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 Lucha Loco 03/03/2011

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The Morbidly Obese Man
The Morbidly Obese Man

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PostSubject: Lucha Loco 03/03/2011   Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:38 am

Jim Jackson: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, wrestling fans of all ages and welcome to another death-defying Lucha Loco! As you all know, a major change has come to ULOL. During the PPV "Ay Basura!" Allister King challenged and became the new general manager of ULOL."

Brad Blood: "Our boss is now a drunk Irishman! I hope he doesn't spend our salaries on liquor."

Jim Jackson: "Well how will this impact ULOL? What will happen to ULOL now that Marcus Troy has been demoted to vice-general manager? We don't know but things will definitely become more interesting from now on."

Brad Blood: "I wonder how the boss, er ex-boss is doing now?"

Jim Jackson: "I don't know Brad but one way to find out is to get this show started so... LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

The 'tron flickers to life to show a very distraught Bianca de Sade. She looks very unhappy as she begins to speak.

Lady B- "Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize for interupting the show but I strongly feel that you must know this. During the PPV 'Ay Basura!' my boyfriend The British Hawk had an oustanding Falls Count Anywhere Match against Lucian Blackheart. Though he lost, he still won in my eyes."

Lady B pauses for a second to wipe a tear from her eye. The fans cheer in agreement with Lady B's words.

Lady B- "However that match didn't come without it's costs. That cost was multiple injuries for TBH. He suffered: a few cracked ribs, deep cuts on his forehead and a badly broken tailbone. Once the match was finished, he was rushed to the nearest hospital. Doctors were very impressed with his determination to finish the match whilst enduring such pain."

Some gasps are heard throughout the arena.

Lady B- "Those same doctors also said that due to his injury, he would be wheelchair bound, once surgery is carried out to r-repair the damage to his tailbone. They said that if the surgery was even successful, it would take him many years to get back to full fitness. In other words he may never return to the squared circle. That Falls Count Anywhere match may as well be the last match you will have seen TBH in."

The fans boo loudly as tears trickle down Lady B's eyes.

Lady B- "Lucian, I congratulate you for winning the Ligero Maximo Championship. But know what the costs were. I ask you and your colleagues in the back to pass on your condolences to Connor. Thank you for your time."

Lady B sobs as the 'tron flickers off.

The training room, where warriors go to practice their techniques and build their strength in preparation for future battles. It is here that Musashi can be found, meditating in the center of the room.

Musashi Kuruma *thinking*: "I really need to stop taunting my opponents. It only seems to get me into trouble."

As he reflects upon his mistakes over the past weeks, Musashi's mind wanders to another plane, high above the world of mortals. Amid the clouds and mountaintops, he comes face to face with his mentor, Master Go.

Master Go: "Musashi, you seem to be troubled. What is the matter, my son?"

Musashi Kuruma: "Master Go, I have entered this world of wrestling in the hopes of finding the man who killed you and my brothers, but so far all I have found is pain. I am, so far at least, undefeated, but there is still no information on him."

Master Go strokes his long beard, nodding his head.

Master Go: "Musashi, you have become preoccupied by your thirst for revenge and the attention you are receiving from the fans of this sport. You have forgotten the way of Buddha. Though you have great strength and admirable skill, the path you are on now will only lead to destruction."

Musashi Kuruma: "I understand that, Master Go, but what can I do? I am but a man, a man who was raised by monkeys. I can never hope to achieve enlightenment the way you and my brothers have."

Master Go: "It is true that the way will be more difficult for you than most, but you must not give up. Find your way back to the path to Buddha, and you will succeed."

Musashi Kuruma: "Yes, Master Go. I cannot cast aside my desire for revenge or fame as easily as I would like, but I will try to find my way again."

Master Go: "No, Musashi. There is no try. There is only do, or do not."

And with that, Musashi's trance ends, and his mind snaps back to the world of the living. He shakes his head as he gets up and brushes off the dust his robe collected from the floor.

Musashi Kuruma: "What the hell did that have to do with anything? Well, I guess I have been getting kinda sidetracked...But for now, gotta focus on my match."

Musashi makes his way toward the locker room to change into his ring attire, thinking about what his master said to him. It seems a little disjointed and like something someone would write at three in the morning, but he's sure it will all become clear to him eventually. For now, there's his match with Christopher Bain to worry about.

Musashi Kuruma *thinking*: "Master Go, I will find my way to Buddha, but I can't just let these guys beat me without a fight. Sorry, master."

Backstage, the familiar Stephanie Dawson is standing next to the not so familiar Christopher Bain.

Stephanie Dawson: "Tonight Christopher, you have your debut match against Musashi Kuruma, a Buddhist monk."

Christopher looks at Stephanie with a confused look.

Stephanie Dawson: "He's bald....."

Christopher Bain: "Oh! I know who we're talking about! He's undefeated so far in the ULOL, right?"

Stephanie Dawson: "Yes. What are your feelings going into this match?"

Christopher Bain: "There is nothing more familiar, than something that is familiar. I am no stranger to the wrestling ring, nor am I a stranger to the styles of those who fight within it. He's going to rely on his judo abilities, which means I will have to keep the distance between us. He also doesn't look like he has any problem with brawling or taking a lot of damage."

Stephanie Dawson: "So you have assessed your opponent for tonight, how are you planning on getting the win?"

Christopher Bain: "I'm going to keep the match at the pace I pick, which will be a fast pace. Look to see some quick arm-drags and some high-flying, because that's what I'm planning on bringing to this dance. Musashi isn't a weak competitor by any means, I expect this to be a war from beginning to end. But then again, that's the kind of competition I enjoy. If I was awarded an easy opponent for my first night in, I would have been extremely disappointed. No one would have really wanted to watch that anyway."

Stephanie Dawson: "Interesting take on it, I suppose. What is the title you are planning to compete for? The Campeónes Compañero? The Ligero Maximo? The Primo Ultimo? Or maybe even the Correa Grande Del Oro De Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing?"

Christopher Bain: "I would gladly compete for any one of those titles, but I will most likely start with the Ligero Maximo. The lightweight division suits the hard-hitting, fast style I am used to seeing after my time in Japan."

Stephanie Dawson: "I'm afraid that is all the time we have Christopher, as your match is coming up here soon. Thank you for your time."

Christopher nods towards Stephanie before turning and exiting the camera frame as the scene fades to black.

With no entrance music, no flashy lights, but just the aura of her presence, Eunice P. Winslow walks out from the entrance tunnel and makes her way down the ramp. A smug looks is seen on her face as she enters the ring with a mic in hand.

