ... Well I guess Jim is also on his feet, joining Taufik and Andrew Hunter!! Jim with the pat on the back for Taufik! Hunter and Taufik shake hands after Taufik saved Hunter from the possible injury list!! Although I must say, while Jim isn’t here, it sure was satisfying watching him fall over like that! I sure hope Rival gets his own back at the PPV!!”

Blue and Red lights shine throughout the arena as Edguy's Robin Hood begins to play. Allister King and Shadow Callahan, accompanied by Samantha King, walk out onto the entrance ramp to a thunderous roar of the crowd. They pose on the top of the ramp as white pyrotechnics begin to rain down behind them. They continue to walk down to the ring, smiling to the crowd. Allister high fives a few off the audience members before sliding into the ring. Shadow and Samantha just casually walk up the steps and into the ring. They poses once more for the crowd, before retrieving a microphone. Allister hands Samantha his tag title belt

Before they say anything they raise the Campeónes Compañero titles above their heads to another roar from the crowd. The Crowd Begin to chant ''Kings''

Allister King:" I paid my dues, time after time. I've done my sentence, but committed no crime. And Bad Mistakes, I've made a few. I've had my share of sand kicked in my face but I've come throughhhh! And I need to go on and on and on and on."

Allister changes this standing position to resemble that of a famous gay man who died of aids and it's not tom hanks in philidelphia

Allister King: "Weeeeee are the champions my friends! And we'll keep on fighting til the end!!"

The Crowd begins to sing along

Allister King: "We are the champions! We are the champions! No time for losers cause we are the champions.........OF THE WORLD!!!!!"

Allister begins to clap to the crowd and applaud back. Allister raise the microphone up and does the infamous ''Freddie Mercury'' pose

Allister King: "Woooooo!!! Finally some gold around my waist. I took me along time just to experience this feeling. But to be fair, this to us, feels like an empty victory. Ya see we won these titles due to some hot bitch in boots interfering in our match and screwed Fook Mi and Wang out of these titles. So to you guys if you can hear this, Whenever you're ready just ask and we will more than happy to hand you that rematch."

The Crowd cheers

Allister King: "So according to the way things have been going, due to Raven and Fook Mi's hatred for each other, there won't be any tag title match at the PPV."

The Crowd boos

Allister King: "Or will there?"

The Crowd cheers

Allister King: "We were lucky enough to be able to hand picked our opponents for the Dios Mio PPV next week and we looked through the tag division to find one but we couldn't do that. But here we go."

The arena goes silent

Allister King: "At Dios Mio, we hereby put these titles on the line as we Battle the Team of Goodfella and Schwarz! Annnnnnnnnnd the Tag Team of Brostar and Fettel Marston."

The Crowd erupts with thunderous applause

Allister King: "So if either of those 2 teams can hear me, please come out here and accept the challenge."

Allister lowers the microphone

"Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top starts to sound, the light suddenly turns off after a few seconds it starts again and Arnold is standing in the middle of the ring.

Arnold "GoodFella" Bold: "Well you know that I was expecting this. And you are making a good choice out there. However I’m not gonna brag there how good we are. I’m just going to say that you will have to put your A game out there Allister."

Arnold smiles and goes deep into his memories when he was longest reigning Campeones Companero. When he beaten all opponents that been given to him and his partner Felix.

Arnold "GoodFella" Bold: "You know those were good days when me and my partner Felix been champs. However I came here not to talk about my good memories as Campeones Companero. Sorry that he is not here at the moment. He has some personal matters to attend to. Nevertheless I am here and I am accepting your challenge champ."

He lowers mic and waits for Allister to respond.

Allister King: "I was planning on bringing anything less than my best, I'm not sure about Shad here but ya never know."

Shadow takes the microphone of allister

Shadow Callahan: "If we plan to hold onto this titles past our first defense then you need to know that I will bring more than a 100%. Why?"

Allister King: "Cause that is the Northern Kings way."

Allister laughs as Shadow hands him the microphone back.

Allister King: "There ya go fella. Now we are waiting on the team that dreams, Brostar and Fettel."

Allister lowers his mic

"Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco plays as Brostar appears on stage with a mic in his hand he raises hands to the crowd, and starts to speak.

Brostar: "Me and my partner Fettel accept, Fettel will be out in a moment."

Brostar: "Allister, Shadow and Goodfella, me and Fettel have the uymost respect for you guys. But when it comes down to the title match, no matter how much respect that is in the ring, me and Fettel will do whatever it takes to get those belts.

