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 Lucha Loco 08/14/2011

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PostSubject: Lucha Loco 08/14/2011   Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:01 am



Jim Jackson: "Good evening and welcome to another night of great wrestling action here in Lucha Loco. We have a great great great show lined up for everyone tonight including two matches for the first leg of the ULOL Primo Number One Contender Ultimo Grand Prix."

Brad Blood: "That's right, we have four people vying to be number one contender based on fan votes. Surprisingly we have the soon to be departing "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson thrown into the mix as well."

Jim Jackson: "Well, as of now he IS still contracted to ULOL so he has every right to be here."

Brad Blood: "Oh I think we have a clip about the recent London riots..."

Jim Jackson: "We have some footage from the riots that occurred during the last couple of days in the English capital of London. Stopped almost single-handedly by one of our very own wrestlers! Here is that wrestler talking from London a couple of days ago!"

The scene opens to a post riotous London. The street is littered with the remains of burnt out cars and smoke still fills the air. The camera pans around and the streets are completely empty. Slowly the camera moves towards a burnt out store. As the camera enters the building we see that the floor is littered with skulls. The skulls start to pile up into a small hill and at the top is a rather large throne like chair. Slouched in the chair is Zombie picking at his teeth with a sharpened down bone. He notices the camera and sits up as he begins to speak.

Zombie: "Why hello there idiots of ULOL!! Here I am in a sunny and a rather smoky London!! Where I was summoned due to my extreme skill of dealing with riots!!"

He chuckles and he sits back in the chair.

Zombie: "Obviously due to my past experience, the British Government thought it wise and cost effective to use my services!! And I took up the opportunity!! And now look!! It was for the good of this country and in the long run I stopped more innocent people from getting hurt! Also they don't have to worry about cleaning up the rotting corpses which is a bonus for the government and for me!!"

Zombie manages to pick out a piece of flesh stuck inbetween his teeth.

Zombie: "Gotcha ya bastard!"

Zombie then proceeds to swallow down the nuisance piece of meat and continues.

Zombie: "But my job here is almost done now and so I must proceed onto more pressing matters! Those being back where all you are!! Let's see ... you have Jack Johnson ripping the holy hell off of CM Punk! Q is still prancing around with my title and pissing the two fuck out of Shogun! Allister King has an interview segment with Shadow Callahan who is all of a sudden a mild mannered jazz musician! And I think Taufik is ... dead? Or maybe he'll make a comeback? I dunno!"

Zombie chucks away his bone tooth pick and sits forward in his chair once again.

Zombie: "And finally I need to address another matter when I return! Marcus Troy will have his answer! I have thought about his words and will continue to think on them! I'm sure something interesting will come about once I see him in his office again!"

Zombie chuckles menacingly and stands up.

Zombie: "So people of ULOL! I shall be spending a few more days in this ... lovely country ..."

Zombie pulls a face along with his sarcasm.

Zombie: "Making sure these bastards have finished their mindless violence with some mindless violence of my own! And by Sunday I will back terrorizing your lives once again!!"

Zombie smirks as the scene fades to black.

Brad Blood: "Obviously Zombie in a match tonight and has arrived back in time for that very match! But Zombie reacted pretty badly to being cheered last time ... what reaction will he get tonight I wonder and how will he react to it?"

Jim Jackson: "Um... I think we should just get the show started..."






"Simply Unstoppable" by Tinie Tempah begins blaring over the arena. The fans in attendance jump to their feet and cheer as "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson walks out. He is wearing his ring gear with his modified version of CM Punk's shirt. He doesn't acknowledge the fans, he just stares at his destination, the ring. He jumps onto the ring apron and enters the ring. He gestures for a microphone and receives one. The music dies down and UJJ begins to speak.

"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "Would it help if I sat down with my legs crossed? Would I fully rip off Punk then? Hmm?"

UJJ shrugs his shoulders and sits down, crossing his legs.

"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "This is what it's all about. No interviewer's no other cheap excuses for wrestlers here. No none of the kind that would try and steal my limelight. Just me inside a ring while you people listen. Listen to the words that are flowing off the tip of my tongue."

UJJ looks at the fans in front of him.

"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "I think it's obvious that the reaction that I got from my announcement isn't actually positive. It's almost like no one cares. Well they can not care all they like. That's fine. I didn't care in the past and I certainly do not care right now. Caring was a mistake I made earlier in the year when Morbidly Unstoppable was around. I lost focus off of the Primo Ultimo Title whilst I carried that piece of dirt as poor excuse of a title. Yeah that's right I'm talking about the stupid tag titles. I can't believe I carried them three times. I haven't been in a tag team since the start of my career and I remembered why I hated it so much."

UJJ scoffs before talking again.

"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "Speaking of beginnings of careers and such. That Call of Duty C4 dude tried to pull an early Triple H. Should we all start jumping on him? Calling him a Triple H rip-off? For the young fans who don't have a clue about what I'm talking about then I'll explain. When he first joined the company he now runs, he was smart and decided that he needed to establish himself quickly. So he decided to jump on the biggest star in the business at that time. Well it worked for him but it won't work for you CoD man. It's bad enough that I had to put over Q, let alone a newbie. Also why should I break off my final chance to get the Primo Ultimo title? Answer me that and I'll consider you. Consider you as a stupid jackass."

"Unstoppable" Jack Johnson: "Lastly before they decide to cut off my microphone because they have found out that Q has taken a dump, I'll talk about Alexander Conway. My opponent tonight. He calls himself Mr. Calagary. Whilst I call myself Mr. Best in the world. Last time I checked. I was Canadian too! What's more is I'm from Calagary too! So tonight, not only will we find out advances in this little tournament, but we'll also find out who really is; Mr Calagary."

UJJ slides the microphone out of the ring. He stands up and exits the ring as "Simply Unstoppable" resumes playing.






The scene opens with Brostar and Fettel in the locker room, Brostar begins to speak.

Brostar: "So it seems like what happened to you a couple weeks ago really affected you it seems, you got powerbombed on the steps and were out for two weeks, but it is good to see you back again. But how are you, do you feel any better?"

Brostar asks as he waits for a response.


Fettel looks at Brostar angrily.

Fettel Marston: "It's because of you that this happened!"

Fettel lifts up his T-shirt and shows the brace still around the bottom part of his back. Fettel stands up as if to continue his rant towards Brostar. But "Dad" prevents him from going further.

Dad: "Now now boy! Brostar is only being nice! We can't have a rift in this tag team before we've even started! While yes we are still in some pain Brostar but Fettel can manage for tonight's match! Can't you boy?"

Fettel's expression changes from one of calm to the frowning sulky kid in the corner.

Fettel Marston: "Yeah. I can manage tonight."

Dad: The only thing I would say Brostar is if you could watch our back tonight! In the literal sense! It's a weak point and I cannot stress enough how that might impact on the match! I can almost guarantee that they will focus attention upon it! But if it looks like it is too much for Fettel, then don't hesitate to intervene!


Brostar: "I promise you I will have your back and you can trust throughout the match."

He says as he puts tape on his arms.

Brostar: "And Fettel if I'm sorry that you ended up in the state you are in right now, I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure the injury you have doesn't become worse and we will win this match no matter what, you can trust me on that."

Brostar Finishes as he finishes taping his arms.






Lex Lexington was running in the backstage area looking at his watch. He is running three minutes late for an interview and he had a deep-seated feeling that this interview may not push through due to his tardiness. He finally reaches his destination and sighs a breath of relief to see his interviewee still waiting for him, the new addition to the ULOL roster, Colton Charles Cai Cobb. As he approaches the newcomer, he notices a scowl on the face of the wrestler. Before he could speak, Colton Charles Cai Cobb or C4 for short spots him and quickly berates him.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "You have made me wait Mr. Lexington, even my mother does not make me wait. You are lucky that I am still here Mr. Lexington, fortunately for you I have deemed you worthy to bring my words to the public, unfortunately for you due to your tardiness you shall have one and only one question. am I understood?"

Lex Lexington can only nod and agree, lest he loses the interview for good. He quickly tries to think of the one question he could ask the new wrestler to make most of the interview.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Well? What is your question? Out with it man, you are further wasting my time with this dilly dallying, and you call yourself a journalist? Why don't I make your job easier? I'll ask the one question and give you the answer too."

Before Lex Lexington can reply, Colton Charles Cai Cobb takes the mic from his hand and asks himself the question.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Now why isn't the internet sensation of the nation, the Charismatic Crippler Colton Charles Cai Cobb not booked in a match tonight even though he had a successful debut match against AJ? Why is he not booked in the number one contender's tournament for the ULOL Primo Ultimo title? And what of his challenge to UJJ, the former ULOL Primo Ultimo?"

Lex Lexington: "Um, that's three questio... GURK~!"

Before Lex Lexington can finish interrupting the pompous new superstar, C4 grabs him by the neck choking the interviewer.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "You are not privileged to interrupt me. Even my father does not dare interrupt me am I clear on this?"

Lex Lexington manages a small nod despite being choked by C4. He is then released as he coughs heavily gasping for air.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Now the answers to my questions before I was so rudely interrupted by this piece of crap journalist is simple. I was not booked because this place is being run by retards! That's right, everyone knows I am the new big thing here in United League of Lunatics, I am the next big money maker yet these retards didn't book me in the match. So thus my magnificence can only be viewed tonight here backstage in this interview, the people tonight shall not see excellence in the ring, instead they shall be treated to mediocre wrestling by mediocre people. Not really my loss if you catch my drift. I tell you now, this interview segment shall be the highest rated segment of the show once the Neilsen ratings come in."

Colton Charles Cai Cobb pauses and poses to the camera for a few seconds to let the viewers bask in his glory.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Now comes the answer to the next question, why was I not booked in the number one contender's tournament tonight? I am the internet sensation that swept the nation, I should have won the voting to be part of that tournament but of course, I should say that the retarded management here has already pre-planned the results. That's right, the voting was rigged! It is obvious because I am not in the tournament, no other explanation is even remotely feasible."

Lex Lexington was about to say something but decides against it...

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "And here comes the last question, what of my challenge to Mr. Johnson? "Unstoppable" *snicker* Jack Johnson who somehow made it to the top four and I didn't. Well we'll see what happens to Mr. Johnson... I won't spoil anything for you but whether he accepts my challenge or not, my sights have been set on him and he better be prepared to be blown away. Now that I have increased the rating for this weeks Lucha Loco, it's time for me to depart."

C4 shoves the mic into Lex Lexington's chest and walks away with an air of arrogance.

Lex Lexington: "Well there you have it folks, some big words from newcomer Colton Charles Cai Cobb... Now back to more Lucha Loco."

The scene fades to black.






Inside the AAA's locker room, Christopher Bain is sitting on a bench. He is preparing for the tag match later tonight, but his preparation is interupted when the locker room door slowly opens. In walks Andrew Hunter, dressed in his favorited brown jacket and a few other articles of clothing.. Bain stops what he was doing and directs his attention to Hunter, who takes a few seconds to return the glance. Many will notice that his lip is cut and that the area around his left eye is bruised, like a banana.

Andrew Hunter: "Before you say anything, sorry about not showing up last week."

Andrew makes his way to another bench, which is facing directly across from Bain, and takes a seat. His eyes directed at the floor.

Andrew Hunter: "I guess I was just preoccupied with other things, you know?"

Andrew raises his attention from the ground back to his partner, who's still sitting in the bench.

Andrew Hunter: "Look, I know that I risked a lot when I agreed to my match with Alexander. But the thing is; I wasn't just risking my own gain, I risked our gain, this team's gain."

He lets out a sigh, taking a moment to continue.