Eunice P. Winslow: "Good evening everyone! Finally! The tyrannical reign of Marcus Troy is over! As of today he wields no power greater than I have!"

Loud cheering is heard all around.

Eunice P. Winslow: "Which brings me to my next topic... As we all know, Allister King has wrest the seat of power here in ULOL. We all know about his escapades but maybe the presence of Ms. Collins would be enough to make him a decent general manager... BUT!!! If ever he shall abuse his power as Troy did or if ever his actions would threaten ULOL, I promise you that I shall be there to challenge him as I did with Marcus Troy."

The crowd cheers louder and starts chanting "WINSLOW! WINSLOW! WINSLOW!" The co-vice general manager drops the mic and exits the ring heading up the ramp and into the back.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 03/03/2011   Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:38 am


Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first Musashi Kuruma!"

Dragon by JAM Project plays as footage from an old Japanese anime runs on the Titan Tron, the lights go dim, and fog covers the stage. Once the music starts to become more lively, the lights return to their normal brightness and Musashi runs enthusiastically to the ring through the fog, followed by a line of fireworks down both sides of the ramp, attempting (but failing miserably) to jump onto the mat through the ropes. Once he's disentangled himself, he goes (much more calmly this time) to his corner and offers up a quick prayer to Buddha.

Brad Blood: "Well that was a whole lot of fan fare followed by a whole lot of fail!"

Jasmine Lee: "And his opponent for the evening, Christopher Bain!"

"Take Over" by Dale Oliver begins playing throughout the arena as Christopher Bain steps out onto the entrance ramp. Walking to the center of the ramp, he stops for a moment before throwing his arms out wide as a volley of pyrotechnics explode behind him. As they subside, the young man begins walking towards the ring, slapping the hands of any fan who reaches out to him. When he arrives at ringside, he hops onto the ring apron before hopping over the top-rope. He climbs onto a turnbuckle to strike a quick pose for the fans.

Jim Jackson: "Christopher Bain and Musashi Kuruma going one on one tonight, should be a good match."

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for tonight is Don Q. Hotte. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "There's the bell and Kuruma takes a flying neck breaker from Christopher Bain right off the bat."

Brad Blood: "Spinning bulldog in the corner, Kuruma is down. Bain locks on a headlock."

Jim Jackson: "Kuruma powers out of the headlock and follows up with a belly to belly suplex."

Brad Blood: "Looks like Kuruma is taking control here, which is good, because so far he's been doing a lot of failing, that would be embarrassing if he kept that up."

Jim Jackson: "Kuruma drives a thrust kick into the chest of Bain. Kuruma hooks the leg."

Don Q. Hotte: "1...2."

Brad Blood: "Bain kicks out. Delayed brainbuster suplex, Kuruma held that one for ages, and another cover!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1...2..."

Jim Jackson: "Last second kick-out. Christopher Bain takes a butterfly suplex from Kuruma. Bain kicks Musashi Kuruma in the gut to reverse the momentum. Super kick by Christopher Bain. Now Bain goes for the cover."

Don Q. Hotte: "1...2..."

Brad Blood: "Kuruma kicks out. Bain is right back on the attack with a tiger suplex on Kuruma, right out of the Misawa playbook, and another pin, this may be it."

Don Q. Hotte: "1...2..."

Jim Jackson: "Kuruma is out just before the three count. Leg sweep out of Nowhere."

Brad Blood: "Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory?"

Jim Jackson: "You're an idiot. Christopher Bain strikes Kuruma. Musashi Kuruma reverses a hip toss. Gut buster, Bain hits hard."

Brad Blood: "That had to hurt, front leg sweep slam by Musashi Kuruma, hit with precision. Christopher Bain is in trouble!"

Jim Jackson: "Kuruma picks Bain up over his head, spins in place, and tosses him onto the mat. Daisetsuzan Oroshi!!!"

Don Q. Hotte: "1....2....3"

Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via pinfall, Musashi Kuruma!"

Jim Jackson: "Thats it, Kuruma picks up the win! Christopher Bain offers a handshake to Kuruma...and he accepts it!"

Brad Blood: "Lame, I would have kicked him in the nuts."




Available in stores now!

The first thing that is seen is a thick, wiry bunch of hair, clutched firmly in a manly, muscled hand.

It is slowly revealed that the hand belongs on a muscular arm, connected to a muscled body, belonging to a man with a very elaborate wrestling mask, and wearing a champion belt that also bears a colorful mask.

The masked man is none other than the illustrious icon of the wresting ring. The beacon of hope, joy and pride for millions around the world, he is the holder of the Correa Grande Del Oro de Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing, known only as Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.

He stuffs the handful of wiry hair into an envelope, marked for AUSTRALIA.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The Brostar fought a brave fight in challlenging me for the Correa Grande Del Oro de Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing! Even though he was under orders from that despicable stain of dried saliva named Marcus Troy! His defeat means he is still the shame of his homeland! But despite this, I will do a favor for him! The armed forces of Australia have been sworn to shoot down any boat or plane that tries to bring the Brostar back home, because they don't want him back! But! I! Will see to it that at least his armpit hair makes it safe and sound to the sunny shores of his home country!"

The Correa Grande Del Oro de Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing presents the envelope to Bob Bobbie the Intern. Bob gives the envelope an odd look, before stepping offscreen.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "While the challlenge of the all-purpose sexy toy Brostar has been met, the Inhuman Incompetency that is the Ungeneral Manager of the ULOL still casts a hairy bunghole of a shadow that has blighted my people! That rotted ratscrotum of an Ungeneral Manager named Marcus Troy has spat and stepped on the very essence of the fans who used to come to watch the ULOL! Each day that passes only stiffens my holy resolve to bring forth the cleansing divine justice of sodomizing righteousness on that shriveled prune of a cricket's anal wart!"

Suddenly, Bob the Intern returns. He looks rather excited.

Bob: "It's over man! We got a new GM!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing is at first confused over what the intern is saying. Then he looks across Bob's shoulder, and sees a monitor showing what is going on in the ring.

He sees Allister King and his wife announcing they are challenging Marcus Troy for his job as General Manager of the ULOL, followed by Allister dropping Troy on his head to become the new General Manager.

The Correa Grande Del Oro de Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing stares, dumbfounded, at the quick twist of fate that has happened to the puddle of rotten goat semen that is Marcus Troy, who now twitches helplessly on the mat.


Ray pushes open the door into The office Marcus Troy and sits down on his desk.

Ray Kamaura: "Hey Marcus, Hows my favorite GM? Oh too soon?"

Ray pauses and wait for Marcus to respond.