Brostar looks at Goodfella.

Brostar: "Goodfella you talk about having your A game, you're not the only ones that will be having your A game."

Brostar: "Me and Fettel will be bring our A game."

Brostar looks at both Allister and Goodfella.

Brostar: "We will be bringing our star game, our split-mind game and we're looking to beating you guy at the TLC game."

He says as he waits for Fettel to come out or for Allister or Goodfella to say anything.

"The Devil's Own" by Five Finger Death Punch starts to play and Fettel Marston emerges from backstage. Armed already with a microphone he stands beside Brostar at the top of the ramp. He slowly walks down the ramp with Brostar following close behind. The confident persona of "Dad" swaggers down and he begins to speak.

Dad: "You know I'm never one really for trash talking! But this to me just comes natural because it's what I truly believe! Those titles really don't belong on your waists! It just doesn't seem right! We've faced off against you two on two separate occasions and that gives us a nice edge!"

Fettel starts to walk up the steel steps and enters the ring. He turns his attention toward GoodFella.

Dad: "GoodFella and Schwarz? You're a good tag team and very experienced to boot! Hell! You are the longest reigning tag champions in ULOL history! But your time is up! You need to both look for the bigger picture! Ramp it up!!! Take on anyone!!! Do a Ray Kamaura!! Now that guy is inspiring!! He shouts at the Primo Ultimo champion and what happens? He gets a match for the chance to be the Number One Contender for the Primo Ultimo Championship!! More people need to take a page out of HIS book!!"

Fettel looks back to The Northern Kings.

Dad: "We'll take you guys on!! You have anything to say boy?"

Fettel returns to the forefront of his own mind and body.

Fettel Marston: "Just know that I will be more determined to win the match!! For me to get my first win AND win title gold for the first time ...."

Fettel thinks on the thought for a bit and shakes his head.

Fette Marstonl: "... it's indescribable!! But I WILL know that feeling .... I WILL!!!"

Allister King: "Well I guess that settles it, Next week at the PPV with the titles on the line, Me and Shadow, the reigning and defending champions, the northern kings, will take on the team of Goodfella and Schwarz, and the team of Fettel and Brostar. Celebration bitches!!!"

Allister jumps about like an idiot

Allister King: "We will see you guys at Dios Mio!"

Allister drops the microphone and the Northern Kings leaves the ring and begins to head to the back.

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Have you always wanted a pet but is afraid that it'll destroy the furniture?

Have you always wanted a pet but do not have the time to feed and walk it?



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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

Posts : 2990
Join date : 2008-12-29
Age : 43

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 09/18/2011   Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:17 am

The scene opens with the back of ULOL's interviewer Lex Lexington running to what seems to be a brawl in the middle of a park. As the camera tries to focus, Lex Lexington turns his head around and speaks to the mic.

Lex Lexington: "We are rushing to the site of where a brawl seems to be ongoing between The Morbidly Obese Man and the countrymen of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing."

Lex Lexington arrives on the scene and looks in horror at the mass of broken bodies laying unconscious on the ground. The Morbidly Obese Man, though breathing heavily seems to have won the battle. Clutching one of Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing's countrymen by the neck, the massive wrestler watches him slowly cease to struggle. Without thinking for his safety, Lex Lexington tries to pull the choking man out of the big wrestler's grasp.

Lex Lexington: "Stop! You'll kill him if this goes on."

The Morbidly Obese Man finally lets go of the limp body and looks at Lex Lexington in the eyes.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "And what if I do? They were out for my blood. They chased me for weeks now over what? An accidental death of a pony. They caused me much grief Lex..."

The eyes of The Morbidly Obese Man shows no emotion...

The Morbidly Obese Man: "I've had enough of these bugs swarming all over me everywhere I go. They pushed me to the edge and I just had to push back. They have branded me as the villain, the bad guy... FINE! I'LL BE THE BAD GUY! I'll be their worst nightmare..."

Just then another of Q's countrymen springs out from the bushes and leaps towards The Morbidly Obese Man. The big man merely catches him in mid-air by the throat and then to the poor man's horror shoves his head in-between his love handles. The poor man tried to pull himself free but his head is firmly held in place by layers of cellulite. His struggles slowly loses vigor as Lex Lexington could only look on in horror.