Andrew Hunter: "I guess it shouldn't bug me. Not like we needed the ticket to win the titles or anything. But regardless of anything weighing on either of our minds, we've got work to do tonight. So what do you say we start getting ready?"

Andrew seems to perk up slightly as he lets out a small grin at his partner.

Christopher Bain doesn’t return his partner’s grin. Instead, Bain asks the question that many others were thinking.

Christopher Bain: “Did you get mugged on your way to work today? Because I know that Mr. O’Reilly didn’t hit you hard enough for you to look like that.”

Christopher Bain grins at his partner, but barely allows any time to pass before asking another question that some people may have been thinking.

Christopher Bain: “Why are you apologizing to me about what you decided to do with your ticket? You won the thing, I didn’t. The Boleto Dorado was yours and yours alone. It did not belong to us, it did not belong to this team, it belonged to you. I’m disappointed that you lost it, sure, but I would have been more disappointed had you used it to get us the tag team championships.”

Christopher Bain holds up his index finger.

Christopher Bain: “Ah, speaking of which, I heard some interesting news. It seems that the higher ups were impressed with our first two matches, and have started to take our teaming up more seriously. While we aren’t in the title picture yet, if we keep working well together and winning matches, we should soon find ourselves there."

Christopher bends over and begins to lace up the boot that he lacing before Andrew walked in.


Christopher Bain: “So Hunter, to answer your question…”

Christopher tugs his laces tight before looking back up at Hunter.

Christopher Bain: “I am already ready. But the real question is this; are you ready to go put on a show?”


Andrew keeps his grin on his face as he responds to his partner.

Andrew Hunter: "Yes. Yes I did get mugged! Luckily, my wallet was empty, so they only got three dollars!"

Andrew chuckles softly, but barely allows any time before responding.

Andrew Hunter: "Since when haven't I been ready?"

He stands up, and walks behind a locker. A few seconds pass by, and out comes Andrew, wearing his full wrestling attire. Don't judge him, he's just a real fast changer..

Andrew Hunter: "Since we're both ready, I don't see how this promo can continue. So if the cameraman would be so kind as to fade out before I sound semi-retarded, that would be nice."

The scene fades out.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/14/2011   Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:02 am

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VS

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Jasmine Lee: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Brostar!”

"Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco plays as Brostar comes out and raises his hands as he walks down the ramp and runs into the ring, he goes up to the second turnbuckle raises his hands again, Then he jumps off with a backflip.

Jasmine Lee: “And his tag team partner in this match, Fettel Marston!”

"The Devil's Own" by Five Finger Death Punch plays as Fettel Marston appears waving to the crowd. He walks down to the ring slapping fans' hands as he goes. He slides under the bottom rope to enter the ring and proceeds to climb a turnbuckle where he poses by flexing his muscles. He walks over to another turnbuckle on the opposite side and this time poses by simply raising his arms in the air.

Jasmine Lee: “Now introducing their opponents for tonight. The team of Andrew Hunter and Christopher Bain, The AAA!”

"Lux Aeterna" By Clint Mansell begins playing as Andrew Hunter and Christopher Bain step out of the backstage and onto the entrance ramp. They strike a quick pose for the crowd before walking down the ramp, slapping the hands of any fans that reach out to them. As they get to the ring, Hunter slides in underneath the ropes as Bain hops over them. Both Bain and Hunter climb up on different turnbuckles and strike poses for the crowd before moving to one side of the ring and waiting for the start of the match.

Jim Jackson: “It’ll be interesting to see how Fettel and Brostar work together this week.”

Brad Blood: “I think I have an idea of how this match will go. Fettel will do most of the work while Brostar gets destroyed. Brostar will then be pinned after doing something stupid.”

Jim Jackson: “You never know, they might actually pull out a win tonight.”

Brad Blood: “I REALLY doubt it.”

Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!”

Jim Jackson: “As the bell rings, Andrew Hunter and Brostar exit the ring. It looks like Fettel and Christopher will be starting this one off.”

Brad Blood: “Wow, really? I would have never guessed, not even after Brostar and Hunter stepped out.”

Jim Jackson: “Brostar just tagged Fettel before the action could begin! It looks like he’s trying to tell Marston that it’s to protect his back.”

Brad Blood: “Brostar already? Wow, this one is going to get ugly in a hurry.”

Jim Jackson: “Christopher Bain taps Brostar on the shoulder and asks if he’s ready to go, and Brostar kicks him in the gut for an answer!”

Brad Blood: “Brostar pushes Bain back before pulling Bain into a clothesline! Cover, but the referee doesn’t even get down to the mat before Bain kicks out.”

Jim Jackson: “Brostar bounces off of the ropes and comes flying at Bain, but Bain catches him with an arm-drag! Brostar gets up, only to be taken back down with a dropkick! Bain irish whips Brostar into the corner before charging in and hitting him with a shining wizard! And there’s the follow-up bulldog! Bain tags in Hunter.”

Brad Blood: “Hunter and Bain irish whip Brostar into the ropes before hitting him with a double dropkick! Bain lifts Hunter up and drops him across the prone body of Brostar before exiting the ring.”

Jim Jackson: “Hunter pulls Brostar to his feet before suplexing him to the mat! Hunter climbs onto the top rope…and leaps onto Brostar with a huge moonsault! Hunter stays on top of Brostar for the cover!”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Thr…”

Brad Blood: “Fettel just barely hits Hunter in time to break up the pin! Fettel gives Hunter a follow-up clothesline before exiting and holding his hand out to Brostar.”

Jim Jackson: “Brostar makes the tag and in comes Fettel! He gives Hunter a few big punches before clotheslining him to the mat! Body slam from Fettel! Fettel tries to pull Hunter to his feet, but Hunter throws Fettel off before kicking him in the gut and hitting him with a spinning neckbreaker! Tag to Christopher Bain!”

Brad Blood: “Bain grabs Fettel before driving him into the corner! Fettel lets out a surprise yelp of pain and drops to the mat. As Bain backs away, the referee asks Fettel if he alright. Fettel gives a nod and this match continues.”

Jim Jackson: “Christopher looks to be filled with trepidation as he advances on Fettel. He gives Marston a few right hands before pushing Fettel back into the corner and lighting his chest up with a few stiff chops!”

Brad Blood: “Fettel kicks Bain in the gut before throwing Bain’s face into the turnbuckle! As Bain bounces out, Fettel drives him into the mat with a back suplex that seems to have also hurt Fettel!”

Jim Jackson: “That back is really bothering Fettel. He gets to his feet as Bain gets to his as well. Rude Awakening on Bain! Fettel gets on top for the pin.”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”

Brad Blood: “But Fettel only gets a two count. Fettel tries for a clothesline, but Bain ducks and pulls him down to the mat with a backslide pin!”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”

Jim Jackson: “And this time it’s Bain who only gets two. Bain catches Fettel with an enzuigiri kick! Christopher Bain lifts Fettel up for a suplex, but reconsiders and instead hits a brainbuster! Christopher grabs Fettel and pulls him over to Andrew Hunter before making the tag!”

Brad Blood: “Hunter and Bain hook Marston up for a double suplex, but exchange a look before instead hitting him with a double DDT! Hunter hooks a leg for the pin attempt.”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”

Jim Jackson: “Fettel kicks out at two. Hunter hit a reverse STO before climbing onto the apron. Andrew gets distracted by Brostar for a few seconds as Fettel recovers! As Hunter turns his attention back to Fettel, he gets dropkicked off of the apron and into the crowd barricade!”

Brad Blood: “Marston quickly rolls out of the ring and tosses Hunter back in. He hooks both legs for the cover.”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Thr…”

Jim Jackson: “Hunter regains his senses and barely kicks out in time! Snap suplex from Fettel! Fettel bounces off the ropes before grabbing Hunter’s head and driving it to the mat with a bulldog! Fettel uses the ropes again for momentum, but this time Brostar makes a blind tag! Fettel drops a knee onto Hunter’s face as the referee tells him to leave the ring.”

Brad Blood: “Fettel looks confused at first, but realizes what has happened as Brostar jumps onto Hunter for the cover!”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”

Jim Jackson: “Hunter kicks out at two! Brostar stomps Hunter a few times before dropping an elbow and attempting another pin.”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”

Brad Blood: “Hunter kicks out once again. Brostar gives him a few hard punches before dropping another elbow, but Hunter rolled out of the way! Fate can be so cruel!”

Jim Jackson: “Hunter turns to attack Brostar, but Brostar kicks Hunter in the gut before DDTing him to the mat! Fettel holds him hand out to Brostar, but Brostar ignores it as he covers Hunter.”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two…”

Brad Blood: “Hunter kicks out at two. Brostar seems frustrated, and ignores Fettel as he begins climbing onto the top rope. But Hunter charges over and hits him with a jumping enzuigiri! He grabs Brostar and pulls him to the mat with a DDT from the top rope! Hunter with the cover!”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Thr…”

Jim Jackson: “Marston makes the save just in time! Christopher Bain enters the ring and dropkicks Fettel over the top rope and sends him to the floor! Fettel landed on the injured back!”

Brad Blood: “It looks like Fettel is out of this match. Christopher turns around as Brostar goes for the clothesline, but Christopher ducks and grabs both of Brostar’s arms before lifting him up for a Gory Bomb! Christopher walks to the center of the ring before releasing Brostar as Hunter grabs his head for a cutter!”

Jim Jackson: “The Primo Victoria! Brostar looks to be out! Christopher steps aside as Hunter rolls Brostar over and hooks the leg.”

Don Q. Hotte: “One! Two! Three!”

Jasmine Lee: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match via pinfall, the team of Andrew Hunter and Christopher Bain, The AAA!”

Brad Blood: "I told you! Marston did all of the work, Brostar got destroyed, and Brostar tagged himself in and got pinned!"

Jim Jackson: "Wow Brad, you were actually right for once."

Brad Blood: "Shut up."

Jim Jackson: "Nonetheless, you are right. I expect Brostar will have some explaining to do later on tonight."





"Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing on the speakers as smoke rises from the floor. Out from the smoke the figure of Marcus Troy, the general manager of United League of Lunatics emerges from the back. He casually walks down the entrance ramp and heads to the ring with a mic in hand as the crowd starts booing.

Marcus Troy: "Yes, yes, we've already established it long ago that I am not loved by you all. Now let's get on to some pressing business shall we? As you all know, last week on Lucha Loco, the winner of the GoodFella & Schwarz versus Oriental Spices match was supposed to advance to face The DWMA next week in a title match. Unfortunately that match ended in a draw thus we are having a triple threat tag team match instead. BUT!!! It was actually scheduled that the loser of last week's tag match was supposed to face Getter Team in a match scheduled next week too. So now Getter Team is left with no one to battle. Thus it has been the decision of management to make things more exciting to the fans to book Getter Team into the triple threat tag match making it a four-way tag team match for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero!"

Murmurs of excitement comes from the crowd as the announcement is made.

Marcus Troy: "Unfortunately that also frees up a match card next week so in place of it we shall have a four corners match between Allister King, Colton Charles Cai Cobb, Ragki Nikara and William LaCroix!"

More murmurs of excitement fill the air.

Marcus Troy: "And finally we saw a confrontation between Nao Fook Mi and Raven Connoly last week. This has given me a good idea, in this coming pay-per-view entitled Ole! Ole! Ole! OLE!, it will be Nao Fook Mi versus Raven Connoly versus Lady Bianca de Sade in a three-way cage match for the ULOL Campeón No Masculino!"

The crowd cheers loudly at the announcement. Marcus Troy drops the mic and exits the ring as "Make Them Suffer" by Cannibal Corpse starts playing.


"Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence erupts over the arena speakers. After a few moments Connoly walks out onto the stage, wearing his usual green plaid kilt, white t-shirt, and a long black leather coat. Troy stops and rolls his eyes as Connoly stops at the top of the ramp, Connoly smiles broadly as he points at Troy.

Connoly: "Now don't run off yet gorgeous, I noticed you forgot to bring your band of security out here tonight."

Troy looks up at Connoly clearly irritated at his interruption.

Connoly: "Now I know I'm flogging a dead horse, it seems the rest of the roster has come to terms with your return as ULOL's General Manager, and that's fine. I, However, still think you're a giant douche, and think a dead squirrel in a pool of vomit could do a better job running this federation."

Connoly pauses and gets a perplexed look on his face.


Connoly: "That was an odd comparison. Anyway, that's not the point, the point is I still think you're a moron. Now you've got all these title matches and number one contender matches, yet yours truly is remarkably absent from them all. Now I know, with my recent attacks on you, both physically and verbally, that would pretty much sum up why I would not be any of these matches, because as stated earlier, you're a giant douche who likes to show his power. So, clearly you would rather make my life a living hell for crossing the boss, but all you do is throw some crazy transvestite at me and call it a day. But I digress, let's get back to the point, since you clearly aren't going to put me in any title contentions, what, besides the band of security that is surely on its way and more than likely lining up behind me right now, what besides that should stop me from coming down there right now and doing what I promised earlier and breaking every damn bone in your body?"


Marcus Troy looks unfazed as he stares down on Connoly.

Marcus Troy: "I was wondering when you would show Connoly. Let us see how you fare tonight first, then maybe we can discuss your road to get a title shot after. If I'm not mistaken you will be going against Zombie and Shadow Callahan... You win, I may consider it. If you want a title shot sooner why not challenge Alexander Conway for the Boleto Dorado before he cashes it in? Surely if you loathe dealing with me so much that is another option."

Marcus Troy smiles...

Marcus Troy: "You know what I think? I think why you are really out here is simple. You call me a douche but you realize it is I who hold real power here. You hate me but you need me Connoly. You threaten me but I think all you really want is to get my attention."

Marcus Troy walks around the ring.

Marcus Troy: "I am a practical man Connoly and as you also know, I am a business man. I recognize your skills and your experience... Now I am willing to let bygones be bygones... Work with me Connoly instead of against me... I'm sure you'll find it beneficial to your career here in ULOL."

Marcus Troy looks at Connoly with a sly grin waiting for a reply.


Connoly claps his hands mockingly.

Connoly: "Well God Damn Troy, did you figure that out all by yourself, I'm proud of you. Of course you have the power you arse, you're the General Manager. I never denied that you have power, I just said you don't deserve to have the power. I'm also pretty sure I made it quite clear when I smashed your cameras and attacked your employees I was doing it to get your attention, Jesus Troy, how do you even dress your self in the morning?"

Connoly starts to make his way down the ramp towards Troy as he continues.

Connoly: "As for letting bygones be bygones and working with you, well you can cram that nonsense directly up your ass. First of all, I don't take direction well, just something about people telling me what to do infuriates me. Secondly, I hate your guts Troy, do you think I'm just going to forget what you have said and done to my family, and even with out that your a bloody awful GM."

Connoly gets face to face with Troy.

Connoly: "You are a worthless impotent cunt Troy, and I wouldn't work with you even if you promised me every title and the most lucrative contract of all time. Oh, look at you Troy, standing her acting like you've actually got a set."

Connoly and Troy stay face to face, Connoly smirks as he steps back. Connoly suddenly whips around and executes a Bloody Sunday, Troy jumps back and covers himself as Connoly stops with the heel of his boot inches from Troy face. Connoly lowers his foot back to the floor. Connoly smiles as he starts to walk backwards up the ramp.

Connoly: "I was this close Troy, remember that, this close!"

Connoly laughs loudly as he continues up the ramp.




It's the most manly thing you can put in your mouth.

A mouthful of man juice!




Available in stores near you.





The Camera opens up to show Lex Lexington standing at his usual interview spot

Lex Lexington: "Please welcome my guest at this time, Shadow Callahan."

Shadow walks into view of the camera with his fedora covering his eyes and a cigarette in his mouth.

Shadow Callahan: "How you doing Lex?"

Lex Lexington: "I'm going good."

Shadow Callahan: "Good to hear."

Lex Lexington: "So explain to us this transformation?"

Shadow Callahan: "Transformation? Wrong again friend, its not transformation, its more like reverting back to my previous persona. You see I have been playing a character designed by my employer to help cover up the misdeeds he had done. I needed the money so i did it. I trained King myself so I also wanted to test him. I guess you can say my intentions were selfish."

Shadow flicks his cigarette away and blows smoke into the air

Lex Lexington: "Tonight you are scheduled in a match with Connoly and Zombie."

Shadow Callahan: "One is a flesh eating creature mostly seen in George Romero's movies and the other is a man who biggest achievement is making a hot daughter. Do I feel confident tonight? No I don't but I still believe I have a good chance of winning. A zombie is a slow moving creature of the dead but considering his speed he appears to be the infected, well to some extent. Connoly, fellow Belfast man, makes fun of retarded individuals. If he is from Belfast as he says then he would know what the consciences are for those actions. You see Belfast, actually Northern Ireland, is run by various guerrilla warfare groups. One is called the Provisional IRA. These guys are designed to keep order for the catholic side."

Shadow tips his hat up

Shadow Callahan: "I will tell you a story. When I was younger, a man raped a retarded woman. The Provies, as they are called, found this man, after that the man was never seen again. Even the guerrilla groups on the protestant side applauded the provies for this act cause even they hate people who take advantage of the disabled. He makes me sick for this. Allister is a complete idiot, what he does to Rupert is just playing."

Shadow places his arm Lex on the shoulder

Shadow Callahan: "Now Zombie on the other hand, is a zombie. His actions are predetermined due to the lack of brain he has but for some reason he still has access to the most important parts. Zombies brains are useless when they begin walking. If you have seen any zombie movie you will know that the only part of the brain that works is the part that controls hunger, causing them to be eat. They eat the living and the recently dead cause they still have warmth in them. This particular zombie is one of a kind. He can talk, He can talk? HE CAN SING!!! he has every aspect of a human except for the pain receptors which zombies lack. So in theory he is basically a cannibal monk. Some monks learn to block the pain receptors during training."

Lex Lexington: "You know a lot?"

Shadow Callahan: "Thank you. Now I must leave. I have a match to perform and I don't want to rant any further."

Shadow tips his hat back over his eyes and walks away

Lex Lexington: "This was an informative interview."

The camera fades to black




A soft squish faintly escapes from the nurse's latexed hand, as she squeezes one last time. She watches studiously as the drops leak down her grip, dripping from the dimpled flesh into the measuring cup. Each drop of sweet essence bringing her closer to her goal.

The nurse looks up, her eyes meeting the sweaty and panting face of Bob Bobbie. His cheeks are flushed red, as he catches his breath.

Nurse Emma Enema smiles at Bob as she genttly squeezes the spent flesh in her hand one last time, before dropping the lemon in the bin.


Emma Enema: "You came here in a real hurry. Here's the juice for Mrs. Winslow's tea. Tell her to take a few hot cups for today, and hopefully she'll feel better tomorrow."

The intern licks his lips unconsciously as the nurse hands him the cup of freshly squeezed lemon juice. He watches as Emma sucks some juice off her finger. Slowly.

Emma Enema: "You should be taking that to Eunice. My hand's sore from all that squeezing, and I'd like her to get that juice as fresh as possible."

Bob stares at the juice in his hand for a moment, then hastily runs off. Emma pulls her juice-soaked glove, dumping it in the bin as she gets ready to check on other tasks at hand. It is then that the peace of the clinic is broken by the arrival of a large group of reporters.

The nurse is bewildered as the clinic is suddenly crowded with these new arrivals. Many take pictures of another arriving in their midst.

He is none other than the disguised daredevil of the ring. He is the idol of millions, the man known as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.

The reigning Champion walks up to the startled Emma Enema. She blankly accepts the hand of friendship offered to her.


Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Hello, good nurse! I have come to ask for your help!"

Emma Enema: "Uh, gir?"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I have heard that the Taufik has lost his memory in a horrible tragedy! And that he has forgotten everything about himself! Does he really not remember anything!"

Emma Enema stares at the dashing, masked wrestler, then at the dozens of news cameras pointed at her.

Emma Enema: "Gir? I mean, yes! The patient has no recollection whatsoever of neither his wrestling career, nor his wrestling training."

The reporters diligently take notes.

Reporter: [Taufik no longer remembers he still owes the heroic Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing a lot of money.]

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: [There are more important emergencies right now, good countryman!]

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing quickly turns his attention back to the nurse.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I can only offer my prayers to the Taufik! I hope he recovers that which has been lost to him! For those memories are a part of the man! I hope he one day rediscovers the struggles that helped shape him into the man he became! His stumbles and his picking himself back up! So he can climb that ladder of success! I hope he remembers finding that inner strength that kept him going through that long trial when he suddenly disappeared! And everyone heard rumors he ran away to Brazil to do unprintable things! While bathing in baby oil! I pray that one day, the Taufik would again find the warmth he felt for Stephanie Dawson! And cherish the strength that warmth gave him! Those feelings can be very few and far between in one's life!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing gestures to his countrymen. The nurse stares at them as they enter.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I am not a doctor! And I would rather not risk startling the good man, if he needs rest! But I want him to have this, as a sign that my thoughts are with him in this trying time! He needs something that can help bring a smile to his face! What better way to do it, than with a pony!"



Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "It is very well-behaved! A very quiet and cute pony! She will not make any noise that may disturb the Taufik! Please give this to him, as I hope he finds his memory again!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing hands the reigns of Taufik's pony to Emma Enema. He gently pats the animal, then makes his exit, followed by the reporters who cover his every move.

Emma Enema stares at the cute, harmless pony now in her care.


A few moments after Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing left, the megaton wrestler also known as The Morbidly Obese Man enters the infirmary doors.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Hey Taufik, I heard that your head was hit so hard your brain left. But seriously, I hope you still remember me, I mean we worked together in the past, not in ULOL but still an old comrade now bedridden... Let's just say I am a little worried about you for old times sake... HEEEEEEEEEEEY! Is that a pony?!"

The Morbidly Obese Man sees the nurse Emma Enema holding on to the reigns of the pony Q just gifted to Taufik.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Y'know I always wanted a pony, my cousin had a pony, he use to ride it in front of me making me jealous. Say I wonder... Say Tau, for old time's sake, let me know the feeling of riding one of these eh?"

Before anyone can react, The Morbidly Obese Man awash with childhood memories starts to mount the pony.

Emma Enema: "SIR! YOU CAN'T THE PONY CAN'T SUPPORT YOUR WEI..."

Pony: "NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH~ GURK~!"

The look of horror is seen in the eyes of Emma Enema and Taufik as the pony gets crushed under the weight of the big wrestler.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "OH CRAP! I didn't mean to... Oh shit! I have uh... A dental appointment... See you Tau..."

The Morbidly Obese Man hastily leaves the scene of the crime as the image of a pony being mounted by a morbidly obese man is forever sketched into the brain of the spectators.


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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/14/2011   Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:02 am



William LaCroix is walking through the backstage of the ULOL as the camera follows him. He’s dressed in an expensive looking white tuxedo and has a duffle bag hanging off of his shoulder. As he turns a corner, LaCroix suddenly begins speaking.

William LaCroix: “To those of you wondering where it is I am going, I’ll tell you. I’m leaving the building, because once again, the ULOL has decided that they do not need my talents on one of their cards. There is not much reason for me remaining in the backstage if I do not have a match scheduled. I mean really, what would I do? Watch the show? I wouldn't be able to withstand watching such loathsome wrestlers create such insufferable matches.”