Zombie: :That joke gets old very fast!"

Zombie enters Troy's new office, closes the door and walks up to Ray Kamaura. He smiles snidely and licks his lips.

Zombie: "Poor little Ray. Accidentally got himself trapped between a man you really don't wanna annoy at the moment and an undead cannibal. What do you want Ray? Here to gloat somehow? Or are you trying to get yourself killed?"

Ray turns around and cracks his knuckles then points to Zombie.

Ray Kamaura: "You have had so much shoved in your ass but if you keep it up I'll gladly add my foot to that list. Now Zombie why don't you turn around and walk out of this office or you won't be introducing yourself as "undead" anymore. You really don't wanna piss of this giant."

Ray flips Zombie the bird then proceeds to wave for him to leave. Ray has a feeling he won't so he only turns around half way so he can keep an eye on both Zombie and Marcus

Ray Kamaura: "Now Where was I before Zombie so rudely interrupted me. Oh yeah back to you Marcus. You seem to have a lot on your plate and I'm sure you don't want more. You see Leon and I won our match, But tonight we are not in the tag title mtach. Don Q. Hotte had no right to have Jack B. Nibble reverse his ruling. Allister King exposed the turnbuckle."

Ray grew angry and stomped his foot.

Ray Kamaura: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Marcus put the DWMA in the tag match tonight. The DWMA will teach the IRA who's really the boss what say you?"

Marcus Troy looks at Ray Kamaura with sunken eyes, clearly lack of sleep and alcohol did not agree with him.

Marcus Troy: "Let me get this straight... You who taunted me and joined Eunice's side wants a favor from me?! So you want a shot at the IRA... You do realize that you'll be messing with the new general manager of ULOL... Then again an accident may happen to them if you catch my drift..."

Marcus leans back on his chair and takes a deep breath.

Marcus Troy: "I am not in a mood to book any matches right now Mr. Kamaura, you want something? Maybe Eunice can accommodate you. Now leave before I let Zombie make a meal out of you."

Ray turns and walks to the door.

Ray Kamaura: "I understand your pain Marcus. Let me assure you that Allister King will get whats coming to him. Not only did he become the new GM but he pissed of a very big and very mad giant."

Ray walks out the door and heads towards Eunice's office.

Zombie watches Ray Kamaura intently as he leaves the office. He turns his attention to Marcus Troy and sits down on the chair in front of his desk. His voice turns serious.

Zombie: "So I see King has only demoted you. TMOM is out for a few days and I have the Primo Ultimo belt lodged in my guts. What do we do about it?"

Marcus Troy leans back to his seat, he looks up to the ceiling and sighs deeply...

Marcus Troy: "The plan? Well the plan is to find a way to wrest control back from Allister King, that's the plan. I would need your help though Zombie, unless you are also like those other ingrates who jumped ship."

Marcus slams his fist on the table.

Marcus Troy: "Shogun, Manolo Ferrer and his dogs... Those ingrates left me to dry... I will have my revenge on them... If they think I shall stand for this betrayal they are sorely mistaken."

Zombie sneers at the mention of those who left Marcus Troy to dry.

Zombie: "Those ass kissing bastards want to suck up to those with power because they lack it themselves. I took out Raven Connoly AND TMOM during the PPV and now Conway will feel what true power is."

Zombie plunges his hand into his still open wound and pulls out the Primo Ultimo championship belt. Covered in blood and pus he holds it in his hand letting it drip onto the floor.

Zombie: "And I will become the Primo Ultimo champion after tonight and I can keep this belt!!"

He grins and pats the belt. He drapes the pus soaked belt over his shoulder as if he is the champion. Even though the camera can see that the belt somehow has the name Alexander Conway engraved onto it.

As both Marcus Troy and Zombie plot, fantasize and eroticize about revenge and payback, both are caught off-guard by the sudden arrival of a blur rushing into the office. Marcus Troy himself only had but a split second to react, before his big desk suddenly splinters into ruined shards of varnished mahogany.

Both he and Zombie find themselves staring at the fire hydrant which has fallen through his expensive executive's desk.

And by the door is the man who heaved the heavy object at him. He is none other than the Correa Grande Del Oro De Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing. He is the living legend of the ring named Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.

In a flash, Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing races on top of the remains of Marcus Troy's ruined desk, pointing accusingly at his tormentor.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "You! You! You!"

He spins, pointing another accusing finger at Zombie.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "And You! And YOU! You two streaks of horse dung still lurk here! You keep planning about revenge! Well get an earful of this! You want to talk about paying people back! Let's talk about the justice I seek for MY PEOPLE! The same ones YOU spat on! The same ones YOU HAD FOR A SNACK! Here's an idea for payback you ought to think about!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing leans down, glaring at Marcus Troy.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I want a match! With YOU! Just! YOU, Marcus Troy! And I won't take no for an answer! And don't think I'm going to buy your excuse about you being able to book ME into anything! Because you're NOT the General Manager! You're NOT running this show! You're JUST Troy! And I'm going to see that you get smoked and torn down! Like the city your dog of a mother is named after!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing suddenly stands upright, his crotch bonking Marcus Troy on the nose, before he hops off the wrecked table to get in Zombie's face.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "I still see and hear the screams of the children and babies you ATE like McNuggets! And I want them back! Even if I have to stick a vacuum up inside you to get them! Think again if you're thinking of prancing around like dead Michael Jackson going COZ THIS IS THRILLAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing sings out loud that last bit.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "The pain I feel for my people's misery is so much more than the pain you can imagine from having this fire hydrant inserted up you and Marcus Troy's rectum, in an act of divine justice! And I am more than prepared to share this pain with the both of you! With interest!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing heads for the door, turns, and again points furiously at both Marcus Troy and Zombie.

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing: "You kept me and my people down! But you did not break me! You did not destroy my nation! You plan your vengeance now! But I AM THE ME OF YOUR SODOMY!"

The man who holds the Correa Grande Del Oro De Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing pulls out Marcus Troy's old GENERAL MANAGER nameplate. He snaps it in half, tosses both pieces at his enemies' feet, then angrily storms out of the office.

Zombie raises an eyebrow at the scene that unfolded before him and suddenly burps.

Zombie: "Oh! If only he stayed a little longer. His people are still repeating on me even now!"

Zombie chuckles and shoves the Primo Ultimo title belt back into his guts.

Zombie: "Is it a coincidence that even though he's a pain in the ass he causes .. ACTUAL pains in my ass? I heard rumors that they're trying to extradite you and I to Q's country for mass slaughter. And at the moment this belt is the only thing keeping me here which makes tonight's match even more important."