After the man finally stops moving, The Morbidly Obese Man pulls the unconscious man out from between his love handles and drops him to the ground. He turns around and looks at the camera which is now visibly shaking as the cameraman wasn't sure if the big wrestler will go for him.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "I'm through playing defense Q... You hear me? This time it will be me playing offense... What happened to your countrymen here tonight... It will be the same thing that will happen to you."

With that, The Morbidly Obese Man reaches out and grabs the camera as the feed suddenly gets cut-off to static.

Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to its fans before it enters the ring with flourish and addressing the crowd.

Boy Bakla: "Well well well, tonight I shall face Shoggie again in the second match in our best three out of five matches... And as what happened two weeks ago, I again shall give you all a repeat performance as I shall stroll out the victor in our match tonight! You see two weeks ago I proved one thing. I proved that I can play with the best and come out on top. Shoggie was a a former ULOL Primo Ultimo, in fact he is the FIRST ULOL Primo Ultimo, yet what happened two weeks ago?"

Bakla paces around the ring chuckling to itself.

Boy Bakla: "I made him tap. Yes, I made the person that old bag, Eunice P. Winslow chose tap, as I will again tonight and as I will again two weeks from now in our third match for a complete sweep of this best three of five, in which Eunice P. Winslow shall then be swept out of that seat of power she comfortably sits on now... So watch closely tonight Eunice dear and you shall see the power you hold so dear slip away."

The transsexual wrestler drops the mic and exits the ring as Cher's "Believe" starts to play and it casually strolls to the back.

A gold SUV honks as it moves through traffic, hurriedly moving past cars and barely beating a red light as it speeds along as quickly as it can. The occupants include a few reporters, assigned to follow every movement of the man whose disguised form is known the world over.

These reporters ride with none other than the heroic highlight of the ring. The man known only as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: [We should be near now! We must get there, before it is too late!]

Reporter: [Hopefully they're okay.]

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: [Our people are hardy folk! I hope they do not do something crazy!]

Reporter 2: [You've been quiet about the Primo Ultimo Champion's latest comments before he had his match with Andrew Hunter last week. A lot of people are really upset about him back home. Can you give us your thoughts on that?]

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: [You chose an odd time to ask that!]

Reporter 2: [We got time though.]

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Rob Conway's another man swayed by the propaganda those evil blue fiends continue to spread to this day! You know I do not like talking about this tragedy, for our humble people still suffer from the war, barely beginning to rebuild! It's been a very hard struggle for us! But if I were Rob Conway! And I am not! I would pay more attention to how I'm going to work as the Primo Ultimo the second time around! Because the last time you had the championship did wonders for you!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing moves a bit in his seat, to more properly face the reporter.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The last time you had the Primo Ultimo in your name, you wanted the world to know you are a tough guy! By goading a manager to get in the ring! With you! You were on top of the heap! And you wanted to teach the manager a lesson! You growled and hissed at the manager to see if he'll spill a brown spot in his pants! You dared him to come after you, so you can show him why you were the Primo Ultimo! THEN THE MANAGER SAID OKAY! LET'S FIGHT!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing shakes his head ever so slightly. Their driver honks to warn off other motorists from cutting in front of them.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The manager took you on! And then the manager BEAT YOU! In a match! While YOU had that Primo Ultimo in your name! Mister V-A-G-I-N-A! That manager even wanted to make it a match for the title! HIS name probably should be on that title! That was the HIGHLIGHT of your first run! You once said no one knows what you're capable of! But now we all have a good picture of how far you go before you derp it! No one needs to tell it to your face, not when everyone knows you don't look that good in lace! Can you even make it to October as champ!"

Driver: [We're here.]

The reporters' cameras hastily point at the scene before them, as the SUV brakes to a halt. They are in a park, and we see a large number of people laying about like crumpled, broken toys.

Everyone gets out of the SUV, following the lead of the masked man. He stares at his countrymen, all scattered about haphazardly. One is even lying in the splintered wreck of a park bench; another is strung upside down on a tree branch.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing tends to one of injured, trying to see what he can do. The man feebly tries to say something from his bloodied mouth.

Injured Man: [We called...for help. People came by but...they took our wallets...]

Another Injured Man: [...my phone's stolen.]


Reporter: [Someone call a few ambulances!]

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing forcefully grabs a microphone.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "This is!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing takes a moment to absorb the scale of the carnage wrought by the Morbidly Obese Man.