As William LaCroix turns down another hallway, a door with the words “Exit” above it is seen. However, William stops and turns to look at the camera instead of making his exit.

William LaCroix: “It’s really quite sad when somebody has gold in their hands, but instead decides to discard it and pick up some aluminum foil. Just because you can be an idiot, doesn’t mean that you should be an idiot. I’d hope management would have learned from its mistakes but now, but apparently that’s just hoping for too much.”

William LaCroix pulls a pair of sunglasses out of a pocket before putting them on.

William LaCroix: “Well, change is coming, and it will be arriving forthwith. I hope the other wrestlers stay frosty, because the inevitable will soon come to pass.”

Having left his message, William LaCroix turns away from the camera before walking over to the exit and pushing the door open before walking out and into the parking lot of the ULOL. The camera sees LaCroix pull a cellphone out before the door swings closed.



VS

VS

Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a triple threat match and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Connoly!"

"Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence erupts over the arena speakers. After a few moments Connoly walks out onto the stage, he is wearing a green plaid kilt, white t-shirt, and a long black leather coat. He pauses on the top of the ramp, a confident smirk on his face as he scans the crowd. He walks down the ramp and the slides into the ring.

Jim Jackson: "Well, Connoly has made it quite clear that he is ready to get some gold around his waist, and is hoping to pick up a win tonight. "

Brad Blood: "We've got three maniacs in this match, this is going to be awesome, they may literally tear each other apart!"

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Shadow Callahan"

Hugh Laurie's St. James Infirmary begins to play through the arena as smoke covers the entrance. Shadow Callahan comes out with a fedora on his head, a cigarette in his mouth and a cane in hand. He tilts his hat, exhales smoke and has a grin on his face. He tilts the hat over his eyes, twirls the cane as he walks down begins to walk down to the ring. He holds the cane under his arm as he flicks the cigarette away. He walks up the stairs and into the ring. He takes off his fedora and jacket. He places the cane in the corner and sits on the turnbuckle.

Jim Jackson: "Shadow Callahan one of many wrestlers on the roster who have gone through an image change of late."

Brad Blood: "Yeah, whats up with that, I don't even recognize half of these people anymore."

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, Zombie"

Creeping Death by Metallica plays as Zombie slowly walks out. Zombie strolls down to the ring and steps into the ring.

Jim Jackson: "Last but not least here comes Zombie. He just got back from.., whatever it was he was doing in London."

Brad Blood: "I have a feeling it's best if we don't know what he was doing. I have a feeling Connoly and Callahan need to be on their toes though, because I have a feeling it involved a feeding frenzy"

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Don Q. Hotte! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "Well this match is on and Zombie takes a headbutt from Shadow Callahan right off the bat. Shadow Callahan uses a forearm to the face sending Zombie stumbling backwards."

Brad Blood: "Callahan attempting to keep on the attack but walks into a trip. Thrown slam by Zombie on Shadow Callahan looks like the tables have turned."

Jim Jackson: "Only problem is I think these two may have forgot this was a triple threat match Connoly picking his moment and spearing Zombie down to the mat."

Brad Blood: "Can you imagine what it must be like spearing Zombie, it's probably like running head first into a pile of wet rotting garbage."

Jim Jackson: "It can't be pleasant, Connoly is going for the cover!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1 - 2 -"

Jim Jackson: "Almost a 3 but Shadow Callahan isn't going to let it end that easy. Callahan grabs Connoly and throws him over the top rope!"

Brad Blood: "Oh No, I hope he didn't break a hip. Zombie gets back up, legsweep from Callahan and Zombie goes right back down."

Jim Jackson: "Shawdow going to the top rope, OUCH! but only gets knees on a splash. Zombie scoops up Mad Man. Connoly is back in the ring, he bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline."

Brad Blood: "Double Arm DDT by Zombie, Mad Man got destroyed there!"

Jim Jackson: "Connoly with a stiff chop to Zombies chest. Oh wait, Connolys arm is stuck in Zombies chest, that's disgusting."

Brad Blood: "Connoly kicking Zombie hard in the chest to free his arm. Ugh, Connoly holds his arm off and its dripping with blood and puss!"

Jim Jackson: "Connoly does not look happy, he goes for a clothesline but Zombie ducks, and Callahan is waiting for him, big backdrop on Connoly, executed well."

Brad Blood: "Shadow is going for a pin!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1 - 2 -"

Jim Jackson: "No Luck, Connoly hurls Shadow off of him and jumps up and with a back suplex takes Zombie out!"

Brad Blood: "He can move pretty fast for an old man, but apparently not fast enough as Shadow Callahan takes Connoly down with a big discus clothesline."

Jim Jackson: "Zombie grabs Mad Man from behind, atomic drop! Connoly gets back up and dodges Zombie's punch. Neckbreaker by Connoly on Zombie! Irish whip sends Mad Man to the ropes, spinebuster by Connoly!"

Brad Blood: "Connoly's got both men down, but not for long as Zombie catches Connoly with a double axe handle from behind. Bodyslam by Zombie! You think as old as Connoly is he pee's a little when he gets slammed like that?"

Jim Jackson: "I doubt it Brad, Shadow Callahan gets back up. Zombie with a big uppercut! Shadow Callahan is in trouble."

Brad Blood: "And Connoly can see it as he takes both men down with a double clothesline! Connoly still has a lot of crap on his arm, that has got to smell horrible."

Jim Jackson: "No worse than your breath Brad. Backbreaker on Shadow Callahan by Connoly. Zombie dodges Connoly's kick and counters with a kick to the guts. These three men are just going back and forth, no one has really been able to get any momentum going."

Brad Blood: "Facebuster plants Connoly! Shadow Callahan staggers to his feet clutching the ropes. Zombie charges but Mad Man pulls the top rope down and Zombie goes over!"

Jim Jackson: "The veteran Connoly see's an opportunity and goes for it sneaking up behind Shadow Callahan and rolls him up!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2...."

Brad Blood: "OH WAIT, SHADOW CALLAHAN REVERSES!! Connoly is rolled up."

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2...."

Jim Jackson: "CONNOLY REVERSES AGAIN, CALLAHAN IS BACK ON THE BOTTOM!"

Brad Blood: "Hee hee, back on bottom, where he likes it, BAM!!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2...."

Jim Jackson: "Shadow kicks out, Connoly stands up and is greeted by Zombie with a massive clothesline taking Connoly out!"

Brad Blood: "Shadow Callahan back up and he kicks Zombie in the gut forcing him to his knees. He grabs Zombie by the head. Shadow places them between his legs before lifting up for a powerbomb!"

Jim Jackson: "But wait Connoly is back up!! Connoly bounces off the ropes and runs towards Shadow. Connoly lifts leg and kicks Shadow in the Jaw with the heel of his boot as he starts to lift Zombie executing a devastating Bloody Sunday, both men go crashing to the mat!!"

Brad Blood: "CONNOLY GOES FOR THE PIN ON CALLAHAN!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2...."

Jim Jackson: "SHADOW KICKS OUT!! Connoly can't believe it, he pulls Callahan up. Zombie out of nowhere hitting Connoly with a huge clothesline."

Brad Blood: "Zombie with a big kick stuns Shadow Callahan. Zombie grabs Shadow Callahan by the ears and powerfully headbutts Callahan executing a Deadbutt!! Here's the cover."

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2....3. It's over!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by pinfall, Zombie!!"

Brad Blood: "Zombie manages to pull out the win pinning Callahan"

Jim Jackson: "These guys beat the hell out of each other, none of them have anything to be ashamed off "






Ragki Nikara is pacing back and forth backstage. In the dim lighting, his black clothing is barely seen. He begins to speak to himself as he awaits his match.

Ragki Nikara: "Damn Troy, I wanna make my money, but come on. I don't even get a damn locker room! Everyone else gets a locker room, but no, Ragki's got to sit in the dark and wait for the damn match to begin. Just remember, Ragki, it's all for the money. The glorious, sweet money. I'm gonna get that ULOL contract and become a champion and make tons and tons of money. Money, money, money. Even feels good to say."

Ragki begins to mock Marcus Troy's voice in the hallway, having the conversation he wants to happen the next week.

Ragki Nikara: "Mr. Nikara, come on in! Thank you Mr. Troy. Your performance was excellent, and I'm giving you a contract! Mr. Troy, you're too kind. Plus a signing bonus, no other ULOL star gets a signing bonus normally! Why thank you Mr. Troy, I've been practicing for this. In fact, Mr. Nikara, I'm allowing you to start up a mercenary service to give the bad wrestlers a chance at fighting, they have to pay of course! You don't have to Mr. Troy, but I accept. Plus, you get to keep all the profits! I humbly accept the dollars that need a home in my wallet, my new general manager."

Ragki laughs to himself as he begins to pace again.






The scene opens with Jim leaning against the wall in Troy's office, a cigarette hanging loosely between his lips as he stares at the ceiling. After for what seemed to be a few moments of this he finally turns to Marcus as he sat behind his desk.

Jim Rival: "So tell me again why I am facing someone who should be better off kept locked in a cage and left in the middle of the desert..."

Jim asked, his tone was not harsh but had a feeling of respect behind it as he asked his question. The curiosity blatantly obvious on why he had to face....Rupert. He moved his left hand up to grab his cigarette and tap the ashes into his open right hand, crushing them in a force of habit and looking back to Marcus for a reply.


Marcus Troy looks at Jim Rival, he takes a one last puff from his cigar before putting it out on the ashtray.

Marcus Troy: "Ah yes, you are talking about your match next week. Well simply put it was a business decision. I saw and appreciated your attack on Shogun last week and of course want to reward you... I wanna make you look good... REAL GOOD! This way you get a win which makes you look good in the eyes of the crowd. As we both know some of the crowd still doubt that you can take Shogun. With a strong win, we not only make you looks strong, we also erase those doubt."

Marcus smiles as he explains his plan to Rival.


Jim couldn't help but give a low chuckle, place in the cigarette at the corner of his lips to rest. Since it had a good length still he saw it a waste to put it out.

Jim Rival: "Still haven't changed. What about the others? All of them need to see the Light eventually after I am done with Shogun. I still owe you that much."

A frigid smile crept over Jim's face when he spoke, the cherry of the cigarette burning brightly as he inhaled while waiting for the response from the boss.


A smile creeps up on Marcus Troy's face.

Marcus Troy: "All in good time Mr. Rival. I have a long list of people I want to "ENLIGHTENED" and we will go through that list, but as of now, let us first concentrate on Shogun. I never forget those who are faithful to me Mr. Rival, you shall be rewarded for your loyalty."


Jim kept his smile as he nodded his head to Troy. finally taking his cigarette and putting it out into the ashtray on his desk.

Jim Rival: "You do not have to worry about such things, I am not like everyone else here and ask for money. As long as I get to help is more than enough reward."

Jim spoke as he walked to the door, opening it with his left hand as he waved a goodbye with his right. He had to pause for a moment as he felt a sudden earthquake. Peering into the hallway he quickly moved back to avoid being decapitated by a somehow swiftly moving The Morbidly Obese Man with PETA Activist not far behind him. Jim blinked for a moment before looking back to Marcus.

Jim Rival: "What do you plan to do if Shogun wins it all?"


Marcus Troy: "We should try our very best to prevent that Mr. Rival. I'm sure I can depend on you for this matter. Shogun winning it all is not an option at this point."

Marcus Troy lights up another cigar, casually takes a puff and continues.

Marcus Troy: "I pitted two men whom I am not fond of against each other. The Morbidly Obese Man and Shogun, we can hope that they destroy each other... But in case that doesn't happen I would require your skills to make sure neither do not advance to face Q for the Primo Ultimo title."