Marcus Troy nods.

Marcus Troy: "I wouldn't worry much about extradition Zombie, we have no extradition treaties with their country. Q is a problem we must fix but tonight handle Conway first. We must take things slowly this time. We cannot mess up anymore..."

Marcus Troy crushes his cigar in his hand as the scene slowly fades to black.

'Warriors Code' by Dropkick Murphy's hits the arena speakers, after a few moments raven Connoly runs out onto the stage. She is wearing a black blouse, a pair of fairly tight blue jeans, red chucks, her hair is down, and she has a bandage on her forehead. She stops on the top of the ramp, throws her fist in the air and screams as a barrage of fire works go off behind her. She runs down the ramps slapping several fans hands on her way to the ring. She rolls into the ring and climbs up the turnbuckle and throws her arms out to her sides before pointing out into the crowd. Raven leaps off the turnbuckle, and then does the same thing at the other three corners before settling in the center of the ring. The fans continue to cheer for a few moments before settling down.

Raven Connoly: "Well, everything didn't go exactly the way I had planned Sunday at Ay Basura! but all in all things seemed to have worked themselves out. First of all, despite Zombies best efforts, I am not a zombie, so that's good news. The egotistical manic of a buzz kill Shogun is no longer the ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion."

The crowd erupts in cheers and jump to their feet at Ravens words.

Raven Connoly: "I know, right!? Maybe now we won't have to sit here while he comes out here and drone on and on about how miserable he is, we probably will, but we can hope right? Then of course, sadly, Team Eunice fell short of defeating Team Marcus, but then all of the sudden out of frikin left, left, left, LLEEEEFFFFFTTTT field, in a move not even Nostradamus himself could have predicted, Alister King comes out here and kicks Marcus Troy's ass and becomes the new General Manager!"

The crowd cheers even louder.

Raven Connoly: "So yeah, even though my team lost, WE STILL WON!!!! Now of course our new GM is now a man who is usually so drunk he doesn't know where he is, so he's already way better then Marcus Troy ever was. Now as most of you know, I myself am half Irish, my Father, David Connoly, was born and raised in Dublin, Ireland, and he, like our new GM, enjoyed a good bottle of whisky, though Dad did hold his alcohol a little better. Now, there is a point to my ramblings, because tonight I have a match with our GM's lovely wife Samantha Collins. So that means you all are in for a treat, because when two Irish girls climb into the ring, well let's just say you're all going to see one hell of a fight!!!"

The cheers grow even louder as Raven smiles broadly.

Raven Connoly: "Now I intend to win this match, I must say I have some aggression I need to get out from Sunday, but I know it won't be an easy win. I have spent a lot of my career fighting with my GM's, and frankly I am tired of it. So I will say this now, from what I've seen of Samantha, she already has my respect. So I hope win or lose, after the match is over, I hope we can shake hands and walk away leaving it at that. We are in the wrestling business, we fight, that's our job, I'm not holding back because Samantha is the GM's wife, and I hope if I walk away the winner, I don't end up on the GM's hit list."

Raven smiles and rolls out of the ring, she slaps the fans hands as she makes her way up the ramp. She stops on the stage, turns around and throws her fist in the air and lets out her battle cry before disappearing backstage.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 03/03/2011   Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:39 am

The manager of the Campeones Compañero looks on at the scene unfolding before him. Not even a full day has passed, and already they're the movers are hurriedly taking away just about anything that belonged to Marcus Troy. His big desk. His leather chair. His gaudy paintings. Even the carpet was being rolled up and stowed away.

Amidst all the redecorating, Manolo Ferrer could see the two people who have, in an instant, upended the balance of power in the United League of Lunatics. He approaches the husband and wife who are going over a pile of papers, and holds out a hand in greeting.

Manolo Ferrer: "I'll admit, that was a very creative use of the Boleto Dorado. I don't think we have been properly introduced yet. I'm Manolo Ferrer, and I'd like to talk business with you."

Allister stares at Manolo and tries to shake his hand but looks confused

Allister King: "There's 3 hands which one do I shake. I'm confused!"

Samantha slaps Allister across the head

Samantha Collins: "How the hell do you expect to be general manager if you can't even see in front of you."

Samantha shakes Manolo's hand.

Samantha Collins: "Thanks. Take a seat we will get down to business."

Allister King: "What she said."

Allister tries to sit on his chair but misses and falls on the floor. He quickly pulls him self onto the chair

Allister King: "You show nothing, Got it? Ok now want a beer?"

Allister takes out 2 beers and places one in front of Manolo.

Mr. Ferrer takes the beer offered to him, toasting the new man in charge.

Manolo Ferrer: "Thank you. To your health."

After taking a good swig of his drink. He swallows with a mildly soured look.

Manolo Ferrer: "Not the type of beer I drink often. I'm sure you've got a lot to do to settle yourselves down, so I won't take too much of your time."

A mover nearly trips beside them as he takes away some of Marcus Troy's things.

Manolo Ferrer: "I'd like to know what your plans are. You have a lot to handle right away, thanks to what Mr. Troy has done. Networks and advertisers are dropping the show, and last I heard, Q's people are trying to get Mr. Troy and Mr. Zombie shipped to their country to stand trial for their actions. I would like to know if I can contribute with ULOL in any way. You're going to be under the gun right away, and you're probably going to need all the help you can get."

Manolo Ferrer takes another sip of his beer.

Allister lights up a cigarette after drinking his beer

Allister King: "First things first, Where the hell is Q's country? I mean the guy talks about his homeland all the time but does anyone actually know where the hell it is? I mean I think he is found in some anime convention and whacked his own head of the headboard while choking the chicken till it coughed up milk. And I'm not a super genius but I don't believe he can bring people over to his country for something that did not happen within the premises of that country and.........."

Allister stops and looks around before looking at the beer closely.

Allister King: "The Bastards non alcoholic!! Get rid of them!"

Allister throws the beers out the door hitting a mover.

Allister King: "That was close."

Allister pulls out a bottle of whiskey from his coat and starts drinking

Allister King: "That's better."

Allister stands up and looks angry but inebriated

Allister King: "Someone was trying to sober me up."

Samantha Collins: "No one was trying to sober you up."

Allister King: "Quiet woman! Me needy thinky."

Samantha Collins: "Ya feckin' sheep shagging bastard."

Allister King: "It's because you have an ass bigger than the moon. And By the way how come you didn't take my name in marriage?"

Samantha Collins: "How come you forgot to come home for 6 years?"

Allister King: "Ohhh Ice Queen."

Allister and Samantha have a stare down before Allister turns his attention to Manolo.