The whine of ambulance alarms can be heard in the distance.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "You are perhaps the biggest man alive! But my people have shown their bravery in challenging your gluttony! Their courage spurs me on! I will see that you don't throw your weight around any more! Your fat fueled shadow may cover me! But it just means I will chop you down in the shade!"

The reporters quickly broadcast the images of their battered and broken countrymen, as the scene fades to black.

Shogun can be seen sitting in his lockeroom looking up at the cameraman that just entered.

Shogun Shogunsen: "Ah so you decided to join me. I just wanted to go over a few things. You see, tonight I have yet another chance at getting my hands on the boleto dorado ticket. This is a very very big oppertunity for me to finally get my Primo Ultimo title back. Some wrestlers in this match will just try and pull a Conway or a Q and try to ambush the champion to become the NEW paper champion of this organization. The kind of champion Marcus Troy can be proud of."

Shogun shakes his head.

Shogun Shogunsen: "When I win the golden ticket I demand that I fight whoever is champion after tonight in a propor match. Because unlike some people I dont take the easy way out! Unlike the Raven Connoly`s out there I have the guts to admit when I go astray! So tonight I hope my opponents understand that they are getting into the ring with a man who is willing to do ANYTHING to win!"

Shogun Shogunsen: "That's another thing Boy Bakla needs to understand! It thinks I must be a pushover because of ONE match! Well sorry but you are sadly mistaken. Your only motivation is seeing a minor player in the game taken out of power! You fail to grasp the big picture just like many other people in this federation. The only person who needs to be out of power around here is Marcus Troy! When I take care of you Bakla I will be one step closer to destroying the cancer to wrestling. I cannot afford to lose Bakla!"

Shogun Shogunsen: "Tonight is just another way for me to stick it to that peice of shit Troy! I am going to win the golden ticket and move on to becoming a three time Primo Ultimo! Before I can do that however I must first take care of you Bakla...I am going to have to go all out one hundred fifty percent from not on just so you can understand just how important this chance is to me. So you can understand what wrestling a REAL wrestler is like! So that the entire world can see that I am the real deal! The BEST damn wrestler on this planet!"

Shogun Shogunsen: "Raven, Conway and Q be damned I will prevail!"

Shogun gets up and abruptly walks past the camera man cueing the end of the interview as the screen goes black.


Jim Jackson: "Well, we now have the main event of the evening, Boy Bakla versus Shogun Shogunsen. This is the second match in the best three of five matches where-in if Bakla wins, Mrs. Eunice P. Winslow will have to step down as vice-general manager of ULOL. Bakla already won the first match with a surprising victory over the former Primo Ultimo."

Brad Blood: "Yeah, that was a shocker. I lost quite a bit on that match, but tonight, I'm gonna make it back as my money is on Bakla."

Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a singles match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Boy Bakla!"

Cher's "Believe" start playing on the loud speakers as PINK lights start to flash above the entrance ramp. A light mist is released from the ground carrying the scent of lavender as the transsexual wrestler Boy Bakla leaps out from the back wearing a pink tank top and pink hot pants. It casually strolls down the entrance ramp blowing kisses to it's fans before it enters the ring with flourish and heads to it's corner waiting for the match to begin.

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, its opponent for the evening, Shogun Shogunsen!"

"Hybird Stigmata-the Apostasy" by Dimmu Borgir hits the speakers suddenly as the lights in the arena begin flashing on and off. As soon as the first lyric is screamed Shogun Shogunsen bursts out from the hind the curtain to the roar of cheers mixed in with boos. The wrestler has the same golden belt around his waist. When he makes it down the ramp Shogun quickly rolls into the ring and faces his opponent.

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "And there's the bell! Right of the bat both wrestlers go into a grappling contest. Shogun Shogunsen gets the advantage and snap suplexes Boy Bakla. Bakla quickly rolls back to its feet. Bakla ducks a wild right hand. Shogunsen takes a chop from Bakla and another and another and another and another."

Brad Blood: "Bakla just lit up Shogunsen's chest like it was the fourth of July. Bakla whips Shogunsen into the turnbuckles... And the referee gets sandwiched! The ref is down!"

Jim Jackson: "Well Boy Bakla scales the turnbuckles and poses on the top of the ring post... Diving headbutt from Bakla! Shogun Shogunsen gets it right between the eyes! Pinfall attempt, but the referee is out."