Jim gave a long smirk in return to Marcus, deciding to pull out his cigarettes and have another smoke as well before looking back to him.

Jim Rival: "I will make sure it won't happen, and I am nearly positive others wouldn't want to see either of them make it either. Which gives me an idea. Since people around here sure do love money how about a bounty for however takes them out. Makes both our jobs a lot easier and we will never even have to get our hands dirty."

Jim took a deep drag off his cigarette and exhaled after holding the smoke in for the longest possible time, taking a look down to the cigarette as he did.

Jim Rival: "Of course, that is only if thing don't go according to plan."


Marcus Troy smiles at Jim Rival's suggestion.

Marcus Troy: "Yes, that is a good idea, I shall put that in mind. It's always good to have a back up."

The general manager of ULOL relaxes into his leather bound chair.

Marcus Troy: "The pieces have been set and now we need only to wait. Soon all who oppose us shall be crushed... Soon..."

A deep smile spreads across Marcus Troy's lips as the scene slowly fades into black.






Somewhere within the backstage of the ULOL, Alexander Conway can be seen standing in front of a television. On the television, is none other than Jack Johnson, who is cutting a promo. As Conway listens to the promo, he slaps his face with the palm of his hand.

Alexander Conway: “Well folks, we have learned something of great value. Jack Johnson is not Canadian, and he’s not from Calgary. That’s right, because a true Canadian would know that it is not Calagary. Actually, anyone who is half-way intelligent would know that it isn’t Calagary, it’s Calgary! You can go ahead and call yourself Mr. Calagary all you want Johnson, all it will do is show you to be a fool. As for you calling yourself “Mr. Best in the world”, you may as well just keep dreaming.”

Alexander looks over to the camera.

Alexander Conway: “Because tonight, I’ll show you that you are only “Unstoppable” at lying when I defeat you and advance in this tournament. I’ll then do what you couldn’t do. I'll defeat Q for the Primo Ultimo Championship.”

Alexander walks closer to the camera before leaning in towards it.

Alexander Conway: “Oh, and Shogun, I want you to know that your victory last week was really just a robbery. I had you down for a count of ninety seconds, but because you had knocked out the referee, I was unable to gain the victory! And then, you took advantage of Ethan O’Reilly’s stupidity to steal a victory that should have already been mine! I hope you win your match tonight, Shogun, because I want to defeat you next week. Only this time, you won’t be able to knock the referee out. This time, you won’t rob me of what I deserve. This time, you will tap out.”

As Alexander finishes speaking, the scene slowly fades to black.


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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/14/2011   Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:03 am

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A closed door is seen. It's one of those typical particleboard doors, nondescript and in a single color. The only thing barely notable about it is the promo poster it carries.



A familiar voice is heard, though it probably isn't the voice you were expecting.

Shogun: "I`m not going to go into another long ramble about this. The fact of the matter is. For a guy who loves to pretend to be a good guy he sure likes to shit all over the little guy."

Shogun: "I am the FIRST and longest reigning Primo Ultimo champion in the history of this company! I am a member of the most dominating tag team in wrestling today! I am a BTWE hall of famer! I am the man who put giving people nightmares on the map!"

The view shakes slightly. A hand reaches to unbolt the door. As the door opens, the camera moves forward, but only for a moment.

Shogun: "You can no more be a threat to me than Hawk can go a night without his precious bitch of a girlfriend! Why I remember when I had her kidnapped just to watch him squirm! The real kicker is when it came down to the nitty gritty YOU NEVER KNEW IT WAS ME! Hell I even destroyed you in the match to get her back only to let you have her and lose her again! The pure irony of the whole situation is once again I am on top and you are on the bottom all because of your reliance on love to get you through the day Hawk."

The camera turns quickly, looking back into the enclosed space it was just in.

The hand reaches out to push down the flush switch.

Shogun: "For a guy who loves to pretend to be a good guy he sure likes to shit all over the little guy.

Shogun: "Calling BTWE a minor league federation simply because I am a hall of famer is going for the low blow. I`m not going to let him get away with his bullshit. I will not shut up and I will not back down from Q or Troy."

Shogun: "It got your fans kicked out of the arena and if you know whats good for you this nonsense will stop and you will leave the ring before you piss myself and the general manager off even more than you already have."

Shogun: "No tonight I have a match with the general manager himself. I have no idea what force has compelled you to do something as stupid as to book yourself in a match against me Allister. I do however know that you have made a grave mistake."



Shogun: "To those who think they have what it takes PROVE IT this pathetic roster cannot hope to take this title from around my waist and now that I have Marcus Troy himself on my side I cannot lose..."

Shogun: "I heard what you said Raven and I am afraid you yourself have no idea what you are getting yourself into. You see I know full well how powerful you are. You defeated Troy...who has now joined forces with me. You thought Troy alone was powerful I am sure, however I am more powerful than even you know my dear...You see if you get in my way. If you so much as step into my general direction when it comes to what I plan to do here in ULOL I will personally make sure that you regret it. You have a dark side. I have the darkest side...you think I am bad now? You have seen NOTHING."

The camera pans away to leave the stall. We get a good view of the men's room.



A startled man hastily zips up as he tries to get out of the frame.

Shogun: "In a friendly match I would love to wrestle Raven Connoly again. Our rivalry has spanned three different federations and I would love to see how she has evolved since the last time we had a chance to wrestle one on one."

Shogun: "It is a different time Raven. You are no longer the underdog due to an ignorant bigot underestimating you. No now you face me. Someone who more than knows what you can do and will do everything in his power to destroy you.

Shogun: "Here we are once again on the brink of insanity. A fatal four way match for Jack Off`s newly won Primo Ultimo championship. When you look through the contestants it looks like it might be an easy win doesn't it?"

Shogun: "It's almost as if people expect me to win tonight...I have a fossil and my jobber senses tingled when that water fell!"

The camera pans towards the mirror. We see the one holding the camera is none other than the masked marvel of the squared circle. The one known throughout the continents only as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.


Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "Don't mind me! I'm just visiting the toilet paper champion's throne room! There's no tour guide here! And too many souvenirs I don't really need!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing walks out. We hear Shogun's voice still being piped into the room.

What Shogun says is probably no longer relevant.




VS

Jim Jackson: "And we have the co-main event of the evening, a match which is part of the ULOL Primo Ultimo Number One Contender Grand Prix, Alexander Conway against "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson."

Brad Blood: "Seriously, WHAT WERE THE FANS THINKING? I mean UJJ said he's leaving already, they shouldn't have even considered his name, there are far more better contenders out there. Zombie, Allister King, Connoly, William LaCroix to name a few."

Jasmine Lee: "The following match is a singles match scheduled for one fall and is the second match in the first heat of the ULOL Primo Ultimo Number One Contender Grand Prix! Introducing first, he is the current and reigning ULOL Ligero Maximo, and the current ULOL Boleto Dorado holder, Alexander Conway!"

"Suffer Unto Me" by Avenue F blares throughout the arena as Alexander Conway steps out from the backstage of the ULOL. He looks over the booing audience before he walks down to the ring.

Jasmine Lee: "Introducing next, his opponent, "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson!"

Tinie Tempah's "Simply Unstoppable (Yes Rock Remix)" blasts over the arena as "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson enters the stage through a spark shower. He makes his way to the ring. He enters the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, scouting the entire arena.

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for this match is Sully S. Calawag. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "And there's the bell! These two men have made such an impact here on ULOL, both are former ULOL Primo Ultimo title holders. The circle each other cautiously, each knowing how dangerous their opponents are."

Brad Blood: "And they lock arms! The are engaging in a test of strength... Wait! Conway disengages and backs off before UJJ can push him back."

Jim Jackson: "UJJ charges forward but Conway plays it cool using low leg kicks to the shin to keep UJJ at bay. You can hear the loud sharp sounds of those leg kicks are making. A very Muay Thai strategy."

Brad Blood: "Looks like "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson can be stopped... Conway throws a jab and another jab both connecting... Dance like a butterfly, sting like a bee!"

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway leaps to the ropes, springboard flying elbow catches "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson right on side of the face! Conway continues his assault with a flying neckbreaker which sends UJJ to the canvas!"

Brad Blood: "Conway is on a roll... Looks like he's setting UJJ up for a suplex... NO! BLOCKED! UJJ counters with a body slam! Conway hits the canvas back first..."

Jim Jackson: "A couple of hard stomps are laid unto Alexander Conway before "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson sends him to the ropes with an Irish whip... Conway bounces back... SPINEBUSTER! UJJ goes for the pin!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Conway gets a shoulder up at two! UJJ quickly applies a headlock to ground Alexander Conway."

Jim Jackson: "Headlock on Alexander Conway keeps him down... Conway slips his head free! "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson takes a swing, ducked by Alexander Conway.... Hurricanrana by Conway out of nowhere sends UJJ flying to the canvas! UJJ gets back up... Suplex by Conway! Conway for the cover!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Only a two count on UJJ! Conway with an elbow drop... He picks UJJ up... OH! UJJ stops whatever Conway had planned with a well placed punch to the ribs."

Jim Jackson: "A kick to the gut keeps Conway from retaliating... Stiff chop lights up Alexander Conway! And another stiff chop, and another! Irish whip sends Alexander Conway to the turnbuckles back first..."

Brad Blood: "UJJ comes rushing in... OH! Avalanche countered by big boot to the face! UJJ just ate a whole lot of leather. UJJ is clutching his jaw..."

Jim Jackson: "Conway takes advantage and scores a bulldog on UJJ! Conway goes for a half Boston crab... UJJ manages to crawl to the ropes! Conway lets go... Irish whip by Conway sends UJJ to the ropes..."

Brad Blood: "UJJ ducks a clothesline and bounces back... Conway leaps over a back body drop attempt by UJJ who again bounces back. Conway springboards from the ropes... OH! Springboard crossbody attempt caught by UJJ and countered into a scoop slam! UJJ quickly hooks the leg."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway kicks out at two. UJJ picks Conway up on his shoulders... It looks like a powerbomb... Wait a couple of elbows to the head and Conway rocks UJJ. Conway gets free, he bounces on the ropes to get momentum..."

Brad Blood: "OH! Big boot stops Conway! UJJ with a sidewalk slam on Conway... I think he's signalling for something... He wants to plant Conway with the JKO!"

Jim Jackson: "Conway struggles to his feet... "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson stalks Alexander Conway waiting for him to turn around. Once he does "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson jumps up applying a three quarter facelock to Alexander Conway... Conway shoves UJJ off him countering the JKO! UJJ bounces chest first into the ropes..."

Brad Blood: "Conway rolls him up! The ref goes down to count!"

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Kick out by UJJ at the last second! Conway with a dropkick sends "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson down.... Conway grabs the arm... He's going for an armbar attempt!"

Brad Blood: "Conway has it locked in! UJJ screams in pain as Conway applies the pressure... UJJ inches himself trying to reach the ropes... He makes it! Conway keeps the hold...."

Sully S. Calawag: "One! Two! Three! Four..."

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway lets go short of being disqualified but it looks like the damage has been done. A couple of well placed stomps into UJJ's shoulder further adds damage unto it..."

Brad Blood: "Looks like Conway is on a roll, Irish whip sends UJJ to the ropes... Dropkick by Conway... NO! UJJ holds on to the ropes and Conway falls flat on his back!"

Jim Jackson: "Conway struggles to his feet... Massive clothesline from "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson! UJJ has control back as he picks Conway up... Powerbomb!"

Brad Blood: "Oh man that shook the ring... Looks like UJJ is signalling again to the fans... He's signalling for his finisher..."