Allister King: "So what's your intentions towards my daughter?"

Allister stares at Manolo.

Manolo Ferrer stares blankly at the new General Manager. And wonders what he should say.

Manolo Ferrer: "No plans for your daughter, unless you're looking at ULOL as your baby. ULOL...would need a lot of care, like any baby would."

Mr. Ferrer goes on. From the corner of his eye he can see the movers dragging away the limp form of the man Allister King conked out cold, while taking the unconscious man's wallet and loose change.

Manolo Ferrer: "I'm not sure what your options are on Mr. Zombie and Mr. Troy. The man is audacious enough to insist on doing things his way, to put it mildly. I don't think the country has an extradition treaty with Q's nation, but they'll probably ship off Mr. Troy and Mr. Zombie if it means avoiding any bad press."

Manolo Ferrer and the new ULOL power couple are distracted by someone groaning, as the knocked out mover regains consciousness. This is quickly followed by the dazed mover asking why someone's got his hands in his pockets.

Manolo Ferrer: "Maybe someone should get medical help for that man."

His suggestion is quickly forgotten, when the dazed mover puts two and two together, and begins arguing with the other movers about where his wallet went.

Manolo Ferrer looks on for a long moment, before returning his attention to Allister King.

Manolo Ferrer: "I don't remember right now where Q is from. It's one of those countries with 73 syllables which you only hear of when the Olympics happen, or if they get invaded. In any case, you just took Mr. Troy's job. A lot of people are going to be looking to you for a lot of things, and not everything on their wish lists is going to be good for you."

Manolo Ferrer is interrupted when the movers' argument gets louder.

Manolo Ferrer: "Can you guys take it outside?"

They do, after some grumbling.

Manolo Ferrer: "There's one other thing I came here to talk about. My clients are scheduled this week to defend their titles against you and your tag partner. This is an awkward position my clients are in. I'm sure you would still want to continue doing the things you love to do, Mr. King, but you might have to cut back on being a wrestler if you're going to be behind the GM desk."

Mr. Ferrer quickly adds to what he just said, lest the new man in charge misinterprets anything.

Manolo Ferrer: "I'm not saying you can't hang with the boys in the back and share a few drinks, but you're not just Allister King anymore. I think my clients will still be willing to defend their titles against your team, but they will be under a lot of pressure because of who you are now.

Mr. Ferrer is not quite sure if he's getting through, given that the new General Manager is energetically chugging his drink. He then takes a look at his watch.

Manolo Ferrer: "I'll let you both think it over, I have some matters to attend to..."

Manolo Ferrer takes his leave and exits the room.


Jim Jackson: "Raven Connoly shall tonight fight against Allister King's wife Samantha Collins!"

Brad Blood: "I didn't know Samantha Collins wrestled..."

Jim Jackson: "Well she does control Allister King at the palm of her hands..."

Brad Blood: "Good point."

Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first Raven Connoly!"

"Warriors Code" By The Dropkick Murphy's starts to play throughout the arena. Raven runs out onto the stage, she throws her fist in the air and screams as a barrage of fireworks go off behind her.

Jim Jackson: "Raven is not at one hundred percent tonight as she is still recovering from the damage she got during the PPV."

Brad Blood: "That means Samantha Collins has a big chance of pulling out an upset."

Jasmine Lee: "And her opponent for the evening, Samantha Collins!"

Soundgarden's "Black Rain" begins to blast from the PA system as Samantha Collins makes her way out to the entrance ramp. She stands and lights a cigarette before heading down to the ring. She drops the lit cigarette and stomps it out before entering the ring.

Jim Jackson: "So far we know nothing much of Ms. Collins other than she's been looking for Allister for six years..."

Brad Blood: "Man, Irish chicks are also hot."

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for tonight is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "And there is the bell! Right off the bat Raven is the aggressor! Collins takes a chop from Raven. Raven hits a back kick. Samantha Collins takes a knee lift from Raven. Collins takes another chop from Raven."

Brad Blood: "Doesn't Raven realize she's doing damage to the general manager's woman? Collins blocks the suplex attempt from Raven. She leaps towards the ropes..."

Jim Jackson: "Second rope flying axe handle, Raven goes down. Collins crushes Raven with a running senton. Impressive counter-offense from Samantha Collins. She hooks Raven's leg..."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Kick out by Raven Connoly! Raven starts to fight back... Irish whip sends Collins to the ropes! Collins ducks below a clothesline attempt. Collins bounces back and leaps over a Raven who attempts a back body drop!"

Jim Jackson: "Collins tries to roll Raven up but Raven twists out! Raven blocks a punch and levels Samantha Collins with a huge right cross. Flying elbow off the top rope by Raven Connoly. Raven hooks the leg..."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Kick out by Samantha Collins! Raven Connoly with an enziguri before Collins can get her bearings! Raven hooks the leg!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Collins again kicks out! Raven with an Irish whip sends Collins to the ropes. Samantha Collins ducks a clothesline attempt. Dropkick connects, Raven goes down. Raven backdrops Samantha Collins out of a piledriver attempt. Raven hits a flying kick on Collins."

Brad Blood: "Collins is down! Raven goes to the top rope... Flying elbow drop connects! OH! RIGHT IN THE BOSOMS!"

Jim Jackson: "Raven Connoly has Samantha Collins down on the canvas. Raven Connoly grabs Samantha Collins and throws them into the turnbuckle, Raven Connoly runs towards Samantha Collins, does a cartwheel jumping into the air and wrapping her legs around their head, Raven Connoly locks her legs around their head and pulls them to the mat locking in a Koji clutch executing a Taste of Heaven Samantha Collins can not resist anymore and taps out!!."

Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via submission... Raven Connoly!"

Brad Blood: "Ooh! Raven just gave Collins a Taste of Heaven. You think Samantha will prefer carpet now?"

Jim Jackson: "Get your mind out of the gutter Brad."

Oriental music starts playing on the background as smoke covers the mouth of the entrance tunnel. Suddenly out leaps Nao Fook Mi wearing a short cheongsam. She quickly makes her way down entrance ramp and enters the ring. She bows and gives her respect to the crowd before picking up a mic and addressing the crowd.

Nao Fook Mi: "Last week we saw a shift in power. Finally Marcus Troy has been removed from his position and ULOL can begin to heal from the disease he and his lackeys have caused."

The crowd cheers loudly.

Nao Fook Mi: "But there is still someone here who may fester into a new disease, I'm talking about Lucian Blackheart! All of you saw how he used the exposed turnbuckles to win against me. Then we had what he did in Ay Basura! His battle with The British Hawk where he shoved The British Hawk unto an incoming truck. Luckily The British Hawk evaded or his life may have ended then and there, yet the match still may have ended his career."