Brad Blood: "Stupid tranny, Bakla should have realized that the ref was down and not waste that headbutt. He could have had the three count there."

Jim Jackson: "Shogun Shogunsen blocks a kick from Boy Bakla. Stun Gun from Shogun Shogunsen! Bakla walks around the ring like a drunk penguin! Bakla walks into a jaw breaker. Bakla goes down! Shogunsen hooks the leg."

Brad Blood: "Great! Now the ref regains his consciousness... What timing."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Boy Bakla kicks out of that one. Shogun Shogunsen picks Bakla up... It gets hit with a powerbomb out of the corner. Bakla staggers up to its feet... Bodyslam by Shogunsen sends it back down to the canvas."

Brad Blood: "Whoa, Bakla still gets up from that one... Bakla holds on to the ropes for support. Shogunsen comes charging in! Bakla blocks a punch. Back heel kick from Bakla hits Shogunsen on the family jewels! OH!!! Shogunsen drops to his knees. Bakla shoves Shogunsen down and hooks the leg."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Shogun Shogunsen kicks out! Boy Bakla looks shocked. Bakla misses a big legdrop. Shogunsen gets back up to his feet. He grabs Bakla's leg... It looks like an ankle lock..."

Brad Blood: "No! Bakla counters and now it looks like the tranny has a Texas cloverleaf locked in! Shogunsen tries to reach for the ropes... He's too far away! C'mon tap dammit! Let me win my money back!"

Jim Jackson: "Wait Shogun Shogunsen somehow counters the cloverleaf and now he has a figure four leglock locked in! It's a battle of technical skills now! Boy Bakla screams in pain. Bakla's shoulders hit the ground. The referee goes for the three count!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Wait! Bakla flips over! Now the pressure gets reversed as Bakla has the reverse figure four locked in on Shogunsen's legs!"

Jim Jackson: "Shogun Shogunsen with sheer willpower crawls towards the ropes... He reaches out... And gets it! Bakla is not letting go!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three! Four..."

Brad Blood: "Bakla lets go short of getting disqualified, the referee seems to be having a few words with Bakla but the damage has already been made. Shogunsen is clearly in pain clutching his leg."

Jim Jackson: "You may be right Brad, Shogun Shogunsen climbs back to his feet limping a little in pain... Boy Bakla charges in and targets the leg of Shogunsen... Shogunsen spins around dodging Bakla's forearm! Shogunsen hits a big right stunning Bakla."

Brad Blood: "Shogunsen picks Bakla up on his shoulders... His leg gives way and Bakla drops to the ground behind him! Bakla with a waistlock on Shogunsen!"

Jim Jackson: "Shogun Shogunsen throws a couple of hard back elbows at Boy Bakla! Bakla's grip loosens! Shogun Shogunsen lifts Boy Bakla up into into the air in a half nelson and... No! The Muscular Bomb fails! His leg causes Shogunsen to not be able to execute his finisher."

Brad Blood: "Hah! This match is as good as Bakla's. Show me the money!"

Jim Jackson: "Wait! Shogun Shogunsen dodges an uppercut by Boy Bakla! He counters with his own uppercut stunning Bakla! Shogun lifts Boy Bakla up into into the air in a half Nelson and hen into a backdrop position before slamming Boy Bakla down to a sitting position, slamming the back of his neck to the canvas ignoring his leg pain executing a Muscular Bomb! That shook the ring! Shogunsen for the cover!"


Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two! Three!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall, Shogun Shogunsen!"

Jim Jackson: "Oh man, what a comeback. Shogun Shogunsen beat the odds tonight and ties the series at one all. Wait Bakla gets back up to its feet... It tries to charge towards Shogunsen who throws it over the top rope instead! Shogunsen exits the ring... Both wrestlers start brawling again making their way to the back!"

Brad Blood: "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! I can't believe I lost my money again this week. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...."

Jim Jackson: "And that ends our night, four great matches leading to Dios Mio next week. A great debut for Enigma, and good wins for both Ray Kamaura and Andrew Hunter. Also much to my partner's dismay Boy Bakla loses to Shogun Shogunsen putting the best three of five series into a tie."

Brad Blood: "And making me lose money. Damned tranny."

Jim Jackson: "Anyhow, since we are out of time, I would want to remind everyone next week to watch Dios Mio where as Marcus Troy announced, we have great matches for everyone. So until next week, good night and good fight."

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 09/18/2011   

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