Jim Jackson: "Looks like this time it's the infamous Impact Driver! "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson lifts Alexander Conway in a military press hold. "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson then smiles as he lifts Alexander Conway up and down like a weightless toy. Then "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson releases Alexander Conway spinning him wildly on to the mat face first executing a brutal Impact Driver. UJJ hits his finisher this could be it! He hooks the leg..."

Brad Blood: "Wait where is the referee? Why isn't he counting?"

Jim Jackson: "There seems to be some confusion as the referee has disappeared from the ring... UJJ doesn't know what is happening..."

Brad Blood: "LOOK! THERE BEHIND UJJ! IT'S COLTON CHARLES CAI COBB!!! C4 with a chair! HE CLOCKS UJJ RIGHT ON THE HEAD!!! UJJ GOES DOWN!!!"

Jim Jackson: "What the?! Colton Charles Cai Cobb just hit UJJ with a chair knocking him down! C4 exits the ring... Wait the referee now is back in the ring and acts like he saw nothing!"

Brad Blood: "But he didn't see anything, he was not there when it happened!"

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway forces "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson to his knees before pulling "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson's head backwards and applying a Dragon Sleeper to the kneeling opponent executing his Signum Victoriae finisher! Conway has it locked in tight! UJJ doesn't have the strength to power out after that brutal chair shot! UJJ GOES LIMP!!!"

Brad Blood: "Conway choked the life out of UJJ! The ref checks on UJJ, he's calling for the bell!"

Jasmine Lee: "The winner of this match by submission, Alexander Conway!"

Jim Jackson: "Conway did it! With C4's interference Conway advances to the finals next week to face Shogun for the number one contender spot for the ULOL Primo Ultimo! Wait! Colton Charles Cai Cobb has again entered the ring... What the? Did he just hand a wad of cash to the referee?"

Brad Blood: "Wad of cash? I think he was just shaking the referee's hand for doing a good job officiating the match."

Jim Jackson: "Oh, that is just bullcrap! Seriously I think I saw some monety changing hands... C4 may have just bribed the referee to disappear for a while when he brutally assaulted UJJ with that chair. I mean it makes perfect sense why would the referee suddenly disappear in a crucial moment during the match."

Brad Blood: "That's just crazy talk, maybe the ref needed to take a leak badly."

Jim Jackson: "In the middle of the match?! Look, UJJ is finally regaining consciousness... Wait looks like Colton Charles Cai Cobb is not done yet... Colton Charles Cai Cobb knocks his opponent down and sits on his opponent's back. Grabbing both his opponent's arms, Colton Charles Cai Cobb pulls them across his opponents neck in a "X" until his opponent passes out executing an excruciating RDX!"

Brad Blood: "UJJ just woke up and now it looks like he's going to sleep again! UJJ is out! HE'S OUT COLD!!! C4 lets go of UJJ and asks for a mic amidst loud boos."

Colton Charles Cai Cobb walks around the unconscious body of "Unstoppable" Jack Johnson with a mic in his hand. He seems to be reveling in the boos from the crowd.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Yes, yes, that's enough, I know you all love me that's why you are singing a song for me... Maybe next time you'd learn other words for that song other than BOOOOO..."

More boos are heard again from the crowd. C4 waits for the crowd to settle down. He crouches down beside UJJ and lifts his head up...

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "Now what do we have here... The supposedly Unstoppable one STOPPED! That's right... Tonight Mr. "Unstoppable" *snicker* Jack Johnson had the privilege of being stopped my me, Colton Charles Cai Cobb! We all heard him earlier tonight calling me a jackass. So who's the jackass now?"

C4 laughs and slams UJJ's head into the canvas again.

Colton Charles Cai Cobb: "You see people like running their mouths off, I mean it's okay if you are someone like me who can back my own words up, but tonight after this supposedly unstoppable wrestler ran his mouth off, he ended up falling flat on his face. You see, I have in my generous heart offered to fight him, in a match that would probably have defined his career. It's a privilege that I rarely give out, yet what did this uncouth peasant do? He brushed me off he called me a jackass. Such rude and bad manners for a former champion to exhibit, right? Thus I have put it on my shoulders to punish him for his behavior... Which also is a privilege mind you, I had to waste my precious time to teach this phony a lesson... A lesson I hope he learns and takes to heart."

C4 then pauses and spits on UJJ, he drops the mic as the crowd starts to boo again loudly. He exits the ring, takes a look at UJJ's lifeless body and laughs as he heads up the ramp and Green Day's "Having a Blast" starts blaring out of the speakers.

Jim Jackson: "Looks like UJJ stirred a hornet's nest by calling Colton Charles Cai Cobb a jackass."

Brad Blood: "Man I love this guy!"






The Camera opens up to show a busy place with a man standing with his back to the camera on top of a table. Blues music is playing in the background which means only one thing. The man turns around, we all know who it is, and shouts.

Allister King: "Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome! To the Sanctuary!!"

The patrons of this local establishment begin to cheer. Allister jumps off the table.

Allister King: "Give it up for my pianist, Shadow Callahan!"

Shadow plays a nice riff on the piano as the crowd cheer

Allister King: "Well I know what you wondering. Who is going to be the guest this week? We don't worry I shall not keep you in suspense for that long. Because ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my guest, BOY BAKLA!!!!"

Boy Bakla appears from the back and shakes Allister's hand. They both sit down. The waiter walks over.

Allister King: "Hmm I will have a vanilla latte please and Bakla what would you like?"

Boy Bakla coyly smiles as it makes itself comfortable on the seat...

Boy Bakla: "Oh I never go vanilla, I'm an exotic kind of girl..."

Bakla winks at the camera.

Boy Bakla: "Thank you for having me here Allie... I like what you've done with the place, the ambiance is great, it has class and a nostalgic feel without being old and decrepit like Eunice P. Winslow. So ask away Allie dear."

The waiter leaves

Allister King: "Okay let's get straight down to it. You and Eunice. We all know she is a stuck up bitch with her head up her own ass but you the most seem to have a problem with the old bitty. So why is that? Is it because you have a problem with old people?"

Bakla's face shows displeasure as the topic of Eunice P. Winslow comes to light.

Boy Bakla: "You see Allie, me and Eunice go way back. We both became vice-general managers in this defunct federation called United Front Wrestling, each of us handling half of the roster with our own shows. Ever since then, she has disapproved of my way of handling things and have been, what's that word... BITCHY to me ever since. Probably a case of professional jealously if you ask me because it is clear I was doing a better job. Either that or it's because she's a discriminatory old hag who hates people like us, gays and transsexuals."

The waiter brings Allister his coffee. Allister takes a drink

Allister King: "Hmm that's nice. Speaking of gays and transsexuals. This has always confused me. Are you a woman who got halfway through a sex change operation or a man who got halfway through a sex change operation? Do you ever plan on completing the transformation or staying in this gender challenged purgatory?"

Bakla seems to have calmed itself down as the topic shifted to something more comfortable.

Boy Bakla: "Oh I was born a male but deep inside I always knew I was one hundred percent female. I had a successful sex change operation in Thailand a couple of years back. See?"

With it's back facing the camera, Bakla lifts up it's mini-skirt giving Allister a view of it's you know what.

Allister moves back a bit. He takes a drink of coffee.

Allister King: "I was told otherwise thanks for clearing that up. You recently have been having these sudden outbursts of anger and even went as far as aligning yourself with Troy. So are these outbursts, psychological? Maybe it your mind giving you a period when ya cant have one. Maybe you are subconsciously missing your genitals."

Bakla calmly replies.

Boy Bakla: "Aligning with Troy... As in any other workplace, you can either work with the boss or go against the boss. In the real world going against the boss can get you, what's that word? FIRED! I was merely being practical, I need a steady paycheck. You don't think these paid for themselves do you?"

Bakla squeezes it's chest and pushes them forward showing it's cleavage.

Boy Bakla: "As of missing my genitals? You silly boy, I kept it in a jar at home. Here's a pic."

Bakla whips out it's cellphone and shows Allister an image of it's manhood preserved in a jar sitting on a shelf. It is clear the image is beginning to bother the host.

Allister King: "That shit is nasty!"

Allister takes out a cigarette and lights it.

Allister King: "Okay I can dig that, may be sick and disturbing but I dig. Last week, Shadow Callahan, who is over there playing the piano, told us that Scott Logan faked his death. You got freaky with Scott in the coat closet a few times so whats your opinion of him probably hiding in the arsehole of nowhere with some smoking hot blonde 25 year old?"

Boy Bakla: "That was a revelation actually, but I am over Scottie, we enjoyed our time together and I will always cherish it. Actually, I now have my eyes on someone else... I hope Scott lives a happy life."

Allister takes a drink of coffee and a smoke from his cigarette

Allister King: "Well so am it. Let's move on to a different set of questions now. So tell me where you from? How was your childhood? Did ya get bullied alot in school for being ultra feminie? Or at this stage were you already a woman?"

A look of nostalgia flushes through Bakla's face.

Boy Bakla: "I am and have always been a woman silly. The past? Well the fact is I got bullied more by girls, they are jealous on how much more pretty I am than they are. It was such a hard childhood yet that's what made me what I am. I was a survivor. I fought and clawed my way to where I am, no way that this bitch is going down quietly."

Allister drinks what is left of his coffee

Allister King: "So a lot of catfights huh?"

Allister smokes some of his cigarette

Allister King: "So a pretty intelligent girl like you must go out clubbing alot. Dancing about to the latest Rihanna remixes. So I bet you were doing more than just powdering your nose in the bathrooms, well powdering in a different sense of the word. Taking different guys home every night or heading to their houses. So this is my question, What drugs would you take and how often would you get tested for STDs?"

Bakla laughs in a shrill voice.

Boy Bakla: "Tsk tsk, I don't think it's appropriate to answer your first question, on your second, I ALWAYS use protection so no STDs... Though there have been STUDs! Like you Allie."

Bakla winks at Allister.

Allister continues to smoke his cigarette

Allister King: "You really are a horny bastard."

Allister chuckles

Allister King: "So what actually made your become a wrestler in the first place? Was it because you didn't want to be a stripper?"

Boy Bakla: "I'm not a bastard Allie, you should know by now I'm one hundred percent bitch."

Bakla laughs out loud.

Boy Bakla: "As of getting into wrestling... Let me put it this way, naked men grappling in the ring... You get the picture?"

Bakla again laughs out loud.

Allister King: "So you were thinking more gay pornography rather than an actually sport."

Allister finishes his cigarette and stubs it out

Allister King: "You have been in many matches. Throughout many federations and Companies. You have fought Shogun, Callahan, even challenged for the top championships here. So choose, out of all your matches in your career, what is your favorite match and why?"

Bakla thinks deeply...

Boy Bakla: "Well, the truth is I grew to love this sport Allie, I was the Intercontinental Champion in United Front Wrestling. When ULOL started way before the Marcus Troy era, I was a tag team champion. I have so many memorable matches honestly everyone of those matches is a part of me and until they nail the last nail down my coffin which would be pink gilded with gold by the way, I shall cherish all the wrestling memories I make."

Allister King: "Okay cryptic messaging instead of straight up answering them. I can understand. Now try to dodge this. Who is your dream match? What opponent in what kind of match and im thinking that it would be in some sort of perverted match like a chains and whips match."

Bakla giggles like a girl.

Boy Bakla: "You have some good ideas there Allie, when it comes to who, as long as it's not The Morbidly Obese Man or Little Wang, I'm fine... Oh wait, cross Zombie out too, rotting corpses don't sit well with me. Do you believe I tried to help Zombie once by giving him a makeover? He of course didn't appreciate my efforts..."

Bakla's voice trails off...

Allister clicks his fingers and the waiter brings over a box.