Nao Fook Mi takes a moment of silence before continuing.

Nao Fook Mi: "So before this disease call Lucian Blackheart has a chance to spread, I shall challenge you Mr. Blackheart for that gold you are wearing around your waist. Next week here at Lucha Loco, it's you against me for the ULOL Ligero Maximo!"

Nao Fook Mi drops the mic and exits the ring heading to the back as the crowd chants her name.

Have you always wanted a pet but cannot afford one?

Have you always wanted a pet but is afraid that it'll destroy the furniture?

Have you always wanted a pet but do not have the time to feed and walk it?



"I Am...All of Me" by Crush 40 plays as Brostar appears on stage as a mix of boos and cheers is heard around the arena, Brostar as a mic as he speaks.

Brostar: "Sooo! It looks like my PPV losing streak continues even with I have to fight for freakin' made up Title, that's just retarded. I also heard about Mr Q saying that he got the army to shoot me down if I come back to my homeland. They are never turning on me, okay I have plenty of friends in the army so that means I can go to PAW this week which is on Saturdays so everyone catch it if you can."

Mixed cheers and boos continue as they get louder.

Brostar:" Now that is not why I am here today you see I feel like going on a new road, new fresh road ever since I got rid of Stank Lord and my bro Shadow got release from the company. I decided I want to be the first ever ULOL Grand Slam Champion."

No more boos are heard as cheers continue as they like what Brostar is saying.

Brostar: "So with that said my first stop in the road is the Ligero Maximo champion so Lucian, Nao Fook Mi is not your only threat, I'm gunning for that title too so I challenge both Lucian and Nao Fook Mi for the Ligero Maximo Title next."

"I Am...All of Me" plays again as the crowd go wild and Brostar walks back through the tunnel.

A few minutes after Brostar left the stage, the sound of crowd cheering can still be heard. The crowd looks confusedly at each other since no one was cheering during Brostar's whole speech, yet the sound of cheering still emanates from somewhere.

Jim Jackson: "This is odd. I knew there was something off when we heard the crowd go wild earlier during Brostar's speech and no one was really cheering. Now even after Brostar left, the cheering continues... Where is that cheering coming from?!"

Suddenly from under the ring a little form scampers out holding what looks like speakers...

Little Wang: "AHA! I KNEW IT!"

Little Wang pulls on the speakers until the wires connecting them snaps and the cheering stops suddenly.

Brad Blood: "There are speakers under the ring?! That explains the sound of the crowd going wild. Now the question is what is Little Wang doing under the ring?!"

Little Wang: "Tsk tsk... For shame... Having speakers to give the illusion of having fans. That is just so sad... I guess he really wanted to be cheered for so badly even though he's a heel that he would even fake a pop. If he wanted to be cheered for so bad he should at least have hired people to be plants to cheer for him to make it look legit."

A loud chuckle is heard from the crowd.

Little Wang: "Seriously, you think anyone would take Brostar seriously after this? Then of course he had to mention another fed here on air, seriously I have competed in that fed he mentions but it doesn't even come close to ULOL at the moment. He thinks he can be much more impressive advertising himself in a fed that isn't even known? That just proves that he can't be successful here so he tries to establish himself in a smaller less well known fed with a smaller roster so that he can have a bigger change to be top dog somewhere. That is so sad it's makes me pity him, don't you all agree?"

The crowd nods in affirmation.

Little Wang: "We saw how Q owned him on the mic, we saw how he had to use fraud to get some cheers, we saw how he falsely hyped up his appearance in a small fed. We can really say that Brostar has fallen on bad times and is desperate. Still that won't change one thing... My tag team partner Nao Fook Mi will whoop his ass next week!"

The crowd begins to cheer again.

Little Wang: "So next week I would like to ask for all of your support, cheer for my partner Nao Fook Mi that she'll beat Brostar and Lucian Blackheart and become the NEW ULOL Ligero Maximo!"

Little Wang finishes his speech as he exits the ringside and disappears to the back as the crowd begins to cheer for his tag partner Nao Fook Mi.

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The Morbidly Obese Man
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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 03/03/2011   Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:39 am

The scene opens in the backstage area we see Stephanie Dawson chatting with other co-workers, and after she realizes that current reigning Campeónes Compañero Arnold “GoodFella” Bold and Felix Schwarz just passed by her. She tries to catch them, and she did. She signals them to wait for her. They stopped for a moment and lets Stephanie Dawson catch up with them.

Stephanie Dawson: "Hey guys, can I have to interview with you?"

Felix Schwarz: "We're kinda late."

Felix goes away and GoodFella is only one left standing with her.

Arnold “GoodFella” Bold: "Hey, sorry sunny but there is no time left for us to chat, our match is about to start, maybe next time."

Stephanie nods her head and both go their way.




Jasmine Lee: "The following contest is for one fall, and is for the United League of Lunatics Campeones Companero!"

The crowd begins to cheer, only to start booing when "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top begins to play.

Jasmine Lee: "Making their way to the ring, accompanied by their manager, Manolo Ferrer, here are the Campeones Companero, Felix Schwarz and Arnold "GoodFella" Bold!"

Jim Jackson: "And here come the champions! They, along with Taufik and Zombie, teamed up to defeated Eunice Winslow's team at Ay Basura!"

Brad Blood: "Schwarz and GoodFella gave 120% in that match, Jim. They're a big reason why Marcus Troy's team won that match. Unfortunately, their victory got thrown out the window when Allister King used the Boleto Dorado to become the new General Manager."

Jim Jackson: "It was certainly a creative way to cash in the Boleto Dorado."

Brad Blood: "But it just might cost GoodFella and Schwarz. This is a tag title defense, and they're coming out here before the challengers, one of whom by the way is our brand new GM. How are these guys gonna got all out when one of their opponents is the man signing their paychecks?"

Jim Jackson: "We're gonna find out, one way or the other."

Jasmine Lee: "Their challengers, making their way to the ring, here are Scott Logan and the General Manager, Allister King! The IRA!"

A Coyote Howl is heard throughout the arena as the entrance is covered in smoke, followed by the opening notes to Godsmack's song "Whiskey Hangover". GoodFella looks on expectantly at arrival of their challengers, while Manolo Ferrer gives last-minute advice to Schwarz.

The smoke effect clears after several moments, but no one comes out.

Jasmine Lee: "Their challengers, making their way to the ring, here are Scott Logan and the General Manager, Allister King! The IRA!"