Allister King: Well if you have seen last weeks show then you would know what is in this box. But first answer me these questions three. What is your Name? What is your Quest? What is your favorite color?

Bakla merely smirks.

Boy Bakla: "My name is Boy Bakla, my quest is to be the best diva here in ULOL and mu favorite color is PINK!"

Allister King: "Congratulations we just finished the interview. And as promised..."

Allister opens the box and takes out a medal. He places it around Bakla's Neck

Allister King: "This has been a nice interview. Ladies and Gentlemen, Boy Bakla!!"

The crowd begin to applaude as Allister extends his hand

Boy Bakla stands up and does a curtsy, after that thanks the audience in attendance.

Boy Bakla: "Thank you for having me Allie, you're a sweetheart."

Bakla grabs Allister King's hand and before he could react, pulls Allister King close and gives him a big wet one before running away giggling like a school girl.

Allister King: "You all seen it, I was sexually assaulted!"

The audience laughs

Allister King: "Well that's it for the show."

Allister climbs up on the table

Allister King: "Well folks, that's all the time we have this show. We will have another guest next week. So Mr. Callahan! Play me out!"

Shadow begins to play a tune on the piano as Allister leaves the Sanctuary.






Yuki Monotomo is training in the DWMA locker room. He cracks the wooden dummy across the center, then axe kicks it down to the ground. As the wood splinters under Yuki's boot, he finishes with another boot to the side of it. He takes a drink of water before speaking.

Yuki Monotomo: "Well, Ray and Leon got some tag stuff to worry about. Meanwhile good ol' Yuki gets to train! Maybe I'll head over to where the women are and give them a little "stress reliever." Or maybe I'll just go make an announcement."

Yuki looks back at the dummies that are cracked all over the floor. He stares over at a stack of papers. He looks back at the dummies before sighing heavily.

Yuki Monotomo: "Or maybe since I keep breaking the dummies, I should order some new, more durable ones. This'll be a pain in the ass but it's not like Ray ever does something like this. Damn, lazy leader."

Yuki sits down at the table, taps his pen a few times, then shoots back up and walks to the door of the locker room.

Yuki Monotomo: "Well, time to find some beautiful assistants to keep me company!"

He slams the door to the locker room and the scene fades into blackness.


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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 08/14/2011   Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:03 am



The big screen suddenly flashes to life, on the screen Shogun can be seen sitting down on a folding chair in front of what must be a camera man.

Shogun Shogunsen: "It looks like I`m back folks. Alexander Conway was defeated by me, the new and improved Shogun! Whether he wants to make fifteen excuses or not is his business. However, now I know that I am ready to be back in this wrestling gig!"

Shogun chuckles for a moment before going on.

Shogun Shogunsen: "Though it seems I`m going to be in the running for the Primo Ultimo whether I like it or not. You damn fans of mine just haaaaad to vote for me huh? Well since you all want it I`m gonna give it to you. Tonight I face The Morbidly Obese man. A man I have wrestled a time or two before. Lardy I respect what you have been doing to fight the anti-Troy and Q cause but I have a purpose now. If I`m gonna be in a tournament to decide number one contender I intend to go a one-hundred percent all the way."

Shogun Shogunsen: "So sorry, but I`m gonna have to go through you before I take on one of the two crybaby kids in the finals."

Shogun Shogunsen: "However, I`m pretty sure you all want to hear about another issue that decided to rise up last week."

Shogun Shogunsen: "Jim Rival I honestly have no idea why you decided to choose the most dangerous man in wrestling to pick a fight with. I think you need to be enlightened on a few things, no pun intended of course...Marcus Troy is using you to do his bidding just like he uses all the rest of his goons. He is just throwing you into a lions den so that Q wont have to get the generico kicked out of him at the PPV. If you were to get hurt in this new crusade against me he would not give a SHIT! All you are to him is another pawn to be sacrificed in his grand scheme to finally get that checkmate he so desires."

Shogun`s face takes a more serious turn.

Shogun Shogunsen: "I really would rather not run through you on my way to winning back my Primo Ultimo championship Jim. However, if you decide to stick your nose in placed it does not belong I will be forced to take action. And trust me when I say this. All the light in the world cant protect you from me."

Shogun stands up without another word and walks off as the screen fades to black.






Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. Little Wang follows behind her wearing stilts. They quickly makes their way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. They bow and give their respect to the crowd before addressing them.

Nao Fook Mi: "The light may be dim but it still continues to shine. Last week we witnessed how ULOL has corrupted Raven Connoly. Once a honorable competitor, she has now given in to the darkness in her heart."

The oriental beauty pauses as a deep sorrow is etched on her face.

Nao Fook Mi: "As I have vowed earlier, me and Little Wang shall remain true to our honor, true to our morals and true to you our fans. We moved one step to that goal by becoming contenders next week for the ULOL Campeónes Compañero. And we hope you all throw your support towards us in our endeavor."

Nao Fook Mi pauses as the crowd cheers loudly shouting "SPICES! SPICES! SPICES!"

Nao Fook Mi: "And to Raven Connoly, I ask you to be strong, it is still not too late to turn back. Yet if you do decide to abandon your honor, I shall be standing on your path and do battle with you. I do hope it doesn't come to that."

Fook Mi passes the mic to Little Wang who also seem to want to speak his mind.


Little Wang takes the mic and begins to speak.

Little Wang: "We may not have climbed Mount Everest yet but we do know how those climbers feel. Saying our battle is uphill is an understatement, we are scaling a huge mountain here but we shall prevail and put our flag on top of this mountain called ULOL where it will flap freely in the wind unhindered by the storm below caused by mismanagement and abuse of authority."

Little Wang pauses and whips his pigtails to his back before continuing.

Little Wang: "While others abandon what they perceive as a sinking ship. Fook Mi and I shall stay on and do all in our power to save it. We shall be truly UNSTOPPABLE in this task, and even if we fail or falter, we shall get back on our feet and push forward for this is what we owe you our fans."

Little Wang raises his arms holding the mic up in the air as the fans cheer wildly. He then exits the ring with Nao Fook Mi as they head to the back amidst applause and cheers from the crowd.


'Map Of The Problematique' by Muse starts playing throughout the arena, suddenly a wall of flames shoot up across the stage floor, after a few moments Raven Connoly emerges through the flames. She has on black spandex pants, a red and black corset, and a long black coat. She has her cane over her shoulder, she stops on the top of the ramp and looks at Nao Fook Mi and Little Wang.

Raven Connoly: "Oh how honorable you both are, and how simply commendable of you to stay true to the fans."

Raven points her cane out into the crowd.

Raven Connoly: "Are you talking about these fans, these mindless puppets? Come on Fook Mi, you know as well as I that these fans are complete tools that will march along to what ever crap we dump down their throats. They have the memory of a goldfish, they are just idiots who wait for us to tell them who to like and who to hate. If I came out here next week with my red pigtails and cute little outfit and jumped around talking about how I was here to fight for the fans and how I was going to take down whoever was the wrestler they hated most that week, then all these morons would be lining up again to slide their tongues up my ass. Just look how they cheer the same wrestlers who a few months before they couldn't stand, they have no minds of their own and just do whatever the almighty TV tells them too. Its doesn't matter how good you are, or how many matches you've won, all that matters is that you come out here and say what they want to hear."

Raven looks at Nao Fook Mi and tilts her head slightly.


Raven Connoly: "Now what was that you said about me hon? You and your little slimy runt, that I still have time to turn back and do the right thing. Turn back to what, some eye candy for all these 40 year old virgins to look at and fantasize about when they are in their parents basement jerking off. Continue to be a mid carder when I'm better than anyone else here. No Nao, I don't think I'll be going back to that, if your satisfied with that so be it, but I'm tired of getting shit on. So I guess that means your going to be standing in my path huh, well guess what."

Raven walks a few feet down the ramp and twirls her cane in her hand.

Raven Connoly: "It looks like I'm standing in your path, are you going to do something about it dolls, or are you going to turn tail and run to the back?"


Little Wang grits his teeth and tries to take a step forward but is prevented by his tag partner. Nao Fook Mi shakes her head is sorrow and looks up into Raven's eyes.

Nao Fook Mi: "Your threats are as empty as that shell that you now call a heart. I see you have chosen your path Raven and it is inevitable that we will cross swords... But the time isn't now. You can throw me insults anytime you want but don't insult the fans..."

Fook Mi walks around Raven and past her followed by Little Wang, she stops and looks back.

Nao Fook Mi: "It is quite sad that you not only betrayed your fans but yourself Raven... Remember this, from now on, whenever you start a unprovoked attack, I shall be there to thwart you."

Nao Fook Mi turns around and walks to the back followed by her partner leaving Raven alone in the ramp as the crowd starts cheering "FOOK MI! FOOK MI! FOOK MI!".


Raven Connoly: "Oh yes you mindless idiots, cheer your heads off, cheer for your heroes. Let's just hope they don't misstep and do something wrong, because god knows all of you hypocrites will turn on them in a heart beat. As for you Fook Mi, I can not wait for you to try and stop me. Let this be your warning, next time you interfere you'll see just how empty my threats are!"

"Map Of The Problematique" by Muse starts playing as Raven walks back stage beneath a barrage of BOOS!






Lex Lexington felt the slight tremors signaling the impending approach of the gargantuan wrestler also known as The Morbidly Obese Man. He turns around to see a slightly panicked TMOM running towards him. Thinking that this was a good opportunity for an interview, he calls out to the big wrestler.

Lex Lexington: "Mind if I have an interview about the tourney TMOM?"

The Morbidly Obese Man stops and shouts out to Lex.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Pony? I didn't see any pony!"

Lex Lexington: "I said tourney TMOM not pony."

Lex looks at TMOM a little confused...

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Oh tourney! Right! Yeah, I'm fighting Shogun right? Well what else can I say? Let's go with the usual I'm gonna beat him. Seriously why do we conduct these interviews every time? I mean we always say the same thing, right? Either it's we'll do our best or we're going to win right or we are going to destroy so and so... Who in his right mind will say that they won't win? So yeah, let's go with the usual I'm going to beat Shogun and advance to the finals of the tournament."

Lex nods and continues with the questions.

Lex Lexington: "You seem to be breathing heavily and a bit flushed big man, what's up with that?"

The Morbidly Obese Man: "I was uh... Training! Yeah, this is a last minute training to get me ready to face Shogun. I want to be in tip-top shape when I fight him. Um so if you'll excuse me, I have more uh... Training to do!"

The Morbidly Obese Man runs off leaving Lex Lexington alone and doubting if it was really training that made the big wrestler seem so flushed.




VS

Jim Jackson: “This match is one of epic proportions! It could easily have the makings of a title match! Shogun going up against The Morbidly Obese Man is going to be huge!”

Brad Blood: “Just like TMOM! Hahahaha!”

Jim Jackson: “Be careful what you say Brad! I doubt you’d want TMOM sitting on top of you!”

Brad Blood: “Well it’s true!”

Jasmine Lee: “This match is scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first, Shogun Shogunsen!!”

"Hybird Stigmata-the Apostasy" by Dimmu Borgir hits the speakers suddenly as the lights in the arena begin flashing on and off. As soon as the first lyric is screamed Shogun bursts out from the hind the curtain to the roar of cheers mixed in with boos. The wrestler has the same golden belt around his waist. When he makes it down the ramp Shogun quickly rolls into the ring and faces his opponent.

Jasmine Lee: “And his opponent, The Morbidly Obese Man!!”

THUMP!!! THUMP!!! THUMP!!! The earth reverberated and shook as the monstrosity known as The Morbidly Obese Man squeezed himself out of the now visibly cracked entrance tunnel. There is no entrance music and no video playing on the Titan Tron. Just one massive form that looks bigger than an elephant. The crowd stares in stunned silence, not knowing what to make of the super-sized behemoth making his way down the entrance ramp as the floors creak with every step. As The Morbidly Obese Man reaches the ring he climbs up the steel steps the crowd wonders how this "thing" can enter the ring. But lo and behold in a feat of utter incredibility and great fat flexing ability, The Morbidly Obese Man somehow squeezed through the ring ropes and enters the ring which sighs heavily under his weight.

Jim Jackson: “I think TMOM heard you Brad!”

Brad Blood: “But it’s true!”

Jasmine Lee: “The referee for this matchup Jack B. Nimble!! LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!!!”

Jim Jackson: “And this match gets underway under the watchful eye of Jack B. Nimble! These two mammoth like wrestlers tangle it up! TMOM comes out on top as he manages to force Shogun into the corner of the ring! And TMOM lights up Shogun with those hard chops to the chest!! Shogun holding his chest in pain as TMOM plays to the crowd! TMOM now deciding to get back to business as he slams Shogun down with a body slam!”

Brad Blood: It’s not just the power behind that it’s TMOM actually landing on top of you as he slams you down to the canvas! TMOM about to bring the elbow down but Shogun moves away and TMOM is left with ring floor! Shogun now with great strength manages to suplex the TMOM!!!

Jim Jackson: “Shogun is a powerhouse in this company and will continue to be! He is always a top level athlete here! And he continues to prove it as he lands from the top turnbuckle with a frog splash right to the midsection of TMOM!”

Brad Blood: “Ohh man! I think all that fat absorbed the attack! But Shogun still continuing his attack with the boots to the face of TMOM! Shogun now bringing TMOM to his feet! Shogun with the irish whip, sends TMOM to the ropes! TMOM bounces off and back towards Shogun! Shogun looks like he’s attempting a clothesline but gets hit with one from TMOM instead!! And Shogun completely grounded from that!”

Jim Jackson: “TMOM now with some options open to him! But TMOM brings Shogun to his feet! TMOM once again firing some rights to the body of Shogun! Those huge hands landing some big hits! TMOM picks Shogun up and slams him to the canvas with a big sidewalk slam! TMOM with the shoulders down!”

Jack B. Nimble: “One! Two!”

Brad Blood: “Somehow Shogun managed to kick out under all that weight on top of him! TMOM brings Shogun up to his feet and sends him to the ropes with the irish whip! TMOM somehow actually just ran toward Shogun and he hits a clothesline at the ropes which sends Shogun to the outside!”

Jim Jackson: “And TMOM following now!”

Brad Blood: “This’ll take a while!!”

Jim Jackson: “On the contrary Brad! TMOM already outside the ring! TMOM with Shogun again with the irish whip but Shogun counters and sends TMOM into the steel ring post instead!”

Jack B. Nimble: “One!”

Brad Blood: “Nimble starting his count while asking for the wrestlers to reenter the ring! Shogun slams TMOM’s arm around that ring post! And TMOM recoiling in pain and trying to move away from that post but Shogun not having any of it as he wraps that arm around the ring post once again! TMOM still trying to get away but Shogun stops any resistance as he slams TMOM’s head this time on that ring post!”

Jack B. Nimble: “Two!”

Jim Jackson: “Shogun now stretching that arm around the ring post! Forcing it around until it can go no more and then some! TMOM in some severe pain as Shogun looks like he’s trying to break TMOM’s arm! But finally he releases the arm leaving TMOM to move away from the ring post clutching his arm.”

Jack B. Nimble: “Three!”

Jim Jackson: “Shogun continues his brutal attack outside the ring here as he decides to make that arm even worse with those stomps to the grounded TMOM! Shogun drags TMOM to his feet and spears TMOM right into the side of the ring!”

Jack B. Nimble: “Four!”

Brad Blood: “Shogun now lifting TMOM back into the ring! Leaving TMOM’s head on the outside Shogun hits a hard elbow right on the face of TMOM! Shogun now reentering the ring! TMOM pulling himself up as Shogun approaches. Shogun quickly DDTs TMOM to bring him back down to earth! Shogun goes for the pin!”

Jack B. Nimble: “One! Two!”

Brad Blood: “TMOM kicks out at two! Shogun now going top turnbuckle once again! Decides to bring the leg down but finds only canvas as TMOM manages to COMPLETELY move himself out of the way!! Now THAT is impressive!”

Jim Jackson: “I’m telling you Brad you need to be careful what you say!”

Brad Blood: “Whaat? That was a compliment! He moved his whole body out of the way in such a short time! It was impressive!”

Jim Jackson: TMOM now trying to shake away the fairies flying around his head as he slowly gets to his feet! TMOM straight for Shogun and slams him with a European uppercut!! And TMOM now grappling with Shogun and comes out on top! TMOM picks Shogun up with his back on TMOM’s shoulder! And TMOM sits down hard as Shogun is almost impaled down onto TMOM’s shoulder! TMOM drops Shogun down onto the canvas and holds the shoulders down!

Jack B. Nimble: “One! Two! Th…”

Brad Blood: “And a kickout at two from Shogun!! TMOM now continuing his attack with a body slam this time! It looks like TMOM is going for a splash onto the grounded Shogun! Oh god no!! TMOM just landed that splash and flattened Shogun like a pancake! TMOM staying on top of Shogun and the shoulders are down once again! This could be the end!”

Jack B. Nimble: “One! Two!”

Jim Jackson: “Shogun kicking out once again! TMOM shaking his head at the referee! Obviously not happy with the count but he carries on anyway! Bringing Shogun to his feet and TMOM with the right and Shogun fires one right back to TMOM!! TMOM fires another and is responded with some fists back! Shogun now coming back into this one! Shogun stepping back and slams TMOM with a big clothesline!”

Brad Blood: “TMOM stays standing even after that! Shogun trying again, he steps back and slams TMOM with another clothesline! TMOM still on his feet! Shogun takes a different approach and fires a combination of fists to the body of TMOM! And Shogun now trying something completely unbelievable!! Where in the hell is he getting that strength?”

Jim Jackson: “Shogun somehow lifting TMOM up and onto his shoulders and PLANTS TMOM WITH A NICE POWERBOMB DOWN ONTO THE CANVAS!!! SHOGUN WITH THE PIN!!! IS THIS IT?”

Jack B. Nimble: “One! Two! Thr…”

Jim Jackson: “And TMOM kicking out as the referee’s hand was about to come down to count three! Shogun looking to the heavens in frustration and hits out at the ring floor! Shogun dragging TMOM to his feet once again and looks like he’s about to go into that Demon Sacrifice!!”

Brad Blood: “BUT THE TMOM COUNTERS!! SHOGUN DROPS TMOM TO HIS FEET!! AND NOW TMOM WITH THE BULLDOG BRINGS SHOGUN TO THE CANVAS!! TMOM LOOKING FOR THE MASSIVE SITDOWN!!!!”

Jim Jackson: “WE HAVE SEEN MANY A WRESTLER BEING COMPLETELY SQUASHED BY THIS MOVE! WILL SHOGUN BEFALL THE SAME FATE??!?!”

Brad Blood: “What the hell is that?”

Jim Jackson: “The titantron screen just flashed on and the words “PONY KILLER!!!” is flashing on the screen!! TMOM is completely horrified by these words!!”

Brad Blood: “Shaking his head in terror and trying to ignore those words on the screen!! BUT SHOGUN IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND LIFTS TMOM... NO! TMOM IS TOO HEAVY... LIFTS TMOM... NO! HE STILL CAN'T MANAGE IT! LIFTS TMOM UP IN THE AIR IN A HALF NELSON AND THEN INTO THAT BACKDROP POSITION AND SLAMS TMOM TO A SITTING DOWN POSITION, AS THE TMOM LANDS DOWN HARD ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK!! AND THAT’S AN ALMOST PERFECT MUSCULAR BOMB!! OH MY GOD HE ACTUALLY DID IT!!!”

Jim Jackson: “SHOGUN NOT FINISHED THERE!! HE GOES ON TO LOCK IN HIS SIGNATURE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK! THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK LOCKED IN TIGHT!!! TMOM IN EXTREME PAIN AND HE LOOKS TOWARDS THE ROPES!! TMOM IN DIRE STRAITS AS HE REALIZES HE’S TOO FAR AWAY!!! TRYING TO IGNORE THE PAIN BUT IT’S TOO MUCH AS TMOM TAPS OUT!!!!!!”

Jasmine Lee: “The winner of this match-up, Shooooguuun Shoooogunseeeeen!!!”

Jim Jackson: “Shogun with a big win over TMOM!! Shogun celebrating as he climbs the turnbuckle! But it seems like he doesn’t have much time to celebrate as Jim Rival running out here and looking to put Shogun in his place!”

Brad Blood: “Shogun has seen him though!! Shogun jumping down from the turnbuckle and intercepts Jim Rival!! Both men firing punches at each other! Shogun irish whips Rival towards the ropes and clotheslines Rival out of the ring! But Rival drags Shogun out to the outside as well! Shogun and Rival now continuing to brawl outside the ring!!”

Jim Jackson: “Shogun is attempting to drive Rival’s head into the barricade but Jim Rival counters!! And brings Shogun’s head down onto that fan barricade instead!! Shogun with the elbows to the midsection of Jim Rival!! These two still continuing their brawl!! I think we’re going to need some security out here!!!”

Brad Blood: “I think these two both have the same thoughts, to completely destroy each other!!”

Jim Jackson: “Here comes security at last!! Trying to pry the two wrestlers apart!! Fists still flying as Shogun smacks one of the security men in the jaw!! And he briefly manages to get away to grapple with Jim Rival!! But the security peels them away again and forces Shogun away!! Well folks we gotta break away for the moment!”

Jim Jackson: "Here comes security at last!! Trying to pry the two wrestlers apart!! Fists still flying as Shogun smacks one of the security men in the jaw!! And he briefly manages to get away to grapple with Jim Rival!! But the security peels them away again and forces Shogun away!! Well folks we gotta break away for the moment!"

Brad Blood: "QUIOAECAOPEDIDWAZHAPZHING IS RUSHING OUT!"

Jim Jackson: "Q totally ignores Shogun as he rushes towards The Morbdily Obese Man!"

Brad Blood: "Q ain't even stopping! He's jumping into the ring, and pointing at TMOM!"

Jim Jackson: "The Morbidly Obese Man surprised to find Q in the ring with him! He's wary!"

While there are no microphones, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing shouts loudly enough to be heard.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "YOU SQUASHED IT! LIKE A TWINKIE! MY GIFT! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Jim Jackson: "What the hell!?!?"

Brad Blood: "Blood's spurting outta Q's head!"

Jim Jackson: "He...popped a vein!"

Brad Blood: "It's a huge spray!"

Jim Jackson: "Q's collapsed! My god lookit all the blood! The Morbidly Obese Man staring horrified at all the blood! I think he's dead Jim!"




Jim Jackson: "What a show we had tonight. We have Alexander Conway and Shogun Shogunsen advancing to the finals next week, whoever wins gets to battle for the ULOL Primo Ultimo title held by Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing"

Brad Blood: "Speaking of Q, he is currently being taken care of by our in-house physician Dr. Booboo B. Gone. It seems that Q will be alright even though he popped a vein."

Jim Jackson: "Well the question is will it affect his performance in the PPV against the winner of Conway/Shogunsen? And though I admit TMOM's crushing of the pony was uh... Morbid, why did Q react in such a way?"

Brad Blood: "Maybe that pony has a significant value to Q?"

Jim Jackson: "Well these questions may have to wait another week to be answered as we are out of time, until next week, good night and good fight!"


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