The Godsmack song begins to play again. The stage remains empty.

Then the ULOL Tron flickers.

Allister King and Scott Logan are laying amidst a pile of empty bottles. Two ashtrays full of cigarette butts are seen amidst the consumed beer.

Allister just shrugs when he sees the camera, before taking another swig from his bottle. Scott waves off the camera, as he tries to open another bottle of beer.

Jim Jackson: "I...guess we have no match, then?"

Brad Blood: "Looks like...the champs get the night off."

Ray opens the door and walks into the room.

Ray Kamaura: "Hello, Mrs. Winslow, how are you today?"

Mrs. Eunice Winslow looks up from the book she was browsing with one hand and puts down the tea cup on her other hand. She gently closes the leather bound book and looks up to her big visitor.

Eunice P. Winslow: "Mr. Kamaura, what can I do for you? Ah wait... I think I already know about what you are here for. Correct me if I'm wrong but you want a shot at Allister King and Scott Logan for the loss you received during the pay-per-view."

The old lady smiles as she sees from Ray Kamaura's face that she has hit the nail on the head.

Eunice P. Winslow: "I believe I can arrange something but know this my decision can be reversed by Mr. King since he is now the general manager of ULOL... I can book you in a match against the IRA for next week but be advised that if Mr. King wishes and does reverse the decision, I cannot do anything anymore. Is that acceptable?"

Ray cracks a smile

Ray Kamaura: "Why thank you. But if Mr. King should decide to cancel my match. The DWMA will cancel his career! After Leon gets back from vacation of course."

Ray turns and walks out the door.

The massive form of the wrestler also known as The Morbidly Obese Man is seen in the hospital, his neck area heavily bandaged as he is sitting up from a hospital bed. Dr. Booboo B. Gone is seen checking his charts.

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "Well everything seems like they are in order. You should be discharged soon..."

The big wrestler feels up the bandage on his neck looking doubtful...

The Morbidly Obese Man: "Uh... Are you sure doc? I mean I was bitten by Zombie you know... Won't I be uh... Infected? I saw you guys give Raven Connoly some kind of vaccine to counter Zombie's infectious bite, I don't remember getting the same shot."

A worried look is etched on the face of the big wrestler but the doctor merely chuckles.

The Morbidly Obese Man: "I don't see what is funny doc... I mean if I'm infected..."

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "Don't worry, you're clean TMOM, the virus in Zombie's bite was stopped by your clogged arteries, they never even got to spread. Being fat saved you... Of course chances of you having a coronary on the other hand..."

The big man's eye's widen at the revelation...

The Morbidly Obese Man: "So that means...."

Dr. Booboo B. Gone: "Yep your fat clogged arteries made you immune to Zombie's infectious bite. Ain't that a hoot?"

The big man can only stare dumbfounded as the screen slowly fades to black.

"Hunt You Down" by Saliva blares throughout the arena, signifying the arrival of only one man. One man, who has preached his skills to the audience week after week but had nothing to show for it. That all changed in one night however, as the man now holds a win over one of the best in the United League of Lunatics. This man, is none other than Alexander Conway, the uncrowned champion who is now standing on the entrance ramp, looking over the audience with a stern and serious look. Dressed, as usual, in his signature designer Brioni tuxedo. He takes his time as he walks towards the ring with a certain swagger in his step, he acquires a microphone from the commentator desk before walking up the steel steps and entering the ring.

Alexander Conway: "I told you. I told all of you, I told everyone in the back, I told Eunice, I told Marcus, and I told Shogun. I told everybody that it was only a matter of time before this wolf made the kill. I told everybody that it was only a matter of time before Alexander Conway became the Primo Ultimo Champion! I told you all, that it was simply what had to happen."

Alexander holds his index finger to the crowd.

Alexander Conway: "But, due to Shogun's lack of vigilance, I am a champion without a title. A king without his crown. A knight without his armor. Shogun allowed a certain Mr. Q to steal the Primo Ultimo Championship, and shove it up some rotting carcass's ass. Now, how can you claim to be the best, to be a great champion, when you can't even keep track of your own belt? I had thought that the Primo Ultimo Championship was his life, but this has shown how truly undeserving of the title Shogun was."

Alexander walks over to the ropes, trying to direct his comments at someone in the back.

Alexander Conway: "Zombie! I want that damned title! You know what's good about you being dead? You won't realize how effective my submission holds are until a piece of you breaks off. I'm going to disable you tonight, I'm going to break you, I'm going to pulverize you. And then, when the dust settles and you are down, broken into a bunch of little pieces, Bob Bobbie will come down to the ring. Bob Bobbie will then reach up into your darkness, and, hopefully, come out with my title. He'll then disinfect it extensively."

Alexander turns towards the crowd after a comment of "Do you really think that'll work" is yelled from the front row.

Alexander Conway: "No, I don't think that'll work. At that point, I'll appeal to the new GM, Allister, for a new title to be made. If that doesn't work, well....Bob Bobbie will throw the thing into a chest or something, and it'll be left to fester for the next man, if there ever is a next man. But before we spend time going through "what ifs", I've got to get ready for my match with the foul abomination that is Zombie."

Alexander drops the mic before stepping out of the ring and off the apron. As he goes, the comment "Hell, if I can defeat someone who is already dead, what chance could the living possibly have?" is picked up by the camera.

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PostSubject: Re: Lucha Loco 03/03/2011   Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:40 am


Jim Jackson: "The main event has finally come. Alexander Conway will try to retrieve his title in this match against Zombie."

Brad Blood: "Again Zombie is wrestling with the title up his darkness... Man, does anyone really want that title still? Seriously!"

Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the ULOL Primo Ultimo Championship! Introducing first, he's your reigning ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion, Alexander Conway!"

"Hunt You Down" by Saliva blares throughout the arena as Alexander Conway makes his way to the ring.

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway won the Primo Ultimo after a grueling fight against Shogun and UJJ to become the new ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion."

Brad Blood: "But! He has to fight for the physical title tonight against Zombie."

Jasmine Lee: "And his opponent for tonight, Zombie!"

"Creeping Death" by Metallica plays as Zombie slowly walks out. Zombie strolls down to the ring and steps into the ring.

Jim Jackson: "Zombie, a true horror here in ULOL, we saw what he did to Raven and TMOM at the PPV, will Conway suffer the same fate?"

Brad Blood: "Look! A team of medical professionals are already at ringside, it looks like they are here to forcibly extract the belt out of Zombie if ever he loses to Conway."

Jasmine Lee: "The referee for the match is Jack B. Nimble. LET THE LUNACY BEGIN!"

Jim Jackson: "There's the bell! Conway attacks Zombie with hard chops sending the undead wrestler back... Standing leg lariat by Alexander Conway on Zombie. Alexander Conway hits a rolling kick on Zombie. Cover by Conway who is hoping to end this one early."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Zombie gets a shoulder up. Conway quickly tries to lock in a sleeper hold... Zombie counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker."

Jim Jackson: "Delayed hangman's neckbreaker by Zombie on Alexander Conway! That stunned the champ. Conway receives some punishment as Zombie stomps away at him. Fallaway slam by Zombie. Zombie for the pin!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Conway gets a shoulder up at two! Zombie picks Conway up and lands a few hard shots to guts. Conway buckles over! Zombie moves in for the kill..."

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Conway crushes Zombie with a running senton. The champ waits for Zombie to get back up... Conway hits a massive spinning kick to the jaw. Alexander Conway scores with a back heel kick on Zombie."

Brad Blood: "Zombie is still standing! Alexander Conway scores with another back heel kick on Zombie. This time Zombie goes down! Zombie staggers back up... Northern lights suplex pin!"

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Jim Jackson: "Zombie kicks free! Hard back suplex on Zombie. Conway hooks the leg."

Jack B. Nimble: "One! Two..."

Brad Blood: "Conway scampers out of the way just as Zombie tries to bite a chunk out of him. That's an effective way to get out of a pin. Use your infectious bite."

Jim Jackson: "Alexander Conway gets taken down out of nowhere. Zombie bodyslams Alexander Conway. Zombie grabs Conway by the shoulders with his tanglng grasp... He goes for a bite... NO! Counter by Conway! Conway somehow uses his technical skills and manages to get a triangle choke around Zombie's head!"


Brad Blood: "Oh God! Did Zombie just break his own neck to get out of that triangle choke? OMIGAWD! Look at Zombie's head it's dangling in a weird position!"


Jim Jackson: "And Zombie just snaps his neck back in place! What the hell?! Conway is so disturbed by what he saw, he walks into a spike slam. Zombie has a headlock on Conway! Alexander Conway fights out of a grapple. Zombie walks into a face crusher variation."

Brad Blood: "Zombie shakes it off! Conway lands some big punches on Zombie. Zombie is drooling! Uh-oh looks like Zombie is hungry."

Jim Jackson: "Zombie slams Alexander Conway. Zombie climbs to the top rope and leaps... Zombie only gets knees on a splash. This is Conway's chance to recover!"

Brad Blood: "Zombie is up again... This guy soaks up damage like a sponge!"

Jim Jackson: "Lightning kick by Conway on Zombie. Back heel kick off the second rope, Zombie goes down. Three point stance charge and Zombie gets knocked to the ground by Conway. Conway goes in for the kill..."

Brad Blood: "Zombie with a low blow! Conway drops to his knees! Irish whip by Zombie sends Conway crashing to the ref! The ref is down!"

Jim Jackson: "Zombie grabs Alexander Conway by the ears and powerfully headbutts Alexander Conway executing a Deadbutt! Oh my god! We may have a new champ..."


Jim Jackson: "Q quickly exits the ring! Conway gets up and sees Zombie staggering around like a... Zombie! Alexander Conway forces Zombie to the ground, catches Zombie's left arm in a leg scissor and then locks his hands over Zombie's face, pulling Zombie's head backwards executing The Prophecy."


Brad Blood: "CONWAY BROKE SOMETHING!!! CONWAY BROKE SOMETHING!!! The referee is calling for the bell!"

Jasmine Lee: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match and STILL ULOL Primo Ultimo Champion... Alexander Conway!"

Jim Jackson: "Conway coming out on top with a huge victory over the monstrous Zombie!"

Brad Blood: "Q helped! That guy won't rest till Zombie's destroyed! Or if Zombie manages to eat him first."

Jim Jackson: "Zombie's still prone on the mat. And Conway signaling for medical personnel to come down and help him take the physical Primo Ultimo title belt from Zombie!"

Doctors and EMTs hurry down to the ring. They are already bringing out their tools to slice open Zombie.

Jim Jackson: "May be better to have brought in a couple of butchers to carve Zombie open, instead of doctors."

Then a hand shoots up, grabbing one of the staff by the throat!

Brad Blood: "Oh crap!"

Jim Jackson: "Zombie's attacking the crew! They're pulling out stun guns, and are trying to tazer Zombie, but he manages to pull out the cords before he's completely brought down!"

Brad Blood: "They're trying to beat him down!"

Jim Jackson: "But he's lashing out! They're scrambling out of the ring!"

Brad Blood: "Has he bitten anybody!? Has he bitten anybody!?!?"

Jim Jackson: "Zombie is stumbling back to his feet! He's daring anyone to come near him! You can see a bit of the Primo Ultimo belt sticking out from his side!"

Just then Bob Bobbie, ULOL's resident intern strolls out with a mic and a piece of paper in his hands.

Bob Bobbie: "Excuse me! I have an announcement from our new general manager Allister King. And the announcement goes. First of all, if I'm not the one makin' this announcement and a feckin' fat intern is, I'm still piss drunk and am lying down nekid in my office. Now about the belt problem... In the event that the ULOL Primo Ultimo title doesn't get extracted from Zombie and since I've already spent the funds for making the new belt to buy myself a a couple of kegs of beer, I therefore decree that Zombie who has the Primo Ultimo stuck up his arse shall always accompany Alexander Conway to title defense matches as the physical representation of the ULOL Primo Ultimo title until such time the belt is extracted from him. Signed, Allister King."

Brad Blood: "Uh... WHAT?!"

Jim Jackson: "In a surprise announcement, Zombie has just became the physical representation of the ULOL Primo Ultimo champion, that means he has to accompany Conway or whoever wins the title unless the belt gets extracted from him."

Brad Blood: "Conway and Zombie look dumbfounded by the announcement... Looks like they are going to be having some quality time together..."

Jim Jackson: "Well this has been an interesting night... Alexander Conway retains his title and in a cruel twist of fate must lug Zombie around."

Brad Blood: "If Allister King used up the funds for a new belt, what about our salaries?! We're sooooooo screwed!"

Jim Jackson: "Actually I already got paid in advance for the year so I'm good."

Brad Blood: "Wha?!"

Jim Jackson: "Anyway, things are getting more complicated here in ULOL. It seems that the new management has ordered out some uh... Unique decisions that will drastically change ULOL. What lunacy will happen next? Well tune in next week folks. For my partner Brad Blood, this is Jim Jackson signing off!"

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